EP 48. Communication in Marriage; Becoming a Skillful Communicator

Foreign.

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Hey, thanks for joining today to get your weekly dose of Married and Love It.

This is your booster shot for the week and we are continuing our communication.

On today's episode, we're going to be talking about improving communication in your marriage and focusing on resolving and handling conflict.

And here I am sitting with my foot in a boot.

Any y' all can relate to that?

Definitely not the silver or glass slipper that Cinderella.

Definitely not the truth.

Oh my goodness.

The last couple of weeks has been kind of crazy and so we've had a little delay on our podcast.

So thank you all for being patient with us.

Yes.

Linda broke her foot about a week and a half ago.

She's also been having some situations with her legs with pain and it's dealing with blood flow and they're getting ready to do some procedures there and it's causing a lot of pain.

Plus she had a little thing in her back side that goes in and it helps control pain that goes throughout the body from all of her back surgeries and that had to be replaced.

So that caused some more pain.

So she has been a pain machine for the last.

Actually, have I been a pain in the back?

Yeah.

Your pain or my pain?

So for the last.

Well, the marriage busters have hit us in a royal way.

I'm in recovery and thank you for those of you that know us, that you've kept us in your prayers and you know, marriage busters are going to hit.

Yeah.

And communication is huge.

Yeah.

And these marriage busters had me keep my kitchen apron on and caretaker apron, put it back on more because we've been dealing with that for the last 13 to 14 years.

But since this has gone on, it just zapped our time.

As Linda said, the marriage busters come in, and you know what?

Life hits.

It does.

We had to lay aside doing some stuff on Married and love it and delaying these podcasts, and we just had to say, you know what, God, it's in your hands.

Okay?

We're getting through this.

We.

We're getting hurt.

And I actually have some stuff coming up.

I may have to do some procedures, and we're getting all the details on that.

But I'll tell you what, when you put your marriage in God's hands, you put your health in God's hands.

You trust him, you come together as a husband and wife, and you pray you can get through the marriage busters.

And maybe, maybe today your, your marriage has gone through some struggles.

Maybe it's got physical things going on.

There's something going on with your kids or your parents, and you go through a rough stretch.

That's when you got a draw together and not push apart.

Don't let all the other aggravations feed the frustrations going on because of the little wilderness time or the, the struggle you're going through.

You're going to get through this.

Linda and I are getting through this.

And, you know, we're getting ready to celebrate our 48th anniversary in November.

Well, and that sounds like it's far away, but that's just like a week away, right?

November 12th.

Write that down.

But we're, you know, send money.

We've gone through struggles through the years, but you know what?

We build strength.

So if you're going through something and you're, you're, you're haven't been married for that long.

I mean, to us, anything less than 40 years, you're a newbie now, but let that build.

That's right, Strengthen you, learn and grow from it, because you're going to have other stuff hit and you can get through it.

So that's where we're at.

We apologize for missing a couple of weeks.

We're trying to catch up this week and be caught back on the horse and, and have the ones we miss taken care of.

So continue to pray for Linda, for both of us, and because we're praying for you and your marriage.

Okay.

Yes, we are.

Yeah.

Well, just a little quick review.

We're going to be start off looking at the definition of communication, and here's a few examples of that.

Definition of communication can be the sharing of information, feelings, ideas, calendars, dreams, events, hurts, frustration, conflict.

I mean, the list goes on and on, but that's important.

Communication in our Marriage is important.

Here's some food for thought.

Ideas on what particular topics of communication could include such things as victories.

Like, yay, we got victory over.

Healing in our body together.

We got victory over.

You know, our grandson just went into a tournament and he got victory.

They conquered.

They're going to the next regionals.

Yay.

And such things as that.

Undefeated.

What.

What do you feel defeated about?

Maybe a car broke down and you.

Aggravations going on with that.

Finances.

Go ahead.

Talking about it.

But, you know, you got to talk about it.

A lot of people don't.

And kids, grandkids, goals, dreams, church.

What's going on at church?

Your extended family, my s in law and her husband.

I mean my sister and her.

