Greg and Linda Smith welcome you to Married and Love It
Sept. 15, 2026

EP. 80. Genuine Love in Marriage; Agape Love, The Love that Last, It's More than a Feeling; 6 Vital Ways of Loving Your Spouse (PT 7 of 7)

We outline practical steps to live agape love. We name concrete actions and habits. We teach ten ways to show agape, including focusing on your spouse, taking initiative, serving without expectation, forgiving first, and meeting needs. We give short, real examples from our life. We describe a hotel weekend where choosing to listen turned potential conflict into connection. We describe small daily acts, like clearing pine needles from a windshield, that communicate care. We list a simple pattern: look, listen, ask, and take action. We offer immediate practices couples can try. We recommend the ten-second kiss each morning. We advise thinking ahead to fix small needs before they become complaints. We warn against serving with a negative tone. We encourage spouses to be one another's biggest fan. We end with a call to prayer, an offer to connect, and a reminder that small, steady choices produce deep and lasting love.

Takeaways:

  • We teach that agape love is a daily deliberate choice to seek our spouse's good.
  • We remind couples to put on love each morning and start each day with a clean slate.
  • We model serving without expectation and taking initiative to meet needs without seeking immediate return.
  • We encourage listening, asking, and taking action so we notice small needs and think ahead to serve.
  • We explain that love is unconditional and not performance based, so we love even when spouses act poorly.
  • We suggest practical habits like the ten second morning kiss to renew connection and bless each other.
  • We urge motivating and encouraging our spouse toward goals, helping them reach full potential through sacrificial service.
  • We base our counsel on scripture and long marriage experience, urging humility, self-giving, and concern for our partner's welfare.

Book referred to: The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Episodes referred to: 69, 70, 76-79

www.marriedandloveit.com/69

Scriptures referred to: Ecclesiastes 9:9; Colossians 3:14: Philippians 2:3-4

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Website: www.marriedandloveit.com

E-mail address is marriedandloveit1977@gmail.com

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Speaker A

Welcome to the Married and Love it podcast.

Speaker A

We are Greg and Linda Smith, your hosts from Raleigh, North Carolina.

Speaker B

It's great that you're taking time to invest into your marriage by listening to your weekly dose of marriage insights.

Speaker B

We'll discuss all aspects of marriage, including the hot topics of sex, love, communication and more.

Speaker A

Our insights and lessons are based on Christian principles plus over 48 years of marriage and ministry experience.

Speaker B

Our goal is to help you make your marriage great by equipping you to be married.

Speaker A

And Lovett, it's an honor and privilege to have you join us.

Speaker A

Hey, thanks for joining us today to get your weekly dose of Married and Love it your booster shop for the week.

Speaker A

And today we're continuing this series on genuine love in six vital ways of loving your spouse.

Speaker A

Now our primary focus today is number six, love, which is agape love, the love that lasts.

Speaker A

It's more than a feeling.

Speaker B

That's before we get into everything, I just want to share our two base foundation scriptures that we stand on for this series on genuine love and actually even for our ministry.

Speaker B

Ecclesiastes 9:9 says to enjoy life with your spouse.

Speaker B

It has wife in there, but we put spouse whom you love every day of your life.

Speaker B

So God's showing a key to success and that is by putting on love, which that is our second scripture from Colossians 3:14.

Speaker B

It after you've done all these things, being kind and being a nice person and getting rid of the old nature, which is ugly, he says to put on love.

Speaker B

That means we make a decision daily.

Speaker B

That's what the scripture says.

Speaker B

Love daily, all the days of your life.

Speaker B

So every day our goal is to put on love so we can have the best marriage and the best life possible.

Speaker B

Now we started talking about all the different loves back in six episode 69 and 70 and then 76 to 79 we've talked about the six different ways and here are some of the different ways just as a quick review.

Speaker B

Fileto love, which is warm friendship and companionship, being best friends.

Speaker B

Number two is Eros, which is which is romantic and physical attraction.

Speaker B

And then storge which is which is natural family, affection, security and a sense of belonging.

Speaker B

All those are so vital to be in your marriage.

Speaker B

And then Ahavaha means commitment, devotion, affection, care, self giving, concern for another.

Speaker B

And that's actually the word for love that's in Ecclesiastes 9:9, that scripture right there.

Speaker B

And then Epithelia Maya number five means a strong desire, a longing, a craving, good and deep, heartfelt to set the Heart on.

Speaker B

And that's what we need in our marriage, is to have a strong desire for our spouse, whether it's physically, mentally, emotionally.

Speaker B

And now all these are five key components.

Speaker B

So today we're going to be getting into the agape, which is really a foundation.

Speaker A

And.

Speaker A

Well, as we're reviewing these, we could really be asking ourselves if we are applying each one of the five that's already been mentioned.

