EP 65. Dressing For Success in Your Marriage PT 2; What TO Wear

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Today we're going to be talking about dressing for success in your marriage.

And this is part two on what to wear.

All right, well, I'm excited about this podcast because it's going to be going to be helping us dress for success.

And last week in part one, we talked about not to wear.

We covered your outer clothes.

And that wasn't our main topic on it, but we brought that up as examples and such.

But we talked about how our outer clothes can impact your marriage by what you wear around the house and when you're with your spouse.

But more importantly than what you put on the outside, we talked about your internal clothing, which is more about who you are and how you act around and towards your spouse.

So in other words, what you're saying is, are you showing up with your best internal clothing on that affects your spouse in a positive way?

Right?

Yes.

And creates an atmosphere that's enjoyable to be around.

Right.

So that's what you're saying, right?

That's right.

Because our outer clothes can impact us and they can like how we look or not.

But that inner clothing that we put on is so powerful.

Okay, well, here's an anonymous quote from part one, and it says dress for success is the modern equivalent of clothes make it the man.

It articulates the belief of what you wear matters in everyday life.

So we're going to be applying this principle on how we can dress in our marriage relationships internally and externally.

Yes.

And I got an example here from Ann Landers.

This thing is probably 40 years old.

I don't remember, but it's old.

But it says what we're talking about in a nutshell.

So I'm going to read this.

This is she's like, for you younger dudes, younger couples, it's it.

This is old question and answer type thing that was in the newspaper.

But she really hit the nail on the head on a lot of stuff.

But this is what one wife wrote into Ann Landers with her problem.

She goes, dear Anne Landers, the woman from Louisiana who offered her husband to anyone who would take him, described his virtues.

Now remember, again, remember, we're talking about external and internal clothing.

She said his virtues were a good family man, church going, in excellent physical condition.

He didn't drink, smoke, or gamble.

All right, now that's some of his character and such.

Then she listed his flaws.

Mean, selfish, critical, deceitful, miserly, demanding, rude, vain.

Sheesh.

Inflexible, unforgiving.

And she added, he sucks the joy out of life on a daily basis.

And she stayed with this guy for over 40 years.

And then she just throws in.

Anyone who wants this man's twin brother can find him in Cleveland.

I married him.

Married him.

And as an added a sedative.

Well, look right here, he plays the piano.

Wow.

Here's a, here's a husband who's got some good qualities going on in his life, but yet he's got some poor clothing going on in his life.

It makes him where he's sucking the joy out of life.

And we can't have that.

We can't have that.

And see one or two areas.

You can be doing good.

And I'm a good husband.

Yeah, I, I pray with my wife and my kids or a wife saying, I don't ever nag my husband.

I don't ever do this or that.

But if we got other areas in our internal clothing that aren't right, it can totally wipe out everything else.

We're doing good.

So one area can spoil your whole presentation with your spouse, with the way you're dressed on the inside.

So we're going to move on to the next part of this, but before we do that, a couple of little in house type announcements.

And we just wanted to encourage you to share this podcast, this episode with somebody that you think might enjoy it.

You see, we believe in the ripple effect.

We're, we're wanting to impact your marriage so that not only are you going to be blessed, but then you can go out and share with other people how your marriage is changing things and truths that you're learning that make your marriage better.

And by that, you, you can do that by sharing your experiences and sharing an episode or our podcast with them.

And then now you're spreading the love, so to speak, and that's called the ripple effect.

So we just ask you to, to share it.

You can go in the show notes and just share this episode with somebody and they can get it and be.

Blessed with your family, your friends.

I mean, we all know somebody.

Even if you got grown children, right, that's it.

Let us grant, do the teaching to them.

Right, where they may not listen to you.

Just say, hey, check out this podcast me and your dad or me and your mom are listening to.

We think you'll be blessed.

Yeah, that sounds great.

Well, in last week's show we talked about the TV show, now here again we're aging ourselves.

But the title of it was what not to Wear.

And that's where the TV hosts would take different people and they would get rid of their old wardrobe and set them up in a new wardrobe to dress them for success.

