EP 68. The Power of Holding Hands in Marriage; Nine Reasons Holding Hands Strengthens Your Marriage

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So today's subject, we're super excited about this one.

It's a fun one.

It's a fun one.

And today's subject is the power of holding hands and in your marriage.

And we're going to look at nine benefits of you holding hands with your honey.

And you know at the beginning of your relationship when you were dating, at some point you, you had that thought, oh, I wish I could hold her hand or hold his hand.

Who's going to go first?

And I can remember you're in those relationships and all of a sudden maybe you're sitting in the movie theater, you're driving in the car or maybe you guys were walking around the mall back then.

That's what a lot of people did our age was go to the mall or something.

And you just slowly move that, especially if it's the guy just slowly moves that hand around and you just kind of rub.

And if.

If you feel their finger over there and they're not running away from you, reach over and grab that hand.

And that was like, oh, that relationship was taking off.

You got to hold a hand, and then maybe.

Maybe you got your guts up to put your arm around them in the movie or something.

Then, of course, we know that all that eventually leads to that first kiss.

And we did talk about the power of kissing in your marriage.

I think that's episode 12.

But today we're going to talk about the power of holding hands in marriage.

And I'm going to give some lyrics today of a couple of songs.

And the first one I want to do is the Beatles song I want to hold your hand.

And it's going to talk about that thrill of holding hands.

I want to hold your hand.

As soon as we done.

All right.

And I'm just going to read them.

I'm not going to sing them, but the songs, you're probably going to be singing this song the rest of the day after you listen to this.

But it says, oh, yeah, I'll tell you something, I think you'll understand.

Then I'll say that something.

I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand.

Of course, he's singing it a lot better than this.

I want to hold your hand oh, please say to me you'll let me be your man and please say to me you'll let me hold your hand now let me hold your hand I want to hold your hand and when I touch you I feel happy inside it's such a feeling that my love can't hide.

So as I sing that or say that, think about the first time you and your honey held hands.

How did it feel?

Was it special?

Did you get that tingling in your hand?

And it just kind of took your relationship to another level because now you're.

You're beginning to say, hey, they're mine and I'm theirs.

We've got a relationship going.

Maybe this is going to go somewhere.

And for some of y', all, the person you married is the person you started off holding hands years ago.

That was me and Linda Back in 76, when we first met.

And that's when we started holding hands.

And we're still doing it today.

Now we're talking about holding hands.

So let me ask you this question.

Are you still holding hands?

On a fairly regular basis in your marriage, Honestly.

When's the last time you and your spouse took a walk?

You were in the store, walking in the church, doing something, maybe even sitting on the couch, and you actually held hands.

I'm not talking about maybe just to pray at dinner time, but when.

When's the last time you had that stroll and you held hands for a while.

How did that make you feel?

Did it kind of give you some goosebumps, or you just put your hand in your spouse's hand and.

And it just felt good.

He said, yeah, this is my wife.

This is my husband.

And it felt good.

I remember just a couple of months ago, you know, Linda had her back surgery 13 years ago, and since then, she's.

We're not going to go into it, but she's had lots of different surgeries and things going on.

So I basically been her caretaker, but because a lot of the stuff that's gone on in her body has hindered her ability to walk straight or be stable.

Right.

Just to be able to hold yourself.

Balance.

That's the word I was looking for.

So usually she's holding on to my arm or pulling on my shirt or something so she doesn't fall over, you know, and now I will.

That makes me think of something else.

There was one time we were in a store, and she was in one of the little go karts.

Oh, the.

The bad scooter.

Scooters.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I couldn't walk.

Yeah, you're.

You should be glad you weren't in there when she was driving that.

Yeah, I remember that was bad.

I remember I walked up beside her and I started holding her hand while she was driving the go kart.

I think that's.

So I would be more controlled.

Yeah, that probably was.

But I said, but you know what?

Still nice.

I'm not gonna deny myself being able to hold Linda's hand.

There you go.

But other than that, she was usually always holding on to me or me guiding her, you know, when we're walking.

But the other day, and she'd been doing better lately with her balance, we got her some new shoes and stuff to help her with that.

And I said, wait a minute.

Don't hold on tomorrow.

Let's hold hands.

And it was like, oh, we should have had a V8 or something.