Speaker A

And in other words, are we dressing for love?

Speaker A

Are we putting on love?

Speaker A

Those are good questions to ask ourselves,.

Speaker B

You know, when we talked about this in one of the episodes.

Speaker B

But, you know, if your wife or husband comes out with grungy crow clothes and holy clothes and they stink a little bit, are they pleasant to be around or look at to the eyes?

Speaker B

You know, in principle, yeah.

Speaker B

But if they come out with a nice pullover shirt on, nice slacks or jeans, or even just nice T shirt or it's wintertime and you got the old sweats on, but they're nice and they're clean.

Speaker B

What does that say?

Speaker B

It means I want to look good for you.

Speaker B

I want to be comfortable.

Speaker B

And that's what we're saying about putting on love and dressing properly.

Speaker A

So when you said your wedding vows, you're basically saying, I love you no matter what and until death do us part.

Speaker B

Wow.

Speaker A

Love based on companionship and being best friends alone, by itself, it's not going to be lasting.

Speaker A

It's not going to be very fulfilling.

Speaker A

So, yeah, because you're going to be asking yourself, you know, let me ask you this.

Speaker A

What happens if you don't like your spouse?

Speaker A

What's that gonna.

Speaker A

What's that gonna look like?

Speaker B

That's not.

Speaker B

That's not a warm fuzzy.

Speaker A

Not too much.

Speaker A

And then what happens when your passion and romance fade away?

Speaker A

How about that?

Speaker A

That's a good question, right?

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker A

So this all brings us to number six way of loving our spouse, which is agape love.

Speaker A

It kind of just wraps all the other five around together, doesn't it?

Speaker B

Yes.

Speaker A

It's like the glue.

Speaker A

It just kind of holds it all together.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker B

So this is really our foundation of.

Speaker B

To the other loves, because the other loves are fun, give us warm fuzzies, but most of those are really feelings and such to where.

Speaker B

What we're going to talk about now is a decision.

Speaker B

This the one that puts the cement to your vows that I'll love you forever no matter what.

Speaker B

So let's take a look at what agape love really is.

Speaker B

Here's a scripture we like to use for this Philippians 2, verses 3 through 4 really explains agape love here.

Speaker B

Parts of it do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit.

Speaker B

But with humility of mind, let each of you.

Speaker B

Now, here we go.

Speaker B

Regard one another as more important than himself.

Speaker B

Do not merely look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interest of others.

Speaker B

Just think how our relationships would be if we could get this scripture applicable in our lives on a consistent basis.

Speaker B

I don't mean once a day or twice a day or every other day, but all the time on a regular basis.

Speaker B

Difference.

Speaker B

So what did it make in our relationships?

Speaker B

Agape love is self giving.

Speaker B

It's sacrificial.

Speaker B

It's not what I can get, but what I can give.

Speaker B

It's the highest form of love.

Speaker B

It's not merely a feeling.

Speaker B

Because you know what, there's times when you don't feel like loving your spouse.

Speaker B

Or you may not like them for a few minutes.

Speaker B

But if you let that keep growing, that's when problems come in.

Speaker B

It's a deliberate choice to seek another person's good.

Speaker B

Deliberate choice even when it requires sacrifice.

Speaker B

It means a husband and wife must choose to love each other every day.

Speaker B

I know there's a lot of days you don't even.

Speaker B

You just say I love you and everything's great.

Speaker B

But what happens?

Speaker B

What happens when something comes up that causes a disagreement?

Speaker B

Lynn and I have that happen.

Speaker B

We'll have something, something will happen.

Speaker B

Or we respond to something and there gets to be tension in the air.

Speaker B

What are you going to do about that when it happens in your relationship?

Speaker B

I think a good answer is just give each other a 10 cents, 10 second kiss and move on, you know, but deal with it.

Speaker B

So it's a choice to love every day.

Speaker B

Now, the following actions we're going to.

Speaker A

Let me just interject in there.

Speaker A

I had this thought that you know that scripture says every day.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker A

So what that tells me is each day.

Speaker B

Yes.

Speaker A

You got to start all over again.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker A

Because there's going to been some probably something.

Speaker A

The day before that it was like me, you know.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker A

So you got to start over.

Speaker A

Every day you get a clean slate.

Speaker B

That's true.

Speaker A

You know, I think that's pretty good.

Speaker A

That's a pretty good thing.

Speaker B

Now the key to that is we can have a great day today before and one thing, the next day those memories are gone.

Speaker A

Those great memories.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker B

And unfortunately we tend a lot of times remember the bad situations longer than the good ones because we hold grudges always.

Speaker A

It seems like that.

Speaker B

Then we come back later the next day or two.

Speaker B

Well, you always do this.

