EP 73. Marriage Quickie (3 of 4); A Lifestyle of Romance

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We are Greg and Linda Smith, your hosts from Raleigh, North Carolina.

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Hey, thanks for joining us today to get your weekly dose of married and love it.

Your booster shop for the week.

And today we're going to be doing our third marriage quickie and that's going to be on romance.

Well, romance should be a lifestyle, not just the one day a year event.

Happy Valentine's Day.

That yeah, it should be year round event or not just when you want something.

All right.

Point at comment maybe.

Okay.

All right, Romance fan, the Flame.

We're excited to get into this one.

Now we've had one on the God factor.

Getting God working in your marriage, trusting him to help you overcome and have the best marriage.

That's primary number two is learning how and being effective communicator communicators on a regular basis.

And now we're going to talk about romance because you got to have the first two going so the romance will take full effect on you.

Okay, so what we're going to do is talk about first for a moment is what is romance?

And this is a quickie.

So that sounds kind of funny about having a quickie when you're dealing with romance.

But that can happen.

All right, Romance fan, the Flame.

Romance is hard to define.

The following definitions kind of maybe capture the meaning of it.

So think about what it means to you.

It can be a mood, a setting, an action or event.

It's a relationship or a period of time.

Romance is a love story, a love affair.

It's a prince charming winning the heart of the princess and then keeping it.

Romance breaks up the monotony that many relationships find themselves in and add zest, anticipation and exciting moments.

Well, romance also is companionship.

Intimacy.

Intimacy.

And that's the non sexual type.

Okay.

With a little bit of sex.

Sorry.

Okay.

A sense of belonging.

It's the desire to be the object of another person.

Desire and love.

It's being best friends.

Romance is a life demonstrated daily in big and little ways by expressions that show love, care and compassion.

How do we do that, dear.

Okay, we're going to get into that now.

Something she just said.

It's.

It's being best friends.

And we're doing a series on genuine love.

Six ways that we can show love to our spouse.

And you know what?

We're looking at some of the definitions of love.

And actually, romance is one way that you show love to your spouse.

It's a core of your marriage relationship.

So romance, if.

If you say, you know what, I'm not romantic.

We don't need romance.

You know what?

You're robbing your marriage from something.

It needs to be all it can be.

So this is a really.

We can say, oh, this is just fluffy flowers and in lighting candles and getting ready for whatever.

You know, it's part of what so much more.

It's just that, yeah, it's something that your relationship has to have.

So a person's relationship might even be romantic, but they just don't realize it because they have not defined what true romance really is.

Right.

Yeah.

You may not know what romance really is.

So we're going to look at some different ways you can express romance.

First of all is verbally express your love.

Other words, tell your spouse that you love them.

Tell them all the time, how much do you do it all the time?

Express your love and appreciation by praising them.

Not just once a week or once a month.

Find things, be aware, notice positive, positive things about their character, and then notice the things that they're doing.

And don't criticize.

Sometimes people, all they get is criticize.

You didn't do this, right?

You.

You didn't put the trash can back, right?

How come you didn't take the trash cans out?

Whatever it is, find the positive praise.

You can never give somebody too much praise and then brag on them, be their number one fan.

Well, I'm going to just add a little bit to what you just said before we move on.

But, you know, when we're praising them, you know, we think it's a lot of times that we're grateful.

Yeah, that's.

But we don't verbally express it.

So I think that's a good thing.

You know, to, to bring out is, you know, when you see your spouse doing something and you really are grateful and appreciate it, tell them about it.

That is, that is your spouse doesn't know what.

You're not going to be able to read your mind.

So they want to.

You know, we're easy, we're quick to criticize, but we need to be quick.

The praise just like Catch them doing something good.

Yes.

And tell them about it.

So another area is to walk the talk.

You know, if you say I love you, well, okay.

Demonstrate that love actions speak louder than words.

And love is sacrificing.

It's self giving.

It's putting the other person first.

It's going that extra mile to serve them.

It, it feels, focuses on the one loved with the thought of self as secondary.