So the host got out all the clothes from the contestants closet, pulled them out, hung them up on a rack and threw them in a big trash can.

And then they started the process of trying to find the right clothes that would complement the person's body style and what their goals were so they would look their best.

So listen to that episode because that'll fill you in.

That's just a little touch, you know, to help remind you of what was the TV show about.

So in our we dealt with what not to wear for your internal dress.

Also in that last episode, remember, before.

Dressing for success, it is important to get rid of your old clothes, which we have talked about.

And just remember this, the old and new clothes don't mix well together as we looked at in the Ann Landers or article that I just read.

And this is also true for your inner clothing.

Now I just want to give you a little word picture.

Imagine a man who's got a brand new suit on, he's got a tie, and all of a sudden you're kind of looking at him thinking, man, this guy's looking pretty sharp.

And then all of a sudden you notice his shirt's all wrinkled or his tie doesn't match.

What happens to his overall appearance?

I know there's been a couple times I put on a suit coat or a sport coat and I looked down and said, man, I need to iron this shirt.

Because underneath that jacket you can just see all the, the wrinkles.

You know what it does, it takes away from that, that outfit and that's what happens.

And as we were trying to bring out with the Ann Landers article, you can have some areas where you're a sweetheart, you're just doing really good.

But I'll tell you what, if you got an anger problem, if you're Impatient.

And that comes out as a regular basis.

You may be, you may have taken out the garbage or cooked a great breakfast that morning and you picked up your dirty clothes.

But if that impatience showed up, if that anger showed up or a judging or critical spirit showed up, or you were just lazy or you're on the phone too long talking to your mom, you know what happens?

That whole appearance begins to look sloppy and it distracts from your overall appearance.

So our goal is not just to pick a couple of areas to change.

Just like Linda said in that TV show, they had to take that lady or man's whole wardrobe.

We mean everything that they would wear in public and dump it into a trash can and there would be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Not trying to harp on what to take off.

But sometimes it's hard for us to let go of our weaknesses because we were secure in them or we don't.

We, they don't bother us.

So we've got to do that with our inward clothes.

We got to take them off because it's going to mess up your whole appearance.

So as we're taking off your old clothes, still remember, you may have some good things going on, but they get wiped out when you're being rude and unkind to your spouse.

So let's move on.

Well, remember the Inlanders?

That's a good one.

And also if you missed episode 64, that talks a lot about this in part one, we're going to leave a link to it in the show notes for you.

Okay, now let's look what to wear.

Yes, we talked last time on what not to wear, but now we're going to talk about what to wear.

Just as the Bible tells us what not to wear, it also tells us what to wear so that we can look and be our best with our spouse to be attractive and desirable to them.

So just as we need to decide to take off our old clothes, we have to decide to put on our new clothes.

So this doesn't happen automatically for a while.

No, it's a decision.

We got to make that decision.

We have to make a choice.

It just don't make a choice.

Wake up one day and start putting on the right clothes.

Sometimes we know we got an issue.

We know we got the old clothes.

We have to decide.

That's right.

So here's some of the things that we want to put on.

These are the new internal clothing that we want to put on.

A heart of compassion, kindness, self control, humility, gentleness, patience, goodness, forgiveness, wholesome speech, tenderness, Joy, peace, faithfulness and encouragement.

Being harmonious, sympathetic, kind hearted and understanding.

And all of these can be found in Galatians 5, 22, 26 and Colossians 3, 12, 14.

And we got it.

We'll put those in the show notes as well for you.

We got to have a pretty good internal closet, don't we?

Tell us a big, not just a small closet, a big walk in closet.

Right.

We can do this.

We can.

And you know why?

We're going to tell you.

We're going to tell you how you can do this.

And by wearing these clothes, it creates a whole new look for you inside and out.

It's a decision, like we said, it's a decision that we put on.

It's a decision to take off.

It's a decision to put on.

But now here's one more piece of clothing that we need to put on.

The Bible instructs us by saying, beyond putting on the new clothes, which we just mentioned, we are to what, dear?

Put on love.

Colossians, ghosts and Galatians, as Linda said, goes into all that.

But in Colossians you can read a lot of these characteristics that she said.