Speaker B

You did it again yesterday.

Speaker A

Oh, now you're getting into communication skills.

Speaker A

Right?

Speaker B

But that's part of putting on love.

Speaker A

That is part of it.

Speaker B

So we gotta choose.

Speaker B

But like, that's a very good.

Speaker B

Lindsay.

Speaker B

Every day is a new day to start over again.

Speaker A

Clean slate.

Speaker A

Yep.

Speaker B

So here we're going to look at.

Speaker B

There's a total of, I believe it's 10 ways on how we can love our spouse by applying agape love.

Speaker B

We're going to look at different aspects.

Speaker A

These are some good examples.

Speaker B

And this one we're going to try to get through about four or five of them.

Speaker B

Number one one is, is love.

Speaker B

Agape love focuses on the one loved with the thought of self secondary.

Speaker B

Now that basically is what we just read in the Philippians.

Speaker B

Now, here's the definition of selfishness.

Speaker B

Being devoted to or caring for oneself.

Speaker B

Agape love says, be devoted to loving your spouse over yourself.

Speaker B

You're concerned primarily with your own benefits, welfare, regardless of others.

Speaker B

Now I'm going to give you a little practical example of this and agape love.

Speaker B

This was back years ago when we lived in Fort Worth in Dallas, Texas.

Speaker B

And this is probably in the 90s, somewhere mid-80s.

Speaker B

And because we have been married almost 49 years in another month and a half.

Speaker B

So in Fort Worth back then they had a big old thick coupon book that you could get really good deals from restaurants everywhere, hotels.

Speaker B

So I found a coupon where we could go over to the big Dallas, from Fort Worth to a suck up type hotel that would probably back then it was like 150, 180 a night, which that was serious money back then for like $40.

Speaker B

And I said, linda, let's go over there.

Speaker B

Let's get my parents to watch the kids.

Speaker B

Let's go over and spend the night in Dallas.

Speaker B

So we packed up our clothes and we got over there.

Speaker B

Of course, me being the man, I'm sure my thoughts, nice romantic weekend, no kids, nice hotel, sit by the pool a little bit in the afternoon, have a nice romantic evening.

Speaker B

Because I had a coupon for their restaurant, buy one, get one free.

Speaker B

And we were just gonna have this whole romantic time and think.

Speaker B

Linda was probably thinking along that lines.

Speaker B

We probably talked about it, but probably as the mail saying, all right, no kids, hotel.

Speaker B

It's going to be a nice weekend.

Speaker B

So we got over there, checked into the room.

Speaker B

They said, how you doing, Mr. Smith?

Speaker B

Here's your room key, Mr. Smith.

Speaker B

And we probably walked in with our cheap luggage or grocery Sack for clothes.

Speaker B

We got up to the room, and it was a gorgeous room.

Speaker B

And they had these white.

Speaker B

Fluffy white robes hanging on the door.

Speaker B

Of course, my mind just is thinking, let's get into those white robes.

Speaker B

And so we probably talked for a few minutes, and then it did some stuff, and then it was time to go to dinner.

Speaker B

So we went down to the restaurant, brought our little coupon with us, sat down, we're gonna eat.

Speaker B

And I'm.

Speaker B

I'm sitting there thinking, all right, we're gonna talk about tonight.

Speaker B

What are we gonna do when we get back to the room?

Speaker B

What are we gonna do the rest of the weekend?

Speaker B

I'm all fired up, and I look across the table, and Linda goes, we need to talk.

Speaker B

Can we talk?

Speaker B

And my mind goes, that's not the type of words it did not have.

Speaker A

Like, yeah, well, because I started out, I'm going, greg.

Speaker A

And right then, you knew there was something.

Speaker B

It wasn't.

Speaker A

I said, greg, we need to talk.

Speaker A

Okay.

Speaker B

It wasn't the tone of voice.

Speaker B

And, man, I am so excited about being here.

Speaker B

I can't wait till we get back in the room and try.

Speaker B

No, no.

Speaker B

It was like, we need to talk.

Speaker B

Can we cut?

Speaker B

Talk?

Speaker A

We need to talk.

Speaker B

So right then, I knew things were not going quite the way I had wanted to go.

Speaker B

So right then, I had the opportunity to put on agape love, to put on love and say, okay.

Speaker B

Or I could have said, dear, you know, I know you want to talk.

Speaker B

We can do that when we get back home.

Speaker B

But don't.

Speaker B

You know, we just got this hotel for $40.

Speaker B

Big, nice hotel.

Speaker B

We're over here.

Speaker B

We got my parents.

Speaker B

What I think it was my parents watching the kids.

Speaker B

There's no kids around, and we're out of town, and this is time for us to take.

Speaker B

To enjoy it.

