EP 49. Communication in Marriage; Practical Do's and Don'ts to Becoming a Skilled Communicator

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Hey there.

I'm glad you' here with us today to get your weekly dose of Married and Love it, your booster shot for the week.

And on today's episode, we're going to continue talking about improving communication in your marriage and focusing on resolving and handling conflicts.

Oh, this the topic everybody can't wait to hear about conflict.

But we're going to be talking about conflict and just how to have good conversations even if you're not in a conflict.

Because we know a lot of times you can start off with this just a simple conversation talking about goals, dreams, or your schedule, and somebody says something and somebody misinterprets and all of a sudden that conversation that started.

Yeah, innocently can turn into World War iii because we hear a lot of couples say every time we talk, we start arguing.

There's constant.

So we're talking about how to handle that.

And I'm going to do just a little bit of review, but this last episode, episode 48, we shared some really good stuff and actually 47 had a lot of good stuff.

But so I'm going to give you a couple highlights, but you need to make sure you listen to those after you've listened to this one if you didn't.

So in episode 48, we talked about successful communication being a skill.

You know, we have to learn, really, most of us, I'm saying there's a few people that are naturals, but most of us got to learn how to communicate clearly, accurately.

Some of us need to learn to communicate.

Yeah, some people probably communicate too much.

Some people are hiders or hurlers and they run or hide or they want to spit out everything.

But so we got to learn how to talk and what words to use and how we can make sure that when we're talking with our spouse, it's.

It's a good conversation, it's fun, it's.

It's fulfilling, it's purposeful, and we don't blame, and we don't put aggravations and everything involved that make it miserable.

So that's what we're going to be talking about.

It's a skill.

It must be learned and it must be practiced.

And that's, again, some things we talked about in the last couple episodes.

A scripture that we're using for that is in Proverbs, it says, and this is verse 16, chapter 16, verse 23 through 30, 24.

It says, the heart of the wise.

Now, do you want to be wise?

Well, here's how to be that.

It says the heart.

Heart of the wise teaches his mouth and adds persuasiveness in his lips.

In other words, he's learning how to speak, what to speak, who to speak it to, but how to.

How to deliver that talking.

What is he saying?

Words that bring life or bring death.

Is it.

Does it provoke love and kindness, whatever you want to call it, good things, or is it bring death or cause somebody to.

To want to put up the defensive?

Or is it blaming?

So the.

The heart of the wise teaches his mouth.

So that's what we're challenging you to do.

I'm challenging myself and Linda, too, because people can talk about communication.

There's all sorts of people that write lots of books about communication, but they'll all come down and tell you they still have their moments.

They're not perfect at it, but that's our goal.

So the heart of the wise teaches his mouth and adds persuasiveness to his lips.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

And that's the way we want our conversation.

When I talk to Linda, I want my words to be as a honeycomb sweet.

I uplift her.

I. I encourage her.

But if we have a conversation and we're talking about things that may not be comfortable, my words should still uplift her and bring peace and unity, even if we're having a disagreement, maybe, and not blaming and to put her on the defensive.

But then we also have to be a skillful listener because we have to learn not to take offense.

I'll learn not to take things personally, but those are things that we've been talking about, so we're not going to get on to that.

But become wise with your teaching and really with your mouth.

As well as you're listening.

So important part of developing the skills of communication is that we need to check the attitude of our hearts.

See, there's a lot of topics talking out there about communication.

Five steps to good communication.

Ten steps.

And we're going to share some tonight or on this episode.

And do this.

And don't do this, and make sure you're doing this.

But.

But we gotta look at what is the attitude of our heart.

So that's what we're gonna look at.

Luke 6:45 says what, Linda?

Oh, it says it's part B of this.

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

We'll ask yourself this.

What's in your heart?

Are you harboring anything?

Are you holding in bitterness and unforgiveness?

Anger or frustration?

Resentment?

How about a wounded heart from past experiences?

Well, you know, the list could go on and on, and during a heated discussion, it can really escalate and cause some pretty mean conflict.

