EP 78. Genuine Love in Marriage; The Eros Factor; Enhancing Romance, Passion, Intimacy and Sex; Six Vital Ways of Loving Your Spouse (PT 5 of 6)

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We are Greg and Linda Smith, your hosts from Raleigh, North Carolina.

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In today's episode, we're continuing the series on genuine love and marriage.

Eros Love.

Romantic, passionate, intimate and sexual.

This is a fun one.

Yes, it is.

Six vital ways of loving your spouse.

It's part five, six now.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 is our foundation scripture for genuine love, which says, enjoy life with your spouse, whom you love every day of your life.

And a key word there is love.

And we're breaking that word, love down because it means so much more than what when we just say I love ice cream or I love my wife.

And that's why we're doing this whole series, to break out the different ways love is talked about in the Bible.

And as we do that, look out, because you can be having a love affair with your spouse.

Now, in episode 69, 70 and 76, we began explaining about the the six different types or ways of loving your spouse, which are Ahave, Vallejo and Storge.

Those are three of them that we have talked about.

So today we're going to be covering Eros and we've talked about the other ones and we'll probably talk about some of the definitions again today, but that's where we're at.

So today we're going to cover Eros.

Before we do that, I just want to put out a little request toward you, everybody listening, that if you're married and you've got children that are married or maybe engaged, we want to encourage.

You, or even grandkids or even grandkids.

That are marrying age to share this podcast or these episodes with them.

You know, sometimes maybe you're wanting to talk to your kids about their marriage or asking, but you know that you don't want to butt in or they don't, they won't, don't want to talk to you about it, maybe, or even if they do, but just share this with them.

Say, hey, this is something that we listen to and it helps us or encourages us or remind us to do things we need to do and just send it to them and let our episode and through us be able to help them in their marriage.

Because don't assume everything's right because they may not be telling mom and dad everything that's going on in their house.

Okay, so let's get back to the main show here and we're going to talk about Eros.

Now, in the Bible, there's several Greek and Hebrew words that all have different niche definitions of what love is and how they impact marriages when we apply them.

And the thing about it is, and one reason why we're doing this episode, these episodes that we're doing, is because each one is vital to your marriage.

So you just can't pick one or two of them out and disregard the rest.

They all work together for you to be able to love the way God wants you to love.

So let's move on with the definition of Eros.

Now here's the definition.

It means romantic, passionate, or sexual love.

It describes the strong attraction and desire between a husband and wife who are romantically attracted to each other.

It's like a yearning to unite desire and enjoy your spouse.

Now, from a biblical perspective, Eros is an awesome gift from God when expressed within the covenant of marriage.

It's usually the type of love that most marriages begin with while the other loves are developing in that relationship.

Most people are longing for an exciting love relationship, having oneness in a deep intimacy with another person.

And it also includes joy, optimism, spice, excitement about life, and a euphoric, intense excitement and happiness.

Even kind of giddy, right?

Yeah.

Have you ever been somebody that's falling in love or something?

They little get a little giddy.

It's an indescribable sensation of being in love.

Some people say they actually feel like being on cloud nine.

I'm sure you've heard that's that word used before, like that.

But they feel like they're on cloud nine.

They say they are energized, motivated, feeling confident that they can conquer anything because they are loved.

They have a sense of awe because they are chosen.

You know, when you, you, you pursued somebody and they finally say, I want to go out with you or I want to marry you, and they're with you, you're chosen.

And that, that, that feels good.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

And that's part of stoge because that's, that brings you a sense of belonging.

So that's where that love comes in.

So there's an anticipation of being together, basically.

In one sense, you could say we're talking about the early hormones of a relationship that are kicking around in our bodies when we first get married, you know, but think about the newlyweds that you see or you happen to see somebody fall in love.

They're, they're giddy, they're can't do anything wrong.

They're happy.

Oh, I love you.

And I love you.

You love me.

Oh, we're gonna hold hands all day long.