My brother in law, they just celebrated 51 years of marriage.

Congratulations, Debbie and Marty.

I'm so proud of y'.

All.

And y' all have been a wonderful example to us and to your family.

But this is what it's all about.

And I know they have a strong marriage and they've gone through some things together, health issues, etc.

So here we are.

Uh, if you're challenged in your family or personally, or maybe you're challenged professionally, taking time with your spouse to discuss marriage, relationships, maybe it's pets.

You know, communication is critical.

Yeah.

And we've been talking about communication.

We actually had a couple episodes, I think it's 29 and 30, and then the last episode before this, all talking about various parts of communication.

But communication is vital in your life.

And what Linda was reviewing about what we've talked about with the definition.

So communication be.

Can be as simple.

And I say that with quotes on.

It's deciding where you may go out for dinner.

We know what can happen with that.

Wow.

Where you want to go?

I don't know.

Where do you want to go?

Oh, wherever you want to go.

And then they.

You pick a place and they go, oh, no, I really don't want to go there.

And you.

It can be as simple as that.

To deciding your budget or how to handle a hurt or offense that came up in your marriage.

True.

Our base scripture that I like a lot is Genesis 11:6, which talks about the people of God being one people.

That means they were communicating, they were getting along, they had the same language, the same thoughts.

Because they wanted to build this big tower to heaven.

And God looked down and said, hey, these guys are getting the job done.

They're communicating.

They're on the same page.

They're unified.

Nothing will be impossible for them.

And that's why we're talking about communication for your marriage.

Because when you're on the same page with one another, yeah, you're going to have the little skirmishes and stuff, but it's what you do.

When those tension times come, the tough things come, or even deciding where you're going to go eat dinner or what, whatever you're going to do, maybe something with the kids.

But if you're on the same page, you're communicating properly, you're.

You're walking in love, then nothing will be impossible with your marriage.

Just like Linda right now, dealing with what we're going through this last two or three weeks, just everything hitting the marriage busters, even a car breaking down, you can stay focused.

You're talking the same, you're believing for the same goals.

And yes, if you get tired, if I get tired because I'm cleaning the dishes again and again and having to go do this and Lynn says, can I have this and.

And all that, it's easy maybe to get irritated.

But you know what?

You got to stay focused.

You've got a foundation, you're trusting God, you're drawn together as a team and you work through the issues.

We want to see you walking in healthy communication with each other.

That's right.

Healthy communication.

Yeah.

Now, but you know, even with a healthy communication, a lot of times conflict can still arise, right?

That's right.

That does happen.

But our goal is to handle conflicts in our marriage in a peaceful manner.

Yes.

And keep it from escalating.

And we're going to talk about some do's and don'ts, but.

Yeah.

You know, and a lot of people, they'll get angry.

But you know what?

Don't waste time getting angry with each other.

You know, that, that's silly.

You know, handle.

Just make a decision to handle any conflict with your communication in your marriage in a peaceful manner.

Yeah.

Like if you got something going on and you're getting a little tipsy and haughty and mad, like Linda just said, think to yourself, why waste time being angry?

Yeah.

What are you going to accomplish but more anger and resentment and stuff.

Yeah.

So in episodes 29 and 30, we covered the basics of communication, the importance of communication and some how to's and getting you to be able to speak the same language.

So I encourage you, if you haven't listened to those, tap into that.

And then the episode before this, episode 47, I believe, we began to get into helping you with dealing with conflict and, and such like that.

So we encourage you to listen to that one also.

We got some real good tip and that.

And you know what?

When.

When problems come, sometimes you don't even know they're.

Yeah, you don't realize.

Kind of like a frog and boiling water.

I know we've heard this example over and over again, but that's how it can be in your communication with your spouse.

Y' all can come in and maybe it's a simple conversation about maybe where to go to eat.

Yeah.

Like, and it starts off, and then you go through, well, where you want to eat.

And this goes back and forth.

And before long, one of you gets.

Starts getting irritated.

Will you.

Will you just decide, all right, let's go get Mexican.

No, I don't want Mexican.

You said, whatever.

I decided.

