Nov. 6, 2025

EP 50. Communication in Marriage; Pt 2 of Do's and Don'ts to Becoming a Skilled Communicator

In this enlightening episode, the hosts explore the intricate relationship between communication and conflict resolution in marriages. They underscore that effective communication is foundational for addressing disagreements and misunderstandings, advocating for a proactive approach to dialogue. Through practical examples and scriptural references, the hosts provide listeners with actionable advice on how to navigate difficult conversations. They assert that the heart's condition directly influences communication, urging couples to cultivate a spirit of kindness and understanding in their interactions. The episode serves as a reminder that communication is a skill that requires ongoing learning and application, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling marital relationship.

Takeaways:

  • Effective communication in marriage requires continuous practice and intentionality, as discussed in this episode.
  • The importance of utilizing 'I' statements instead of 'you' statements to foster constructive dialogue is emphasized.
  • We must be mindful of our body language, as it significantly impacts how our words are received by our partners.
  • Developing communication skills can lead to improved relationships and successful conflict resolution in marriage.

Speaker A

Foreign.

Speaker B

Welcome to the Married and Love it podcast.

Speaker B

We are Greg and Linda Smith, your.

Speaker C

Host from Raleigh, North Carolina.

Speaker C

It's great that you are taking time.

Speaker B

To invest into your marriage by listening.

Speaker C

To our weekly podcast.

Speaker A

The goal of our podcast is to provide you with a weekly dose of marriage teaching to help you stay focused on your marriage.

Speaker A

See it as freshening up your marriage, preventive maintenance, a marriage tune up or fan in the flame of romance, love and passion.

Speaker A

Well, you can even call it continuing education.

Speaker B

We will be covering everything that has to do with your marriage, including hot topics like sex, communication, love, and much, much more.

Speaker B

Our teachings are based on Christian principles plus over 47 years of marriage and ministry experience.

Speaker A

We want to help you make your marriage great by teaching you how to be married and love it.

Speaker B

It is an honor and privilege to have you.

Speaker C

Jo.

Speaker A

Hey, I'm glad you joined us today to get your weekly dose of Married and Love It.

Speaker A

This is your booster shot for the week.

Speaker A

On today's episode, we're going to be continuing talking about the do's and don'ts on becoming a skilled communicator.

Speaker A

We started this in episode 49, and in episode 48, we talked about successful communication being a skill and that it must be learned and practiced.

Speaker A

We discussed how the condition of our heart can impact our communication.

Speaker A

So let me encourage you to go back to those two because they kind of all blend in together.

Speaker A

And we're picking up with this episode 50 today, and they all kind of merged together.

Speaker A

So.

Speaker C

And actually our whole communication series actually started on episode 29 and 30 where we kind of laid out what communication is and how it works in your marriage and some points to get started on your communication skill development.

Speaker C

So go back to 29 and 30 and then actually opposite, I think also episode 47, we laid some more foundation, which is really good.

Speaker A

All of them kind of.

Speaker C

Which episode 47 actually has one of the big keys on successful communication.

Speaker C

So go back and listen to that one.

Speaker A

But these particular ones we're hitting on right now is about conflict within.

Speaker C

Yeah, Deal more with conflict.

Speaker C

Yeah.

Speaker A

So, and so let me just say what communication really includes is when you share your heart.

Speaker A

I mean, it doesn't have to be negative conflicts.

Speaker A

It.

Speaker A

It's calendars.

Speaker A

When you talk about your budget decisions, you're making together decisions in your life.

Speaker A

You know what our point is?

Speaker A

Just do it.

Speaker C

Yep.

Speaker C

Just do it.

Speaker C

Communicate.

Speaker A

The word.

Speaker A

He said the word says to communicate.

Speaker C

Yeah.

Speaker A

So.

Speaker C

So today we're going to start off with one of our base scriptures on communication.

Speaker C

And like Linda brought out with what the communication involves so much today when I'm doing research or I get on instant Instagram or Facebook, I see is getting over conflict in communication.

Speaker C

But communication just remind you, yeah, maybe you're having problems arguing or your disagreements or somebody's not even communicating, but communication is everything.

Speaker C

It's communicating your love and listen to set calendars, just sitting down and sharing your heart.

Speaker C

But right now, today we're going to be getting in probably dealing with things on the practical do's and don'ts of when you are communicating so you can have peaceful, productive communication.

Speaker C

So one of the base scriptures that we've been using that I really like is Genesis 11:11:6.

Speaker C

And it said the Lord said, behold, they are one people.

Speaker C

Again, that's talking about Pete.

Speaker C

God's people were trying to build this tower up to heaven.