Yeah.

Hadn't even thought about it.

So I reached down and grabbed her hand.

And you know what?

It was awkward at first.

It felt uncomfortable.

Yeah.

Because I hadn't been doing that.

She's been holding on to me, but it felt good.

So now as I'm out, we're walking together, you know, going to different places in the church.

I'll say, let me hold your hand instead of holding on to me.

And it really feels good.

And it feels like we're dating almost.

It feels nice.

A freshness in our relationship.

Yeah.

So think about that.

How's your hand holding going on with you and your spouse?

So today we're going to look at holding hands in your marriage and how it can impact you.

But before we get into that, first thing I want to just say is, as you're listening to our podcast, you can do it right now.

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Yeah.

Well, holding hands in marriage, it can seem like a small gesture, right?

So it's actually one of the simplest ways to communicate without words.

And I got a song for that one.

Oh, I don't know if I can remember singing that, so go ahead.

Most of these songs are from the 70s, so for you young whippersnappers.

Yeah.

Unless you're listening to a good station where they got the old folks songs, you may not recognize it, but this.

This song's by the Atlantic Rhythm Rhythm section.

It's called Spooky.

And it goes like this.

This is going to be short.

Goes.

Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little girl like you.

You always keep me guessing.

I never seem to know what you're thinking.

I get.

I get confused because I don't know where I stand and then you smile and hold my hand.

See, when.

Spooky.

Yeah.

Spooky little girl like you, she held his hand and he knew right where he stood.

You have to listen to the rest of the song.

Yeah.

And we'll.

We'll get on YouTube in the show notes.

But you see, right there, I get confused.

I don't know where I stand.

But you know what?

Just that simple thing of reaching over and holding that hand, he knew that.

Who?

Who?

His girlfriend was.

There you go.

At that point.

Here's some of the ways that holding Hands can communicate love and connection without even saying a word.

One way is it causes connection.

It is holding hands can create a sense of clone closeness, reassurance, reassurance like we've been talking about.

It says I'm here with you even when nothing's being said.

That's what it's communicating.

You know, it's almost a sign, a type of sign language.

It kind of, yeah, I'm here, I'm here with you.

And you know that like we talked about, can be when you're walking down the street, you can hold hands, maybe on the couch or you just reach over anytime.

You know, sitting in church together at the movies and, and hold hands.

Just any place actually.

Yeah, be in the doctor's office or something.

You just reach over and hold.

Now it depends on where you're at and what's going on in the situation.

That hand can mean different so much.

And we're going to talk a little bit about that now.

Here's something that's good about holding hands is just like kissing.

Just like even when you're making love and being intimate in those areas, holding hands can release the feel good hormones.

And we've talked about this in some other podcasts and I know you've heard about them.

But holding hands falls into the physical affection situ situation in our lives and it can release several of the hormones and they bring bonding, comfort, well being and closeness.

And here's some of the hormones, oxytocin, which is the one that's called the love hormone.

So when you're holding hands, sometimes it feels good.

Well, you got some chemical reactions going on.

You're getting high on the good drugs in your body.

Dopamine.

Yeah, Serotonin, endorphins.

And it can also when you're just think walking around and you're reducing your cortisol levels.

Yeah, that's great.

Women, you're getting these good feeling vibes going you.

So that's a good blessing of, of your holding hands.

Yeah, that's a great.

Do it more often.

Yeah.

All right, now let's let.

Okay, let's move on to the next area.

And that's physical affection.

And this is how spouses, husband and wife express love, care, warmth and appreciation.

And now physical affection can be done many ways and it's, it's the same category of as hugging, kissing, given a back rub, a foot rub, making love and cuddling and just putting your arm around your spouse.

So but we're focusing on the holding hand part today.

And you know what if physical touch Is your love language or your spouse's love language, then this is going to be even more important to you.

Yes.

Because somebody is not really in the physical touch.

They may not get off.

Maybe I have to have or want their hands held.

You just got to get them used to it because they're going to get blessed if you do it.

But if your spouse is a physical touch, I would say really work on focusing on that.

Another area is comfort.

When you hold hands, it causes comfort.

And like during stressful moments, holding your spouse's hand, it can actually reduce that stress anxiety and it can provide a calm.

So that's important.