We're gonna do this.

Oh, we never argue or anything.

I remember when Linda's mom, this is years ago, was dating or taking interest in another person and she was.

My dad had passed away.

Yeah, yeah.

After your dad had passed away.

But she was just giddy.

I mean, she just, her whole air was different.

She was like over 70 years old.

Yeah, yeah.

And, and, and you'll, you'll know, you can probably remember your days when you were dating or the first years of marriage.

There was something different about.

You even see it in the movies sometimes when somebody's parents are, one of their friends are, are dating, they just, they're always smiling.

Somebody goes, all right, what's going on?

Who is it?

So, so that's what's going on.

But you know, our, here's our big part of all this.

Just because the hormones begin to decrease, which they will, once you first get married, it doesn't mean that you can't have a healthy marriage that's working on the love principles where you can still be experiencing the excitement of being in love.

That's right.

So even if you can't use an excuse, well, the hormones are gone.

No, if you follow the love principles that we're talking about, the six different ones that we talk about, and apply them really, you can be having a love affair with your spouse.

It's called falling in love and staying in love.

Well, According to debt, Dr. Ed Wheat and even other psychiatrists, they say that being in love is good for you.

You know, Dr. Ed Weed says, and he's a physician and an author and he wrote the book Love Life for every Married Couples.

And he says this, and I'm going to read the quote.

It's.

He says, I've seen that the emotions of romantic love give people a new outlook on life and a sense of well being.

Romantic love is good medicine for fears and anxieties and a low self image.

Psychiatrists point out that real romantic love has an organizing and constructive effect on our personalities.

Isn't that interesting?

Yeah.

It brings out the best in us, giving us the will to improve ourselves and to reach for greater maturity and responsibility.

He continues to say, this love enables us to begin to function at our highest level.

Isn't it interesting?

That is how God created Eros, love and these other loves.

But look at all the benefits that God puts in just being in love.

How when we're hooked up with our spouse, developing a relationship and it's going smooth, it affects our attitudes, it affects our actions, how we see ourselves, and how we treat other people.

God.

God's got this wonderful plan if we'll just hear his word and obey it.

So Dr.

Wheat continues to say, quite honestly, if you're not in love with your marriage partner in this way, you may be missing something wonderful.

No matter how sincere your commitment to that person may be, even contentment can be dull and drab in comparison with the joy God has planned for you with your marriage partner.

So right here we can say where eros comes in and it's.

It's adding some excitement and vibrancy and a thrill factor to your marriage.

Now, here's what we say.

Don't settle for good enough in your marriage.

Go for everything that God has for you in your marriage.

Don't.

Don't settle for.

Well, settle for, you know, yeah, we don't get the warm fuzzies anymore, and we don't smile that much.

We're not holding hands or our sex is okay, you know, but you're just going.

You're maybe roommates.

Settling for.

That's settling for.

But if you apply all the principles of love that we're talking about, you can have the love affair that God wants you to have with your spouse.

So get that into your mind, into your spirit.

Here's what God wants for me.

All right?

Now, just as an example that Dr.

Wheat brought up in marriage, we're just going to look at two of the aspects of love, Eros and agape in marriage.

Eros, listen to this now, is the romantic and passionate love that helps us as a husband and wife enjoy and delight in one another.

Agape represents selfless and sacrificial love.

So here's how they connect.

A healthy Mary, healthy marriage includes both of those, plus more.

Agape provides commitment and a foundation to build on.

That means you're staying together, you're committed to one another.

You're going to work through things.

You're going to be there for each other.

You're going to deal with what needs to be dealt with.

But After a while, that can get mundane and boring.

You can still be roommates while Eros, huh?

Here you are putting the sprinkles on the love.

Putting that spice on.

Yeah, putting the spice on brings romance, affection, and joyful intimacy.

See how they flow together?

So in other words, you can say Eros is the love drug for your marriage.

If you're dealing with roommates or you're just settling for.

