EP. 80. Genuine Love in Marriage; Agape Love, The Love that Last, It's More than a Feeling; 6 Vital Ways of Loving Your Spouse (PT 7 of 7)
We outline practical steps to live agape love. We name concrete actions and habits. We teach ten ways to show agape, including focusing on your spouse, taking initiative, serving without expectation, forgiving first, and meeting needs. We give short, real examples from our life. We describe a hotel weekend where choosing to listen turned potential conflict into connection. We describe small daily acts, like clearing pine needles from a windshield, that communicate care. We list a simple pattern: look, listen, ask, and take action. We offer immediate practices couples can try. We recommend the ten-second kiss each morning. We advise thinking ahead to fix small needs before they become complaints. We warn against serving with a negative tone. We encourage spouses to be one another's biggest fan. We end with a call to prayer, an offer to connect, and a reminder that small, steady choices produce deep and lasting love.
Takeaways:
- We teach that agape love is a daily deliberate choice to seek our spouse's good.
- We remind couples to put on love each morning and start each day with a clean slate.
- We model serving without expectation and taking initiative to meet needs without seeking immediate return.
- We encourage listening, asking, and taking action so we notice small needs and think ahead to serve.
- We explain that love is unconditional and not performance based, so we love even when spouses act poorly.
- We suggest practical habits like the ten second morning kiss to renew connection and bless each other.
- We urge motivating and encouraging our spouse toward goals, helping them reach full potential through sacrificial service.
- We base our counsel on scripture and long marriage experience, urging humility, self-giving, and concern for our partner's welfare.
Book referred to: The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Episodes referred to: 69, 70, 76-79
www.marriedandloveit.com/69
Scriptures referred to: Ecclesiastes 9:9; Colossians 3:14: Philippians 2:3-4
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Welcome to the Married and Love it podcast.
Speaker AWe are Greg and Linda Smith, your hosts from Raleigh, North Carolina.
Speaker BIt's great that you're taking time to invest into your marriage by listening to your weekly dose of marriage insights.
Speaker BWe'll discuss all aspects of marriage, including the hot topics of sex, love, communication and more.
Speaker AOur insights and lessons are based on Christian principles plus over 48 years of marriage and ministry experience.
Speaker BOur goal is to help you make your marriage great by equipping you to be married.
Speaker AAnd Lovett, it's an honor and privilege to have you join us.
Speaker AHey, thanks for joining us today to get your weekly dose of Married and Love it your booster shop for the week.
Speaker AAnd today we're continuing this series on genuine love in six vital ways of loving your spouse.
Speaker ANow our primary focus today is number six, love, which is agape love, the love that lasts.
Speaker AIt's more than a feeling.
Speaker BThat's before we get into everything, I just want to share our two base foundation scriptures that we stand on for this series on genuine love and actually even for our ministry.
Speaker BEcclesiastes 9:9 says to enjoy life with your spouse.
Speaker BIt has wife in there, but we put spouse whom you love every day of your life.
Speaker BSo God's showing a key to success and that is by putting on love, which that is our second scripture from Colossians 3:14.
Speaker BIt after you've done all these things, being kind and being a nice person and getting rid of the old nature, which is ugly, he says to put on love.
Speaker BThat means we make a decision daily.
Speaker BThat's what the scripture says.
Speaker BLove daily, all the days of your life.
Speaker BSo every day our goal is to put on love so we can have the best marriage and the best life possible.
Speaker BNow we started talking about all the different loves back in six episode 69 and 70 and then 76 to 79 we've talked about the six different ways and here are some of the different ways just as a quick review.
Speaker BFileto love, which is warm friendship and companionship, being best friends.
Speaker BNumber two is Eros, which is which is romantic and physical attraction.
Speaker BAnd then storge which is which is natural family, affection, security and a sense of belonging.
Speaker BAll those are so vital to be in your marriage.
Speaker BAnd then Ahavaha means commitment, devotion, affection, care, self giving, concern for another.
Speaker BAnd that's actually the word for love that's in Ecclesiastes 9:9, that scripture right there.
Speaker BAnd then Epithelia Maya number five means a strong desire, a longing, a craving, good and deep, heartfelt to set the Heart on.
Speaker BAnd that's what we need in our marriage, is to have a strong desire for our spouse, whether it's physically, mentally, emotionally.
Speaker BAnd now all these are five key components.
Speaker BSo today we're going to be getting into the agape, which is really a foundation.
Speaker AAnd.
Speaker AWell, as we're reviewing these, we could really be asking ourselves if we are applying each one of the five that's already been mentioned.
Speaker AAnd in other words, are we dressing for love?
Speaker AAre we putting on love?
