EP 64. Dressing for Success in Your Marriage PT 1; What NOT to Wear

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Hey, thanks for joining us today to get your weekly dose of Married and love it.

This is your booster shop for the week and today we're going to be talking about dressing for success in your marriage.

It's part one with the title of what not to Wear.

Can't wait to hear all of this.

It's going to be great.

Going to start off with an anonymous quote.

It says dress for success is the modern equivalent of clothes maketh the man.

It's basically articulating that the belief that what you wear matters in everyday life.

And we're going to be covering what you wear on the outside just a little bit in your marriage, but more importantly, what's on the inside.

Well, in every day we dress for all certain activities.

Right, right.

Like work, sports, church, relaxing, chilling out, sex.

Yes.

Working out, yard work.

Even realizing that the clothes we wear, they can leave an impression on others and that they can also affect the way we feel about ourselves.

It affects the confidence we might even feel about ourselves.

That's right.

Like first impressions, they're important.

Everybody says that in the business world now.

So let's apply this principle entire marriage.

Yeah.

And you know, those first impressions sometimes that we give people aren't even proper because maybe we're used to dressing real nice.

And one day we go out and we got our sloppy clothes because we wouldn't working in the yard and somebody can see you and think, oh man, what type of person is that?

Well, they don't know what the truth is.

So.

But we want to make sure we've got the right first impression.

You know what little tangent.

But this just shows where we're at on this.

You can.

I remember years ago when we were growing up and even in the high school, college age, looking for jobs, people dressed up to go get an interview.

Yeah.

They wanted to look the very best they can.

And I've noticed now when I've been in businesses or restaurants or different places and I see people Coming in for interviews, they just got a pair of slacks on or jeans.

Their hair's a little messed up and kind of sloppy, kind of sloppy looking.

I mean, we want that portray, we want in, in the world really.

Especially with all the clothes that are being advertised all the time.

Yeah, buy this.

I mean, you could go out and buy a, a set of clothes for one day and spend $500 just to try to look good, to impress people or look good good, you know, but you know what?

We need to be putting that energy and effort into our internal dress.

So we're looking forward to, to getting into that because, you know, when you started dating, I remember when I was dating Linda and we had a date planned.

I would get dressed up, wash my car.

My friends always knew we were getting ready.

I was getting ready to go on a date because I was washing my car.

But you know, put on your nice shirt.

I would wear my nice Hawaiian shirt, make sure my hair is all combed.

Maybe it's because it's long and, and just really try to look good to impress her.

And I'd go pick her up and she'd be looking all hot and have her little outfit on.

Why we wanted to make that impression be cl.

Plus she's special to me, so I want to look good to her.

But you know what, what happens a lot of times we get married and our, even our outward clothing starts to go downhill because we're not trying to impress and we're going to go in more detail on that in a few minutes.

But also, I treated her nice during those times, man, I was trying to woo her, I was dressing up on the inside.

I had all my manners going on.

I wanted to make sure I did everything right.

But what happens a lot of times.

We get married, that all goes by the wayside.

The dressing goes down a level, the inward manners and actions go down and before long, we're not dressing to impress anymore.

Matter of fact, we may be turning somebody off.

So we're going to get into that in depth today in our next episode.

But before we do that, I just wanted to give you a reminder, if you're not already part of part of the Married and Love it newsletter, which we would love for you to get, get involved with this because once a week we send out, that's our goal, once a week weekly to send out a newsletter with a little bit of marriage information or teaching on it.

Just to give you that little five minute booster shot during the week to help you stay focused on, on your spouse and Your marriage.

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Yeah, well, okay, so back to the marriage part.

Normally, we try to look the best for our spouse whenever possible, But I know a lot of times, a lot of people have comfy clothes they wear around the house that maybe it doesn't make a fashion statement, and that's really okay.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, a lot of times Linda, I have on her comfy clothes.

I've got comfy clothes, and they're just kind of there, you know, they're not making a fashion statement.

But you know what?

Even when we're doing that in our homes, sometimes it's nice just to put on a nice pair of slacks or shorts or a nice shirt and to look good for our spouse.

I know there's times Linda will say, yeah, I really like you in that pullover shirt.

That color really looks good on you.

And she'll.

I listen to that.

And so you know what I do?