Speaker C

And he said they are one people and they all have the same language.

Speaker C

And this me to me shows me that in your marriage then Melinda and I's marriage, communication is vital.

Speaker C

If we're not communicating properly, just like a sports team when they're playing sports or and in the army when they're trying to, to get behind the enemy lines, they have to be able to communicate.

Speaker C

And the enemy comes in and tries to stop their communication so the army can't advance.

Speaker C

Well, the enemy's coming in and trying to stop me and Linda, are you and your spouse from having effective communication?

Speaker C

And so whether that's getting aggravated because we didn't do our schedules and we didn't pick up the kids on time or whatever it might be, our communication is so important that we're speaking the same language and that's gonna, that that gets into the skill.

Speaker C

Are we on the same page on how we communicate?

Speaker C

And what's so cool if you could you as a couple can conquer this and develop, I would say develop it because we're always growing and learning.

Speaker C

It says.

Speaker C

And he said this is what they began to do and now nothing which they purpose to do will be impossible for them.

Speaker C

As you as a married couple can get on the same page in your communication, develop your skills.

Speaker C

Quit being selfish and pouting and walking out of the room when you, when you don't get your way or whatever.

Speaker C

That's an extreme case, but it happens, man.

Speaker C

Your marriage, your sex life can improve, your finances can improve your, your romantic life, your relationships and everything you do will excel because you're speaking the same language.

Speaker C

The other scripture is Proverbs 16:23 through 24.

Speaker C

And I love this scripture.

Speaker C

It says, the heart of the wise teaches his mouth.

Speaker C

And we've talked about this, but I just want to reiterate it.

Speaker C

That's talking about becoming a spill skillful communicator.

Speaker C

And it says, the heart of the wise teaches his mouth.

Speaker C

And that's what we're doing on these podcasts here.

Speaker C

And as persuasiveness to his lips, and it says, pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Speaker C

So as we become experts in our communication, develop that skill, our words are going to become honeycombs and they're going to bring healing to our relationships and keep problems from developing.

Speaker A

Yeah, we hear a lot of stories about couples not being able to communicate about anything.

Speaker A

And most often when they try, what happens World War Three?

Speaker C

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker A

Don't you hear a lot of that going on?

Speaker A

Yeah, well, you know, we can hear all the how to do's and don'ts and the secrets on how to have good communication, but if you don't learn them and do them, then you are not going to succeed.

Speaker A

Yeah, you know, we got to apply the things that we're learning and.

Speaker A

And in other words, developing, learning and applying them, that is going to make for good communication skills.

Speaker C

Yeah.

Speaker C

In James 1, 1926, we've got a good example of good communication and what we need to do to develop it.

Speaker C

All right?

Speaker C

It says, part of it says to be a hero of the Word and to do the Word and you will be blessed in what you do.

Speaker C

So first of all, we got to be hearing it.

Speaker C

We got to be learning how to be a skillful talker, how to do it, and then we have to do it, and then it says you'll be blessed.

Speaker C

So the Bible's given us instructions.

Speaker C

We have to be here because what happens, a lot of people will go and hear a sermon or a podcast on marriage or something regarding.

Speaker C

With marriage.

Speaker C

And they hear it and they go, that is good.

Speaker C

That is awesome.

Speaker C

And by the time they get home or get back in the car or two weeks later, they've done forgot about it.

Speaker C

So we got to hear and continue to hear the word, but then we got to do it.

Speaker C

So what happens when you start doing it?

Speaker C

It becomes part of you.

Speaker C

In other words, to be a skilled communicator, we communicator.

Speaker C

We have to develop the reps. We got to practice it.

Speaker C

So whenever you get times to.

Speaker C

Whenever you get time and you have a.

Speaker C

You're having a discussion, heated discussion, a lively discussion, or even when you're talking about the calendar things, you're practicing, and the more you do that and the more you practice good communication, you're going to get better at it before long.

Speaker C

It becomes natural to you.

Speaker C

You don't have to think about it.

Speaker C

So we have to be an intentional on our communication.

Speaker C

The other night, Linda and I were in the kitchen, and we started talking.

Speaker C

And I think.

Speaker C

I don't remember what it was about, but she said to do this, and I said I was going to do this.

Speaker C

And there was a difference of opinion in there somewhere.

Speaker C

And both Linda and I are very highly opinionated, and we're both cleric personalities, so we both want to sit there and say our thing or do our thing.

Speaker C

And I. I felt the atmosphere getting a little more heated, and I actually thought of something else to say, and all of a sudden my brain kicked in just like that, and I just said, you know what?

Speaker C

You're right.

Speaker C

And it ended it just like that.