And yeah, our Mike marriage or this marriage that you're in is this kind of blah.

No excitement.

You love each other and yeah, you kiss good night and you tap each other on the butt once in a while or whatever.

You just got your.

You need some love juice.

Love drug.

The arrows brought into your marriage.

Well, let's look at seven ways that arrows can then be applied in our marriages.

Okay.

All right, sounds good.

One way is by showing physical affection.

Oh yes.

That would be holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling, and other appropriate expressions of affection that helps strengthen the emotional and physical bond.

That's pretty cool.

That sounds good.

Yeah.

Check pda.

In other words.

Yes.

But I mean, not out of order or anything, but okay.

Another one would be.

Yeah, I'm gonna hold that right there.

You said pda, you know.

Yeah, we say affectionate.

I mean doing these things in the right location.

But I'll tell you what, Remember your marriage is a lighthouse to your kids on how to be a mom and dad and a parents.

But even when you're out and about, you just holding your hands or giving a kiss every so often or having your arm around your spouse, that's a sign.

People don't see that nowadays.

Not too much.

Remember, it's a Christian marriage.

We're show.

We should be showing the love of God, but also what God wants for our marriage.

And let it be a beacon for other people.

Because too many people say, I don't want to get married nowadays.

Or my parents got a divorce and their parents got a divorce and his parents got a divorce.

I don't even want to try to get married, but just live together or do this or that.

So yeah, you can have some pda, but just the sloppy agape.

Then get behind the bushes.

Okay.

Get a hotel room.

Go get a room.

Cultivate would be.

Cultivate romance.

That would be a second thing.

Yes.

And that would mean like you plan dates together, you celebrate anniversaries, you write loving notes, you get thoughtful gifts.

I like that idea.

Right.

I didn't hear you.

Oh yeah, you did.

Uh huh.

Or you surprise your spouse with small acts that communicate.

You're special to me, that is.

A third way would be speak words of admiration, right?

Yes.

Tell your spouse.

Tell them.

Don't just think it.

Tell them.

Tell your spouse they're attractive and appreciated and loved.

Take time out to tell.

Genuine compliments can deepen romantic affection.

Affection she didn't take.

What's another one, dear?

I know what you think.

So anyway, number four here is make time for one another man, I hear so much.

I'm busy, I'm busy.

I'm so busy.

We got a podcast on that.

Busy schedules can crowd out romance.

Imagine that spending uninterrupted time together will keep your relationship emotionally and romantically connected.

So quit being so busy all the time, okay?

Because if you're too busy, this next one's not going to happen.

Yeah.

Enjoy sexual intimacy within marriage.

Sexual intimacy is a God given gift for us to enjoy.

It's an expression of love, trust.

I mean, you're giving your body to your spouse.

You.

Your expression of love, it's unifying, it's mutual delight.

So it's not just merely a physical act.

People can have sex, but God wants us to make love.

And plus, you know what?

It can feel really, really good.

All right, number six one, protect your relationship.

Avoid anything that weakens the romantic love that you have going on.

That might be pornography coming in.

Emotional affairs or physical affairs maybe Definitely flirting outside the marriage.

Heard somebody the other day talking about their Alexa.

Started flirting with the husband because he always talked real nice to Alexa and.

She started talk to back.

Alexa would talk really sweet.

She's like, alexa is flirting with my husband.

How dare she?

Yeah, she took, she took that baby out of the room.

Yeah, she did.

She removed it.

That's exactly what she did.

She took the Alexa out.

So protect your relationship, even from robots, so to speak.

There you go, listening to negative people regarding your marriage.

Maybe people are around at work or church or somewhere, they're just bad mouthing marriage.

Or maybe they start you, you share something with them.

They say, you know what, you need to go ahead and divorce that person.

You just need.

Yeah, they give you negative.

I wouldn't do that of my husband.

Whatever.