It turns into a huge.

Slowly starts in the car or in the living room, starts getting up, and before long you say, you know what?

Just go by yourself or, let's just stay home.

And then you go, we don't have nothing cooked.

Then you start all over again.

But what happens?

And it can be on something as big as the budget or where you're going to go, whatever it is, who's going to take care of the kids tonight.

But it starts off slow.

And then one comment, one little, One little word raises the temperature.

And then the other person, like we talked about last week, it says, how do you start?

How do you stop arguing?

If you listen to it, you know what I'm gonna say.

You know what?

You stop.

Just stop.

The Bible says a soft answer, a gentle answer turns away wrath.

So if you're getting an argument, this.

Shut up.

All right.

You know, say, you're right.

So what happens?

The marriage busters will come in and they'll try to escalate your conversation.

And before long, you're that boiled frog.

So we're going to continue talking about some practical areas dealing with communication and just some good communication tips.

Well, right before we get started in those tips, I just want.

If you're not already on Married and Love at mailing list, where you receive our weekly newsletter, we would like to invite you to sign up now.

Like Greg said, we're going to be celebrating 48 years of our awesome years.

Yeah.

Wedding anniversary.

That's November 12th.

But in honor of this, we're going to be giving away four of our married and love it coffee mugs.

And if you join between now and December 30th.

November 30th.

I mean, November.

Yep, November.

Sorry, November 30th, you will be entered into our drawing.

And we're going to do the drawing on December 1st.

So also, you can double your chances of getting married and love it coffee mug by entering your spouse's email address.

Okay, so now check out our website.

You'll get to see a picture of these coffee mugs.

And we have a link for that also in our show notes.

And these will make great Christmas gifts for friends and family and all of that.

Just get the word out there.

So.

So if you want to go on the.

On our mailing list, at the bottom of the show notes, there's a link that goes straight to sign up for newsletter.

Right.

If you want to check out the coffee mugs and some other stuff we have, you can go to our website and you just look up shop or store and you just see a picture, right.

Of what they look like.

They really look good.

And I think you'll enjoy it.

So sign up.

We're going to give away.

I think it was four of them.

Yeah.

And one for each decade that me and Linda have been married.

Who knows, we may put a fifth one in there.

So do that, and I think you'll enjoy that.

Now let's get into some practical dues and don'ts of communication.

So we're going to start off with the Scripture.

Proverbs 16:23 through 24 says this.

It says, the heart of the wise teaches his mouth and adds persuasiveness to his.

His lips.

In other words, you become a skillful communication communicator.

That's what our goal is.

The heart of the wise teaches his mouth.

So it's wise.

So listening to these podcasts, you're learning how to teach your mouth, how to respond if you get poked, how to communicate your goals and dreams better, how to respond to your spouse when maybe they're down and need uplifting, or when something goes wrong in the house and somebody does something, you know how to talk to them about it.

You become a healer instead of a hider and a hurler, which we talked about on the last episode.

You know, so you're learning how.

So what you're doing by listening to this, and I pat you on the back for this, is you're becoming skillful in your words.

Because most people never get any type of training in this.

I remember years ago, I was a supervisor in our prayer department where I worked, and they.

They had me go to a.

We had a 1-800-prayer line, and they sent me to a class to learn how to communicate and how to talk to people over the telephones.

So there was a skill in just Answering the telephone.

You know something that was interesting.

They said people can tell your.

What's going on with you or how you're coming across by how you sit in a chair, and they can't even see you on your phone.

So if you're slouched in your chair and you're trying to talk to somebody, it affects your tone.

If you're.

It's amazing.

You're bad, in a bad attitude.

You're just frowning.

That get transferred over the phone and.

And so forth.

So they talked about different things like that.

Well, that.

How much more powerful if you're sitting across.

Like I'm sitting across from Linda right now.

I'm slouching.

How's my body language?

So it becomes skillful from your body language, your tone, what to say and how to say it and when to say it.

So that's what that means.

The heart of the wise.

Now, look at the last part of this verse.

Says, pleasant words are a honeycomb.

Sweet to the soul and healing to your bones.