Speaker C

I had to be intentional.

Speaker A

Well, that's because I was right.

Speaker A

And so once you finally write there.

Speaker C

See, that's because really, we've been talking about this such so much.

Speaker C

I'm hearing it, and I had to apply it.

Speaker A

So faith comes by hearing and hearing and hearing and hearing.

Speaker A

And that's the point we're trying to get across right today, to become that skilled communicator, you're going to have to hear the Word.

Speaker A

But then the other point we're trying to get across today is then you got to apply it.

Speaker C

Right.

Speaker C

But see, what happens is what.

Speaker C

A lot of times we'll hear messages on healing or finances or.

Speaker C

Or whatever type teaching, and we.

Speaker C

We constantly will listen to that to get our faith going.

Speaker C

But marriage teaching is just as important as any other, these teachings.

Speaker C

And that's why the Bible says, like Linda just said, faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God.

Speaker A

Well, that's why we bring out that this is our weekly dose.

Speaker C

Right, the weekly dose.

Speaker A

Now to do it on a regular basis, to hear marriage teaching and get that weekly dose.

Speaker A

Get that booster shot for you.

Speaker C

Yeah.

Speaker C

Because if.

Speaker C

If maybe once a week, once a month, a quarter.

Speaker C

But we need it because it jogs your memory.

Speaker A

Well, there's the four R's.

Speaker A

Yes, we're going to renew our mind with it.

Speaker A

We're going to refresh ourself with it.

Speaker A

We're going to be able to refocus on it, and it would be marriage stuff, and then it's going to remind us stuff.

Speaker A

We always.

Speaker A

We always say, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, I Heard that.

Speaker A

Well, what have you done with it since you heard it?

Speaker C

That's right.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

What have you done with it?

Speaker A

You know, so remind yourself because you can always.

Speaker C

This is stuff we always got to.

Speaker C

To be applying.

Speaker C

That's what we say.

Speaker C

We're on purpose.

Speaker C

So as you're learning this and developing your skills, we have to be intentional.

Speaker C

So if you get in a heated marriage and love it, you got to get intentional.

Speaker C

So, okay, what should I do here?

Speaker C

This isn't right.

Speaker C

Because your holy spirit and we talked about the using the spirit.

Speaker C

It's going to prop.

Speaker C

Tap you on the shoulder and go, go.

Speaker A

Remind you.

Speaker C

Remind you.

Speaker C

Just like sometimes when we're recording and I get too long winded, all of a sudden I see Linda kind of sending me a signal, okay, let's move on.

Speaker C

And I can ignore it or I can say, okay, yep, I do need to move on.

Speaker C

Whatever you need to say, okay, you're right.

Speaker C

Or other stuff the wife saying, you know what, you're right.

Speaker A

Well, that comes to the scripture next.

Speaker A

That really part of it says, let everyone be quick to hear.

Speaker C

And this is part of James right here.

Speaker A

Yes.

Speaker A

Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.

Speaker C

Right.

Speaker A

So when we talk about the gentle answer turns away wrath.

Speaker A

That's another scripture, you know, that's.

Speaker A

That that's important as well.

Speaker A

There's so many that they blend together.

Speaker C

Yeah.

Speaker C

Everyone be quick to hear.

Speaker C

That's the first thing we need to do is listen.

Speaker A

Yes.

Speaker C

And then slow to speak.

Speaker C

Don't spout off the first thing that comes out of your mouth.

Speaker C

And to be slow to anger.

Speaker A

Okay, now, yeah, we got to watch that.

Speaker A

The first thing that comes to our head.

Speaker C

Yeah.

Speaker C

So with this scripture here, there's two points we always talk about.

Speaker C

Linda just shared the scripture.

Speaker C

A gentle answer turns away wrath.

Speaker C

But a big key is how do you start a conversation?

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

How do you.

Speaker C

When you come in and you've got something to talk about, do you come in like a bull in a china cabinet and just start ranting and raving or coming off using you statements, you did this or I need to.

Speaker C

You did this.

Speaker C

Or do you start off with a soothing tongue?

Speaker C

Proverbs 15:4 says, A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion crushes a spirit.

Speaker C

See, if Linda comes to me with something she needs to talk to me about, and she comes off accusing, assuming, saying, you did this or this and that, which we're going to talk about how to do that a little bit.

Speaker C

What do I do if I'm not.

Speaker C

If I'm not listening properly, I'm going to get defensive.

Speaker C

Yep, that's what most people do.

Speaker C

But if I, if I put on my antennas, I'm going to say, oh, wait, wait, wait a minute, let's talk about this.

Speaker C

See what it starts.