Speaker AThose are good questions to ask ourselves,.
Speaker BYou know, when we talked about this in one of the episodes.
Speaker BBut, you know, if your wife or husband comes out with grungy crow clothes and holy clothes and they stink a little bit, are they pleasant to be around or look at to the eyes?
Speaker BYou know, in principle, yeah.
Speaker BBut if they come out with a nice pullover shirt on, nice slacks or jeans, or even just nice T shirt or it's wintertime and you got the old sweats on, but they're nice and they're clean.
Speaker BWhat does that say?
Speaker BIt means I want to look good for you.
Speaker BI want to be comfortable.
Speaker BAnd that's what we're saying about putting on love and dressing properly.
Speaker ASo when you said your wedding vows, you're basically saying, I love you no matter what and until death do us part.
Speaker BWow.
Speaker ALove based on companionship and being best friends alone, by itself, it's not going to be lasting.
Speaker AIt's not going to be very fulfilling.
Speaker ASo, yeah, because you're going to be asking yourself, you know, let me ask you this.
Speaker AWhat happens if you don't like your spouse?
Speaker AWhat's that gonna.
Speaker AWhat's that gonna look like?
Speaker BThat's not.
Speaker BThat's not a warm fuzzy.
Speaker ANot too much.
Speaker AAnd then what happens when your passion and romance fade away?
Speaker AHow about that?
Speaker AThat's a good question, right?
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ASo this all brings us to number six way of loving our spouse, which is agape love.
Speaker AIt kind of just wraps all the other five around together, doesn't it?
Speaker BYes.
Speaker AIt's like the glue.
Speaker AIt just kind of holds it all together.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker BSo this is really our foundation of.
Speaker BTo the other loves, because the other loves are fun, give us warm fuzzies, but most of those are really feelings and such to where.
Speaker BWhat we're going to talk about now is a decision.
Speaker BThis the one that puts the cement to your vows that I'll love you forever no matter what.
Speaker BSo let's take a look at what agape love really is.
Speaker BHere's a scripture we like to use for this Philippians 2, verses 3 through 4 really explains agape love here.
Speaker BParts of it do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit.
Speaker BBut with humility of mind, let each of you.
Speaker BNow, here we go.
Speaker BRegard one another as more important than himself.
Speaker BDo not merely look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interest of others.
Speaker BJust think how our relationships would be if we could get this scripture applicable in our lives on a consistent basis.
Speaker BI don't mean once a day or twice a day or every other day, but all the time on a regular basis.
Speaker BDifference.
Speaker BSo what did it make in our relationships?
Speaker BAgape love is self giving.
Speaker BIt's sacrificial.
Speaker BIt's not what I can get, but what I can give.
Speaker BIt's the highest form of love.
Speaker BIt's not merely a feeling.
Speaker BBecause you know what, there's times when you don't feel like loving your spouse.
Speaker BOr you may not like them for a few minutes.
Speaker BBut if you let that keep growing, that's when problems come in.
Speaker BIt's a deliberate choice to seek another person's good.
Speaker BDeliberate choice even when it requires sacrifice.
Speaker BIt means a husband and wife must choose to love each other every day.
Speaker BI know there's a lot of days you don't even.
Speaker BYou just say I love you and everything's great.
Speaker BBut what happens?
Speaker BWhat happens when something comes up that causes a disagreement?
Speaker BLynn and I have that happen.
Speaker BWe'll have something, something will happen.
Speaker BOr we respond to something and there gets to be tension in the air.
Speaker BWhat are you going to do about that when it happens in your relationship?
Speaker BI think a good answer is just give each other a 10 cents, 10 second kiss and move on, you know, but deal with it.
Speaker BSo it's a choice to love every day.
Speaker BNow, the following actions we're going to.
Speaker ALet me just interject in there.
Speaker AI had this thought that you know that scripture says every day.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ASo what that tells me is each day.
Speaker BYes.
Speaker AYou got to start all over again.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ABecause there's going to been some probably something.
Speaker AThe day before that it was like me, you know.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ASo you got to start over.
Speaker AEvery day you get a clean slate.
Speaker BThat's true.
Speaker AYou know, I think that's pretty good.
Speaker AThat's a pretty good thing.
Speaker BNow the key to that is we can have a great day today before and one thing, the next day those memories are gone.
Speaker AThose great memories.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BAnd unfortunately we tend a lot of times remember the bad situations longer than the good ones because we hold grudges always.
Speaker AIt seems like that.
Speaker BThen we come back later the next day or two.
Speaker BWell, you always do this.
Speaker BYou did it again yesterday.
Speaker AOh, now you're getting into communication skills.
Speaker ARight?
