EP 61. Practical Tips on How to Love Your Husband God's Way. PT 1

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Hey there.

Thanks for joining us today to get your weekly dose of Married and Love It.

It's your booster shop for the week.

In today's episode, we're going to be starting a new series on how to love your husband God's way.

Yep.

And I'm excited about it because today I get to take the day off just a little bit because Linda's the one that's going to be doing all the conversation starter with me and the talking and teaching about practical tips on how to love your husband.

So she's going to be talking about how to love feet, too, so she can learn.

You know what?

Linda is qualified for that.

She has been an awesome wife.

Dear, you're biased.

Well, yeah, I'm sucking, but that's okay.

Do it.

I love it.

I love it.

She.

The Bible says, let the older ladies teach the younger ladies.

Are you saying I'm older?

No, you're.

I'm wiser.

You're wise?

More mature.

Yes.

You're more mature?

Yes.

Yes.

What do they call it?

Silver, Whatever.

I don't know.

But I'm in my golden ages.

Yes, golden ages.

But regardless, she has earned the right to step behind this mic and be able to talk to everyone about being married in love and especially to the younger ladies and even people our age.

You know what?

There's a higher divorce right now and people in our age range because the, they're, they're just ready to trade in and start over again.

But that's another topic.

But Linda has earned this with the things that she's been through.

Number one, putting up with me all these years and such and then with

all the things you put up.

Right.

Yeah, that's true.

You are.

And all the stuff she's had to deal with, and that's in other episodes.

But just listen to her.

Allow her to pour out her knowledge, her experiences and truth to help you know how to love your husband.

And, you know, guys, this is really should be a ladies only session, so I'm kind of sneaking in and getting to be a little bit of a moderator.

But you know what?

If you just hang out, you might pick up some stuff also.

So here we go.

Linda.

Well, I just want to open with this because, okay, here is a prayer that I guess I could say, I've done this prayer.

Yeah, here it goes.

Dear Lord, this is.

So far today, I've done all right.

I haven't gossiped, I have not lost my temper.

I haven't been nasty, selfish, or overindulgent, which I'm thankful for, all of that.

But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm going to need a lot more help.

Yes.

Well, the title of today's new series is practical tips on how to love your husband God's way.

This is part one, and we're going to start out with by understanding your husband.

And when we misunderstand someone and we don't know what makes them tick, then it opens the door to misunderstand and mistreat them.

And this played, this understanding my husband, my spouse Greg, that played a key role in the healing of our marriage back in 1986, because, man, I was totally misunderstanding myself, but even more so misunderstanding him.

You know, I'll jump in right here.

Do I just ditto what she said, because back then, and she was the one that would come in and say, hey, we need to go get counseling.

We need to go to a marriage class.

And you know what?

I felt like I knew everything.

We didn't need it, and that everything was okay.

But you know what?

I needed to learn to understand her.

So what Linda just said, if when we failed to understand our spouse, we're setting ourselves up for failure.

So, guys, if you're listening, this goes two ways.

Yep, it does.

Do you really know your husband?

Ask yourself that, women.

Do you know his strengths?

Do you know his weaknesses?

Do you know his likes and dislikes?

Do you know what makes him tick?

Do you know what influenced his life when he was growing up?

Like Greg, he was an only child.

I had to come to the reality of that because I'm from a big family, you know, so it's.

It's very different.

Wasn't it going over to your house.

Oh, wow.

When we first started dating, I went in there and I was used to a peaceful house.

Just me, my mom, my dad, and my container of cookies.

As Linda talks about.

That's exactly right.

Quiet.

And I walked over to Linda's house.

House.

And I walked in the door and her dad was laying over on the couch.

I wanted to greet him.

And then.

And then they had the dog and all the.

Everybody was a lot younger back then because Linda was just a teenager.

Older teenager, 19.

Yeah.

And I just remember walking in and that house was screaming and hollering.

And Lorraine, if she's listening, she was little, she come running down the hallway.

Their dog, I think it was Fritz.

And the dog was just.

And I'm thinking, what in the world am I getting myself into?

Little did we know when we got married, some of that stuff could play a role.

It did.

And so you got to look at that because there's different.

Different things that influence us and how we live our life.

Yeah.

We're going to talk about some practical ways on how we can learn to understand more about our husband.

And some of them would be learn his personality types.

You know, there's a big difference there between Greg and I.

You know, I'm one personality type, he's a totally different personality.

Cheerleader, greets everybody.

Life of a party and just gets around.

I go to a party back then anyway, before, I've changed somewhat.

I was just content to sit and watch her flop around the room, be boring and stuff.

You know, that can.