Speaker C

It starts a snowball effect if we don't answer properly.

Speaker C

So two parts.

Speaker C

How do you respond to somebody?

Speaker C

But a biggest part is how do we start the conversations off?

Speaker C

So develop your skills.

Speaker C

Put the reps in every time you get in a situation to talk.

Speaker C

Focus on practicing your skills of communicating.

Speaker C

So before long, they become human nature for you.

Speaker C

You just do it automatically.

Speaker C

But you know what?

Speaker C

You're going to fail sometimes.

Speaker C

A lot of these speakers I listen to and people that have been married for years, they'll say, you know what?

Speaker C

Overall we do pretty good.

Speaker C

But every so often they'll go, man, I really blew it last night because we're, none of us are perfect.

Speaker C

So when your spouse messes up, forgive them, do a 10 second kiss and move on because both of you are learning and nobody's going to be perfect all the time.

Speaker A

Yeah, if you have a bad conversation, we'll just review it, Review it with yourself and, or review it together and see how you could have done things differently or, or talk differently.

Speaker A

It's, it's not just the talker, but also the listener.

Speaker C

Right.

Speaker A

You know, so it takes two to tango.

Speaker C

That's right.

Speaker A

There you go.

Speaker A

Don't condemn your partner.

Speaker A

Like Greg said, realize that we're both learning.

Speaker A

Your, both of y' all are learning and growing.

Speaker A

You, you know, whatever their behavior may have been or that, that you don't react to that, but you just respond.

Speaker A

You listen, you respond.

Speaker A

And that, that, you know, that's a skill set.

Speaker A

Yeah, that's something you got to learn.

Speaker A

We learn by failures and then we just keep on going, right?

Speaker C

That's right.

Speaker A

Well, let's just take a short break because all that's been a pretty good booster shot.

Speaker C

Yeah.

Speaker A

Think here.

Speaker C

I do.

Speaker A

But hey, I just want to let y' all know that we're going to be our 48th wedding anniversary on November 12th.

Speaker A

That's coming in.

Speaker A

So in honor of this, we're going to be giving away four of the married and love it coffee mugs.

Speaker A

If you're currently on our mailing list to receive our newsletter and you send in a comment, question, prayer request, if you do a review, then we're going to put you in the drawing for those coffee mugs.

Speaker A

If you're not already signed up for our newsletter, click onto the link that's in our show notes to sign up and then we're going to enter you into the drawing.

Speaker A

So the deadline is November 30th.

Speaker A

We're going to do the drawing on December 1st.

Speaker A

Now if you'd like to see what our mugs look like, go to our website, which is also in our show notes and click the button on the website how to get to it.

Speaker A

And it's going to show you a picture.

Speaker A

Just like go to the stores, the store, merch shop and click on that and then you can open it up and see what we've got there for you.

Speaker C

Yep, that'll be fun to have that drawing.

Speaker C

I know some of y' all are going to get blessed by taking part in that.

Speaker A

Now, you know what someone had said, you know what?

Speaker A

Don't put me in the drawing.

Speaker A

And because we've already had people, their names going in because we don't drink coffee.

Speaker A

Well, you don't have to drink coffee.

Speaker A

Use it.

Speaker A

You use that mug to put pens in or drink hot tea, hot chocolate.

Speaker A

Yeah, that's true.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker C

Or give it away.

Speaker A

Give it away to somebody else, you know, and.

Speaker A

Or just set it up on your windowsill or wherever it is that you have something to remind you to pray for us.

Speaker C

That's right.

Speaker A

Because you know what?

Speaker A

We really do need your prayers.

Speaker C

Also.

Speaker C

It can be, it can be a reminder to you to say, hey, oh, that's right, I'm married and love it.

Speaker A

Yes.

Speaker C

That keeps your vision before you.

Speaker A

That's right.

Speaker A

And remind yourself of being married and love it.

Speaker A

And being intentional.

Speaker C

That's right.

Speaker C

You got to be in on purpose.

Speaker A

On purpose.

Speaker C

So let's look at some more areas that are the do's and don'ts.

Speaker C

In the first five that we covered last week was number one, deal with conflict.

Speaker C

Clarify what you were saying.

Speaker C

Mirror what you heard.

Speaker C

Give your shoulder, not your mouth and avoid using.

Speaker C

You should have statements.

Speaker C

All right, so that's a boatload.

Speaker C

Let's move on to number six, Linda.

Speaker A

All right, let's get into it.

Speaker A

Ask open ended questions.

Speaker A

Now you might wonder what is an open ended question?

Speaker A

That is a question that it take.

Speaker A

They put the person you're asking it answers either yes or no.