But then the Bible says beyond all these things.

So going past compassion, kindness, self control, tenderness, all of those other things it says beyond that, put on love.

Love is like that overcoat or jacket or a blazer.

Say a lady puts together a whole outfit and then she'll put on this blazer.

Linda will put together an outfit.

It looks good, have the necklace there, everything looks good.

But then she'll put on a blazer that brings out all the colors.

It just brings everything together.

And what God is saying, you could be doing all these other things and doing good, but put on love.

It brings everything together.

And here's what that looks like.

It says not to be selfish, to regard your spouse as more important than yourself.

And don't merely look out for your own interest, but also for the interest of your spouse.

Yeah, that's found in Philippians 2, verses 2 through 4.

Wow.

Imagine that.

We can look like a million bugs.

We just have to make that decision.

And by taking off the old and putting on the new.

And yeah, it does take time.

Yes, it does take effort.

But we got to break the habit of wearing our old clothes and wearing our old nature.

Yeah.

And you know, Linda said it, we can look like a million bucks.

And usually if you look like a million bucks, as a rule, you probably spent some money to do that.

Now, one thing I appreciate about Linda, she can seek out and Find special.

So you don't have to spend a lot of money to look good with your regular street clothes on.

If you know how to shop.

I mean, some people will go to the Goodwill store, so there's no or second hand store.

They can get really good quality, some good stuff clothes.

Yeah.

So you can look like a million bucks.

But I'll tell you what, it does cost you something to look like a million bucks on the inside.

It does.

You have to die to yourself.

Yep, that's where love comes in.

Because love, says my wife, my husband's more important than what I feel and what I want.

I want to be a blessing to them.

I want to put on kindness and love and all of that type of stuff.

And you can say, well, I don't have a million bucks to spend on my inside.

I, well, you just die to yourself.

And yes, that can be harder than spending a million bucks for a lot of people.

But God said, and we brought this up last week, he says if you're a born again Christian, you have the God factor.

See, God paid the price for you to look good.

So you may think I got to spend, I got to change, I got to be nice to people.

And I'm not.

I'm not nice.

That's not my personality.

God equipped you to be nice.

God equipped you to be able to put on love.

Because it says of any man, be in Christ.

He's a new creation.

Old things are passed away.

Behold, new things have come.

And then he's giving you the Holy Spirit, which allows you and equips you to operate in the fruit of the Spirit.

And some of that's what we put up there in that whole list of things to put on.

So you can't make excuses to say, that's just not who I am.

I just cannot be patient.

I just can't forgive.

I can't do this.

Yes, you can.

Yes, because God paid the price.

You're worth a million bucks.

Your spouse is worth a million bucks.

And that's why we talk about getting the God factor.

Because with God you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

Yes, that can be doing some great big thing for God.

But more than anything, it's helping you to be a lovable person and helping you to love other people.

It gives you the power to change your worth wardrobe.

He equips you to do that.

He does.

And sometimes it is hard to let go.

Like Greg said of such things.

Like we might have an old ragged T shirt or a pair of jeans or maybe A pair of slippers or something.

It's just like, oh, like in that show, it was so funny because they were like, no, I don't want to let go.

I don't want to throw that away.

And they're, like, so comfortable.

Comfortable, right.

But I'm telling you what, if you begin to get the feeling of looking good as you're growing in this and, you know, you don't have to.

I mean, start with one thing.

Yes.

You know, it feels good being nice to people.

It feels good being kind to your spouse.

It feels good when you look sharp, and it builds confidence, but so does.

And that's the outside of us.

I just thought of something.

I mean, have you ever been somewhere and you.

You.

Maybe it's a cashier or stranger or even a friend, and you paid them a compliment or you open the door or you help them do something they were struggling with, and I say, oh, man, that just blessed me so much.

Thank you for what?

You thank you for helping me carry these groceries out or thank you for.

For taking care of this issue for me or for bringing the trash cans in.

These are neighbors or somebody.

And didn't you feel good?

Yeah.

That you made somebody smile?

Yeah.

That you made somebody happy.

You took a burden off of them.