So what can you be, what can you do to be romantic?

Like this walk in the talk.

It's being creative on how you express your love.

Yeah.

So when it says, what can you do to be romantic?

Get creative.

That's right.

And do it.

There you go.

All right.

The next one is spouse awareness.

In other words, listen to your spouse or what their likes or dislikes are.

So when they, when, when you're listening, you're showing love.

And we talked about this in communication.

But when you're listening to your spouse, you know, you can pick up hints on how to treat them, especially in the area of romance.

You might say they see something in the movie and say, oh, that's romantic.

Or I heard what sister so and so's husband did for her.

That really is nice.

Or just listen to.

I remember years ago when Linda was not as sensitive to smells, she used to love a certain type of candle.

It was a French vanilla candle delight.

Yankee candle.

Yankee or something like that.

Yeah.

But there was only one type of candle that would work.

And I would remember, I would go out to the store and I would be looking for that candle because why I listened and I heard her talk about it.

So listen to the things that are romantic for them.

Because sometimes what's romantic for you may not be romantic for them.

That's true.

Make mental notes of their con comments and act on it.

Yeah, notes itself.

Right.

And when you listen, it shows you that your spouse is special when they know you're listening.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

So daily, say I love you.

Throughout the day, say I love you.

Express your love by what you say and do.

For wife men, this can actually be a form of foreplay or making love.

It really is.

That's very special.

Yeah.

I'm listening, dear.

So what we've done is gone through a day and it has like, morning, afternoon, while you're at work, while you're at home, little things that you can do.

Now our list has got a lot more than what we're going to share because this is a quickie.

We're not going into a lot of examples and a lot of detail on all of this because this is supposed to be a short podcast.

Yes.

Yeah.

So one thing for daily is when you wake up in the morning, start the day with the kiss and hug.

How many people start off with their to do list already telling their spouse what to do here and there, Sometime in the morning, find them, give them a kiss and hug.

All right.

And you know, fix breakfast or a cup of coffee.

If it's tea, fix a cup of tea for your spouse and bring it to them.

You know, have it right there for them.

Or bring them their Bible or some reading material, whatever it is that they like.

Yeah.

And it now we said kiss when you first get up and have a hug.

That's good.

That sets the pace.

When you get up in the morning, make sure you do that.

You know, hold your breath if you haven't brushed your teeth or something, but give them that kiss.

But once you get ready to walk out the door, give them that 10 second kiss that we talk about all the time.

That's right.

Send your spouse off by saying, I can't wait for you to get home.

Let them know, slap them in the butt as they walk out the door.

Yeah, do that.

But don't go, I can't wait for you to get home because I got.

This list of honeydews for you to take care of.

You know, do the 10 second kids and say, man, I cannot wait for you to get home tonight.

Get creative in the morning.

All right, next one.

Say your wife is.

Or spouse is working.

Yeah.

Call, just call and send them a text.

Or send them a text and say I love you.

Just do that.

And we've talked before.

I just called, just called to tell you I love you.

Yeah.

That's all.

Take time to do that.

Yeah.

Call or text them and let them know that you're cooking their favorite meal.

Yeah.

They will be salvering at their mouth all until they can get home to get that meal.

So.

Or you can even say call and tell them wherever they're at at work, and this could be husband, wife, both, go both directions.

But just say, you know what, the kids are gone tonight, they're going to a party and we're going to be home.

I cannot wait.

We have an hour.

You know, think even while you're doing different things, how can you be romantic.

Now if your spouse is at home, person, call and text them.

When you're at home, call them and text them and say, I love you there.

That's right.

Yeah.

And if, if they're home and you're at Work, let's say.

Call and say, hey, babe.

Hey, dear.

Whatever, whoever who's home cooking say, don't cook tonight.

I want to take you out to eat tonight.

Oh, I got a special place.

That idea.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I like that.

I got a coupon.

Okay.

All right.

And then.

Or just say, hey, hey there.

I'm on my way home tonight.