Speaker A

That is a close that you know.

Speaker A

So we want.

Speaker A

What you want to do is open something, say it like this.

Speaker A

Okay, well, first of all, here is what you don't want to say.

Speaker A

Did you enjoy the sermon today?

Speaker A

Yes or no would be an answer.

Speaker A

Well, what you want to say Is what did you like the best about that sermon today?

Speaker A

Or maybe another thing would what happened at work today?

Speaker A

Or you know, who did you have lunch with today?

Speaker A

Some.

Speaker A

How was your day?

Speaker A

Yeah, give me details on that.

Speaker A

All of these do statements promote conversation?

Speaker C

Right?

Speaker A

Ask that open ended question.

Speaker C

Yep, that's the best way.

Speaker C

I mean, if somebody says, how did you like the sermon?

Speaker C

If it did you like the sermon today?

Speaker C

And they say, yeah, well, you can always say, well, what did you like about it?

Speaker C

Now that may put them on a spot, but that's opening the conversation up.

Speaker C

So the next one is speak for yourself.

Speaker C

And we kind of alluded to this a little bit earlier.

Speaker C

It is, that means use I statements instead of you and I used to be real bad about doing you statements.

Speaker C

And I may still be at times, but you statements put people on the defensive.

Speaker C

If you say, you always do this, you did this, you make me do this.

Speaker C

What that does is it opens that door for defensiveness and for them to, to react because automatically we put on our defensive mechanisms.

Speaker C

So don't say, you make me so angry when I should do all the housework.

Speaker C

When you act like I should do all the housework.

Speaker C

See, I got angry and I couldn't even speak right.

Speaker C

You, you, you lever lift a finger to help.

Speaker C

Or you could say, to bring peace in the home.

Speaker C

I get so discouraged when I feel like I'm expected to do all the housework.

Speaker C

See the difference?

Speaker C

You make me angry.

Speaker C

Point my finger at Linda.

Speaker C

You make me angry.

Speaker A

Ooh, body language.

Speaker A

We're going to be, yeah, we're talking in a minute.

Speaker C

So say I, everybody say I say I feel this way.

Speaker C

This is what happens to me.

Speaker C

And put it on you yourself and say how it makes you feel or what the responses are and it will help to fuse things and then it will open the door for a better conversation.

Speaker A

Right?

Speaker A

So the next one is don't butt in or interrupt.

Speaker A

And I have to say ouch on that because this is an area I have to constantly work on that I am not interrupting or thinking ahead and saying it before I let Greg get ahead, you know, get it, get everything out that he and I even do.

Speaker C

It a lot because we, what happens is we start thinking like Linda said, we start thinking ahead how we're going to answer or how we could say something better.

Speaker C

And it when both of you are butts or buddies, then you're a butt.

Speaker A

When you butt in, you're a butt.

Speaker A

Proverbs 18:13.

Speaker A

He who gives an answer before he hears it is Folly and shame to him.

Speaker A

Oh, let the other person have their say.

Speaker A

You know, it's kind of rude.

Speaker A

It sends a message.

Speaker A

I don't want to hear what you have to say.

Speaker A

It actually, that also shows.

Speaker A

It creates defensiveness and it can wreck the communication line.

Speaker A

It destroys the flow of thought and the conversation.

Speaker A

Because, like, think about it.

Speaker A

Do you want to be interrupted when you're talking?

Speaker C

No.

Speaker A

Me either.

Speaker A

You know, because, well, what happens to me if I get interrupted is then I forget what I was saying.

Speaker C

You know, it comes back.

Speaker A

It's true.

Speaker C

It comes back to be an intentional.

Speaker C

See, when you get in these conversations, we have, have to, we have to shift in, okay, how do I react?

Speaker C

How am I responding?

Speaker C

So you almost got two tapes going in your head saying, okay, what should I do here?

Speaker A

That's right.

Speaker C

And when you feel that urge, the more you do this, like we were talking about, you're getting the reps and so you're going to be getting.

Speaker C

You'll learn the signals that's coming from your spirit that goes, Linda could be talking.

Speaker C

I go get ready to say something and I can catch it because I'm making myself aware of what I'm doing because I'm being intentional.

Speaker C

So it takes practice.

Speaker A

It does take practice.

Speaker C

Just because you hear this, maybe you've never.

Speaker C

This is pretty common teaching for communication right here.

Speaker C

This is no heavy revvy.

Speaker C

Unless you've never heard it before.

Speaker C

But just because you hear it once, unless you're just almost like, God, you're not going to get it the first time.

Speaker C

Probably.

Speaker A

No.

Speaker A

That's why we say about hearing and hearing.