Sometimes I'll go around, maybe that day I'm wearing an old, older T shirt or something, but I'll purposely put on that T shirt just to look good around the house and maybe a different pair of shorts or something.

Because a lot of times your spouse can just get tired of you wearing.

Maybe they don't even realize they're tired of seeing you wear the same old shirts all the whole whole time or a holy shirt or whatever.

And all of a sudden they go, whoa, you look good today.

Why?

That shows you're wanting to bless them and that you're.

You're wanting to dress up on the outside.

Yeah.

And once your spouse expresses something that they would like you to wear around the house, well, we have that choice that we can put it on or not put it on, whatever they might have.

That's right.

Whatever they suggested.

So that's a choice.

Yeah.

Right.

So.

So listen to what your spouse likes on how you like the dress.

Maybe you're going out on a date that night and you want to just dress up, you know, be something special looking to your spouse, pay attention to what they want.

You know, sometimes we can even put on nice clothes, and if they're not washed good, then maybe they need to be ironed.

So sometimes we can be trying to dress up, but we're not taking care of our clothes properly, then something's just not right.

You don't get the effect.

So you.

Maybe you need to do some fine tuning in your dress so you're looking your best.

All right.

Okay.

Well, let's get back to dressing up for your marriage.

It's not always external.

I got something on that.

Tell me, tell me.

Here's a good example.

Linda always gets on me.

She says, let me shave the back of your neck.

Guys.

You know, a lot of times, diamonds back there, we get this nice.

Yeah.

If you got gray hair, you get diamonds growing.

But you.

We get our haircut trimmed.

And after some of us, four or five days or less, all of a sudden the neck hair starts growing down.

And I never paid attention to it much because.

And then Linda will say, I need to train your neck.

This little shave.

It look really looks bad back there.

And you know what?

I started noticing?

People's neck hair.

Not that I go around looking at their neck hair, but you just start seeing things because it was mentioned.

And you can see the neck here.

The rest of the hair looks great, but that neck hair is just growing down.

And it's like when you mow a lawn.

That's what I was gonna say.

And you don't weedy the lawn.

Yeah, it looks.

It looks mowed, but it's not crisp.

Look.

It's not manicured.

It's not manicured.

Right.

And this goes for when you dress up nicely.

Look good all the way down, you know, But.

But.

And when we get into the inward stuff in a little bit.

I'm just saying this now because you can be acting real good.

Linda and I could be having a nice night, and I say one dumb thing and what happens?

Poop.

Everything can get knocked off.

You follow?

I'm saying.

So listen to us.

We're teaching these things, and it's going to help you to know how to dress for success in your marriage.

Okay.

It's like Greg said, it's not always external, but more importantly, internal.

Yes.

Yeah.

So, okay, well, so let's talk about the internal dress.

Our internal dress.

Yes.

Proverbs 21:9.

It says it's better to live in the corner of an attic than with a crabby woman in a lovely home.

So this is an example.

Yes.

Of a.

Of a wife that's not dressed properly.

On the internal.

On the internal.

That's right.

And Proverbs 31:26 also says when she speaks, her words are wise.

And kindness is the rule for everything.

She says.

Yeah.

So what it's showing here is the difference between the wife that's.

That's dressed pretty on the inside, so to speak.

Look, she's got words of kindness.

Yeah.

But the other.

Other wife who's not.

It's like, makes the guy go live in the attic or in a corner of the roof because she's contentious and brat or nagging and everything.

See, that's where we're getting into what is coming out of this.

It's not so much what we have on us, but it's what's coming out of us.

And now here's a scripture about a man.

Okay?

Proverbs 25:19 says putting confidence in an unreliable man is like chewing on a.

With a sore tooth and trying to run on a broken foot.

That's no good.

Yeah.

But what we're showing here, here's a man that's unreliable.

He's lazy.

He can't be counted on.

You know, you can have husbands that are real good on point A and B and C, but when it comes to D, they can't be trusted.

Not.

I don't mean they're.

They're evil, but they're.

They're.

They don't.

They're not a man of their word.

They're.

They're lazy.

They're watching video games all day long.

They're not taking care of other things.

It could be playing golf too much.

It could be working too much, but they can't wipe the wife can't put confidence in them.

That is a example of the wrong way to dress in success internally.

So it's more about who you are and how you act toward your spouse.

That's what we're talking about with that internal dress.