Yes.

You know, well, this is a scripture.

I have to constantly tell myself, you know, to check out my heart.

Then if you mix it with a sassy mouth and sarcasm, being selfish or rude, all this can then what?

Totally explode?

Explode.

Yes.

Cause an explosion.

Right?

Yeah.

So ask God to reveal to you what may be in your heart and to help you overcome any of these issues.

And also Psalms 139, 23 says, Search me, O God, and know my heart.

You know, it takes a courageous person to pray this prayer.

Oh, yeah, it does.

Oh, I know.

You know, because he's gonna tell you.

He's gonna tell us.

That's for sure.

Try me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there's any hurtful way in me and Greg was talking about the learning the skill of communication.

And part of that is not wanting to be hurtful in what we say.

Yes.

You know, so see if there's any hurtful way in me and lead me in the everlasting way.

So, you know, take courage and know, hey, you're not the only one out there that has to check what's in their heart.

Check from the neck up.

Do a checkup from the neck up and see what's going on.

What's the attitude of your heart?

Yeah, and we, we went into this in depth on episode.

What was it?

48 something.

So we're just kind of touching on it right now.

But, but, but go into this, because what's in your heart is can poison worth repeating, and you may need healing in it.

And it all impacts your communication because we looked at Galatians 5, 16, 26, which talks about the, the, the deeds of the flesh and the fruit of the spirit.

Well, let me back up just a little bit and say, you know, a lot of people don't even realize that they got this going on.

That's right.

That they're throwing darts and they're throwing hurtful things.

Mm.

Toward their spouse or their family members or just around them.

Yeah.

They don't even realize it.

So be, be aware people, when you do pray this Psalms 139 that like, well, like we said, God's gonna let you know he is.

So be prepared for that.

So go ahead with.

That was a good point.

Because you know, we hear from couples that all we do is argue.

We can't have a conversation without arguing.

Or, or maybe it's not a knockdown drag out, but they're just got that argument of spirit or there's tens their homes.

That's because maybe they under.

They don't.

They're such in a rut of maybe having the sassy mouth, being selfish.

Right.

Being rude or blaming and getting a hard heart.

And then the person who's listening on the other end is not spirit controlled.

They're not walking in the fruit of the spirit.

So what do they do?

They retaliate.

Yeah, that's right.

That's why the word says a.

Sure.

A.

A soft answer repels it, turns away harshness, turns away raft.

And that's stuff we've talked about in the last two episodes.

So.

And that's part of learning skillful talk, developing new habits.

Yeah.

All of us, if you came from a home that everybody hollered all the time and it was normal.

Well, your wife or husband probably came from a home that was opposite of that.

And you gotta meet in the middle and learn how to communicate.

So take an evaluation and where you're at in your communication, whether you've been married for only six months or a year or two, and you're beginning to see patterns develop and seeing things you didn't recognize because when you were dating you were all lovey dovey all the time or the kids started coming in and everybody's on nerves and they're getting tired and fatigues because that tiredness and fatigueness, whether it's kids working all day long or working two jobs or what people have to do and stress, that brings out what's in your heart.

Yeah.

Squeeze your guard down.

Yes.

Squeeze that toothpaste.

So what's going to come out.

Yeah.

Is what's in your heart.

Right.

So work on that.

Be aware of it.

Now, what happens to us people that like Lynn and I are coming up on 48 years, in about a couple of weeks we can get set in our ways.

So if people don't deal with this stuff and they just keep going and going and that become walls can come up, bad communication skills and everybody just deals with it.

It's even harder to change because your brain is just got all this time on it, you know, the brain waves.

So it's even harder to change.

So.

But another scripture I want to add that we shared from a couple of weeks ago kind of sums up getting to skill involved in your.

In your communication and also dealing with your heart.

It's Ephesians 4, 39 through 42.

It says, Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth.

Man, you got to be skilled.

We've talked about a lot of times you get that one liner or you want to say something negative or you decide, well, you did that too.