To the bones.

So you want to be that healer person.

When you get into a discussion with your spouse, your goal should be not to win the battle.

That's right, not to win it.

Because usually if you're trying to win it, you're both going to lose.

Because thing.

Because you keep going and going.

So realize you're teaching yourself how to communicate.

Pleasant words are honeycomb.

Let your words be a honeycomb.

Like Linda said.

Hey, don't waste time arguing.

We always say it's better to kiss and make up than to sit there and hold a grudge and don't talk to each other.

Yeah.

All right.

So develop pleasant words.

Okay, go ahead.

But this is what.

This is an area I have to work on all the time.

It's Psalms 141.

3.

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth and keep watch over the door of my lips.

And that is a constant prayer that I have to be giving, you know, and asking the Lord to help me there.

And I stand in agreement with her on that for her.

But I think.

I think a pretty good do.

Pretty good.

You know, I think I did pretty good.

Well, when developing the skills of communication, we need to check out the attitudes of our heart.

So.

Yep, Luke 6.

45, and it's part B.

It says out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Okay, so.

So in other words, what's going on inside of your heart, what is in your heart is going to affect your communication?

Yes, it could affect it even when you're talking about your calendar are dealing with conflict.

Right.

And, okay, so if you're harboring in your heart bitterness and unforgiveness, if you're angry or you're frustrated, if you got resentment or maybe you have a wounded heart from past experiences.

Well, we know the list could go on there.

And so that can be cause of an escalation in an already heated decision, you know?

Well, then mix that with a sassy mouth or sarcasm.

Oh, yikes.

That's something in the past I've really had to work on, actually.

I don't know if it's so much in the past, but it's something I have to be aware of.

I mean, I have to be aware of it.

It has to be intentional.

See, that's becoming a skilled person.

I'm learning.

You're looking at these things and say, my mouth.

Where's my heart at?

How's that affecting me?

How can I do better?

Linda's saying, how is my mouth?

Am I sarcastic?

Am I sassy?

That's right.

Well, then how do I overcome that?

Yeah.

And, you know, okay, I broke my foot through and through.

So throughout this whole healing thing, I'm not real good.

Just be still, you know, But I have to.

I can't be doing anything.

We're avoiding surgery.

So I get frustrated.

Right.

So out of that frustration, I might be communicating to Greg in ru.

I might be rude.

Yeah.

You know, and talking to him out of.

Just out of my frustration, not intending it to be pointed toward him for any reason, you know, but that right there can cause an explosion.

And see, right.

Person's communication.

Right there is another part of the skillful.

Because when she's dealing with the pain and the act and aggravations, they've even been.

She's got the pain.

She.

She has pain.

She's just not dealing with one pain.

She's got, like, about at least four areas causing pain on her body right now.

So maybe I don't realize it, but her.

It's time to take her pain meds again.

Oh, yeah.

And she may get a little testy, you know, or say something.

And she's talking out of pain and frustration.

Maybe she's got to work on her realizing that.

But she comes off a little hard to me, or a little frustrated and a rude.

Rude.

Then my skillful part comes in two ways.

Number one is listening and evaluating where she's at.

Okay.

She's saying this or doing this.

Well, what's going on right now?

Oh, that's right.

It's time for her to take her pain med or to do this.

So then I'm able to shift over and realize, you know what?

It's not, she's not mad at me.

She's right dealing with this and maybe she's not controlling it perfectly.

You know, in all of this communication stuff we're talking about, you're never always going to be a hundred percent right.

That's why you're learning all the time.

You begin to learn all these things.

So then my second part is by hearing and evaluating the situation.

So when I come back, I, I respond in a peaceful way.

A loving way.

A loving way.

Because I could come in and say, will you quit hollering away?

I, I'm busy because you're doing this or whatever.

Then what happens?

You begin to escalate and then all of a sudden the water's boiling and the frogs getting boiled.

Oh yeah.

All because we're not skillful and we're going to go a little bit further that in a minute in our communication.

So I love this example is to take a sticky note and write on it, I am not your enemy.

Oh, yeah.