That can cause problems.

Being male differences, you know, that's pretty self explanatory.

Yeah, we're just different.

Linda's different.

Linda comes in and she wants details and I just want the headlines.

And that's a whole different teacher.

That is.

And excess family upbringing like we talked about a little bit before, excess baggage.

All of these are different ways that we may lack in our understanding towards our homes.

And we need to learn.

And then that excess baggage is a good one because the sooner you find out about that and if you're not married yet or you're in your beginning years, you need to.

Those are things to.

To talk about, you know, get to know each other's backgrounds.

Because all of a sudden, a year, two, three years in, all of a sudden you go, where'd that suitcase come from?

Oh, yeah, from the past.

And it gets popped open.

Well, I didn't know about that part.

Well, I hadn't thought about it for a long time, but something happened yesterday and this stirred me up, and all of a sudden that.

That excess baggage from something that happened in a previous relationship or while they were young or while they were maybe married to somebody else, or maybe it was when they had situations with their.

With their parents.

Because I remember there were some things with Linda I had to deal with like that.

Don't assume anything.

No, don't.

Well, we thought we knew because when we went on our honeymoon, we did.

We were pillars.

We were.

We thought.

Yeah, we were pillars.

How little did we really know?

Right.

That's right.

Well, they played the Newlywed Game.

We went on a cruise and they played the Newlywed Game and.

And we actually won.

But they had honeymooners, which was us.

Then they picked out.

Help me.

Who?

What?

Other people, different ages, probably up to 50 years.

They had like five couples, maybe six couples.

Well, we won, so.

Yeah, that's right.

We thought we had it all together.

That's why I said we never needed to go get counseling, because Newlywed Game.

That's it.

That's it.

That's right.

Well, we did some episodes on understanding your spouse.

What episodes were those?

Episodes 20 and 21.

We do a deep dive into.

Into these different areas, and we just encourage you to go back and listen to those and see how they may impact your marriage and how you can learn from it.

Though that would be great, because when we do this, when we learn and to understand our spouse, when we learn women to understand our husbands, then we're.

We're able to operate in more patience and we're able to be more compassionate and, you know, we actually have a greater appreciation where we're able to forgive more easily.

Yeah.

And were more able then to meet his needs.

Yeah.

Right.

And I know a lot of people say you never can understand a woman.

And I remember one time I had a pastor said, I don't.

He says, I don't even think God understands women.

Guys are a lot simpler, but yet we still have our own unique situations that, That a wife needs to understand to.

How to take care of their.

Their man.

We're ever changing.

But women, your men, they're pretty easy.

Yeah.

So if you just learn some few basics, you're going to have it made in the shade.

Yeah.

But learning knocks out a lot of confusion and allows you to love more effectively.

We just want to encourage you, if you're not getting our newsletter, we're putting a weekly newsletter out that covers a marriage topic.

And eventually it's going to have some other things to go with that.

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So that'd be great.

Yeah.

So let's go on Linda.

Let's go to number two.

Okay.

By learning his love language now, I'm sure most people have Learned what the 5 love language.

I'm gonna say something right now.

Tell me.

There's a lot of guys that'll say making love is their love language.

That's not a love language.

Making love.

No, it's not.

Well, the Five Love Languages.

There's a book out there.

We'll put it in our show Notes by Gary Chapman and it's called the Five Love Languages.

Pretty easy.

But let me just tell you what they are.

Physical touch is one.

Words of affirmation is another.

Did you want to say something?

I just say that's where a lot of guys say, oh yeah, making love.

I've got to have make love and have sex and all that.

That's, that's a whole different category.

And it's.

Yeah, this one is non sexual.

Some people will like physical touch.

Now, Linda was.

When we first got married, the more physical touch in our relationship, I didn't have to have hugs.

Well, I like hugs and I would that.

But I didn't need to have somebody rubbing my back, rubbing my feet, rubbing my shoulders.

I liked holding hands.

But Linda was physical touch.

She liked to have that.

She liked her back rubbed to me.

I never needed a back rub.

So why does she need a back rub?

And believe me, that caused some issues throughout our marriage until we learned about the lovely.

Because when we first got married, love languages weren't even heard of yet.

True.

So it's their fault we had problems because they didn't write the book sooner.

There you go.

All right, so go ahead.

I'll quit interrupting.

Okay.

Words of affirmation is another one.

Quality time is the third one.

Gift giving is a fourth one.

And acts of service.

So go.

Go read the book and figure it all out for you and your spouse.

Which one?

See that?

If I would have learned this sooner.

Yeah.

This is an active.

She loves it when I do things to help her.

That would have saved me from buying cards.