Or you always do this.

Well, I did this because you did this.

That says let no one wholesome word proceed from your mouth.

The skill is to catch that word before it comes out.

Yeah.

And say, no, I can't say that.

I want to say it.

It would be perfect.

But no, that's skill to shut your mouth.

Right.

And then the skill comes.

But only such a word as is good for edification.

Right.

According to the need of the moment.

Now you may think they need to hear this.

That's right.

With the finger in their face or this or that.

But the needed a moment may be to say, you know what, I hear what you're saying.

I'm going to work on that.

Or let's meet a little bit later when you're cooled down and I'm cooling down.

And then let's just talk about it.

Okay?

Yeah.

In the meantime, let's do a 10 second kiss.

Oh yeah, see, there you go.

What, what is needed in the moment?

Listen to why it says that it may give grace to those who hear.

You're giving grace really to yourself and to the here.

Then it says let all.

It doesn't say let half of your bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor be put away from you.

It says all, everybody say all, all says put away from you.

Along, along with all malice.

And imagine this being kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ has forgiven you.

Just imagine your home or your marriage.

The atmosphere, whatever degree.

Maybe you're listening to this and you guys you have your skirmishes and you kiss and make up.

Don't ex, don't settle for.

We can all get better.

But maybe, maybe you're having maybe above average disagreements.

Just begin to speak this over your marriage.

We are kind to one another.

Oh yeah.

My husband and wife, we are both tender hearted.

We forgive each other, we walk in love.

We only speak words that are.

That bring life and begin to say that over you.

So whatever state you're in, you can improve.

Now in episodes 29 and 30, which we did about four or five months ago.

Wow, that's a long time.

We started our conversation about communication.

If you haven't listened to those, we go into the foundation for our communication series.

We covered a lot of basics of communication, the importance of communication, what it is.

And we also carried, shared some good practical how to's which, which will enable you and your spouse to be.

To speak the same language, to be on the same side, to be on the same.

So God can come in like he did in Genesis to the children there that were building this big tower.

He said they all speak the same language and nothing shall be impossible for them.

So as you and your husband or wife get this communication going, man, look out.

Because nothing would be impossible to you guys.

Well, before we get into some of the do's and don'ts, I just want to let you know that we are going to be doing a promotion from now.

Like Greg said, We're celebrating 48 years in November.

So we on know we're going to have a drawing on November 12th in honor of our wedding anniversary.

We're going to be giving away four of our married and Love it coffee mugs.

And if you're not already on the Married and Love it mailing list, that is where you are.

Yeah.

To receive our newsletter.

Right?

Yeah.

Then we want to invite you to sign up and we'll put your name in the drawing.

And then also you can double your chances by entering your spouse's email address as long as they approve.

And you can if you join between now and November 30th, that's when we're going to put all the names in the pot.

And on December 1st, we're going to be pulling the draw.

We're going to do the draw.

Yes.

So if you want to see a picture our coffee mugs there on our website and you can.

And that's going to be in our link and also we'll have that link in our show notes.

Okay.

Right.

There'll be a link at the bottom and show Notes specifically for website, but also for the.

For the email.

Sign up.

Sign up.

There's one that's direct and that'll.

That'll take you right to it.

You just sign up and that's what we'll pull the names from.

So let's get into the practicals of the practical do's and don'ts.

She's doing that.

And this is what I think I brought up a little earlier.

I can't remember everything, but a lot of times people try these practicals do's and don'ts of communication, but they don't have their heart.

Right.

They don't have a good foundation within themselves.

And before long, these.

These rules of communication are just rules.

Yeah.

And once you get your heart right, it just gives a whole different dimension to it.

Yeah, we got.

We got to get the God factor involved and we got to get our heart involved properly.

So.

All right, number one, deal with conflict.

All right, well, sometimes conflict does happen, right?

Yes.

We don't want to sweep it under the rug, because what's going to happen then is you're going to create a lump under the rug.

And you know what?

You can trip over it, which is what kind of.