Is there anything you need me to stop at the store and get for you?

Yeah, that'd be nice.

You just call and ask and then probably say no or maybe yes, but then.

And then while you're in the store, you might even think of something else to get them, like a card or a flower or.

Or whatever.

So next.

Very, very true homecoming.

Okay?

That's when you're coming home.

Well, when your spouse is coming home, say you're already home.

Drop what you're doing.

Get off the phone.

Greet your man.

Greet your spouse.

Ladies, greet your man and let them know that you're glad he's home.

Go open the door for him.

If you're where you're able to do that, you know, that's a way to let them know they're special.

Yeah, men are.

Arborhook.

Yeah, this is for the men.

When you.

When you come home from work, maybe your wife's already home from work or she's a stay at home mom.

The first thing you need to do is find your wife.

Not the dog or the remote or your laptop.

Find your wife and just say, hey, I'm so glad to be home.

And give them a big old hug or a big old kiss and say, hey, what can I do to help you?

If you see they're kind of flustered or something, just say, what can I do to help you before we eat dinner or whatever your routine is.

All right, you know, the.

The reason, and we teach this in more depth, but the reason a lot of men will go find their dog is because the dog has found them.

Yeah.

And that dog is just wagging their tail.

So, women.

What if we were doing what the dogs are doing?

We'd get scratched behind the ears, wouldn't we?

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I can hear it right now.

Especially for the stay at home moms.

And I understand this because I stayed home one time for the kids the whole summer while Linda was at work and I was home.

I was so glad when school started.

But, you know, we can go.

You know what?

I am so tired.

I don't want to do all this, but you know what?

It's.

It's not that you have to do it.

It's.

You get to do it.

That's it.

Because your man or your wife is coming home.

And yeah, maybe you're tired and worn out, but you know what?

You take a minute, 2 minutes, 10 minutes to greet them at the door.

Or if they get in before you can get to the door, you grab their bag or, or whatever and say, hey, I'm so glad you're home.

What can I, can I get you a Coke?

Can I get you a cup of coffee?

Or whatever your routine is.

And just take those few minutes to welcome them home, give them a little kiss and, and just be there and let them know you're glad to see them and not hit them with all the junk from the day or what the kids did or what your boss did.

Have time just to let them know they're special and you're glad to see them.

You're fan in that flame of romance when you do that.

Yes.

Right?

Yeah.

Together hours.

Okay, well, make time to sit and talk about the day.

That's the reconnecting.

Yeah.

That we talk about so much.

And like Greg just said, serve each other with a snack, a glass of wine, maybe a special treat with cheese and crackers or just something like that to take the edge off before dinner's ready.

Just some, some little, little thing like that, or it makes such a difference.

During the day, you could, you can just bring a snack.

The other day I was in the office or in our studio here finishing up or working on, on some type of paperwork, and it was taking some time, actually.

We were getting ready, I think, to go for our trip.

We're getting ready to go on.

And I've been in here working on stuff and she brought in two or three little treats for me.

Totally caught me off guard and said, here, I want you here, I brought this for you.

And that just blessed me that she thought about me.

She took the time and energy to do that, and I enjoyed it.

Little things like that score a lot of points and just fan the flames of romance.

And if you get.

Be home, if you get home before the other person, be it male or female, and you see the wash needs to be changed out or dinner's not started, put your stuff down, go change the wash out or maybe start dinner.

Take the initiative.

So when that other person gets home, they walk in the door, they're thinking, oh, I gotta start dinner.

Oh, I got this to do and I got to do.

And they come home and you have already started doing whatever it is, and they're Gonna go, my hero.

Male or female?

That's right.

You've taken a burden off of them.

And then another one when you're home to get for together hours.

Again, this we're kind of talking about when you're home all day, maybe together, look good for each other.

I know a lot of times we're around the house, we got our comfy clothes on, we're kind of got our grubbies on.

We're working.

But sometimes just.

Just put a nice shirt on or a nice blouse, put a nice pair of pants on or nicer sweats and just look nice while you're walking around the house.