And so when Greg has walked in the past into the room and I am just like throwing frustration all out of my mouth and not being very nice, he has a sticky point, sticky note on his head that says I am not your enemy.

Which he is not.

He's not.

He is so good about loving, being loving and peaceful and.

But that's something that you can start do when you start laughing about stuff like that.

Then, you know, it just lightens the whole room.

It just, it turns that heated discussion all around.

Yeah.

So that's part of being skillful.

Yeah.

And I know there's been a times Linda hadn't done in a while, but when her had her back surgeries and that was like excruciating, she even made a sign that she had on her going to the kitchen table and that's where she would sit sometimes or in the bedroom and she would actually hold up the sign and say, it's almost bedtime.

Oh, yes, I did.

So I had to read it and go, okay, let's turn the water down.

Communicate, get creative and make it fun.

So we talked about in episode 47 about the God factor helping us improve our communication.

And we're going to take a few minutes and the rest of the time we have.

We may not get into all the practical tips today on this one, but you see, there's a lot of stuff out there about communication.

So while we've Been going over this.

I'm reading and looking at books that we have and other people that talk on communication.

I tell you what, there's so much stuff and so many secrets to this is the secret.

Do this one thing.

And if you're doing the other thing, the other guy said, that probably ain't going to work.

So you need to do this thing.

And it's like, all right, already.

There's so much out there, but we're going to share something that I think will help you because you can go through all, say, 10 steps to effective communication.

Say this, don't say this, look this way, act this way, listen this way.

Say, huh?

You know, which we're going to do.

But like we brought up a few minutes ago, if you've got bitterness in your heart towards your spouse, maybe there's unforgiveness, there's resentment, you're physically fatigued.

If you're not dealing with these issues and dealing with yourself, those points aren't going to go.

But so far, because you're not dealing with some of the root causes.

And there are times when people may need to get coached or go to a counselor to work through some major issues.

But I think if people follow some of the basic guidelines that are taught for actual learning to skill, but also dealing with ourselves, we can avoid a lot of that.

So we're going to be talking for a few minutes about the God factor.

Psalms 139, verse 23 is really good.

And it's a prayer that I think I pray in the mornings and I do I.

We ought to pray.

It says, search me, O God, and know my heart, try me and know my anxious thoughts and see if there be any hurtful way in me and.

And lead me in the everlasting way.

And I just kind of caught this.

It says, see if there be any hurtful way in me, apply that, Lord.

And I do that a lot of times when I'm praying in the morning.

Yes, Lord, is there any hurtful way in me that's causing problems with Linda, I've shared this before.

I'm always saying, God, help me not to tone Help me do this, help me do that, help me be a better husband.

See, we need to look at ourselves and not put all the blame on our spouse, our wife, or a husband and say, well, if they would just communicate, if they would just do that.

If they would just do that, no.

What can you do first?

So your goal, Ask God.

Now, if you're not a Christian, and I know that we have non Christians listening to this, this stuff works.

It does.

We just challenge you, apply, still apply a lot of these principles to you.

But I'll tell you what, you're missing out on the God factor.

But, yeah, you got to follow what he says.

But I just challenge you with that.

So let's move on.

Search me, oh God, and see if there's any hurtful way in me.

Allow God to bring healing to your heart.

So if you're, if you're, if you always have, say you have resentment when we're not saying everybody has all these issues, but if you've got some resentment towards your husband or wife and they, you, you, you start getting into a little skirmish maybe, and everybody.

There's nothing wrong with having the skirmishes.

It's the, the, the key is how you handle them.

All right.

And then all of a sudden that resentment starts kicking in.

Well, they've done this before.

They always say this, and you're thinking that what happens, it gets you where you start getting into that flesh mode, the selfish mode, the hurt mode.

And they say, hurt people, hurt people.

And then all of a sudden things explode.

Okay.

So you can get the techniques right, but you've got to be dealing with your heart and what's inside you.

Because as Linda said earlier, as the mouth, what's it.

Was that.

As what's in your heart's going to come out.

Yeah, that's exactly right.

So Galatians 5, 1626 talks about.