I tripped over the rug and broke my foot.

So I'm in recovery of that.

It wasn't because of us sweeping conflict.

It wasn't.

It was just the rug got in the way of my foot.

And see, in our home, Linda's the one has no problem approaching me.

And.

And it's not, you know, not everything is.

She can bring something to me that we need to talk about that's not really conflict, but everybody kind of puts that in a situation.

But she wants to deal with an issue.

I'm the one that would just, hey, put it under the rug.

We'll deal with it.

Yeah.

So probably in your marriage, you have that same situation.

Yes.

Now, if the timing isn't right to deal with the conflict, then set up a time that's going to work.

Like if you got a, you know, it's time for dinner and everybody's hangry and you got to get things going and you're tired from the day, that's not the time to start bringing up an issue, you know, so pay attention to that.

And then if you do start to talk about a situation and you get to a position where you're just like, you know what?

This is getting a little heated, more than I'm ready to handle.

And so, you know, give yourself a little cooling off, not time, but come back to it.

Right.

You know, bring yourself back.

You know, say since we get the kids homework done, get everybody fed and bathed and get the kids in the bed, you know, let's sit on the account and let's resolve this situation.

Yeah.

Set aside time, because that's where we talked about a couple episodes ago.

Some.

Some people are hiders.

They get the silent treatment or they.

They just walk out of the room.

Yeah.

They don't want to talk about it.

And that's selfishness.

And that is basically being immature.

Sorry if that's your category.

But there's a difference between saying, like Linda said, you know what, I am tired, or you know what?

I got to get my emotions under control.

True.

Let's take 10 minutes, let's take five, like Linda said, and.

And say we'll come back to it.

That's maturity.

That's being skillful in your communication, knowing when to do that, but not putting your upper lip up and walking out of the room and sulking about it.

That's right.

That's not good.

You know, Linda, talk about dealing with conflict.

It has to be done.

It has to be done if you're going to have a successful marriage.

And one example I like to use.

I remember years ago, I was went into the doctor's office to get something checked, and they always ask that magic question, have you had your techni shot?

And I go, probably said, what's that?

Probably?

I don't know.

And he said, let me look.

No, I had not have it.

So he said, I'm going to give you a shot.

And I was sitting on the table.

This is long time ago.

And I said, oh, no, I am not wanting this shot.

All I can picture was his long needle.

The doctor comes over.

You know how they flick the needle to get the air out, kind of showing it off.

And I said, oh, no.

Oh, no, here it comes.

Were you dreading it?

I was dreading it.

Here comes.

Here it comes.

And I was dreading it.

I said, oh, no, he's getting closer.

He's getting closer.

And he says, all done.

I said, what?

I didn't feel hardly anything.

He goes, yeah, it did.

It wasn't meant to hurt or anything.

And that's how we are a lot of times in avoiding conflict.

Oh, yeah.

The wife says, dear, we need to talk.

Oh, yeah.

Those are the worst words.

And the men are like, oh, my gosh.

They always think negative, but that's not always the case.

And.

And so we dread that conflict.

And you know what?

If you just talk about it a lot of times, it's not near as bad as we think it is.

Yeah.

So to help you deal with conflict successfully, go back and Greg mentioned about the three Hs, the hider, the hurler in the healer.

Yes.

And what we want to be is a healer.

So in episode 47 talks about those three more in detail.

Yes.

So look at yourself and see what you need to do to be a healer in your marriage and in your communication with your spouse.

Right.

What's number two?

You've got something here.

What did I miss?

If you.

If you put off the conflict, it can come back and explode later.

Because the longer you have conflict and the longer you go true, it'll come back.

It's like you can get a bottle of Coke or something and shake it up and you say, you know what?

I'm not going to open this now because it's going to explode.

Yeah.

Well, that's what happens if we don't deal with something.

It's going to explode sooner or later.

Well, it's kind of like the Jack in the box.

Yes.

You know, everybody knows about the little Jack in the box.

You wind it and wind it and wind it and wind it.