Maybe you gave somebody just $5 and they needed that to buy gas or you bought somebody's dinner, and they are just appreciative.

And see, sometimes you don't even know how bad.

We don't realize.

And by your act of kindness and then they.

They thank you for that.

You just feel good.

You kind of puff your spiritual chest out.

And that's what Linda's about talking about here.

Just like when you've got a new outfit on, you know, you can get people that have been.

Haven't been able to have nice clothes and they get some new clothes.

Somebody blesses them with new clothes or to find a good deal, and they just kind of, man, I feel sharp.

I feel like I can take the world.

But when we feel like that on the inside, it's, look out, devil, and look out my wife, her husband.

I'm your lover, and I'm on my way because I'm.

I'm looking good and feeling good, and I want to bless you.

Yeah.

So here we go.

Ask your wardrobe consultant.

And that would be the Holy Spirit, right?

Yes.

So the Holy Spirit is going to show you what clothes that you need to take off.

And also another thing you can do is ask your spouse what clothes they might think you need to take Off.

Yeah.

And that could be outwardly or inwardly, right?

Yes.

Get a second opinion.

Oh, that's always good.

The Holy Spirit may come up and say, okay, let's go through your little closet.

And we talked about this in episode one, about finding the.

The clothes to throw away or get.

Rid of part one of this.

Part one?

Yeah.

Part one.

Yes.

Part one.

It could be, for example, Holy Ghost may say, you know what you need to be operating in forgiveness.

You need to forgive your spouse for what they.

What they said or what they did.

So what you need to do then he's saying, all right, get this.

Throw away this unforgiveness about what they did two years ago.

Put on love and forgive them and love them.

See, you're making a decision to take off unforgiveness and say, okay, but they did this to me, and it hurts so bad.

I got to get them back.

God's going, no, you don't.

No, get rid of that.

You look ugly with that.

You look like an ugly rag and an ugly fool when you go around mumbling and grumbling and holding a grudge against them.

Put on forgiveness and put on love.

I'll tell you what.

When you forgive somebody, it could be for they didn't take out the garbage or they said something that stuck you like a knife in the back.

You know what?

You feel better when you release forgiveness, because when you're walking in unforgiveness, you can be in knots in the inside.

You're being controlled by that person.

It can even make you sick physically and emotionally.

Say that it can do that.

And when you got crappy crows on, man, you don't feel good.

Oh, no.

Take off that unforgiveness and put on new clothes.

Another part of that could be asking your spouse to forgive you.

That's another angle.

Oh, yeah.

If you know you messed up and they bring it up, admit it and say, you know what, dear, honey, sweet cheeks, whatever you call them, I'm sorry.

I did sound like a jerk.

I didn't do this or I did do that.

Will you please forgive me?

Now they.

You put on love.

Now they have a choice.

Turn their turn to see what they do.

But we're not talking about they.

We're talking about you.

All right, we went over in part one of this, God said, or the psalmist in the Bible said, search me, O God, and see if there's any hurtful way in me.

So you can go Back to episode 64, part one, and we go into that more detail that's not our goal right now to do all that.

So decide to create a habit of putting on the new inward clothes.

It's a habit.

Right.

You need to be intentional and dislike.

You need to be intentional and on purpose.

Just like some of y' all the night before or when you first get up, you go, what am I going to wear today?

Oh, I need to wear this.

I'm going to be doing this.

It's cold out, it's hot out.

I'm going to be inside.

I'm going to be in a seminar.

And you just, I'm going to play pickleball or soccer, whatever it is.

You decide to pick out your clothes.

Well, you need to decide what we need to wear every day.

In other words, you need to be aware of how you're going to look and come across.

That's right.

And as you're changing and improving your internal wardrobe, start with this.

Remember the word kindness.

Oh, yeah.

Treat your spouse with kindness, then.

What that means is like being friendly.

I mean, we'll be friendly to everybody else, but what are we doing at home with our spouse?

Are we being friendly, generous, caring?

Are we being considerate with them and not expecting anything in return?

That's, that's another point.

You know, don't be expecting anything in return.