Speaker BBut that's part of putting on love.
Speaker AThat is part of it.
Speaker BSo we gotta choose.
Speaker BBut like, that's a very good.
Speaker BLindsay.
Speaker BEvery day is a new day to start over again.
Speaker AClean slate.
Speaker AYep.
Speaker BSo here we're going to look at.
Speaker BThere's a total of, I believe it's 10 ways on how we can love our spouse by applying agape love.
Speaker BWe're going to look at different aspects.
Speaker AThese are some good examples.
Speaker BAnd this one we're going to try to get through about four or five of them.
Speaker BNumber one one is, is love.
Speaker BAgape love focuses on the one loved with the thought of self secondary.
Speaker BNow that basically is what we just read in the Philippians.
Speaker BNow, here's the definition of selfishness.
Speaker BBeing devoted to or caring for oneself.
Speaker BAgape love says, be devoted to loving your spouse over yourself.
Speaker BYou're concerned primarily with your own benefits, welfare, regardless of others.
Speaker BNow I'm going to give you a little practical example of this and agape love.
Speaker BThis was back years ago when we lived in Fort Worth in Dallas, Texas.
Speaker BAnd this is probably in the 90s, somewhere mid-80s.
Speaker BAnd because we have been married almost 49 years in another month and a half.
Speaker BSo in Fort Worth back then they had a big old thick coupon book that you could get really good deals from restaurants everywhere, hotels.
Speaker BSo I found a coupon where we could go over to the big Dallas, from Fort Worth to a suck up type hotel that would probably back then it was like 150, 180 a night, which that was serious money back then for like $40.
Speaker BAnd I said, linda, let's go over there.
Speaker BLet's get my parents to watch the kids.
Speaker BLet's go over and spend the night in Dallas.
Speaker BSo we packed up our clothes and we got over there.
Speaker BOf course, me being the man, I'm sure my thoughts, nice romantic weekend, no kids, nice hotel, sit by the pool a little bit in the afternoon, have a nice romantic evening.
Speaker BBecause I had a coupon for their restaurant, buy one, get one free.
Speaker BAnd we were just gonna have this whole romantic time and think.
Speaker BLinda was probably thinking along that lines.
Speaker BWe probably talked about it, but probably as the mail saying, all right, no kids, hotel.
Speaker BIt's going to be a nice weekend.
Speaker BSo we got over there, checked into the room.
Speaker BThey said, how you doing, Mr. Smith?
Speaker BHere's your room key, Mr. Smith.
Speaker BAnd we probably walked in with our cheap luggage or grocery Sack for clothes.
Speaker BWe got up to the room, and it was a gorgeous room.
Speaker BAnd they had these white.
Speaker BFluffy white robes hanging on the door.
Speaker BOf course, my mind just is thinking, let's get into those white robes.
Speaker BAnd so we probably talked for a few minutes, and then it did some stuff, and then it was time to go to dinner.
Speaker BSo we went down to the restaurant, brought our little coupon with us, sat down, we're gonna eat.
Speaker BAnd I'm.
Speaker BI'm sitting there thinking, all right, we're gonna talk about tonight.
Speaker BWhat are we gonna do when we get back to the room?
Speaker BWhat are we gonna do the rest of the weekend?
Speaker BI'm all fired up, and I look across the table, and Linda goes, we need to talk.
Speaker BCan we talk?
Speaker BAnd my mind goes, that's not the type of words it did not have.
Speaker ALike, yeah, well, because I started out, I'm going, greg.
Speaker AAnd right then, you knew there was something.
Speaker BIt wasn't.
Speaker AI said, greg, we need to talk.
Speaker AOkay.
Speaker BIt wasn't the tone of voice.
Speaker BAnd, man, I am so excited about being here.
Speaker BI can't wait till we get back in the room and try.
Speaker BNo, no.
Speaker BIt was like, we need to talk.
Speaker BCan we cut?
Speaker BTalk?
Speaker AWe need to talk.
Speaker BSo right then, I knew things were not going quite the way I had wanted to go.
Speaker BSo right then, I had the opportunity to put on agape love, to put on love and say, okay.
Speaker BOr I could have said, dear, you know, I know you want to talk.
Speaker BWe can do that when we get back home.
Speaker BBut don't.
Speaker BYou know, we just got this hotel for $40.
Speaker BBig, nice hotel.
Speaker BWe're over here.
Speaker BWe got my parents.
Speaker BWhat I think it was my parents watching the kids.
Speaker BThere's no kids around, and we're out of town, and this is time for us to take.
Speaker BTo enjoy it.
Speaker BAnd I could have done that.
Speaker BAnd she may have said, okay, well, that's what you wanted to do.
