EP 75. Marriage Quickie Bonus; 5 Impactful Habits to Set off Fireworks in Your Marriage

Foreign welcome to the Married in Love it podcast.

We are Greg and Linda Smith, your host from Raleigh, North Carolina.

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In this episode, we're going to be giving you a marriage quickie bonus 5 impactful habits to set off fireworks in your marriage.

Oh, it's going to be good.

Lots of fireworks coming from this one.

I just want to explain something about our marriage quickie.

When we started doing about four episodes or five episodes ago, we were going out of town for a conference and that went great.

And we called it a quickie because we thought they were going to be about five, maybe 10 minutes long.

But our quickies are longer quickies.

They've been about 20 minutes, give or take compared to our regular 30 to 45 minute podcast.

So they're still quickies even though they're only 20 minutes.

But so to get on with with this, our quickie, we're going to talk about impactful habits to set off fireworks in your marriage like they brought up.

And our foundation scripture that we use for the married and Love it podcast is Ecclesiastes 9:9 which says enjoy life with your wife.

And we put in there with your spouse whom you love all the days of your life.

See, that's God's plan to for your marriage, is that you're enjoying it.

It should be a, it should be wow.

It should be something that is fun, fulfilling, romantic, sizzling, a relationship with your spouse that is rewarding and God, that's what God's plan is for you.

So right now, if you're not experiencing that, you can, even if your spouse isn't on board all the way.

If you start putting on love like we talk about, if you start doing this, these five habits that we're going to talk and there's more habits than these five, but these are five keys that you can do that they'll help bring fireworks into your marriage because your spouse is going to respond to love.

And that's what we're going to be talking about.

So this is God's plans.

Well, yeah.

These habits come from our 4th of July weekend newsletter where we talked about not just watching the fireworks, but also creating some fireworks in your own marriage.

Well, because you know what?

Healthy marriages, they don't stay vibrant and have fireworks by accident.

Right, dear?

That's right.

You know, they flourish when a husband and wife intentionally creates moments that bring delight, encouragement, and love into their relationship.

That's right.

You have to.

If you want to fire outside, if you're starting your grill up, you have to intentionally go over there and put the match to it, have the lighter fluid on there or turn on the gas valve.

It's intentional.

So we have to do a little bit of work to get that fire going.

And that's what these five habits are going to involve.

And if you'll do these and begin and make habits out of them, you can start a fire or keep the fire going in your marriage.

Because if you've got a good marriage, it's like a fire that's going in your fireplace.

It can be going, put out a lot of heat, it's looking good.

And then all of a sudden that fire begins to dim.

And maybe you're caught up in a good movie or a good show or just sitting around talking, drinking your coffee.

And if you don't pay attention to it, what happens to that?

Fire starts to go out, it starts to go down.

You have to poke it.

So you have to poke it.

You gotta, you gotta put some more firewood in there.

You gotta get some more kindling maybe to keep it going.

Well, that's why we're calling these habits.

If you'll work on these five habits and stay aware of them, then you stand a better chance of not having that spark go out, your flame of romance to die down.

Because it takes work.

But I'll tell you what, it's worth it.

So let's start with number one.

It's called the number one habits, called the spark of appreciation.

In other words, in your marriage, tell your spouse something that you that you genuinely admire about them.

Even if you got to dig deep to find something, there is something good that your spouse does.

If all they do is get up and go to work in the morning and bring home some finances, or they get up and take care of the kids, and then a lot of days the wife is going to work.

Just say, I appreciate that if you can't think of anything else.

But I know if you dig down, you can find things about your spouse that you like, in other words, catch them doing something good and tell them about it.

You know, your spouse can't read your mind.

You may think you have the best wife, and maybe you tell people at work or at church or wherever you're at.

But you know what your spouse needs to hear what you see them doing, how much you appreciate it, and what it means to you and to your marriage.

Maybe it's how they handle the kids.

To say, man or husband, wife, you do such a good.

Well, you would say their name.

Hey, hey, Linda, you do such a great job with our kids or with our grandkids.

Now, maybe it's they opened a car door for you.

Maybe they opened the door for you going into a building.

Say, man, I really appreciate it when you help me go in the door.

Or you just show respect to me by opening the.

And how you honor me.

When you open the car door, maybe you can say, you know what, what I really love about you, dear, is that when we sit down and talk, you put your phone down and you listen to me while I'm talking.

That just means the world to me.

See, don't assume they already know.

And I already think I said this.

They can't read your mind.

So again, catch them doing something good and let them know and appreciate them and give them that.

That, man, I just love this.

When you do that, that's going to go a long way.

Your words have the power to brighten up their life and to bring joy to them and bring healing.

Because they may be wondering, do I even make a difference in this marriage?

Am I.

Am I having any type of impact?

Does my wife or husband really even love me?

Are they appreciating me?