When your spouse, like, say when your spouse is having challenges at work or any kind of issue in their life, if you just reach over and take their hand, it's going to bring them comfort.

And if you're aware of these things, make sure that you pay attention to what's going on in their life so that you can respond properly.

And, you know, research actually suggests that affectionate physical touch can lower stress hormones and it can promote feelings of safety.

That's pretty good.

That's that cortisol those stress hormones.

Yeah.

And it's going to.

Holding hands can help re lower that.

You know, I like this one on comfort, because if I'm being stressed out and Linda just puts her hand on me to calm down, I know she's not trying to get fresh with me or flirting with me.

It's just something about.

And that's why I think she said we need to be aware and allow.

We can be such a.

A tool of healing, comfort, joy and pleasure to our spouse.

You know, we are God's hands extended.

We really are.

You know, if our spouse is going through a hard time, just you being there to touch them, to hold their hand, that's like being their daddy, God, almost.

Yeah.

And as a husband and wife, that's a powerful part of what he's called us to do.

So anything else on that?

No, I'll shut up on that one.

Let's move on to the next one.

This is togetherness and unity.

You know, publicly or privately, holding hands can symbolize and say we're together.

Yes.

The first one was like, I'm here with you, but we're together.

We're sending that message to ourselves.

And you're holding hands and you go, you know what?

We're a team.

We're going to get through this together.

And then when people see us holding hands, what's that message that gives to.

Them that we're together?

That we're together, that they're a couple.

And you know what?

As you're holding hands, when you're with people and they see you holding hands together, that.

That.

That catches people attention.

Attention a lot.

And what does it say?

You are being an example of a couple that's holding hands together and a symbolism of God's love and your love for one another.

And you're setting an example.

Yeah.

It's a reflection of a happy family.

Your kids need to see that.

Yeah.

And people need to see you if they see you out walking or walking in the church or walking in a mall.

Now, if you see a husband holding his wife's hand in the mall, it's usually because he may be liking her hand, but he's trying to keep her from going in and finding the sales.

But if you're holding hands, it says, she's mine, I'm his.

And that's an awesome signal that you're letting your love shine.

It also symbolizes that we can do anything together and we can get through things and that we also have a shared purpose.

So that holding hands that depended on where you're at and what you're doing has so much symbolism.

And I got another song I'm going to read a little bit from about this and you'll see how it fits in.

Whether it's just us saying we're together, we're a team, or maybe you and you and your spouse have a project you're getting ready to do.

You've got a goal you're trying to work on.

You got a dream you're chasing.

You've been through some struggles and you've been attacked maybe with finances or your.

Your health's been attacked.

You're having situations with your parents or with your children, and you're in a war maybe, and you just got to know that you're there together.

And when you hold hands like that.

And that's just like unity.

And the devil don't like that.

But let me just read this song here.

I like this one.

This is again from the 70s.

It's Starship, and it's called Let Us Build this Dream Together.

Now this, I like this.

It says, looking in your eyes I see a paradise.

Look at looking.

When do you do you look in your spouse's eyes?

When you're holding hands, maybe, or when you're just talking?

That's so powerful.

Looking in your eyes I see a paradise this world that I found Is too good to be true Stand in here beside you with want so much to give you this love in my heart that I'm feeling for you Let them say we're crazy I don't care about that.

Put your hand in mine baby don't ever look back Let the world around us just fall apart Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart and we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now what did the songwriter say?

Put your hand in my hand, don't look back.

And that's the signal we give to ourselves and to other people when they see us holding hands.

Well, another one is maintaining connection over time.

And making hand holding a regular habit can actually help preserve your connection and love for each other.

Especially as life gets busy, routines take over.

You know, things hit, you go through different seasons in life.

It's going to be example of building and connecting that love, making it that regular habit.

All you have to do is just hold a hand, hold your spouse's hand, and it instantly is going to make that connection.

Yeah, you know, I think it should be a habit or something we want to do.

I remember I was in the gym the other day and I saw this cup.

I was on one of the cardio machines, ellipticals, and I could see this couple coming in the front door.

It was a young couple, and they were holding hands.

And then I think they were doing a tour.

They walked around inside once, and I saw them walking with the agent or somebody they were holding.

And then they walked out.

They got through the door and they weren't holding hands.