Speaker A

And hearing, right?

Speaker A

Yes, yes.

Speaker A

So let's move on to the next one.

Speaker A

Be aware of body language, whether it's you that's creating body language, conversation, or the person that you're talking with.

Speaker A

Listening shows that you think the other person is important and that what they say is important.

Speaker A

But your nonverbal clues can give them insight and into what you actually feel about what they're saying.

Speaker A

And so you want to be aware of those signals that you're sending them.

Speaker A

Like, does your body language say you're important to me, I want to hear what you're saying.

Speaker A

Or does it say, hurry up, I've got other things to do?

Speaker C

Yeah.

Speaker A

Do you have some.

Speaker A

What are some things that you notice, dear, about non verbal, clear.

Speaker C

One example just came to me is you ever been in a conversation with three or four people or just one person?

Speaker C

Maybe it's at church in the four year one of your co workers at Work or somebody.

Speaker C

And you start talking and all, and your guys are looking at each other, talking, and all of a sudden your person you're talking to keeps looking behind you, all around you.

Speaker C

And then they, you could see they're, they're looking around.

Speaker C

What type of signal does that send to you?

Speaker A

Does that say that you have full attention?

Speaker C

Full attention.

Speaker C

That they're interested?

Speaker C

Maybe they're looking for somebody.

Speaker C

Maybe they're bored.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker C

You don't feel good when that happens?

Speaker A

No.

Speaker C

And that's, that's why we need to focus if we're talking to somebody, looking at them in the eyes, looking at them and paying attention, maybe shaking your head a little bit every so often saying, yeah, I hear what you're saying, but that, just remember what it feels like when that's happened to you in the past, when somebody just keeps looking around because you don't feel important, like they're looking for somebody better.

Speaker C

So here's some other non verbal clues.

Speaker C

It could be the wife continuing to paint her nails when her husband's trying to talk to her about something.

Speaker C

Rolling the eyes.

Speaker C

Have you ever rolled the eyes?

Speaker C

Staring into space, counting ceiling tiles, tapping.

Speaker A

Your fingers on the table, shrugging your shoulders, fiddling with your pencil, continuing to.

Speaker C

Play with your device.

Speaker A

Here's a big one.

Speaker A

Looking at your watch.

Speaker C

Oh.

Speaker A

If someone is talking to you and you keep looking down at your watch, then you look back up at them.

Speaker A

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker A

What is that?

Speaker A

What is, what kind of signal is that sending?

Speaker C

They're tired.

Speaker C

They're bored.

Speaker A

Yep.

Speaker C

Yeah.

Speaker A

So.

Speaker A

And they're, they're really not paying attention to what you're saying.

Speaker A

They really don't want to listen to you.

Speaker A

Yeah, right.

Speaker C

Yeah.

Speaker C

And, and I know we have a situation where Linda will be on her.

Speaker C

She's gotten a lot better at this.

Speaker C

She'll.

Speaker C

I'll be trying to talk to her and she's on her phone just scrolling or looking at something, whether it's her calendar, I don't know what Amazon, whatever it is on there.

Speaker C

And I'll say, let me know when you want to talk.

Speaker C

And she'll go, I'm listening.

Speaker C

I can do two things.

Speaker A

Multitasking, you know, I'm good at multitasking.

Speaker C

And I just say, go ahead.

Speaker A

No, I was just gonna.

Speaker A

Here we are, interrupting each other.

Speaker A

That was okay, we being butt heads.

Speaker A

So I'm good at multitasking and I can do both, but that doesn't give me an excuse, right.

Speaker A

To not pay attention, Put my phone down and pay attention to what Greg is saying, you know, so within our own marriage, we got to really work at this, you know, and.

Speaker A

But you know, what I've learned to do is to say, let me get this.

Speaker A

Hang on just minute.

Speaker A

I want to listen to what you're saying, but let me just finish this up.

Speaker A

I gotta close this off because maybe I'm documenting when I took a certain medicine or, you know, something of that sort.

Speaker A

And so I gotta get it in.

Speaker A

I do everything in my phone.

Speaker A

Everything but go to the bathroom in my phone.

Speaker A

Well, I don't know.

Speaker A

I take my phone to the bathroom.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker A

Who else does that?

Speaker A

Do you out there?

Speaker A

Audience.

Speaker A

Do you do that?

Speaker C

Let's tight to everybody.

Speaker A

Okay, well.

Speaker C

But that.

Speaker A

So go on.

Speaker C

What she's saying though is anytime somebody has a chance to assume something that you're doing, say, hey, let me just finish.

Speaker C

Let me close this page out.