Speaker B

And I could have done that.

Speaker B

And she may have said, okay, well, that's what you wanted to do.

Speaker B

How do you think that night probably would have gone?

Speaker B

Probably not.

Speaker B

Even if she didn't.

Speaker B

We didn't talk.

Speaker B

It would not have been.

Speaker B

It would not have been good.

Speaker B

And it could have cut her heart off a little bit more.

Speaker B

To say he was more concerned about the robes and me getting.

Speaker B

Getting me out of my robe and.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker B

And then us talking for a few minutes.

Speaker A

Right?

Speaker B

See right there, that's examples of what can happen.

Speaker B

And I had all.

Speaker B

All this all planned.

Speaker B

And so I said, okay, we can talk.

Speaker B

And she shared.

Speaker B

And really, it was probably some things with the kids, maybe what's going on in nothing really our family's a destiny ministry, nothing hardcore and you know, maybe we can we improve on this but what do we got going on?

Speaker B

And it really wasn't that big a deal.

Speaker B

But to me her body language with that moment said oh boy, it's getting.

Speaker B

I'm getting ready to get it.

Speaker B

But I. I made a choice to listen.

Speaker A

It wasn't even toward you at all.

Speaker B

No.

Speaker A

It's just probably circumstances like you said.

Speaker B

It may have been a little bit.

Speaker B

I don't know, who knows it's circumstance.

Speaker B

How to maybe how to handle the kids.

Speaker A

Exactly.

Speaker B

It was a good.

Speaker A

What was going on.

Speaker B

It was a good talk.

Speaker B

Now the unfortunate thing is the meal wasn't really good but.

Speaker B

But we had some talk so fun.

Speaker B

So we ended up going back to the room and I think we ended up having a nice evening and next day we sat out by the pool before we had to check out.

Speaker B

So the weekend turn turned out good, over good.

Speaker B

But if I hadn't made the decision.

Speaker A

To listen, put on love, let me vent.

Speaker A

Really.

Speaker A

I think that was.

Speaker B

Yeah, it's probably been in some concerns but it wasn't that bad of a we need to talk talk.

Speaker B

But it would have no telling what type of damage could have been done.

Speaker B

So focus on the one love with the thought of self secondary.

Speaker B

Let's go to number two.

Speaker A

Okay.

Speaker A

Well number two would be always take the initiative.

Speaker A

Don't wait on the other person to.

Speaker A

To move forward with everything.

Speaker A

Now Luke 6, verse 31 through 38 says and it just goes into.

Speaker A

I'm just going to tell you a little bit about it.

Speaker A

You can look it up later and we'll.

Speaker A

We'll have this in the show notes.

Speaker A

But just as you want people to treat you, treat them the same way.

Speaker A

So that's real good thought right there.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker B

If you want more love from your spouse, love them, love them, but love.

Speaker A

But you be the first one to love them.

Speaker B

Right, Right.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker A

It's not.

Speaker A

If you're nice to me, then I'm gonna be nice to you.

Speaker A

It serve your spouse without expecting something in return.

Speaker A

Now that's a biggie right there, right?

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker A

Be the first to act.

Speaker A

That's in serving, forgiving.

Speaker B

You know.

Speaker B

Good one on that.

Speaker A

Which one guys especially not expecting something in return.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker B

You know, marriage is kind of hard in one sense or tricky because they say for the guys a lot of times, well if you want to have sex with your wife, you need to wash the dishes, mop the floor.

Speaker A

The kids, not that much.

Speaker B

Do all that you need to do.

Speaker A

That, do a little serving.

Speaker B

And that is a true fact, because it's showing your wife that you want to help her.

Speaker A

And you're taking a lot of the load off.

Speaker B

But a lot of times it can come off where you do all this stuff and then you show up at the bedroom door like a dog panting, I want my bone.

Speaker B

Because I. I was a good boy, you know?

Speaker B

Yeah, I did this.

Speaker B

So now you need to do this.

Speaker B

That's not why we serve, but that's the way it can come across sometimes.

Speaker B

So if we do all those things, sometimes we serve our.

Speaker B

Why.

Speaker B

Maybe the wife does something from the husband.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker B

Don't always have to expect a treat.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker B

You know, it's just part of loving.

Speaker B

Because what happens, what you do, serving wise with no expectations, just because you love your spouse.

Speaker B

Make bear fruit three days down the road because you left a memory of them helping.

Speaker B

And that just.

Speaker B

Man, my husband did this for me the other day when I was tired and worn out.

Speaker B

I didn't even have to ask him.

Speaker B

And I got to bed early that night.

Speaker B

But who knows?

Speaker B

Three nights later, she may say, you know what?

Speaker B

I'm gonna give him a treat tonight.