And are you showing up with your best internal clothing on that affects your spouse in a special positive way?

What type of atmosphere do you create with the way you're acting on the inside?

Yeah.

Do you bring sunlight or do you bring clouds?

Clouds.

So that's what we're talking about.

Show up with your best internal clothing on and be an impact person.

Yeah.

Well, remember this show we watched years ago, dear?

It was called what not to Wear, and the host what it was all about.

And we're kind of aging ourselves a little bit.

But the host took a contestant and revealed how their clothing choices were not complimenting them at all, or it was portraying an image that maybe they wanted or did not want, you know, so what they would do, they go through this person's clothes.

I remember they bring all the clothes on a rack on a Rack racks.

Yeah.

The old clothes were thrown out and the contestant would try on new clothes that would complement their body style and.

And present the image that they were looking for.

Yeah, Y.

That was.

That was a really good show.

We'll talk a little more about that.

Detail in a minute.

But also, they also did a makeover.

They changed their hair.

Oh, they did their hair.

Yeah.

It was a big deal.

Their makeup.

See, that's a lot of times we gotta.

Sometimes we just need to do a makeover on ourselves to be the best person we can be for our spouse.

You know, the Bible does the same thing for us.

It does.

It describes what not to wear.

We can go in the Bible and it gives us an instructional manual on how to dress.

And some of.

Some of you and some of me, including.

We may have things that are listed there.

Several of them may be just one thing, maybe nothing.

Might be a whole closet.

So let's talk about the internal closet for a minute.

Yeah.

Here's a few things we're told to put aside or to take off.

And it can.

These are.

Some of.

These are from Colossians 3, 5 through 9, and also Galatians 5:19 to 21, which.

That part would be talking about the fruit of the Spirit there.

Yeah.

And.

And there's some other scriptures that we pulled for them, but these were the main two.

Here are a few things not to wear.

Anger, wrath, malice, slander, abuse of speech.

Abuse of speech, Lying, unwholesome words, bitterness, unforgiveness, clamor, jealousy, dispute, strife, fractions.

That's a lot of clothes hanging in a closet.

You know, those are great things.

Being not wear, being irritable.

Oh, fussy, rude.

And then drunkenness and other evil works.

Also laziness, lack of discipline, unreliability.

See, when we're dressed in those things, that's not the way we want to be dressed.

Now, verse eight of Colossians says, what to do with them?

Take them off.

It's the what not to wear.

So do not wear.

Take them off.

Yeah.

Put them aside.

Yeah.

Now listen to other words.

You need to change your style.

Yeah.

All right, we're going to talk about that.

The message Bible says, take the ill fitting, ill fitting clothes you have stripped off and put them into the fire.

Well, they.

This show actually had its big, huge trash can and they would pull the certain shirts or pants, whatever it is, that they were telling the contestant, don't be wearing this.

And they.

The contestant would be like, no, I don't want to throw that away.

Can I just save that one.

They want to save one or two pieces.

I mean, there'd be gnashing of teeth.

Hold on to them, say, no, no,.

Don't throw that away.

I want to hang on to that one.

Well, that's the same thing in our characteristics.

You know, that character, these characteristics that Greg listed off, they make us look ugly.

Yeah.

And they can affect how we feel, plus how our spouse feels.

Right.

Yeah.

You know, our spouse is not going to be attracted to us if we are holding on to these characteristics internally.

Yeah.

You know.

Yeah.

So we just want to pull off the old, trash it and put on the new according to the word of God.

Yeah.

And a couple things there made me think of when I lost weight, a bunch of weight a while back, a few years ago.

And I hear other people that lose weight, you know, when you, when you start losing weight, you put all your big clothes somewhere.

Some people just go ahead and throw them away or get, take them to Goodwill or somewhere.

Some will hold on to them in case.

What if I gain my weight back?

I want to have something that's right, just in case.

Well, you know what, it's like that story where they.

People were going into South America.

I can't remember all the details, but they, the captain of the ship hundreds of years ago had all the people get off the ship to go fight for this land.

And the boats were in the ocean and they got ready to fight and they turned around, all the soldiers turned around and the boats were on fire.

The captain of the ships burn them.

So there was no retreat.

And so what happens?

We throw away our, we get rid of our old clothes.

So it's like, you know how much money it's going to cost me to go buy new heavyweight clothes?

A lot of money.