Speaker BHow do you think that night probably would have gone?
Speaker BProbably not.
Speaker BEven if she didn't.
Speaker BWe didn't talk.
Speaker BIt would not have been.
Speaker BIt would not have been good.
Speaker BAnd it could have cut her heart off a little bit more.
Speaker BTo say he was more concerned about the robes and me getting.
Speaker BGetting me out of my robe and.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker BAnd then us talking for a few minutes.
Speaker ARight?
Speaker BSee right there, that's examples of what can happen.
Speaker BAnd I had all.
Speaker BAll this all planned.
Speaker BAnd so I said, okay, we can talk.
Speaker BAnd she shared.
Speaker BAnd really, it was probably some things with the kids, maybe what's going on in nothing really our family's a destiny ministry, nothing hardcore and you know, maybe we can we improve on this but what do we got going on?
Speaker BAnd it really wasn't that big a deal.
Speaker BBut to me her body language with that moment said oh boy, it's getting.
Speaker BI'm getting ready to get it.
Speaker BBut I. I made a choice to listen.
Speaker AIt wasn't even toward you at all.
Speaker BNo.
Speaker AIt's just probably circumstances like you said.
Speaker BIt may have been a little bit.
Speaker BI don't know, who knows it's circumstance.
Speaker BHow to maybe how to handle the kids.
Speaker AExactly.
Speaker BIt was a good.
Speaker AWhat was going on.
Speaker BIt was a good talk.
Speaker BNow the unfortunate thing is the meal wasn't really good but.
Speaker BBut we had some talk so fun.
Speaker BSo we ended up going back to the room and I think we ended up having a nice evening and next day we sat out by the pool before we had to check out.
Speaker BSo the weekend turn turned out good, over good.
Speaker BBut if I hadn't made the decision.
Speaker ATo listen, put on love, let me vent.
Speaker AReally.
Speaker AI think that was.
Speaker BYeah, it's probably been in some concerns but it wasn't that bad of a we need to talk talk.
Speaker BBut it would have no telling what type of damage could have been done.
Speaker BSo focus on the one love with the thought of self secondary.
Speaker BLet's go to number two.
Speaker AOkay.
Speaker AWell number two would be always take the initiative.
Speaker ADon't wait on the other person to.
Speaker ATo move forward with everything.
Speaker ANow Luke 6, verse 31 through 38 says and it just goes into.
Speaker AI'm just going to tell you a little bit about it.
Speaker AYou can look it up later and we'll.
Speaker AWe'll have this in the show notes.
Speaker ABut just as you want people to treat you, treat them the same way.
Speaker ASo that's real good thought right there.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BIf you want more love from your spouse, love them, love them, but love.
Speaker ABut you be the first one to love them.
Speaker BRight, Right.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker AIt's not.
Speaker AIf you're nice to me, then I'm gonna be nice to you.
Speaker AIt serve your spouse without expecting something in return.
Speaker ANow that's a biggie right there, right?
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ABe the first to act.
Speaker AThat's in serving, forgiving.
Speaker BYou know.
Speaker BGood one on that.
Speaker AWhich one guys especially not expecting something in return.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BYou know, marriage is kind of hard in one sense or tricky because they say for the guys a lot of times, well if you want to have sex with your wife, you need to wash the dishes, mop the floor.
Speaker AThe kids, not that much.
Speaker BDo all that you need to do.
Speaker AThat, do a little serving.
Speaker BAnd that is a true fact, because it's showing your wife that you want to help her.
Speaker AAnd you're taking a lot of the load off.
Speaker BBut a lot of times it can come off where you do all this stuff and then you show up at the bedroom door like a dog panting, I want my bone.
Speaker BBecause I. I was a good boy, you know?
Speaker BYeah, I did this.
Speaker BSo now you need to do this.
Speaker BThat's not why we serve, but that's the way it can come across sometimes.
Speaker BSo if we do all those things, sometimes we serve our.
Speaker BWhy.
Speaker BMaybe the wife does something from the husband.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker BDon't always have to expect a treat.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BYou know, it's just part of loving.
Speaker BBecause what happens, what you do, serving wise with no expectations, just because you love your spouse.
Speaker BMake bear fruit three days down the road because you left a memory of them helping.
Speaker BAnd that just.
Speaker BMan, my husband did this for me the other day when I was tired and worn out.
Speaker BI didn't even have to ask him.
Speaker BAnd I got to bed early that night.
Speaker BBut who knows?
Speaker BThree nights later, she may say, you know what?
Speaker BI'm gonna give him a treat tonight.
Speaker BI'm gonna surprise him.
Speaker BOr it could go the other way.