Speaker B

I'm gonna surprise him.

Speaker B

Or it could go the other way.

Speaker B

But anyway, go ahead.

Speaker A

Well, be the first to act and act and that would be, you know, serving or forgiving.

Speaker A

Be the first one to forgive if there's some reason for that and.

Speaker A

Or just saying, I love you.

Speaker A

You know, just hearing those words.

Speaker A

Be the first one doing the different things that express love.

Speaker B

So be the adult in the room.

Speaker A

Yeah, be the adult in the room.

Speaker A

For example, like, here's something Greg and I did.

Speaker A

We got educated on the five love languages by Gary Small.

Speaker A

Gary Smalley.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

And we started applying them to our marriage relationship.

Speaker A

You know, what are the five languages?

Speaker A

First of all, we get educated about them.

Speaker A

Yeah, that was a biggie.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

And then we started to apply them in our own marriage relationship, which made quite a difference in our marriage relationship because my love languages were so totally different than Greg's.

Speaker A

And as you read this, you know, check.

Speaker A

We'll have this in the show notes.

Speaker A

But when you read them, you'll see a lot of times we will fill someone's love tank with what matters to us.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker A

Rather than what matters to our spouse.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker B

Because like Linda, it was acts of service, but I liked words of affirmation and romantic type, stuff like that.

Speaker B

But once I learned Linda, she didn't mind a gift or she didn't mind romance, but that didn't flicker Bic, so to speak, light her fire.

Speaker B

So I had to learn, okay, I need to do the acts of service.

Speaker A

And run the vacuum, do the dishes, you know, that sort.

Speaker A

So you gotta learn, get gas in my car, all of that kind of stuff.

Speaker A

So.

Speaker A

Spoke volumes to me.

Speaker A

But the point being here is we didn't wait for the other person to act right.

Speaker A

We started applying the.

Speaker A

That love toward one another.

Speaker B

You know, another practical application there is.

Speaker B

Let's say both husband and wife are working, and you both get home from work one day about the same time.

Speaker B

Maybe you got kids, maybe you don't.

Speaker B

And you both come in, you had a.

Speaker B

You can tell you both had a rough day.

Speaker B

It was rough.

Speaker B

You've got dinner to cook still.

Speaker B

There's some things maybe you need to help the kids, the yard needs to be.

Speaker B

Or whatever.

Speaker B

There's stuff that needs to get done.

Speaker B

And you're both tired and looking at each other and.

Speaker B

And thinking, oh, man, I'm so tired, I could use some help, or whatever.

Speaker B

But what happens is one of you, if you're putting on agape love, one, he says, you know what?

Speaker B

I know you're really tired, and you had to go through this today.

Speaker B

Let me go in and start dinner.

Speaker B

Let me do A, B, or C. And you're.

Speaker B

Even though you're tired and worn out, you're putting on love to say, I want to serve my spouse, because I know they're tired.

Speaker A

Also.

Speaker B

That's.

Speaker B

That's one of you acting first and seeing that need and taking care of it instead of just both y' all running off and then getting aggravated at each other.

Speaker A

Well, what's another way to apply the agape love?

Speaker B

This will tie into what I just said.

Speaker B

Have a passion to meet your spouse's needs.

Speaker B

So this is.

Speaker B

This is really good here.

Speaker B

So you have a passion.

Speaker B

So if you're.

Speaker B

If you have that type of passion, you're going to come in from work and say, you know what?

Speaker B

I'm tired, but what can I do to help my wife?

Speaker B

Or, what can I do to help my husband?

Speaker B

Passion is defined as being.

Speaker B

Having a strong desire, a joy, a purpose to serve.

Speaker B

In other words, part of your calling in life is having that passion to take care of your spouse and meet their needs.

Speaker B

It's not a chore.

Speaker B

It's like, I get to do this.

Speaker B

I have.

Speaker B

It's not.

Speaker B

I have to, but I get to ensure there's times you're gonna feel like, oh, I need to go do that.

Speaker B

I have to do that.

Speaker B

But deep down, you know, I get to do this because I'm.

Speaker B

This is going to cut to the heart of stuff because there's a lot of people, their spouse dies, maybe they end up getting divorced and they think if I just would have blessed them more.

Speaker B

Maybe you hate it, washing their dirty underwear, but you would if you had that attitude.

Speaker B

I get to, you know, because know what?

Speaker B

There may be a day when you can't.

Speaker B

I mean, serious.

Speaker B

I was almost killed in a car accident back in 1999.

Speaker B

Linda may not have been able to wash my dirty underwear anymore.

Speaker B

Linda got healed from a heart attack.

Speaker B

She got to go and have a little discussion for the Lord and she chose to come back to serve God.

Speaker B

I would.

Speaker B

I was in that hospital room.