And it also shows up with gentle words, thoughtful actions, patience, and a habit of putting your spouse's well being ahead of your own well being and self interest.

Yeah.

So begin to build your wardrobe around kindness as a starting point.

That's good.

You know, we got to start somewhere.

Yeah, right.

I mean, that's, that's just the word.

You can think all the time.

We can, it's, we can say put on love, and that covers so much.

But just the simple word is I need to be kind.

Be kind.

Lord, help me be kind.

And like Linda said, just simple.

It's really simple.

Yeah.

And I catch myself a lot of times and this is these teachings we're doing.

Man, I tell you what, we got to look at the mirror.

Don't we dare?

Yes.

You know, but I catch myself so much now just thinking, okay, Linda, be nice.

That's right, be nice.

Okay, Linda, you can be kind, put on kindness.

You know, I have to remind myself, I have to tap myself on the shoulder and say, be kind, Linda.

That's right.

Especially if we, we sense ourselves getting out of a little control.

Right.

That's just a building block to get you looking at you.

One of the first things, because love covers everything.

But maybe kindness is something that's easy to do because that will help you forgive.

It will help you release forgiveness to ask for forgiveness.

Be kind, just like Linda said.

I remember Dr. Laura.

She does a radio show I like to listen to.

She's got a lot of good points, especially on marriage.

But she tells people in their marriage, if they're not married yet, she says, choose wisely.

Yes.

And we're not talking about pre marriage stuff, but that's a good point.

People, ladies, men, if you're thinking about getting married, choose wisely.

A lot of people run into problems because they didn't think about and really look at what who they're going to marry.

They started covering up the red flags.

They weren't wise.

But once you do get married, she says, choose wisely treated, treat them kindly.

It's just a powerful little word, kindly.

All right, well, we're going to close now on this.

So you think you've got a good grip on how to dress for success.

And I want to read our definition again that we kind of started off this whole two part series with.

It says dress for success is the modern equivalent of clothes that maketh the man.

We're talking about now the Holy Spirit clothes, your inward clothes, what you're putting on maketh the man, make it the woman, make it, make it the husband, make it the wife.

It articulates the belief that what you wear, what you wear in your spirit man, what your character is, what your beliefs and values are, what your inner being is being built on through the word of God, it matters.

Every day in your marriage you make a difference how you show up, the atmosphere that you create with who you are and what's in your heart.

Because out of the mouth the heart speaks.

So what's inside of you needs to be coming out.

Good.

So you decide what will you put on today?

What are you going to put on after you listen to this podcast episode and then make it a lifestyle and then you be the star of your own show, what to wear.

That's very good.

Very good.

And you know what, I just think about it like this.

Maybe you've been messing up all day long and it doesn't matter if you messed up.

Stop and take a turn.

You can start being nice in the middle of the day, right?

That's right.

You don't have to wait and start the next day.

No, just start right then.

Every minute.

You can start every minute.

You can make that choice, right?

Yep.

You can.

You can have a fight with your husband or spouse, your wife.

You know what you know, you Blew it.

Just like I said earlier.

You can go up and say, dear, I am so sorry I toned you.

I said this.

I accused you.

I forgot to pick up the milk.

I didn't get the garbage out.

I didn't take care of the kids the way you told whatever it is.

Yeah.

Putting on love is saying, you know what?

I did A, B and C. And I, I apologize for that.

Will you please forgive me?

Then if you're the spouse that's getting approached like that, then you have the choice.

Yes, I forgive you.

Right.

Kiss and make up.

Yeah.

And hey, that leads to one of the honeydews.

That's right.

Going on.

You can listen to, you can change, you can grab them and say, will you please forgive me?

And give them a good smack because you can't talk with your mouth full.

Oh, kissing, you know, true.

All right, well, honeydews.

Alrighty, what do you need?

Number one, what do you need to add to your internal wardrobe or what do you need to do for a touch up?

These might be areas that you iron your shirt.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

And like you said, forgiveness, right?

Yes.

These might be areas you aren't doing good at at all.

Or maybe they're just lowering.

Ask your wardrobe consultant.

And who is that?

The Holy Ghost.

And your spouse too.

Well, that's that.