Speaker BBut anyway, go ahead.
Speaker AWell, be the first to act and act and that would be, you know, serving or forgiving.
Speaker ABe the first one to forgive if there's some reason for that and.
Speaker AOr just saying, I love you.
Speaker AYou know, just hearing those words.
Speaker ABe the first one doing the different things that express love.
Speaker BSo be the adult in the room.
Speaker AYeah, be the adult in the room.
Speaker AFor example, like, here's something Greg and I did.
Speaker AWe got educated on the five love languages by Gary Small.
Speaker AGary Smalley.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AAnd we started applying them to our marriage relationship.
Speaker AYou know, what are the five languages?
Speaker AFirst of all, we get educated about them.
Speaker AYeah, that was a biggie.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AAnd then we started to apply them in our own marriage relationship, which made quite a difference in our marriage relationship because my love languages were so totally different than Greg's.
Speaker AAnd as you read this, you know, check.
Speaker AWe'll have this in the show notes.
Speaker ABut when you read them, you'll see a lot of times we will fill someone's love tank with what matters to us.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ARather than what matters to our spouse.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BBecause like Linda, it was acts of service, but I liked words of affirmation and romantic type, stuff like that.
Speaker BBut once I learned Linda, she didn't mind a gift or she didn't mind romance, but that didn't flicker Bic, so to speak, light her fire.
Speaker BSo I had to learn, okay, I need to do the acts of service.
Speaker AAnd run the vacuum, do the dishes, you know, that sort.
Speaker ASo you gotta learn, get gas in my car, all of that kind of stuff.
Speaker ASo.
Speaker ASpoke volumes to me.
Speaker ABut the point being here is we didn't wait for the other person to act right.
Speaker AWe started applying the.
Speaker AThat love toward one another.
Speaker BYou know, another practical application there is.
Speaker BLet's say both husband and wife are working, and you both get home from work one day about the same time.
Speaker BMaybe you got kids, maybe you don't.
Speaker BAnd you both come in, you had a.
Speaker BYou can tell you both had a rough day.
Speaker BIt was rough.
Speaker BYou've got dinner to cook still.
Speaker BThere's some things maybe you need to help the kids, the yard needs to be.
Speaker BOr whatever.
Speaker BThere's stuff that needs to get done.
Speaker BAnd you're both tired and looking at each other and.
Speaker BAnd thinking, oh, man, I'm so tired, I could use some help, or whatever.
Speaker BBut what happens is one of you, if you're putting on agape love, one, he says, you know what?
Speaker BI know you're really tired, and you had to go through this today.
Speaker BLet me go in and start dinner.
Speaker BLet me do A, B, or C. And you're.
Speaker BEven though you're tired and worn out, you're putting on love to say, I want to serve my spouse, because I know they're tired.
Speaker AAlso.
Speaker BThat's.
Speaker BThat's one of you acting first and seeing that need and taking care of it instead of just both y' all running off and then getting aggravated at each other.
Speaker AWell, what's another way to apply the agape love?
Speaker BThis will tie into what I just said.
Speaker BHave a passion to meet your spouse's needs.
Speaker BSo this is.
Speaker BThis is really good here.
Speaker BSo you have a passion.
Speaker BSo if you're.
Speaker BIf you have that type of passion, you're going to come in from work and say, you know what?
Speaker BI'm tired, but what can I do to help my wife?
Speaker BOr, what can I do to help my husband?
Speaker BPassion is defined as being.
Speaker BHaving a strong desire, a joy, a purpose to serve.
Speaker BIn other words, part of your calling in life is having that passion to take care of your spouse and meet their needs.
Speaker BIt's not a chore.
Speaker BIt's like, I get to do this.
Speaker BI have.
Speaker BIt's not.
Speaker BI have to, but I get to ensure there's times you're gonna feel like, oh, I need to go do that.
Speaker BI have to do that.
Speaker BBut deep down, you know, I get to do this because I'm.
Speaker BThis is going to cut to the heart of stuff because there's a lot of people, their spouse dies, maybe they end up getting divorced and they think if I just would have blessed them more.
Speaker BMaybe you hate it, washing their dirty underwear, but you would if you had that attitude.
Speaker BI get to, you know, because know what?
Speaker BThere may be a day when you can't.
Speaker BI mean, serious.
Speaker BI was almost killed in a car accident back in 1999.
Speaker BLinda may not have been able to wash my dirty underwear anymore.
Speaker BLinda got healed from a heart attack.
Speaker BShe got to go and have a little discussion for the Lord and she chose to come back to serve God.
Speaker BI would.
Speaker BI was in that hospital room.
Speaker BI didn't know what was going on.