Speaker B

I didn't know what was going on.

Speaker B

But you know what?

Speaker B

I may not have had her to.

Speaker B

To come in and help clean the kitchen.

Speaker B

Those things are we.

Speaker B

We have hindsight because we say, man, I wish I would have done that.

Speaker B

But you don't know what today offers and what's going to happen tomorrow.

Speaker B

So act on that choice.

Speaker B

And I'm not trying to say bad things are going to be happen, but take advantage of it.

Speaker B

Do it now.

Speaker B

Do it now.

Speaker B

First Corinthians 7, 32, 34 talks about how a husband and a wife have a desire to please each other.

Speaker B

Because Paul was talking and saying the single people can do a little bit better in ministry because they don't have these other desires.

Speaker B

So God is saying we should have a desire to minister to our husband and to our wife.

Speaker B

You know, it can be from refilling the drink, if you're at it out to eat or even in the house.

Speaker B

You see your spouse, oh, their drink is empty.

Speaker B

Can you.

Speaker B

They're in the living room doing something.

Speaker B

You see their tea glasses empty and you go, can I get water for you?

Speaker B

It can go all the way to extended health care like I've been doing for Linda for the last 13 years.

Speaker B

That's serving.

Speaker B

You know, I can get tired doing that.

Speaker B

But you know what?

Speaker B

I have a pleasure and desire and I get to do what I do to serve her.

Speaker B

So it's serving as all different aspects.

Speaker B

So many different look things that we can do to serve our spouse.

Speaker A

Well, here's an example.

Speaker A

This a real good.

Speaker A

And I'm gonna brag on you dear.

Speaker B

Bring it on, bring it on the where we are.

Speaker A

We park outside in my car.

Speaker A

It's right under a pine needle, a tree that has drops pine needles and my car, the windshield and all in that area, the wiper area gets filled with pine needles.

Speaker A

So Greg would, as.

Speaker A

Whenever he would leave, he'd always stop in my car and clear out all the pine needles for me for that day to get them all cleaned out.

Speaker A

And that to me was like, that's exactly taking care of me, seeing a need and filling it and getting out there without me even having to ask you.

Speaker A

So we should look for ways to meet our spouse's needs and all.

Speaker A

And this was one of the ways that Greg would do that.

Speaker B

I think that's a hint because right now in Raleigh, the pine needles are starting to come down more.

Speaker B

I got your hand.

Speaker A

You got my hint.

Speaker A

Well, good.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

Then.

Speaker A

Then you read my mind.

Speaker B

That's right.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

Okay.

Speaker A

Which we're not supposed to do that, but I'm glad you did.

Speaker A

And.

Speaker A

And, you know, I'll ask myself every morning when I get up, I'll just sit and I'll say, lord, tell me how I can bless Greg today.

Speaker A

How can I serve him today to make his life easier?

Speaker A

And I'll just wait for the Lord to tell me what to do.

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker B

You know, now there's four words that I like in this area that helps us.

Speaker B

Number one is listening.

Speaker B

Always be listening to what your spouse talks about, because they're.

Speaker B

They're not necessarily trying to drop hints.

Speaker B

Sometimes they might be, but listen to what their wants and needs and desires are and make a mental note.

Speaker B

Put a little pin in it and remember, all right, look.

Speaker B

Look at what they're doing.

Speaker B

Look at what's going on in their life, and make decisions to serve off on.

Speaker B

On that.

Speaker B

It's kind of like having your radar on ask discussions.

Speaker B

Ask, ask.

Speaker B

What do they need?

Speaker B

What's going on in their life?

Speaker B

So ask.

Speaker B

And then the last one is take action.

Speaker B

So look, listen, ask, and take action.

Speaker B

Like I said, put your radar on.

Speaker B

Pick up on hints and clues that your spouse may give.

Speaker B

Not trying to do that, but it just comes out of conversation.

Speaker A

Stop looking.

Speaker A

Listen.

Speaker B

Stop looking.

Speaker A

Listen.

Speaker A

Aware.

Speaker B

Action.

Speaker A

Stop.

Speaker A

What's that song?

Speaker B

Stop.

Speaker A

Stop looking.

Speaker B

Yeah, something like that.

Speaker B

And.

Speaker B

And it's.

Speaker B

And then you can be spontaneous with helping them and.

Speaker B

Because the next one I got here is think ahead.

Speaker B

But if your spouse happens to mention, you know, I got a light bulb out of my.

Speaker B

My blight bulb just went out in the closet.

Speaker B

She didn't ask you to fix it.

Speaker B

But you know what?

Speaker B

Light bulb off.

Speaker B

How quick can I get that fixed?

Speaker B

And.

Speaker B

And all of a sudden it's fixed, and they're like, wow, thank you.