A lot of extra gifts.

She'll take a gift now.

I like.

But that was not her love language.

So see, when you're not understanding your love languages, it can be costing you money.

That could be.

So go vacuum the floor.

Yeah, as soon as we get done, dear.

Okay, well, by doing this, you're looking.

When you learn about this, you usually have a primary and.

And then there's a secondary.

Yeah.

And mine was primarily access service, which we like.

Doing dishes without being told or run the vacuum or clean the bathroom.

Thinking ahead.

Thinking ahead.

Yeah.

Personal.

Oh, and I gotta say this.

You know, acts of service would fall into getting gas for my car, making sure my oil is changed when it needs to be, and taking my car and getting washed.

I mean, those are like, wow.

Yes.

Thank you.

That's filling my love tank.

We'll find out.

Women, what your spouse, what your husband, what fills his love tank?

Is it.

Okay, well, first of all, I gotta say, number one, primary was for me, acts of service and personal touch.

Okay.

Like Greg mentioned earlier.

Yeah.

Physical touch.

And then Greg's is words of affirmation in quality time.

So what I had to learn to do is to constantly give him words of affirmation to build him up, to build his ego, to tell him, that was really good, dear.

That was good, Greg.

Yes.

Yes.

And he's like, yes.

All right.

And then the second one, quality time.

I don't know.

You're pretty even with.

I changed a little bit because I like.

I like quality time.

And, yeah, I like physical touch, too.

Yeah, you've learned to do that more than that.

Yeah.

And I've gotten more into the gift giving, so it will change over the years a little bit.

But for me, with Greg, quality time would mean.

Linda, put your phone down.

Say that again.

Put your phone down.

Say it one more time.

Put your phone down.

Thank you.

Three times is a charm.

Get the, you know, full focus, I guess is the way to put that quality time.

Give him my full focus.

Look your husband, if he's.

Quality time, look him in the eyes.

And now, Greg, after having a day of work or, you know, podcasting or teaching on YouTube, whatever it is, he's Like, I need some quality time.

Let's just sit down together.

It has to be together, you know, and watch some TV or watch a show that we walk or go for.

Well, we used to go to walks all the time.

First thing, we'd always go for a walk and just talk and go outside,

do that, reconnect and have that.

But since Linda's had her back surgeries and stuff and a lot of stuff, we're not able to do that at all the way we used to.

So don't ever take what you can do for granted.

Don't those walls.

And if you're not taking walks together, I just think to get out, nothing.

It doesn't cost anything.

Go out for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes.

You don't have to take your dog, even.

But just go outside and take that walk and it.

You'll be surprised what it can do

for you, you know, and if.

If you have children in the home, just set them up to be doing their homework where you can still monitor what's happening.

But the two of you maybe pull into the next room or something and focus on each other.

You know, that time is very important.

But my point being here, learn your husband's love language.

And if you're not, if you treat your spouse the way you want to be treated in the love languages, then there's going to be a void.

That's right.

And that usually is what happens.

Like, a lot of people might like to like me.

A surprise for a birthday would be great.

But for somebody that doesn't even care about that, well, then pulling a surprise for them and their birthday is like, that didn't really do much for me.

You know, it was nice.

It's like, you're not into a lot of romance cards and.

And all of that, Right.

You'll take them, but you'd rather me do something, right.

Or cash.

Right.

So drive me through the car.

She was more me doing things around the house without having to be asked or helping her when she's doing things is more important than words of affirmations or a gift.

Yeah.

Like I have salt lamps throughout the house and the little bulbs burn out on them after a while.

And so rather than.

And he.

Greg is really good now when.

When the bulb burns out, he makes sure that he has a supply of bulbs.

And he immediately, without me even asking, will change the bulb in it.

I've already noticed that it's gone out, but he'll move right in there.

And that to me is like, wow, you just really donated into My love tank.

But women, think of ways that you can donate into your husband's love tank.

Fill his love tank full for with what his love languages are.

Okay, that's being on.

On purpose and intention.

That's exactly right.

And it comes back to the number one tip is getting understanding.

You know, learning how to understand.

Not only love is action.

Love is action.

This is targeted action.

That's right.

Yeah.

So number three, this is a good one here.

Do your part.

Women.

How the.

Okay, what's the title?

Let me just refresh you practical tips on how to love your husband God's way.

This part one.

All right, because this one is a doozy.

Do your part to keep the sizzle in your sex life.

Other words, keep the fizzle out.

Yep.

Get rid of the fizzle.

Keep it sizzling.

How do you do that?

Oh, here.

That's popped into my.

Just popped into my brain.