But when you say something, I love it when you do this or thank you for doing this, that brings.

Can bring healing and put a spark in their eyes and in their life.

Because your words are powerful.

They are a spark.

You know what?

This is something that's a habit that should be done and daily, probably even hourly.

That's true.

You know, and another one is to ignite quality time.

Number two, ignite quality time.

Now, we're going to have to make time for that quality time, right?

Yes.

And then, like you mentioned, dear, put away the distractions when you're together.

That just.

That really sets off the quality time or not, you know, and when you.

Think about distractions, yeah, you could be in a restaurant, you've got your cell phone down, but you look up and there's a TV screen right above where you.

Yes, you're so easy to get caught up over there, or you just start looking around at the other people.

What are you focusing on?

When you go to a restaurant, a lot of times it can be very amusing.

It is very.

So it's little things like that.

So another thing with quality time, just some suggestions is take a walk together.

You're walking, talk, enjoy some ice cream, or, you know, just sit on the porch together and talk.

But the point being here is your greatest gift to your spouse is often your undivided attention.

So make time.

As Linda said, ignite.

See that word ignite?

Yeah.

That's like when you.

You have the gas grill there and you turn that valve on and you put that match there, it ignites.

Well, when you have quality time with your spouse, you're igniting God's plan in your marriage for it to be fun and rewarding, to be fulfilling for your spouse and for yourself.

And Linda said, take a walk.

Now, that sounds so simple, but it.

We see more and more people walking.

But I remember Linda and I used to walk every day for 30, 40 minutes every day after we'd get home from work or whatever we're doing.

And because of Linda's health conditions, we can't get out and walk like that anymore because it's very hard for her to walk outside.

Sometimes she'll get walking sticks.

And we're trying to get where she can even do that.

I mean, she can walk, but to go out and walk around a neighborhood with all the obstacles, it's almost impossible.

But you know what?

You never know how something so simple can be taken for granted.

That's true.

I just want to encourage you when you have those five, ten minutes, maybe.

Maybe it's the.

Go get an ice cream.

We got one, a place called Sweet Frogs here in Raleigh on our side of town.

And the other day, Linda said, hey, we're going by that Sweet Frogs.

We were out getting groceries or doing something, so you want to go by there and get.

Get a.

A yogurt?

And I said, yeah.

And we just.

Just took 10 or 15 minutes out of our activities to go have that time to sit down and have some yogurt or whatever it is you like, because you got to take advantage of those moments because you don't know what could come in and steal that from you.

And then you don't know how much you gain from just 5, 10, 20 minutes having that time together.

So ignite that quality time in your life.

The next one is, you want to do this.

Some of your time is light up.

Your communication, light it up.

Well, like Greg said, go past the details of life.

That, that would mean like when you're just, you know, communicating about the doctor appointments or you're communicating about the kids sports schedule or, you know, the K schedule.

Just communicate.

That's the whole thing.

But be sure that you listen.

You got to listen well, that's part of the communication skills.

And we've got some episodes that dive deep into communication.

So we'll tell you about what those episodes are and you can do that.

Choose kindness in your communication.

Boy, that's important, right?

Speak with gentleness.

A lot of times, Linda, communication.

See, there's the communication of details of life.

And I believe Linda said, but it's also when you sit down at times and just share your heart with one another, right?

What's going on in your heart.

And then a lot of times what lights up that communication is if, if Linda says, well, how was your Bible study today, Greg?

And I go, oh, it was good, it was fine.

That's all.

But she, then she can go, well, what did you get from that?

How did it speak to you?

What did you learn that.

So when you're communicating, remember to ask questions.

That's, that's part of lighting up your communication, asking questions.

But don't, don't stay on.

Just nuts and bolts.

Start getting to your, start getting into your heart and stuff.

And what got me to start talking again is speak with gentleness.

Sometimes my tone, I get excited or maybe I'm aggravated, I don't know.

But my, my voice can come off with a tone.

And Linda says, you're toning me you're tone in me.

And that, believe me, that, what that does is put a blanket on anything that's getting ignited right there, right?

Scripture There is Proverbs 16:24.

It says gracious words are like a honeycomb sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

Oh, that's so powerful.

That says it right there, doesn't it?

If anywhere in your day, your home should be where you're going to get these sweet words and get healthier body because of the gracious grace's words come out.

The words of love, of affirmation, of somebody sharing the heart that should be building you up and edifying you and blessing you.

True.

Well, number four, celebrate your blessings.

You know, take a few minutes to remember God's faithfulness throughout your marriage.

Reflect on the prayers that he's answered, the challenges that he's carried you through, and blessings you've experienced together on your marriage.

Journey, like providing a new job, maybe healing for a sick child or getting a job layoff.

You know, getting.

Getting through it.

Through it.

Right.

The.

Maybe you've had a loss of a family member, anything like that.