Instead, put your intentions on your spouse and put your romantic energy on your spouse and not other things or listening to other people.

And finally, number seven, we talked about this earlier.

Combine Eros with agape love and then all the other ones.

Because you know what your romantic feelings, because they're feelings, right?

Yeah.

Naturally come and go throughout the day, throughout the month.

Now, that doesn't mean you don't have it, but that's part of life.

But when you choose to love, forgive and serve and honor your spouse, that will help keep your relationship strong.

Because what happens if you're not serving or you're not, or you're not loving with your words, action, and deeds, then that can put a big damper on your relationship.

So keep your loving actions going to rekindle the romance.

Yeah.

So, well, let's go into romance.

Well, let me just say this.

Back in episode 33, we do go into romance in more detail.

So check out that episode.

We will put these in the show notes for you.

Okay.

And also we talk about sex in more detail in episodes 34 through 38.

Episode 12 talks about the kiss.

Yes.

And episode 68 talks about the power of holding hands.

Now, and the.

The.

The podcast episode that we did on the kiss is probably the most listened to.

Listen to.

Yeah, almost all of them.

That's interesting, but it's really good.

All right, so love that keeps on loving.

Well, Eros is emotional love.

It's not an act of the will.

It can change in intensity or sometimes even die out.

But the health of Eros love, it's a response to the application of the other types of love.

Like Greg said earlier, they all work together.

You got to put them all together now.

Mastering the art of loving.

I like that.

Mastering the art.

Yeah.

Lover.

Are you a master lover?

That's right.

Our goal is to help you have a master's degree in loving your spouse.

Oh, I like that.

Oh, write that down.

That's a good one.

I might use that.

This happens by putting on love and being properly dressed for love.

So we talk about what to wear and what not to wear.

And some of our other episodes, check them out and develop your skill, you know, make it your.

Your skill House.

Like you said, master, be a master at loving.

Yeah.

First years of a marriage, I guess we're kind of apprentices.

We're learning.

Yeah.

But at.

The longer you are married, the better all of it gets.

If you're applying God's principles to the word of God.

That's right.

Otherwise you get meaner.

And we don't want that.

No.

So two scriptures that back this up is Ecclesiastes 9, 9 through 10, which we talk about is part of it says to love your spouse daily so you can enjoy your marriage and enjoy your life.

And it says, whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might in verse 10.

So that's what we're talking about.

Listen to these different areas of love and then develop them, work on them.

Become a master at loving.

It's fun to do.

It takes work.

It takes time.

But you know what the rewards?

Orgasmic.

Literally.

They're wild.

It's all worth.

Wow.

And Colossians 3:14 says, Put on love.

And we've talked about this in a lot of episodes.

Hadn't really hit it that much on these ones we're doing on love.

But every morning when you get up, put on love.

Put on your agape love, which is selfishness.

Put on your romantic love l. Ross and put on the other loves.

You have to be intentional when you do that.

Yeah.

If you start going around the house and you're getting aggravated or you're just in a bad mood and you're not really responding to your spouse the way you're.

You're supposed to or need to go, wait a minute, I got to go change clothes real quick.

Just take a few moments and say, all right, I need to put on love.

Now would be a great time to write my husband a love note and put it in his.

His backpack as he.

So when he goes to work, he can pull it out that says, I can't, and it says, I can't wait for you to get home tonight.

All right.

So you just got to put on love.

Set up that environment for love to grow.

Right?

Sets up an environment.

Yeah.

So become a master lover.

Now, example we've talked about a couple of times is a car with six cylinders.

Okay.

We're talking about.

We've got six words that we're looking at.

We've covered four of them now.

And there.

There's four.

They're all six of them.

In a car, if you have one cylinder that's not working properly, you got a spark plug that's misfiring in it, that car is going to sputter.

It's not going to run good.

It's going to get bad gas mileage, and it's going to sputter.

It may move, but it's not going to be a pleasant ride.

Well, that's what's going to happen in your marriage.