And the, the Holy Spirit will help you with that.

I'm telling you to you, you might think, oh, that's so silly.

But you know what?

The Holy Spirit wants to get involved with us like this.

So secondly, get a second opinion.

I love when you said that.

That's right, get a second opinion.

Ask your spouse.

But here's the key.

Don't argue with them when they start up.

Don't start giving reasons why you shouldn't have, why you should.

Yeah, all of that.

Just listen and learn.

Yes, that's right.

Yeah.

And then, well, before I get that to number three, I was just thinking, you know, you may be picking something out to wear in the Holy Ghost goes, you know what?

You need to wear this and put on this and wear these shoes and wear this outfit.

You're going, no, it's too hot or too cold.

I'm not.

I don't.

That's not how I want to dress today.

Or your spouse may say, you need you.

I just feel like you need to wear this today.

Maybe it's for work.

You're going to church, you're going to an activity of an event.

You never know what you're dressing.

I'm talking about on the Outside, even how you're dressed that day can impact your future because you may meet somebody and your dress is what opens the door maybe to share the Lord with them.

Maybe it's for a job promotion, maybe it's somebody who wants to help you with your ministry.

You never know who you're going to meet.

So be sensitive.

I mean, we're going a little deeper on this with this thought, but this be how you dress throughout the day physically can impact your life.

But also listen to the Holy Ghost, like Linda said on the N word, because God may be saying, you know what you need to be working on your anger issues or your temper or your patience.

And it may not just be with your spouse.

I mean, we're going to go a little bit different.

God may know later in the day one of your co workers or somebody driving their car is going to do something that's going to test and try to get you to put on those old clothes.

So be sensitive.

And that just brings to my thought is we are ambassadors for Christ.

Yes.

So we're really representing Christ.

That's good here on this earth.

So if we come off outwardly, let's say outwardly with a stinky attitude about something, or we walk in in patience or say you're even in the store with your spouse and you're going at it with each other in front of other people, oh my goodness, what are they going to think?

Yeah.

You know, they're going to be like, I don't want to be married like that.

No way.

And then you go over and try to witness to them.

Oh yeah, what do you think?

You stink.

Yeah, you stink.

Yeah, that's because they heard you get an argument with your spouse.

So those are good points.

What kind of ambassador for Christ are you?

Ask yourself that.

Right.

Ambassadors dress because they represent a country.

We dress because we, we represent, we reside kingdom, the kingdom of God.

That's right.

Not only to people, but to our spouse.

Right, exactly.

So, all right, number three, the ten second kiss.

Yeah.

What's that?

That's when you grab your honey, your spouse, probably in the morning, first time you do it, maybe later in the day or at lunchtime, whatever.

If you just say, hey, sweetie, come on over here.

Hey honey, you big hunk of burning love, or my little hottie, come on over here, grab them, say, hey, Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds or whatever way you want to count down 10 seconds and just plan a good one on them.

You never know where that kiss could lead.

It may set the pace for the whole day and what happens that night.

Or you may be late for work that morning, but whatever.

Or it may just be a good kiss and you walk out the door together.

Or you you go back your business around the house and do your honeydews and both of you are thinking that is really nice and it leaves a lingering good impression.

There you go.

Well, we would love to hear your comments and any questions you might have or if you got some topics that you'd like us to cover in our podcast, please text or voicemail us or email us.

The phone number and email address is going to be in our Show Notes and if you have a request for prayer, feel free to contact us.

We will be glad to lift you up.

We pray every day for our married and loved family, so if you have a specific prayer request, let us know.

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Well, thanks again for joining us and we hope you got inspired by today's message.

So we're going to see you next week and until then, remember this you can be Married and Love it on purpose.

Thank you for investing into your marriage by listening to the Married and Love it podcast.

Be sure to be a part of the ripple effect of making marriage great by sharing this podcast with other couples to equip them to be married and love it.

Also, subscribe to and follow us on your favorite platform and be sure to check out our website at www.marriedandlovet.com where you can learn more about Married and Love it and contact us with any questions or comments that you may have.

And remember with God that you have a future and a hope and you can be married and love it on purpose.