Speaker C

Yes, I want to listen and then set your phone down or turn the TV off or get the DVR going or.

Speaker C

Or quit stirring vegetables and take them off the burner so you can go sit down.

Speaker C

If it's.

Speaker A

You know.

Speaker A

That's a good point.

Speaker A

So let me just interject.

Speaker A

If you're cooking and your spouse needs to talk to you about something, but you gotta take it off the burner if it's something that they desperately need.

Speaker C

Yes.

Speaker A

Something really undivided attention, you know, turn the burner off so nothing burns, whatever it might be.

Speaker C

And as a husband and wife begin to.

Speaker C

If you know how y' all want to communicate, if you're wanting to have a conversation and you don't mind them being over there stirring the vegetables, or maybe they are finishing something in the computer and you know they're listening.

Speaker C

And you guys.

Speaker C

That's an accepted thing for your particular type of communication, then that work, that's fine as long as you communicate and you guys get some guidelines.

Speaker C

But what you got to watch, if you do that for each other, don't get in a habit.

Speaker C

So all of a sudden you get with another relative or maybe your kids or co workers.

Speaker A

True.

Speaker C

Where.

Speaker C

Hey, my husband doesn't mind if I'm clicking away or scrolling.

Speaker C

But they might.

Speaker A

That's.

Speaker C

So these are not very good point.

Speaker C

These are just not tips for you.

Speaker C

It's also for.

Speaker C

With your kids.

Speaker A

Yes.

Speaker C

Your parents, maybe brothers and sisters, co workers, people at church.

Speaker C

These are these.

Speaker C

These work everywhere, so be aware of the signals that you're sending.

Speaker C

Let's close up with this right here.

Speaker A

Okay, so Ephesians 4, verse 39 through 42.

Speaker C

Now this is a good, this is a good scripture Linda's going to read.

Speaker C

Coming back to being skillful.

Speaker A

Yes.

Speaker A

It helps develop those skill learning muscles, the communication muscles.

Speaker A

Right.

Speaker C

That's got to work them.

Speaker A

Yep.

Speaker A

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment that it may give grace to those who hear.

Speaker A

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor be put away from you along with all malice.

Speaker A

And be kind to one another.

Speaker A

Just be kind.

Speaker A

That's my explanation.

Speaker A

Simple, tender hearted, forgiving each other.

Speaker A

Just as God in Christ has forgiven you, you know, so build those communication muscles.

Speaker C

And a key part right here is according to the need of the moment.

Speaker A

And you know, we.

Speaker A

I like to take this scripture and apply it to me like put it in the I person form, like let no unwholesome word proceed.

Speaker A

Help me, Holy Spirit.

Speaker A

Let no unwholesome word proceed from my mouth, but only that which is a word that's good for edification according to the need of the moment that it may give grace to Greg.

Speaker A

That's how I'd like to say it a lot of times.

Speaker C

Yeah.

Speaker A

And, and going on down the scripture, just apply it and make it a confession for me.

Speaker C

Yeah, that's right.

Speaker A

That's good.

Speaker C

So ask God, say God, help me, especially if you know you got some weaknesses.

Speaker C

Say God, help me to be a better communicator.

Speaker C

Help me know what to say to my husband or wife at this time or this time or if we're having this type of conversation.

Speaker C

Help me to control my emotions, help me to control my reactions, help me to respond.

Speaker C

Begin.

Speaker C

Get the God factor coming in and helping you.

Speaker C

Because you know what?

Speaker C

As you work on your unity, as you do your part to be an expert communicator, your spouse eventually will catch on if they're a little slower because maybe they're just being stubborn.

Speaker C

But as you both get this down and practice and practice, God said for you as a married couple, you're speaking the same language.

Speaker C

Nothing will be impossible for you.

Speaker C

Because you know what?

Speaker C

You guys got goals and dreams that you want to accomplish together for your kids or when they get older, for your grandkids.

Speaker C

You've got some things you want to accomplish as a couple.

Speaker C

Maybe it's a business, maybe ministry, or you just want to be enjoying life and all these things.

Speaker C

The enemy is going to come in to try to stop you and he's going to do part of it by your communication.

Speaker C

So remember as you're doing this, you are guys are going to be able to fulfill your goals, dreams and purposes in an easier way.

Speaker C

Because God has a future for hope and a hope for you.

Speaker C

And it's going to come as you guys get unified and perfect your communication.

Speaker A

That sounds great.

Speaker A

Yep.

Speaker A

So here's some honeydews.

Speaker A

Ask yourself 1.

Speaker A

One honeydew.

Speaker A

Ask yourself, do you have a habit of butting in?