Speaker BBut you know what?
Speaker BI may not have had her to.
Speaker BTo come in and help clean the kitchen.
Speaker BThose things are we.
Speaker BWe have hindsight because we say, man, I wish I would have done that.
Speaker BBut you don't know what today offers and what's going to happen tomorrow.
Speaker BSo act on that choice.
Speaker BAnd I'm not trying to say bad things are going to be happen, but take advantage of it.
Speaker BDo it now.
Speaker BDo it now.
Speaker BFirst Corinthians 7, 32, 34 talks about how a husband and a wife have a desire to please each other.
Speaker BBecause Paul was talking and saying the single people can do a little bit better in ministry because they don't have these other desires.
Speaker BSo God is saying we should have a desire to minister to our husband and to our wife.
Speaker BYou know, it can be from refilling the drink, if you're at it out to eat or even in the house.
Speaker BYou see your spouse, oh, their drink is empty.
Speaker BCan you.
Speaker BThey're in the living room doing something.
Speaker BYou see their tea glasses empty and you go, can I get water for you?
Speaker BIt can go all the way to extended health care like I've been doing for Linda for the last 13 years.
Speaker BThat's serving.
Speaker BYou know, I can get tired doing that.
Speaker BBut you know what?
Speaker BI have a pleasure and desire and I get to do what I do to serve her.
Speaker BSo it's serving as all different aspects.
Speaker BSo many different look things that we can do to serve our spouse.
Speaker AWell, here's an example.
Speaker AThis a real good.
Speaker AAnd I'm gonna brag on you dear.
Speaker BBring it on, bring it on the where we are.
Speaker AWe park outside in my car.
Speaker AIt's right under a pine needle, a tree that has drops pine needles and my car, the windshield and all in that area, the wiper area gets filled with pine needles.
Speaker ASo Greg would, as.
Speaker AWhenever he would leave, he'd always stop in my car and clear out all the pine needles for me for that day to get them all cleaned out.
Speaker AAnd that to me was like, that's exactly taking care of me, seeing a need and filling it and getting out there without me even having to ask you.
Speaker ASo we should look for ways to meet our spouse's needs and all.
Speaker AAnd this was one of the ways that Greg would do that.
Speaker BI think that's a hint because right now in Raleigh, the pine needles are starting to come down more.
Speaker BI got your hand.
Speaker AYou got my hint.
Speaker AWell, good.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AThen.
Speaker AThen you read my mind.
Speaker BThat's right.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AOkay.
Speaker AWhich we're not supposed to do that, but I'm glad you did.
Speaker AAnd.
Speaker AAnd, you know, I'll ask myself every morning when I get up, I'll just sit and I'll say, lord, tell me how I can bless Greg today.
Speaker AHow can I serve him today to make his life easier?
Speaker AAnd I'll just wait for the Lord to tell me what to do.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BYou know, now there's four words that I like in this area that helps us.
Speaker BNumber one is listening.
Speaker BAlways be listening to what your spouse talks about, because they're.
Speaker BThey're not necessarily trying to drop hints.
Speaker BSometimes they might be, but listen to what their wants and needs and desires are and make a mental note.
Speaker BPut a little pin in it and remember, all right, look.
Speaker BLook at what they're doing.
Speaker BLook at what's going on in their life, and make decisions to serve off on.
Speaker BOn that.
Speaker BIt's kind of like having your radar on ask discussions.
Speaker BAsk, ask.
Speaker BWhat do they need?
Speaker BWhat's going on in their life?
Speaker BSo ask.
Speaker BAnd then the last one is take action.
Speaker BSo look, listen, ask, and take action.
Speaker BLike I said, put your radar on.
Speaker BPick up on hints and clues that your spouse may give.
Speaker BNot trying to do that, but it just comes out of conversation.
Speaker AStop looking.
Speaker AListen.
Speaker BStop looking.
Speaker AListen.
Speaker AAware.
Speaker BAction.
Speaker AStop.
Speaker AWhat's that song?
Speaker BStop.
Speaker AStop looking.
Speaker BYeah, something like that.
Speaker BAnd.
Speaker BAnd it's.
Speaker BAnd then you can be spontaneous with helping them and.
Speaker BBecause the next one I got here is think ahead.
Speaker BBut if your spouse happens to mention, you know, I got a light bulb out of my.
Speaker BMy blight bulb just went out in the closet.
Speaker BShe didn't ask you to fix it.
Speaker BBut you know what?
Speaker BLight bulb off.
Speaker BHow quick can I get that fixed?
Speaker BAnd.
Speaker BAnd all of a sudden it's fixed, and they're like, wow, thank you.
Speaker BYou know, it's still.