If you're not applying these six principles of God's love for your marriage, your marriage is going to sputter.

You may be moving along, but it's not going to be a smooth ride.

You may not make it to your destination.

So apply these.

And again, phileo is warm friendship and companionship.

We talked about that.

It's a good one.

Being best friends.

That one's really interesting.

Eros.

That's Your romantic and physical attraction, storge we talked about just this previous episode is natural family affection.

It's you and your husband having a sense of belonging, security, and it goes more in it than just that.

Agape is that selfless love, sacrificial love that seeks the other's highest good.

Epithemia is a strong desire, a strong longing and craving and earnest passion to be with your spouse.

We haven't hit that one yet.

And ohava, it means commitment, devotion, affection and self giving concern.

And we hit that one pretty good in episode 69 and 70 and Agape is coming up.

And that one, we're going to go in real good detail when that one comes up, so make sure you're listening.

But make sure all six cylinders in your marriage are working properly so you can be married and love it the way God wants you to.

Well, when all six are present, then marriage becomes more than just a romantic relationship.

It becomes that lifelong covenant that's marked by friendship, affection, commitment, and Christlike love.

Now in our next episode, we're going to be talking about what happens if you have lost that loving feeling.

How's that song go?

I'm not even going to lost that loving feeling.

That's right, because a lot of times in the marriages you may lose that loving feeling or maybe, maybe you're just slipping back.

So we're going to talk about how you slip, slide and bring the love back.

Because you know what?

Learn to love your spouse again.

Do what you did in the beginning.

So I'm looking forward to that episode.

It's going to be really good.

It is.

Well, a few honey do's, honeydews.

Just a few horny dues.

No funny, funny dudes.

No honey dudes.

All right.

All the above.

All of it.

You can have some honey involved and that can make her really good.

Could be fun, funny, honey, tasteful.

All right, let's move on.

You the seven practical ways of love.

Okay, well, we haven't covered all the seven practicals.

Yeah, we did.

We.

Okay, yeah, we did talk about that.

Evaluate how you may be applying them in your marriage.

Now, you can just do it on your own or you can get your spouse involved with you.

Number two, ask on a sale.

Ask yourself on a scale.

On a scale of 1 to 10, ask yourself and your spouse, how would you rate your Eros love?

Yes.

Just go through and read that definition or listen to it again or look at the transcript and you can kind of look at that and say, how are we doing?

Or you can probably figure that out on your own.

You know what?

I don't think we have the spark and the spice and the passion that we could have.

We're at a four.

I think we could get these till seven or eight.

So just ask yourself, you know, and.

Then, I mean, you might think that everything is all like on a 10 or more and your spouse might be thinking three or four.

Yeah, yeah.

So it's just good to communicate.

I guarantee you if you ask this, the wife, she may think it's up to a and some areas of seven or eight.

And the husband's thinking because maybe he's not having sex as much as he wants.

He may make it to three, although there's more to it.

So you got to get it all working together.

So then number three would be what can you do yourself or as a couple to improve on all this?

And then number four.

Yep, you all know it if you're listening regular listener.

But it's the ten second kiss.

This is a great one for this topic.

Yeah, it is.

So find your spouse and say, hey Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds and just pull them over and give them a good old juicy kiss.

You know, you don't know what can happen, especially after you've been listening to these podcasts on love.

So watch out.

But just give them that 10 second kiss and change your day.

You know what, we love to hear from you guys.

Your feedback, it matters to us.

We want to hear about your comments, if there's any questions you might have and there's topics that you would like us to discuss in our future podcast.

We want to hear from you.

Send us a text or voicemail, even email us.

We got the phone number and email address in our show notes.

If you have a request for prayer, please don't hesitate to reach out to us.

We love to pray.

So once again, thanks for joining us and I hope that you've gotten inspired by, like, today's message.

We're going to see you next time.

And until then, remember this, you can.

Be married and love it on purpose.