And then all of a sudden I saw her hand just go over and grab his hand and.

And they.

I don't know if they were married or not.

I would have loved to talk to them, to ask them some questions.

But they were holding hands.

That's neat.

You know, that is neat.

And, you know, that reminded me this.

I wanted to bring this up a while ago.

I remember one this.

Linda and I have been married about seven or eight years, and we were leaving a grocery store, walking out to our car, taking our groceries out, and one of the guys that does carts or maybe back then, they were bringing the back the groceries out.

You know, they used to bring groceries to the car for you, and you kept them a quarter or something.

Yeah, but he goes.

And we were holding hands, and he goes, are y' all newlyweds?

And I go, no.

Why do you ask?

Well, I just don't see people holding hands very often.

I said, no, we've been married seven or eight years, whatever it was.

But that Caught his attention.

See, people are.

They see that.

They're looking for examples to follow.

So let's move on.

You're developing a habit, and as you're doing that constant.

See, holding hands, as Linda brought out, is something we can do on a regular basis to keep the connections going, because you're not always going to have time to sit down and talk.

Right, right, right.

Or.

Or have those other times.

So it's a.

It's a.

It's a gimme.

It's a habit, and it's a gimme that you can do anytime.

I have it.

All right, now here's the fun one.

Holding hands creates an atmosphere of romance.

You know, taking a walk together, watching a show together or a movie.

You're out on a date.

You're just strolling around.

Maybe you're.

It's Christmas.

You're looking at Christmas lights.

You're.

Or you're somewhere.

There's an ocean, there's a lake.

You got an event going on.

And when you reach over and hold your spouse's hand, it just creates an atmosphere of romance going in.

Bring in the physical closeness into your relationship.

Allow it to enhance whatever you're doing.

It just adds to the experience.

It's like magic in the air.

You just reach over.

That's right.

And hold hands.

So let it create.

Just like it creates comfort, security, and that physical bonding, allow it to be part of the romantic experiences that you're doing.

It can make a difference.

Now, the next one is really good.

Holding hands leads to roaming hands.

Oh, yeah.

Create a atmosphere of spontaneity in your physical relationship.

Maybe you're sitting on the couch holding hands.

Or maybe you've been out on a date.

Or you.

Who knows?

Maybe you just went to church, but you're holding hands.

That day you cuddled and you're coming home.

The kids aren't there.

You don't have any kids home.

You never know that.

That holding hands could be a type of foreplay that leads to something else.

Okay.

It can start a fire.

Now I got another song.

Oh, I got a couple more.

I remember the tune of this song that you're getting to talk about, but I'm gonna let you.

Yeah, I'm not gonna sing that one.

This is an old one, too, by Roberta Flack.

So this talks about romance and maybe a Roman hand.

Okay.

It's simple words.

She uses a lot of different scenarios in this one, but it's.

She says, in a restaurant, holding hands by candlelight.

When you're touching me wanting you with all My might.

That's the time I feel like making love to you.

That's the time I feel like making dreams come true.

Part of holding hands, reaching the.

You see it in the movie, shows a lot.

Reaching over and just taking a few minutes.

Now you have.

You.

You don't have to hold hands the whole time, but you're holding hands, and it just adds that romantic feeling.

And again, roaming.

Holding hands can lead to roaming hands.

All right, what's next, dear?

Oh, this is probably the most important one.

Well, women love this.

I know for sure.

Holding hands when praying, it just brings all the other benefits of holding hands together.

As you connect spiritually, it also represents agreement and unity.

You see it a lot of times people are out in public and they just grab each other's hand to pray over the meal.

In a restaurant, that's a powerful time.

It is powerful because that.

Look around and you see a couple praying.

Yeah.

But then if they're holding hands and they're doing it in front of everybody, they're not bashful.

Yeah.

And you know what?

A lot of people say, I wish we would do that.

Yeah.

You know, and their food probably tastes better, too.

It's good to pray over your food nowadays.

Okay.

So even at home, hold hands.

When you're at home and you pray over your meal or anytime you're praying together about anything, maybe you have someone else that you're praying for, and you just join hands and pray together over that person.

Because that's.

That's when you're holding hands.

That's a sense of unity.

It is an agreement, the power of agreement.