Who does not like the smell of bacon and the sound of it sizzling?

Oh, yeah.

In the kitchen.

Whoa.

Are you drawn to that?

Well, okay, think about it.

Proverbs 5, 9.

It says, and rejoice in the wife of your youth as a loving hind and graceful, exhilarated always with her love.

Well, that we can gain wisdom from that.

But you know what?

Women.

Men are always on red alert.

Men are like microwaves.

Red alert on.

Go.

Hold that thought for a minute on the scripture here.

I just want to say something to the ladies that you're not just there serving your man.

God wants you to be enjoying the sexual union as much or more than he has.

True.

That's right.

Right.

And so when it says, be always exhilarated with her love, that gives me the.

The message that she's in.

She is enjoying the lovemaking time.

And when she's enjoying it, then he's going to be enjoying it.

So, guys, even though this part's for the women, I just want to say if you're sneaking in and listen to this, your responsibility is, are you providing sex worth enjoying for your wife?

So I just want to throw that in there so that you can be aware of that, because she needs to be enjoying it.

But I'll tell you what, ladies, the men get excited when you're enjoying it.

And that comes down to communication.

And we're going to talk about something with that here in a few minutes, okay?

Yes.

Men are microwaves.

Women, we're slow cookers.

So remember that.

So don't be, you know, faulting them for that.

That's.

That's their normal sex drive.

That's Natural for a man.

You know, men feel that when.

When you're making love, you're with your men, they feel the connection.

You know, for your husband, this connection with you, that is an expression of his love for you.

Okay?

So that's all part of the normal sex drive.

And, you know, we don't want to get into a full teaching on this.

You want to sit, talk and bond, and that's how you're.

That's how what starts getting your play right to him, the physical part is his connection and bonding time.

Right?

Now, remember, women, that men are turned on by a look and by what they hear, what they see.

They're visual, and they're all visual when it comes to sex.

You know, they don't care that you might be a little overweight or, you know, that you're not dressed all up and got your face all done.

Then, you know, I mean, that's nice, right?

Right.

But if they just see you undressing, boom, they're on.

Go.

Ready?

Right?

That's right.

Like I said, don't criticize them or play this down because that's the way that a man is wired.

That's just how God put them together.

So play with them, play with your.

Play with their husband.

Tease him, flirt.

Take this to your advantage.

Flirt with him and have him looking forward to your lovemaking time together.

You know, that's something that you can do for your husband to keep that sizzle going throughout the day.

That's right.

You've got power.

You've got power with.

With your man.

And have fun with it.

Work it for your advantages.

I don't mean taking advantage, trying to

see who you're noticing or anything.

Dishwasher.

Right.

But that's true.

You're.

You're.

You're.

Have fun with.

God's giving you that ability, and that's part of the fun.

And yes, we know there's a lot of different variables.

So when we're talking about this and Linda's talking about this, we're looking at an overall situation.

We know each relationship has its own situations going on.

So we're not.

We're not trying to micromanage on this.

We're just talking about, in principle, you know, guys are going to.

They do.

They're visual.

You know, what if your man is sitting there saying, man, you look so good and you're naked and he's looking at you and is he's rubbing his paws in the ground or just making good comments about how good you are?

He.

He loves you.

You're God's gift to him.

And maybe you're a little overweight.

Maybe you don't have enough weight.

Maybe some things are just baby weight going.

Maybe got her or all the different things that ladies deal with.

You know what?

He is your man.

That's right.

And he take what he's saying as truth, you know, and, and, and, and, and don't argue with them about it.

You know, maybe if you need healing, don't reject them in that area.

It's.

It's vital.

And, and, and you know what?

He probably doesn't care if you feel like you just want to put a top on because maybe you want to cover something up or whatever, you know, then do it because guys think that's sexy too.

Different.

Guys are different in those areas.

But get a red light together.

Now we're.

Again, we're assuming everything else is going good here, you know, and, and don't make them turn the lights off all the time because you're embarrassed.

You know what?

He.

That's being able to joy.

But you know what?

As you do this, you guys can come up with your own kind of guidelines.

This podcast is called Married and what?

Love it.

Love it.

Yes.

Make your marriage fun, you know, love marriage.

And another thing is we, we have this little pillow.

On one side it says tonight's the night.

Yeah.

And so on the other side, it says, not tonight, dear.

So, so that's a good way to get a message across.

But remember, sometimes Linda throw it up in the air.

It's kind of like heads or tail.

Heads or tail.

Whichever.

Well, you know what with that saying right there, you know, sometimes the desire women is not going to be there for the arousal.

You know, you may not, but once the lovemaking process begins, then the arousal happens right out of it.