So you kind of take out your option to go backwards.

And, and that's what happens when we throw away.

The longer we hold on to certain items, it's, you know, if you go, oh, I do have anger problems, but I don't know if I want to get rid of that one.

Yeah, I'm just gonna, we gotta let.

Go of the past.

Yeah.

Now as a born again Christian, we can make the choice each day.

What are we going to put on?

You know, what about, you know, when you get up in the morning, if you don't do it the night before, you get up and go, what am I going to wear today?

And some of you have already got it laid out and you get dressed according to that.

Well, we need to wake up in the morning and actually be saying, what am I going to wear on the inside?

I'm going to choose to wear love today.

I'm going to choose to be nice to my spouse today.

I'm going to choose to be a blessing today.

And so you, you, you just like you're picking out clothes, you're picking on kindness, you're picking on patience.

I'm going to put this on today because you're intentional and on purpose.

And why can we do this?

Some, some of you may be saying, I can't do this, but if you're a born again Christian, you've got the God factor involved in your life now.

You can do this even if you're not a Christian.

But it's harder.

All right, but second Corinthians 5, 17 says, if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature.

Behold, old things are passed away.

Behold, new things have come.

So when God comes in, he's doing a makeover in your life, just like the.

In the show.

Whatnot, the weird show, they're doing a makeover.

Well, God's doing a makeover.

When you get born again to be a whole new person, you're losing the excuse to say you can't change because God says you can change.

And if we get into his word and we get good understanding, we learn how to dress for success.

And you know what?

Your flesh isn't going to want to do that sometimes.

Not at all.

It's going to reach back in the closet and pull the impatience out.

When you're driving down the highway, right.

Your wife or husband is saying something and you go, I told you 200 times not to do that.

Well, that's you reaching back in there with your impatience.

Right?

So.

So you got to make a decision.

But God gives us the ability to do that.

Yeah.

And here, here's an example.

In Galatians 5, it's verse 14 and 16, it says, you shall love your neighbor, or we put in there your spouse.

Now that's your good internal clothes.

Right.

As yourself.

But if you bite and devour one another, take care less you.

Yeah.

Lest you be consumed by one another.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh.

So there we go.

Look into your internal closet and examine yourself.

And all the while asking God, what is it that you need to take off?

Or what is it that you need to throw out or throw into the fire?

Right, right.

Like Psalms 139, 23, 24, this is what we need to be asking God, every day search me, oh, God, and know my heart.

Try me and know my anxious thoughts and see if there be any hurtful way in me and lead me in the everlasting way.

So there's a lot of people.

They actually hire a wardrobe consultant.

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Money for this.

Yeah.

And they help you choose and combine certain clothes, how to manage your clothes, and so that getting dressed is easier and you feel like.

You feel more confident.

Well, that's the Holy Spirit right here.

The Holy Spirit is my.

And yours, too, wardrobe consultant for your internal being.

Yeah.

So ask God.

Say God, search my heart.

So walk into your closet and say, God.

Now this is looking in your internal closet.

Lord, search my heart.

Is there anything in here I need to get rid of?

Right.

If.

If you don't know, ask your spouse, and they can probably help you with.

Just like sometimes I ask Linda, what should I wear today?

Or does this look good on me?

Do that with God and then ask your spouse these things.

You know, say, hey, what.

What.

What do I need to wear differently today?

And they may say, well, you could be a little nicer, or you could do this, or you could go ahead and take care of these things over here, but listen to what they have to say.

But you might walk into your closet, and you're thinking, you're doing pretty good.

You know, you guys got all your clothes.

You know, picture your.

Your clothing closet, and you can go in there.

If you have something that doesn't match your styles or it's from previous season, it sticks out like a sore thumb, and you maybe think, well, I can just leave that there, and it'll be all right.

But one day you may reach to pull it out and try to put it on, and it's not what you're supposed to wear.

Well, that could.

That's what could happen.

When you're in your closet, spiritually, you might see some things that pop up, and you got to make that decision.

If you're doing that housekeeping and the Holy Ghost is saying, God's saying, your.

Your wardrobe consultant says, okay, we need to do something about this anger.

And you go, you know what?

I haven't been angry in a while.

And you go, yeah, what about yesterday?

Okay, well, you need to go ahead and clean it out.

Clean out your closet all the way.

When.