It gets harder to turn.

It gets harder to turn, and then all of a sudden, kapoo, it comes out.

Right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So when I said I want that to happen.

So when I said the Coke can, I had a little backwards.

What happens if you're not avoiding.

If you're putting off conflict?

That conflict inside of you is getting.

It's brewing.

Yeah, it's brewing.

You're going, oh, my, I cannot believe they did that.

And you start shaking it and you get shaken, and sooner or later, something hits it and you just like the Jack in the box.

So don't let that happen.

No.

All right, so we're on to number two of clarify what you say.

What do you have on that, dear?

Clarify what you're saying.

Don't assume the other person knows what you mean, what you mean or what you're thinking.

You know, y' all have heard the story where especially the women, they go, well, my husband should have known what I was thinking.

We've been married all these years.

Your husband is not going to know what you're thinking.

That is so true.

They are not going to lead, but they're not going to know.

But if you're having a conversation and you're talking about a topic or what you're wanting to do, need to go, you got an area of conflict.

Don't assume the other Person knows what you're saying.

Assuming leads to confusion.

Okay.

That's the worst thing to do.

Like, even Linda and I were working on some of this script while ago, and she, she asked me, is this what you said?

Is this what you wanted in here?

Did I do this right?

And I said, yes, she repeated it to me.

So after making a statement or sharing your feelings, ask questions like this, what did you hear me say?

Yeah.

Now, a lot of times we accuse people of not listening.

This will expose on whether they're listening.

It's a form of accountability.

Yeah.

So what did you hear me say?

And hopeful.

Going to say back what they understood.

And maybe they.

Maybe what they heard is not what you said.

Okay.

You can say, what is your understanding of what I just said?

Another way to say it, and then be.

Be prepared to explain what you just said.

So clarify what you're saying.

Yes.

That way the ball's in your court.

Yeah, that's right.

Right.

Yeah.

And you kind of touched on it.

The next step with one of the to do's is to mirror what you heard.

Right.

Which is what you just said.

So we're going.

You heard me say, we're going from.

The speaker as we talk, another, another one of the earlier 29th we talk about.

You got to be a good here.

I mean, a good talker.

Yeah.

And a good listener.

You got to develop that skill.

These are skill principles right here.

Yep.

We're teaching you to clarify communication.

Mirror what you heard.

It shows that you heard what was said and that you understand what was said.

Like an example, a speaker might say, well, here's A, B, and C. But you actually heard E, F, and G. Well, that's miscommunication.

So you want to back up.

And when you mirror it, then the speaker can explain what they really meant, you know.

So what you don't want to say is, I understand how you feel.

And go on.

Because if you don't understand it, well, you know, then.

Then you're getting it all twisted and turned around.

But what you do want to say is what I think you said was this.

And then repeat what you heard.

Yes.

So takes away the misunderstandings and assumptions and confusion.

Yeah.

Yes.

All right, next one.

And we're going over these quick.

You can look at them and study them and.

And see how they're working in your life.

Number four, give your shoulder, not your mouth.

That's a good one.

Good example.

A wife comes in, she's all upset, see?

And this is usually the story.

It gets used a lot.

And it go.

But this will go.

Husband, wife, both backwards, both ways.

She's up.

Wife comes in upset, she's concerned, she's worried she has a problem.

She may even be overreacting.

Imagine that.

Stop what you're doing, look at her, hear what she is saying, then validate her feelings and comfort her.

Well, let me just bring out this next point.

The reason.

A lot of times it's the husbands, you know, and the wives have to, you know, they want to.

We need your shoulder, not your mouth.

But the men want to fix it.

They want to fix everything, you know, and, and not, you know, a lot of times I have to just say, you know what?

I don't want you to fix it right now.

I just need to vent.

Yeah, you need validation.

I just need validation.

I just need you to comfort me because this just really kind of wiped me out.

I need your shoulder.

Right.

I remember one time.

This is years ago, and Lynn and I would.

You.

You.

We still try to do.

But life's changed.