It'll kick in and then you can both enjoy it.

So you.

Desire comes after the arise.

That's exactly what I was trying to say.

Thank you, dear.

Yes.

So flirt with your man and meet his sexual needs as your marriage calls for it.

Okay.

And then it, you know, it's also okay to play with their ego.

Play.

Play it up.

Men need this.

Men need to.

Actually, if their love language is affirmation, that's true.

And also if they're, you know, they just.

That you can't give them a big head.

I mean, they, you.

A lot of women say his ego is already all out of whack, but you know, that's not true.

And that's just because they're self conscious or they have they have a low ego of themselves.

They don't think highly of themselves, but it's up to us women.

You know what?

We're the only ones that's right.

That have been given permission to do that for our husband.

If somebody else is building your husband's ego up, shame on you.

Don't let them do that.

You are the one to build your husband's ego up.

You're the one to adore his body and tell him so.

You're the one to adore his muscles and tell him so.

And if his body may not be perfect, you know what?

Find the parts that you like.

Yes.

Find what you do like.

You know, it may be the happy trail, or it may be that he has a hairy chest or he doesn't have a you like about your husband and tell him about that.

And.

And if both of y' all maybe need to lose a little weight or you need to work on your muscles, maybe I could start going to the gy together.

Sizing together.

There's no charge for that one.

That's a freebie, right?

Okay.

All right.

Hold his hand.

There's ways that you can show your care in little ways just to keep that sizzle in your marriage.

You know, come up to him and wrap your arms around him when he's in the kitchen doing the dishes or cooking for you, doing that.

Acts of service.

Right, Greg?

Yep, that's right.

That's right.

And, you know, get.

There's just so many ways that we can show we can love.

We can, you know, serve our spouse and outdo him in stuff, you know, to keep that sizzle in your marriage.

We did some more in depth teaching.

Yeah, we did.

We've done some more depth teaching on this.

That's why we're not trying to cover every little thing in here.

But God wants you to enjoy your sex life.

He wants to put sizzle in it and get rid of the fizzle.

And how the word.

If you got little kids, you got different things, health issues and all that.

We talk about that more.

So you can go to episodes 34 through episode 38, and we talk about sex and marriage, fizzle or sizzle.

And then we go through a lot of different tips and different things about making love that we believe will help you in your sex life.

And if you're already doing good, it can only reinforce what you're doing.

And then we're going to have more episodes coming out in the future.

I've got one I'm working on for the higher desire, lower desire situation.

So we got more stuff coming in

the hopper and we'll have this in our show notes.

Yes, we're going to put links to this in the show notes.

Very good.

We'll do a deep dive.

So in closing, we've got a couple of announcements as well as a couple honeydews for you for the ladies.

All right.

But real quick, we would love to hear your comments that you have about the podcast or any questions regarding topics you would like to hear.

Or maybe you've got a question going on and you can send us an email or you can go to our phone line and leave a phone message.

You can go in our Facebook group and leave a question or comment in there also.

And we're going to have those links in the show notes and I think even in the Facebook group you can do an anonymous on that or if you have a prayer request, same thing.

We'd love to be praying for you specifically.

So again, all those informations are there.

And pick out just one tip of the.

I think we did, what, three today.

Yeah.

From one of these tips, pick out one of those that you can improve on this week.

Think about that.

Which one can you improve on this week?

Women.

That sounds like a game plan.

What's another?

Last one is the second kiss.

And since we're talking them to the ladies, ladies, if you haven't been the one that initiates the 10 second kiss or you haven't heard of it, you know, both people can be doing the start the 10 second kiss.

But ladies, maybe this week, if you haven't started it for your husband, go find your big hunk of man and say, come here my lover boy.

And just say I want to give you a 10 second kiss.

Or don't even tell them, just pull them to you.

Set your timer for 10 seconds and lay a big one on them.

It will make his day, especially if this is something new for him.

So do that 10 second kiss.

Matter of fact, do it daily.

That's a great idea.

All right, well, thanks for joining us.

We're so glad you did and I hope you've gotten inspired by today's message and we're going to see you next week to pick up and do a part two on this tune in.

And until then, remember this, you can be married and love it on purpose.

Thank you for investing into your marriage by listening to the Married and Love it podcast.

Be sure to be a part of the ripple effect of making marriage great by sharing this podcast with other couples to equip them to be married and love it.

Also, subscribe to and follow us on your favorite platform and be sure to check out our website at www.marriedandlovet.com where you can learn more about Married and Lovett and contact us with any questions

or comments that you may have.

And remember with that you have a future and a hope and you can be married and love it on purpose.