Whenever.

Something pops up that you're not even aware of that you.

Maybe it's something you haven't done in a while, an attitude you've had or something you said to your spouse and and it pops up because God's saying, hey, let's get this.

Take.

Let's get this closet all the way.

Now, this is in the back of the closet.

You can't see it right now, but when you turn the closet light on, there it is.

Yeah, you got to make that decision to pull it out.

Maybe you have an anger problem.

And.

And the God saying, hey, we need to work on this.

You go, no, I've got it under control.

But if you don't really pull it out and ask God for help, what's going to happen the next time you're you and your spouse getting a little tiff, little argument or serious discussion, whatever term you guys use, you may have that tendency to put that zinger on her that, you know is like, going to wrap her really good or him really good.

Well, if you're taking care of that and don't even put it on because you're working on it, then you can avoid that situation.

All right, so that's good.

What is your wardrobe consultant asking you to do?

What he's.

Is he saying, here, let's take these out.

Let's make room for what to wear.

So we're going to stop here, and then the next episode, we're going to be talking about in great detail on what to wear in your marriage to dress for success.

So just a couple honeydews here.

Let's look in the mirror to see how you look with your internal dress.

And ask God, the Holy Spirit, your wardrobe consultant, what would he advise you to throw out?

Yeah, you know, I mean, just evaluate, recognize it, you know?

And number two, ask your spouse, are there any actions you may be wearing internally that they would like to.

For you to see you improve on,.

You know, with that, you know, ask your spouse to say, hey, if there are a lot of times during the day, we'll ask our spouse, does this outfit still look good on me or is my jacket hanging the right length?

Is my hair okay?

You know, it doesn't hurt during the day to say, hey, dear, is there anything I need to work on today?

I feel like I've been a little cranky.

Is that right?

Well, I'm going to work on that.

So ask your spouse throughout the day, say, hey, I didn't need a little fresh.

Can you help freshen up my clothes, so to speak, today?

Well, that leads us right into the next honeydew.

While you're at it, you know, ask your spouse if there's some other clothing that they would like to see you wearing around the House.

Now that's talking about regular clothes.

Regular clothes.

Right, Regular clothes.

And because a lot of times we'll come home and for women, rip those high heel shoes off, take that woman's brazier, rip that off and just go.

Yeah.

In your sloppy clothes.

Well, maybe your husband would like to have a little different look.

Yeah.

When you're at home together that night.

So those are the couple few little honeydews that you can work on.

I want to add on that.

Yeah.

You talked about when you come home from work.

Well, every morning, usually if a husband or wife or ever who's working, they, they usually get dressed up.

They'll fit in and look good for where they work.

Yeah.

Whatever dress codes there, they're probably gonna.

If they're trying to impress everybody, look good, feel professional.

Right.

Because, you know, when we dress properly, you feel good about yourself.

That's whether it's internal or external.

But what happens is we go to work, we treat everybody at work good.

We, we, we suck up to the boss.

We help people.

We're trying to earn brownie points or we just want to be a good person.

But just like Linda said, you come home, you take off your work clothes and put your scrumbies on and, and you just want to chill out or whatever.

But you know what?

What a lot of people do, they take their good nature off as soon as they walk in the door.

Yeah.

They quit.

They take their.

Everybody's dad, their spouse for granted.

They may start kicking the cat.

They're not trying to impress anybody.

They're not trying to please anybody.

They're not trying to work for a race.

They're not trying to do this or that.

They walk in the door and they treat everybody like whatever because they're taking them for granted and they let their guard down.

See, we ought to work, act better at home than we do at work at church or at the tennis club or racquetball or pickleball or whatever.

Yeah, that's right.

So, all right.

Last, last, last.

Honey, Tell me, dear.

The ten second kiss.

Yes.

So for y' all haven't heard this before, in the morning's a great time, but go find your spouse before you head out the door or they head out the door, or you're both going out the door and say, hey, come on over here.

We need to get our, our 10 second smack on.

So just pull them over to you, wrap your arms around them or grab their little cheeks and say, hey, Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds and give them a good old 10 second kiss.

That kiss could impact your in so many positive ways.

All right, that's it.

That's it.

All right.

Well, till next time.

Thanks again for joining us and I hope you got inspired with today's message and we're going to see you next week.

And until then, remember this, you can be married and love it on purpose.

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