It's different situations.

But we would come home after a busy day and sit on the couch or maybe just come lay on the bed.

The kids would be back playing, or they were.

Could do their own thing.

And we'd talk about what went on at work or what issues we had and just talk.

And we both worked at the same place, I think when this happened.

Well, one day we came in and laid on the bed.

Linda was tired and she began to talk about her day at work.

And she.

And she started telling me about the issues she had, what problems she faced, people she had to deal with, what.

Whatever it was, it was kind of heavy on her and all that.

Well, what did I do?

I started telling her what she could have done and not to worry.

I told her how she could fix her job.

Wrong thing.

And how she could have handled each individual.

She said, greg, I don't want your advice.

I just want you to listen.

Yep.

I want your shoulder, not your mouth.

So that's something both husband and wives need to learn.

Because sometimes Linda's a fixer too.

She knows, right?

She's a smart cookie and I probably need to listen to her more.

There's a tip there, but I'm talking to myself now.

Give your shoulder, not your mouth.

Well, also.

Okay, another tip here is avoid using you should have statements.

Oh, yikes.

Okay.

Like saying should have to your spouse.

That that communicates negatively.

It tells them that their feelings, they're not important, that they're possibly their feelings are wrong or that you don't understand at all, should have statements you should have.

It can often breed anger, defensiveness and resentment.

So what we want to do is respond properly, communicate positively.

You know, like say to your spouse, I do want to hear how you feel.

I'm hungry.

Yes.

Where would you like to take me to dinner?

Meddling.

I respect your feelings or I see your point of view.

Yes, I do.

I understand and care about how you're feeling about that.

Sure, I can understand.

And these kind of things, they breed love and appreciation.

So that's a Don't react saying you should have done this or you should have done that, but instead respond with love and compassion.

Yeah.

And then in your skills you learn to do that.

Again, we're talking about.

It takes time to create that skill.

And that's a good point.

Once you listen to something like this, or maybe you learned something and your, your spouse is weak in a certain areas and you talk about it and they say, yeah, well I'm going to work on that.

In any area of marriage, always allow your spouse and yourself freedom to fail.

Right.

To goof up.

Because if somebody has been talking a certain way or responding a certain way for five years, one year or 30 years, it's hard to change that immediately.

So give them some grace.

Yeah, you can remind them politely.

Use your skillful finis to remind them that they ought not do that.

Like my mom used to tell me and my dad, you ought not to do that.

So learn how to do that.

Now here's an example of.

Just take this a step further.

Here's just a little situation.

The wife is driving the family car and she dings the car in the parking lot.

Here's the wife speaking.

Dear, I backed into a car at the store today.

The lady's car was dented up a bit.

The lady got really upset and it took the police 45 minutes to arrive.

And the ice cream that I got for Johnny's birthday party melted.

I felt so bad I could hardly drive home.

Well, let me just put in here, that wasn't me.

No, it wasn't.

This is not a true to life story.

Yes, it's an example I think that we got from inlanders or something.

I don't know, made it up maybe.

Who knows?

It's the principal here.

Yeah, but it was not Linda.

Okay, I. I hear your message.

Thank you.

You understand?

Yes, thank you.

The husbands don't say this.

You should have watched where you're going.

Don't you know that people drive crazy in the parking lots?

You should have just exchanged Information for the insurance and not waited for the police to arrive.

At least the car was drivable.

Do do this.

As you're holding your wife and comforting her about the situation, you could say to her, sweetheart, you must be wiped out from all this.

Were you injured?

I know you're worried about the car and the party and the ice cream.

I'll go to the store and get more ice cream.

Everything will be okay.

Yay.

That was a good ending.

Yes, I like that.

So in closing.

Yes.

Did you got something you want to add there?

No, I think that that took care.

Okay.

Thanks.

I want to share this again.

These are principles to be skillful.

In the next episode.

We've got some more.

Just these hands on type principles to.

To share with you guys.

Just things to learn incorporate so our communication is better.

And remember, you're working on your heart, your attitude and your love.