Speaker BThe bulb's still warm when it bl.
Speaker BBut think or think ahead.
Speaker BWhat is your spouse needing?
Speaker BLinda's years ago.
Speaker BAlways tell me.
Speaker BI love it when you think ahead.
Speaker BI love when you think ahead and take care of things before I need to ask or do something.
Speaker BSo think about that.
Speaker BAnd when you're doing this, this sends a message that you're thinking about them.
Speaker BThey're on your mind and in your heart.
Speaker BAnd when you do all this stuff, this is a biggie.
Speaker BDon't serve with a negative attitude.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker ABe glad.
Speaker ADon't be grudging.
Speaker BDon't watch your tone.
Speaker BOh, hey, dear, could you do this for me?
Speaker BOkay.
Speaker BWatch your body language.
Speaker BYou know that you just lose it when you do that.
Speaker BEven if you do it, you lost your.
Speaker BYou went in the hole on brownie points.
Speaker BLet's put it like that.
Speaker BWhat's the next one?
Speaker AMotivate.
Speaker AIt motivates us to help our spouse reach their full potential.
Speaker ASay they're trying to achieve something.
Speaker AYou know, we want to be their number one fan as they go and pursue their goals and dreams and desires.
Speaker AYou know, we should be supporting our spouse on their journey.
Speaker ALike, I was taking a health class to get a health certification, and Greg supported me through that whole thing.
Speaker AYou know, if I was having to go to class and I needed lunch or needed to take a snack, he'd prepare that for me.
Speaker AOr, you know, when I came home and it had been a long day in the classroom and he would fix me dinner and have it all ready for me.
Speaker AHe encouraged me in my studies when I was doing that.
Speaker ASo that, to me, that is part of agape love.
Speaker ARight, Right.
Speaker BWhat other things, other areas that we both supported each other is like when we were losing weight or getting our health back where it needs to be, you know, oh, you can do this.
Speaker BOr you worked out.
Speaker BYou're.
Speaker BThat's awesome that you worked out today.
Speaker BOr what you ate or whatever your spouse is doing and bless and encourage them that.
Speaker BIn that.
Speaker BAnd Linda did it with me when I went to Bible college years ago when I was in Bible college, she supported me.
Speaker BShe gave me time to study, help me study if I needed to.
Speaker BBut she was my biggest fan in there.
Speaker BSo we need to be our spouse's biggest fan.
Speaker BAnd Linda, talk about your piano.
Speaker AOh, well, I started taking piano lessons, and so we had a little.
Speaker AWe went out and got me a little keyboard.
Speaker AOh, yeah, keyboard.
Speaker AIt wasn't a full piano, but it was a full leaded keyboard.
Speaker AAnd he encourage me while I was practicing and when I had piano lessons that I was taking and having to learn to read the notes and read different songs.
Speaker AAnd so he would encourage like, I love hearing you sit down and play the piano.
Speaker AI love it when I hear you practice.
Speaker AAnd I'd get up at 5:30 in the morning when everybody else was still in bed and I'd plug in my headset so I wouldn't be waking them up on the pounding on the key.
Speaker BShe was, she was doing really good.
Speaker ABut he would always say, you, I'm so proud of you for practicing like you are and taking your piano lessons.
Speaker ANow I haven't furthered that interest, but it was at that time very important to me and that was great.
Speaker AWhat else, dear?
Speaker AOn Agape Love?
Speaker BWell, I wanted to throw in another thing on motivating your spouse to reach their full potential.
Speaker BI remember when Linda, after her back surgeries and stuff going on, they said being in the water is the best way for you to exercise.
Speaker BAnd I remember when it got cold outside.
Speaker AOh gosh.
Speaker BWe'd go to the public pools.
Speaker BThey had a top over them but the water was cold.
Speaker BWe even went to another gym that had indoor.
Speaker BIt was an indoor pool but the water wasn't really heated, it was cold.
Speaker BAnd she would get up sometimes we'd go up there five or six o' clock in the morning even or during the day and she would literally put a wetsuit on.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BWhich was hard to do.
Speaker BPut it on, get it off heavy, doing everything that needed to do.
Speaker BBut she was a trooper and she has stuck at it.
Speaker BShe still gets in the pools now and works out.
Speaker BBut during this time and yeah, but you're right there.
Speaker BI was there helping her, encouraging her, saying you can do this.
Speaker BTried to provide everything she needed.
Speaker BAnd I know there's a lot of times spouses don't do that, so you're on your own.
Speaker BOr, or they don't give them.
Speaker BThey may say, hey, that's, I'm glad you went to the pool.
Speaker BBut you know, sometimes you need somebody in your corner that's going to be in your spouse's corner.