Speaker B

You know, it's still.

Speaker B

The bulb's still warm when it bl.

Speaker B

But think or think ahead.

Speaker B

What is your spouse needing?

Speaker B

Linda's years ago.

Speaker B

Always tell me.

Speaker B

I love it when you think ahead.

Speaker B

I love when you think ahead and take care of things before I need to ask or do something.

Speaker B

So think about that.

Speaker B

And when you're doing this, this sends a message that you're thinking about them.

Speaker B

They're on your mind and in your heart.

Speaker B

And when you do all this stuff, this is a biggie.

Speaker B

Don't serve with a negative attitude.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

Be glad.

Speaker A

Don't be grudging.

Speaker B

Don't watch your tone.

Speaker B

Oh, hey, dear, could you do this for me?

Speaker B

Okay.

Speaker B

Watch your body language.

Speaker B

You know that you just lose it when you do that.

Speaker B

Even if you do it, you lost your.

Speaker B

You went in the hole on brownie points.

Speaker B

Let's put it like that.

Speaker B

What's the next one?

Speaker A

Motivate.

Speaker A

It motivates us to help our spouse reach their full potential.

Speaker A

Say they're trying to achieve something.

Speaker A

You know, we want to be their number one fan as they go and pursue their goals and dreams and desires.

Speaker A

You know, we should be supporting our spouse on their journey.

Speaker A

Like, I was taking a health class to get a health certification, and Greg supported me through that whole thing.

Speaker A

You know, if I was having to go to class and I needed lunch or needed to take a snack, he'd prepare that for me.

Speaker A

Or, you know, when I came home and it had been a long day in the classroom and he would fix me dinner and have it all ready for me.

Speaker A

He encouraged me in my studies when I was doing that.

Speaker A

So that, to me, that is part of agape love.

Speaker A

Right, Right.

Speaker B

What other things, other areas that we both supported each other is like when we were losing weight or getting our health back where it needs to be, you know, oh, you can do this.

Speaker B

Or you worked out.

Speaker B

You're.

Speaker B

That's awesome that you worked out today.

Speaker B

Or what you ate or whatever your spouse is doing and bless and encourage them that.

Speaker B

In that.

Speaker B

And Linda did it with me when I went to Bible college years ago when I was in Bible college, she supported me.

Speaker B

She gave me time to study, help me study if I needed to.

Speaker B

But she was my biggest fan in there.

Speaker B

So we need to be our spouse's biggest fan.

Speaker B

And Linda, talk about your piano.

Speaker A

Oh, well, I started taking piano lessons, and so we had a little.

Speaker A

We went out and got me a little keyboard.

Speaker A

Oh, yeah, keyboard.

Speaker A

It wasn't a full piano, but it was a full leaded keyboard.

Speaker A

And he encourage me while I was practicing and when I had piano lessons that I was taking and having to learn to read the notes and read different songs.

Speaker A

And so he would encourage like, I love hearing you sit down and play the piano.

Speaker A

I love it when I hear you practice.

Speaker A

And I'd get up at 5:30 in the morning when everybody else was still in bed and I'd plug in my headset so I wouldn't be waking them up on the pounding on the key.

Speaker B

She was, she was doing really good.

Speaker A

But he would always say, you, I'm so proud of you for practicing like you are and taking your piano lessons.

Speaker A

Now I haven't furthered that interest, but it was at that time very important to me and that was great.

Speaker A

What else, dear?

Speaker A

On Agape Love?

Speaker B

Well, I wanted to throw in another thing on motivating your spouse to reach their full potential.

Speaker B

I remember when Linda, after her back surgeries and stuff going on, they said being in the water is the best way for you to exercise.

Speaker B

And I remember when it got cold outside.

Speaker A

Oh gosh.

Speaker B

We'd go to the public pools.

Speaker B

They had a top over them but the water was cold.

Speaker B

We even went to another gym that had indoor.

Speaker B

It was an indoor pool but the water wasn't really heated, it was cold.

Speaker B

And she would get up sometimes we'd go up there five or six o' clock in the morning even or during the day and she would literally put a wetsuit on.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker B

Which was hard to do.

Speaker B

Put it on, get it off heavy, doing everything that needed to do.

Speaker B

But she was a trooper and she has stuck at it.

Speaker B

She still gets in the pools now and works out.

Speaker B

But during this time and yeah, but you're right there.

Speaker B

I was there helping her, encouraging her, saying you can do this.

Speaker B

Tried to provide everything she needed.

Speaker B

And I know there's a lot of times spouses don't do that, so you're on your own.

Speaker B

Or, or they don't give them.

Speaker B

They may say, hey, that's, I'm glad you went to the pool.

Speaker B

But you know, sometimes you need somebody in your corner that's going to be in your spouse's corner.