And then putting all these practical things together and your communication should improve and take off.

Our goal is to get you to where you don't go to get counseling for six months to a year.

Right.

So you can learn how to quit arguing most of the time.

Some.

Well, some people do need to get a third person in there.

Or maybe there's some major issues that are buried.

But if you look at these things dealing with the attitude of your heart and just taking time to learn how to do this and maybe you need somebody to point something out sometimes, but you can do it.

We talked about one of the.

One of the.

One of the last previous ones on communication episodes.

That's what I'm trying to say.

We said the bottom line.

A lot of times it's just being selfish.

Yeah.

Not putting on love.

And we said.

I don't know if I said it in this one.

The biggest way to stop an argument is you just stop talking.

To just stop.

Give a soft answer and just stop.

Don't argue back.

Have you ever had anybody do that to you before?

They.

They just quit arguing with you and you kind of go.

It diffuses the whole fire.

That diffuses the whole fire.

Do something.

Bring some humor in again.

Do the ten second kiss.

Oh yeah.

And put the little sticky note on your forehead that says I'm not your enemy.

So we're gonna.

Something funny.

Yeah.

We're going to close with the scripture.

We did it last time.

But I love this scripture it's talking about.

And this goes with our communication.

It says when you're communicating with your spouse or your kids, anybody, all day long, you should be like this.

But especially if the Temperature, temperature starts going up, says put on this is decision.

Good.

Communication is a decision.

Yes.

Okay, good.

Just like love and all that's a decision.

Put on a heart of compassion, listen to what they're saying, have empathy, put on kindness, put on humility, put on gentleness, patience, bearing with one another and forgiving each other.

Whoever has a complaint against anyone, your spouse, just as the Lord forgave you, you should also forgive them.

And beyond all these good things, it says put on love.

Take about.

Take off your anger coat, take off your blaming coat, take off your pity party coat, take off your should have coat and put on love.

Why?

Because it's a perfect bond of unity in peace.

Yeah, that is very good.

All right, so now a couple honey do's number one would be be mindful to clarify what you're saying to your spouse and to mirror what you hear to avoid any conflict.

Very good.

I think that's pretty good.

That's gonna encompass a lot right there.

Yes.

Right.

So what's a number two?

Honeydew number two is the ten second kiss.

If you, if you're mastering this, bump it up 15 or 20 seconds, throw in a 10 or 20 second hug with it, or do it two or three times a day, you know, and have fun with it.

If you're not familiar with it, what we say do is in the morning, particularly if you're going out to work, say, hey, hey, dear, come over here.

Or walk up if they're at the table, kitchen table, and say, let's do a 10 second kiss.

Pull them up to you, plant your well before you say, put your lips on them, say, hey, Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds and lay a good 10 second kiss on them.

It only takes 10 seconds.

That kiss may be awesome that that kiss can set the tone for the rest of your day romantically and what you think about your spouse and how you feel.

It's just something about now.

Some days it can just be.

That was a good kiss.

But don't walk out there with a peck on the kid on the cheek.

Give them a 10 second kiss.

All right, well, we'd like to hear about your comments and if you have any questions or any topics that you would like to get covered in our podcast.

We'd love to hear what they are.

And you know what, we're praying for y' all every day.

We do.

So if you have a specific prayer request, we'd love to hear that.

You can leave them on the married and love at phone line.

You can leave a voicemail or you can actually email us.

And everything of course is confidential.

So the email and the phone number is going to be in our show notes.

So.

And voicemail.

And our voicemail.

Yeah.

So now I hope you have gotten inspired by today's message.

I know I have.

You know, I'm gonna have to learn to set a guard over my lips.

You know, I'm gonna have to learn to be better communicator.

And if you know of anybody else that would enjoy these podcasts, we'll pass that word along to them that this podcast is available to them so they can subscribe, follow and share.

That's what we'd love to see you do.

Amen.

All right, so we're gonna see you next week and until then you can.

Be Married and Love it on Purpose.

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