Speaker AYeah, that's that, that's the whole point.
Speaker AThat's really good, dear.
Speaker AAnd then I remember we have some.
Speaker BOf them in our corner missing going on our time here.
Speaker BBut I remember when Linda was going to this health certification stuff, I would, I would fix her lunch and everything before.
Speaker BYeah, health class, I'd fix her lunch, I'd make her these salads and I remember she said a lot of times the dog that was at the school, the school would go get your food and start eating their salad.
Speaker AI know they were so happy Greg had done that.
Speaker AI'm like, what do you get out of my food?
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BSo number five, let's look at number five.
Speaker BLove is unconditional.
Speaker BIt has no price tag.
Speaker BIt doesn't.
Speaker BIf you're nice to me, then I'm going to be nice to you.
Speaker BThat's being performance based and agape.
Speaker BLove is not performance based.
Speaker BIt's loving.
Speaker BWhen sometimes the spouse is unlovable.
Speaker BIn other words, all what we're saying is you don't sit there and stick your lip out and fold your arms and say, well, they ain't gonna love me.
Speaker BIf they don't do this for me or they don't help me, then I'm not gonna love them.
Speaker BThat's not the way it works.
Speaker BIt's loving.
Speaker BNo matter what's going on, your spouse may be acting like a jerk and mad at you or being mean.
Speaker BYou still love them.
Speaker BYou still continue to put on love.
Speaker BMaybe you do have marriage issues going on, but that's the time you'd really need to put on love so you can have the love going.
Speaker BBecause if you're both being stubborn, then you're, you're going downhill real fast.
Speaker BAnd, and maybe your spouse is sick.
Speaker BYou know, Linda right now with what she's had in her health challenges, she can't do everything she wants to do to help me or serve me or bless me, but she does what she can.
Speaker BBut I don't sit there and, and get all bent out of shape because she can't do A, B and C or D the way we would like or want to.
Speaker BI still love her.
Speaker BI still serve her.
Speaker BSo understand there are legitimate times when your spouse can't love or serve you the way they would like to.
Speaker BGuys, if your wife is, I know nowadays it's a big, it's like women want to work, you know, that's, that's fine if that's what they choose to do and have babysitters or daycare.
Speaker BAnd nowadays a lot of people have to do that their survive.
Speaker BBut you don't, don't come home and base your love on how much your wife can be a wifey to you.
Speaker BIf she's taking care of two or three kids and, and you don't get in there and help her and then you complain because you're not getting enough sex.
Speaker BThat's being performance based.
Speaker BHow about you get in there and help her.
Speaker BNow, if other stuff rises up, maybe there are some other issues, but it's not performance based.
Speaker BYou love regardless whether they're jerks, they're sick, they're working, they're tired, or something's going on in their life, realize it's not all about what they're they're not loving you, they've got something hindering them and that's when you really need to come in and help.
Speaker BLove them.
Speaker BSo I think that is.
Speaker AYeah, I think that's it for today.
Speaker AWe'll continue on next week.
Speaker ABut here's some honey news and it's real easy to thank.
Speaker AReview the points we discussed today and evaluate which ones you can work on.
Speaker AAnd what's the third?
Speaker AThe second one, Dear the ten Second Kiss.
Speaker AThere you go.
Speaker BSo grab your spouse.
Speaker BIf you haven't heard this before, find your spouse in the morning.
Speaker BLike when you get ready to go to work or doing something, even if it's on a weekend, just grab them, say, hey Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds, grab your wife, put your hands around their seat, your husband, and just give them a good old wet 10 second kiss.
Speaker BYou'll be glad you did.
Speaker BSome days it may be a good kiss and some days you don't know where it might lead you.
Speaker BThat morning or later in the day, send your spouse off to their projects for the day with a big old grin.
Speaker BAnd you put a grin on your face.
Speaker BAll right.
Speaker AHey, I'm so glad that y' all joined us today and we love your feedback.
Speaker AIt does matter to us.
Speaker ASo we want to hear your comments about this podcast.
Speaker ALeave a review and we'd love to answer any questions you might have.
Speaker AAnd if there's some topics that you want us to discuss in our future podcast, please tell us.
Speaker ALeave a message, email, voicemail, text us whatever it is.
Speaker AIt's all in the show notes.
Speaker AAnd if you have a specific prayer need or just want prayer over your marriage, don't hesitate to read out.
Speaker AReach out to us because we love to pray for our married and loved family.
Speaker AWe do that on a regular basis now.
Speaker AAgain, I hope you've gotten inspired by today's message.
Speaker AWe're going to see you next time and until they remember this, you can be married and love it on purpose.