But just reflect back and, and just talk about how God has blessed you and been faithful to you and your marriage, you and your husband, your wife together.

On that.

It.

Grant.

Grant gratitude.

Having an attitude of gratitude that fuels joy and hope.

Yeah.

And when you do this, it builds faith for the future.

It does.

So when another.

Another challenge in your marriage comes up, you know, you can say, well, God, guide us through this.

God took care of that.

God healed this.

God provided that.

He's going to take care of us now.

And a lot of people will do this on their anniversaries.

Yeah.

You know, it's our anniversary.

They'll look back.

But this is stuff you can do during the year on a regular basis just to say, man, God got us through this.

He just is so faithful and.

And celebrate those things.

Don't take them for granted.

You know what?

Other people.

Those are things you can share to other people.

Let your light shine and give God glory and you can be a.

You can be a ministry to other people.

That's right.

Area.

That's right.

So celebrate your blessings like Linda said.

And number five, habit.

The fan is fan the flames of love.

All right.

This is a fun one.

You know, really what it's about is about small acts of affection that make a big difference.

We're not talking about just giving your spouse a quick little pat on the backside and.

And maybe you get lucky tonight.

No, that's not what we're talking about.

Although that can happen, but that's not what we're talking about.

Small acts of affection, hold hands.

We did an episode about five or six episodes ago about the power of holding hands, and I encourage you to listen to that.

It's really powerful about this, reaching over and grabbing your spouse's hand, or you're sitting down somewhere and just put your hand on their hand or on their knee or their thigh.

Physical touch is so important.

Write them a note.

Write a note.

Put it in their briefcase or on the.

The mirror.

You can write it with a erasable mark marker.

Write them.

Send them a text, call and say, I love you.

We've talked about that before.

Offer and give your spouse an unexpected hug.

You're just walking down the hallway, you're walking to the kitchen, and just give them a good hug.

Not because you want something, but just because you want to fan the flames.

Yes.

Pray together.

You know, prayer doesn't sound like it's a physical thing.

It's a love thing.

But I tell you what, in a marriage relationship, yeah, it is romantic, it's powerful, it's uniting, it brings intimacy.

Pray together.

Even if you're scared to do that, you don't feel secure enough to do that.

Pray together.

And I'll tell you what, when you're doing a lot of these habits, it's gonna, it's gonna bring healing to your relationship.

It's gonna strengthen your relationship.

It's going to where people are.

They don't feel secure in a relationship.

And as you're doing this, it's going to bring that security in there.

People are going to feel safe and you're just going to have fun.

But you know what, when you say when you're doing these things to your spouse, the fan, the flames of love, you're saying, I still choose you.

Yeah.

Be romantic.

And we did.

We've done a whole episode on that.

Matter of fact, one of the little nuggets we just did was on being romantic.

And while you're doing all this, why not throw some forgiveness in as well?

It may be you've had a little spat that morning a couple days ago, but hopefully it wasn't a couple days ago and you're still mad.

But deal with it.

Release forgiveness.

Do not let resentment and unforgiveness come in because it will flat knock out the rest of these because of what it'll do to your attitude and how you feel.

So fan the flames of love.

You got anything on that one or anything else here?

Okay, he said a good thing.

All right, so in closing to this little marriage quickie, all right, Number one, spark appreciation.

Number two, ignite quality time.

Light up communication.

Celebrate the blessings, Fan the flames of love.

Enjoy your marriage and let the fireworks begin.

Yes.

All right, now a couple honey do's.

Number one, what can I do this week that will make my spouse feel loved?

Think about that.

Number two, how can I encourage them this week?

Number three, what is one intentional habit that could ignite joy in your relationship?

Ask yourself these three questions.

And what's number four, dear?

Number four, if you've listened to us for a while, you know what it is?

It's the ten second kiss.

That's.

It should be a habit that, that daily, if you can find your spouse before you go to work or before you go start doing chores or whatever it is and say, come here, sweetheart or honey or hunk of burning love, and just say, come on over here, set your timer for 10 seconds and lay a good one on them for 10 seconds at least.

And let that be something to prime the pump for the rest of the day.

Get that 10 second kiss in.

Make sure you do it well.

Your feedback really does matter to us and so we'd love to hear your comments.

We want to answer your questions and learn what topics you'd like us to discuss.

Maybe you have some that you're thinking, oh yeah, I'd love to hear them cover this in some podcast episodes.

So let us know about all that now.

You can text us, voicemail us, or email us.

And all of that information is going to be in our show notes.

Yeah.

So if you have a request for prayer, don't hesitate to reach out to us.

We love getting to pray for you and your marriage.

That's right.

So thanks for joining us today.

We hope you've gotten inspired by today's message.

If you have, then share it with someone else and we're going to see you next week.

And until then, remember this, you can be married and love it on purpose.