Because when you're praying as a husband and wife, powerful.

It puts a lot of power together.

It does.

And God says.

God says.

He's right there with you when you.

When you.

Or praying together, when you join hands, that's just another bond.

And like Linda said, that pain together brings all the other elements in together,.

All of them together.

And that means you're a team and unified, and you can build a dream together.

All right, now, as we close up on this part here, a couple more good nuggets here.

And we talked about in the beginning of the episode how you were holding hands and that kind of started your dating.

Now, I know some of y' all probably went straight for the kiss, but most people get the guts up to hold hands first, and you become.

And you.

And it became part of your relationship.

And before long, you know what?

You got engaged.

All right?

Now, holding hands started your relationship, and now it's bringing that Relationship to the next level.

Because as you were in your wedding ceremony, you said your vows, and what were you most people or what are they doing?

They're holding their hands.

They're holding their hands and they said their vows together.

And that's when they're saying that they're looking at each other in the eyes, saying their vows, and they're committed.

They're showing forth commitment, they're showing forth love, unity, the pursuit of goals and dreams.

And it represents new beginnings in their life together by holding hands.

So if you held hands before you got married, now you're holding it now, and that has a whole new meaning to it.

And then they kiss.

You know, everybody likes it, says they may kiss the bride.

You know, what they did before they kissed, they committed and they were holding hands.

And so as we go through life and you hold hands, go back and think about what all that means.

Think about.

Occasionally you sit there, think about your vows and not holding hands.

Every day, whenever you're holding hands, that's reinforcing.

When you said, I do.

I'm committed to you and the good and the bad.

And when we're sick and when we're not sick in the good times and the bad times, we're going to love each other.

We're going to build our dream together.

We're going on this journey.

And that's what happens when you're holding hands.

That's kind of the ultimate.

So you started off Dayton, and now you're married, you commit it, and you're going to continue doing that and bring the romance into it also.

And I want to close with this last song by Scott Wesley Brown.

Again, this is back from the 70s, and he's a Christian singer.

And this is called this Is the Day, A Wedding Song.

He says, this is a love that the Lord hath made.

That you and I are one.

Love's mystery is unfolding today Written for us in the sun.

Oh, for better, for worse, for rich or for poor.

Each day that passes I'll love you more.

Because this is the day that the Lord had made.

And I will rejoice, I will rejoice and I will rejoice with you.

Then he goes on and sings and no, I'm not going to sing it.

I'm tempted.

This is the day that the Lord hath made And I'm so glad he made you.

With each rising sun you are here by my side.

You are more than a dream come true.

To have you, to hold you, to love you, to pray, to share with, to Care for here it comes.

To hold hands and say, this is the day that the Lord hath made.

And I will rejoice, I will rejoice and I will rejoice for you.

This holding hands isn't anything technical.

It's just something basic and simple that you can do on a regular basis with your honey, with your spouse to say, I love you, I'm here for you.

I want to comfort you.

I want to bring security to your life.

I want to bring peace, I want to bring some romance and I want to build our dream together.

And let's do it as we're holding hands and let's enjoy everything that God has for us.

Yes.

That is very good.

Well, we got a couple honeydews.

Hold hands.

Yes.

All right.

Well, like we talked about, go back in time in your dating days and your marriage and reflect on how you felt whenever you held hands.

So think about that.

Talk about it with each other.

Number two, ask each other, what does it mean to you?

What does it mean to you to hold hands with me?

What does that mean?

You might be surprised.

Yeah, yeah.

And then another honeydew is look for ways to incorporate more hand holding in your relationship.

And then number four, dear, take it away.

The ten second kiss.

Now here's another way right here.

Linda said look for ways to incorporate hold handing more whole.

Yes.

In your life.

And think, well, if you're close to each other, you can hold hands.

Right?

But we usually say pull your spouse over.

Say, hey, Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds.

You pull your spouse over and you give them a good old 10 second kiss.

Well, this time maybe pull them over and just hold their hands and lean into them and give them a good 10 second kiss.

And it can be a great day and a great way to start your day holding hands.

Maybe say a quick prayer with it.

Yeah.

And give them that 10 second kiss.

That's awesome.

There you go.

Well, we would love to hear your comments about this podcast and actually any podcast that you may have listened to.

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