Speaker A

Because the first thing is you got to recognize it should.

Speaker C

Maybe they asked their spouse.

Speaker A

Oh, yeah, you could do that.

Speaker A

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker C

That's communicating.

Speaker A

That's communicating.

Speaker A

So do you have a habit of butting in or interrupting your spouse when they're talking?

Speaker A

And then like Greg said, add on to that tag, you're it.

Speaker A

Am I doing this or not?

Speaker C

That's a good thing though.

Speaker C

I mean, you could ask yourself.

Speaker A

True.

Speaker A

Yes.

Speaker C

Get brave, step out of the comfort zone.

Speaker A

That is definitely practice.

Speaker A

Yep.

Speaker A

That's going to take courage to move.

Speaker C

On with that and use I statements when you do it.

Speaker A

Do I do that?

Speaker A

No, no, I wasn't asking you.

Speaker A

So another number two honeydew is pay attention to your body language and how you may need to improve the signals that you are sending.

Speaker A

Those non verbal signals.

Speaker A

Pay attention to that.

Speaker C

Yes.

Speaker A

So they.

Speaker A

This is just a few things you can do.

Speaker A

A couple things you can do between now and our next podcast.

Speaker A

And what's the other one, dear?

Speaker A

You know what, this is the next honeydew.

Speaker A

You guys is gonna be medicine like candy to your soul.

Speaker A

Tell me, what is it, dear?

Speaker C

Well, it's using your lips.

Speaker C

Just like talking.

Speaker C

Yeah, that's part of communication if you're doing number one.

Speaker C

And number two, this may even go over better.

Speaker C

But it's the ten second kiss.

Speaker A

There you go.

Speaker C

Use your body language, but tell you what is communicate and kiss.

Speaker C

So what you need to do is say, hey, Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds and grab your spouse.

Speaker C

Maybe you just had a little argument, maybe it went well and you guys are celebrating.

Speaker C

But say, hey, Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds, pull your spouse over to you and give them a good old kiss.

Speaker C

And it can be whatever type of kiss you want to give them and enjoy it.

Speaker C

And then when it's over, if you want to keep going, going, but do at least 10 seconds, it can change the atmosphere of your day.

Speaker C

If you do it in the morning, it can send good feelings when you're going out the door.

Speaker C

Believe me, that is better than walking out the door and you've had an argument and you go out the house steaming.

Speaker A

And a lot of times if you're in the midst and on the verge of a heated discussion and you just take that little timeout break and do the 10 second kiss, it'll defuse the whole heated discussion.

Speaker C

That's right.

Speaker C

Yeah, that's it.

Speaker C

So do the 10 second kiss.

Speaker C

Practice it.

Speaker C

Now, feel free to leave any comments or questions that you have.

Speaker C

You can go to the Show Notes and you can get into our email there.

Speaker C

You can contact us.

Speaker C

There's a place to sign up for our email newsletter.

Speaker C

You can go on our website and leave information.

Speaker B

If you've got a comment or a.

Speaker C

Prayer request or a topic that you would like for us to share on a podcast, just send us an email there and we'll be glad to look at that and see what we can do or get back with you.

Speaker A

Okay, sounds great.

Speaker C

Also, we have a phone line that you can call and leave a message on.

Speaker A

Yes.

Speaker A

And it's on the website.

Speaker C

Yes.

Speaker A

Now, I hope you've been inspired, y'.

Speaker A

All.

Speaker A

I know I have and I.

Speaker A

And I got some homework to do.

Speaker C

All right.

Speaker A

But let me also say that I think Greg mentioned that if you know somebody that would benefit from these podcasts, we'll pass the word along to them, let them know that this is good, valuable information for them.

Speaker B

Share this.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

Share it with your family.

Speaker A

Your.

Speaker A

Yeah.

Speaker A

Share it with your friends.

Speaker A

Pass the word along.

Speaker A

And you know, they can be single because everybody, you know, there's a lot of people that if they're, they're not yet married but believing to get married, they can benefit from this podcast.

Speaker C

Yes.

Speaker A

So we're going to see you next week.

Speaker A

And until then, remember this, you can be married and love it on purpose.

Speaker B

Thank you for investing into your marriage by listening to the Married and Love it podcast.

Speaker B

Be sure to be a part of the ripple effect of making marriage great by sharing this podcast with other couples to equip them to be married and love it.

Speaker B

Also, subscribe to and follow us on your favorite platform and be sure to check out our website at www.marriedandlovet.com, where you can learn more about Married and Lovett and contact us with any questions or comments that you may have.

Speaker B

And remember with God that you have a future and a hope and you can be married in Lovett on purpose.