Speaker A

Yeah, that's that, that's the whole point.

Speaker A

That's really good, dear.

Speaker A

And then I remember we have some.

Speaker B

Of them in our corner missing going on our time here.

Speaker B

But I remember when Linda was going to this health certification stuff, I would, I would fix her lunch and everything before.

Speaker B

Yeah, health class, I'd fix her lunch, I'd make her these salads and I remember she said a lot of times the dog that was at the school, the school would go get your food and start eating their salad.

Speaker A

I know they were so happy Greg had done that.

Speaker A

I'm like, what do you get out of my food?

Speaker B

Yeah.

Speaker B

So number five, let's look at number five.

Speaker B

Love is unconditional.

Speaker B

It has no price tag.

Speaker B

It doesn't.

Speaker B

If you're nice to me, then I'm going to be nice to you.

Speaker B

That's being performance based and agape.

Speaker B

Love is not performance based.

Speaker B

It's loving.

Speaker B

When sometimes the spouse is unlovable.

Speaker B

In other words, all what we're saying is you don't sit there and stick your lip out and fold your arms and say, well, they ain't gonna love me.

Speaker B

If they don't do this for me or they don't help me, then I'm not gonna love them.

Speaker B

That's not the way it works.

Speaker B

It's loving.

Speaker B

No matter what's going on, your spouse may be acting like a jerk and mad at you or being mean.

Speaker B

You still love them.

Speaker B

You still continue to put on love.

Speaker B

Maybe you do have marriage issues going on, but that's the time you'd really need to put on love so you can have the love going.

Speaker B

Because if you're both being stubborn, then you're, you're going downhill real fast.

Speaker B

And, and maybe your spouse is sick.

Speaker B

You know, Linda right now with what she's had in her health challenges, she can't do everything she wants to do to help me or serve me or bless me, but she does what she can.

Speaker B

But I don't sit there and, and get all bent out of shape because she can't do A, B and C or D the way we would like or want to.

Speaker B

I still love her.

Speaker B

I still serve her.

Speaker B

So understand there are legitimate times when your spouse can't love or serve you the way they would like to.

Speaker B

Guys, if your wife is, I know nowadays it's a big, it's like women want to work, you know, that's, that's fine if that's what they choose to do and have babysitters or daycare.

Speaker B

And nowadays a lot of people have to do that their survive.

Speaker B

But you don't, don't come home and base your love on how much your wife can be a wifey to you.

Speaker B

If she's taking care of two or three kids and, and you don't get in there and help her and then you complain because you're not getting enough sex.

Speaker B

That's being performance based.

Speaker B

How about you get in there and help her.

Speaker B

Now, if other stuff rises up, maybe there are some other issues, but it's not performance based.

Speaker B

You love regardless whether they're jerks, they're sick, they're working, they're tired, or something's going on in their life, realize it's not all about what they're they're not loving you, they've got something hindering them and that's when you really need to come in and help.

Speaker B

Love them.

Speaker B

So I think that is.

Speaker A

Yeah, I think that's it for today.

Speaker A

We'll continue on next week.

Speaker A

But here's some honey news and it's real easy to thank.

Speaker A

Review the points we discussed today and evaluate which ones you can work on.

Speaker A

And what's the third?

Speaker A

The second one, Dear the ten Second Kiss.

Speaker A

There you go.

Speaker B

So grab your spouse.

Speaker B

If you haven't heard this before, find your spouse in the morning.

Speaker B

Like when you get ready to go to work or doing something, even if it's on a weekend, just grab them, say, hey Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds, grab your wife, put your hands around their seat, your husband, and just give them a good old wet 10 second kiss.

Speaker B

You'll be glad you did.

Speaker B

Some days it may be a good kiss and some days you don't know where it might lead you.

Speaker B

That morning or later in the day, send your spouse off to their projects for the day with a big old grin.

Speaker B

And you put a grin on your face.

Speaker B

All right.

Speaker A

Hey, I'm so glad that y' all joined us today and we love your feedback.

Speaker A

It does matter to us.

Speaker A

So we want to hear your comments about this podcast.

Speaker A

Leave a review and we'd love to answer any questions you might have.

Speaker A

And if there's some topics that you want us to discuss in our future podcast, please tell us.

Speaker A

Leave a message, email, voicemail, text us whatever it is.

Speaker A

It's all in the show notes.

Speaker A

And if you have a specific prayer need or just want prayer over your marriage, don't hesitate to read out.

Speaker A

Reach out to us because we love to pray for our married and loved family.

Speaker A

We do that on a regular basis now.

Speaker A

Again, I hope you've gotten inspired by today's message.

Speaker A

We're going to see you next time and until they remember this, you can be married and love it on purpose.