It can change the atmosphere and just bring a little spark in there.

So.

Yeah, so do that.

Next is anytime.

We call it anytime.

Surprises.

Just out of nowhere.

Send a love note just because.

Just because.

Do a sticky note.

I like this one for me.

But play love songs when you're in the car together or around the house.

Say, hey, I got this love song, and just play it.

A lot of times those old love songs from when you're dating and such, they can bring back memories and they can stir up romantic times that you have and.

And just play them over the phone to each other.

Maybe just get creative.

Just be spontaneous with your love and your romance.

Yeah.

Like write notes on the mirror with a soap bar or not the permanent markers, but the expo markers.

You can write on the mirror like that.

Yeah.

Or, you know, sometimes I see stuck.

One time I stuck on.

If you lift up the toilet seat in Greg's bathroom, I stuck a sign on there that said, you're still the one.

I love you.

And I stuck it.

So whenever he went to do his thing, that's what he saw waiting for him.

Well, here's some other creativity that you got to get creative.

Right.

And so while you're out, what are some things while you're out shopping that you remember your spouse may have commented on?

And this could include knickknacks or snacks or a surprise of any sort or just a desire, a little need that they might have.

But think about your spouse.

Like when you're in the store, like, take the time to find something for them.

I remember Greg was out picking up some.

I don't know if he was getting some.

Something for dinner or whatever.

And he remembered that I love Oreo cookies.

And he picked up a thing of Oreo cookies and brought them into thins.

They were the Oreo thins.

That's right.

And Buddy brought them in and I think he wanted some too.

But that's okay.

I was willing to share.

But, you know, that was special that he remembered that I was really wanting an Oreo cookie and needed one.

No, I don't know about needed, but yeah.

So think about your spouse when you're out at the store and pick them up something special.

And yes, it takes time and effort to do these things while you're out or whenever.

Sometimes you just have to decide to be romantic.

And now we, we've done a lot of little simple things.

And romance is about all the little things, the big things.

It's the events.

It's going to a nice fancy restaurant.

Maybe it's one time I set up a portable pool in our bedroom to have a romantic time in the bedroom in a pool, waiting pool.

And that's another whole story.

Sometimes you go, can go to great detail to create, create romance.

But sometimes it's just that simple.

I love you and a hug.

But remember, when you're doing this, you're communicating that to your spouse that you thought about them, that you love them.

So as we close up this quickie on romance, let's look at commitment.

Commit to each other and yourself to bring the romance and freshness of love to your marriage all year around.

All right?

Don't wait for the other person to do it.

You do it first.

You know, we got to be realistic though, in all of this.

Yeah, there are going to be children and other responsibilities and every day is not going to be fireworks.

But it is a good goal to have allow your spouse room when they get tired, you know, just give them some space sometimes.

And if you see life is going too fast and your schedule and events, everything is just getting out of control and you're just going, going, going, then what you do is have the attitude, stop world and get off together.

Yes, things and people will always be there.

Sometimes you just got to stop, grab your spouse by the hand, so to speak, and go off and have some time away or go back in the back bedroom and sit down and talk and communicate and, and whatever may develop.

So commit to your spouse.

Commit to make your spouse feel special and know that you see them as valuable and precious.

After all, they're number one after God.

Now we break down romance and a lot more details in episode 33 and also touch on it in episodes, episodes 15 through 18.

Okay, well, we got some honeydews to work on.

Ask each other, number one, what their idea of romance is.

Ask your spouse what their idea of romance is.

Number two, take action to be romantic according to what they think is romantic.

What romance is and what's number three, dear?

All the time.

Number three is ten second Kiss.

Take time to do your ten second kiss in the morning.

Make it a daily habit to where you feel naked or incomplete.

If you don't get that kiss in.

Believe me, when you got the habit going, you miss it.

And it's something that can change your day.

So say, hey dear, come here.

Grab them by the cheeks and say hey Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds and just give them a good old wet one and enjoy.

That's right.

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Hope you got inspired by today's message.

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