And we did this last.

We talked on the last episode, we kind of hinted at this one a little bit.

It talks about the deeds of the flesh and the fruit of the spirit.

And that says, talk about with God, through this fruit of the Spirit, we're able to exercise self control.

So we have help.

Yeah, because the Holy Spirit's our helper in all of that.

Yeah, yeah.

And that says it right there.

Yeah.

So with the fruit of the Spirit, it helps us with all the.

It's kind of like our counselors right there on our shoulder, our reminder.

So when we're working on doing all the techniques of communication, we've got help and we can focus on ourselves.

And I want to read highlights from Galatians 5, 16, 23.

And it's out of the living word testimony, I think.

No living Testament.

That's what it is.

But it's not.

I'm leaving some stuff out because it's not actually part of what we're talking about.

All right.

But there's a battle going on.

And it says.

So I say let the Holy Spirit guide our lives.

So when we get born again, we've got the spirit of God inside of us, and he equips us, you know what, he equips you to be the best communicator that you can be.

But if we don't activate them and practice it and learn and grow, it's not going to work too good.

Because the spirit gives us the desires, gives us the desires that are opposite of what the sinful nature desires.

It says, and this, this is from the scriptures.

These two forces, your flesh and your spirit, are constantly fighting each other.

So while you're having a discussion with your spouse, your inner nature is saying, say this, do this.

They're wrong, they're hurting you.

But the spirit is saying, no, no.

It was a tug of war.

It's a tug of war.

Yeah.

You get involved in a tug of.

War and then yourself, the skill comes in, right?

Because you won't, some of you won't even use the techniques because you're so caught up and everything that's wrong, that's going on, but they're, they're fighting.

But the more you grow in your walk with God, you spend time, you're reading the Bible, you're getting to know him better.

I, like Joyce Meyer, says, there's two things I need in the morning.

That's the word of God and my coffee.

And people know, if I hadn't had either one, you know.

Yeah, that's certainly good.

So, so, and some of y', all, this may not make a lick of sense to you, but you'll get it.

So these two forces are fighting each other.

So let's look at the, what they call the desires of the flesh, or the flesh.

I'm not going to read all of them, but the ones.

I'm just going to read the ones that, that tie into communication.

It says when you follow the desires of your sinful nature, you're allowing that to come up.

You have it matured.

The results are very clear.

Listen to this.

So if you're wondering why you're having problems with communication.

Yeah.

Maybe you don't know to say, don't say you should have done this.

Hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outburst of anger.

I know there's only one or two of you out there that have that problem, but outburst of anger, selfish ambition.

When you're talking dissension, division and envy, those are.

That's our nature.

And if we get poked and we're not prepared for that poke, we haven't developed our skills, we haven't gotten stronger in Our walk and ask God, Search my heart.

Because God can say, hey, you know, you got a jealousy problem, you, you have a problem with anger.

And if we're not listening to that and working on that, then those things are going to manifest.

And then that water, that, that frog, our marriage frog in is going to be boiled to a crisp.

Okay, but if we're trying to be more like God or if we're trying to improve, if we're trying to improve, listen to this.

But the Holy Spirit, we ask God, we get the God factor in there.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives.

See, this is what's in you.

Maybe you are dealing with a lot of bitterness and anger and resentments.

And I know not everybody's like that, but we all have a little bit of some of this stuff in it.

Some of us just got, have worse doses in us for whatever reason.

It's not even our fault necessarily.

But here's what's in you.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness.

See, when you go into these arguments, the debates, even little things like planning that family vacation, that should not be a battle because you hear people all the time, they go, we always argue.

Everything we do, we argue, we argue, and then we argue about the same thing over and over again.

It's just driving us crazy.

The Holy Spirit produces fruit in our lives.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.

We learn how to communicate.

We've come skillful, but we're dealing with our inner selves to see if, if we got that poison, toxic stuff in us.

It's harder to do the things we know to do.

And it comes by training, by doing and learning and asking God to come in and help us with that.

You have the power to have self control.

We have the power.

I have it because God says a gentle answer, turns away wrath.

It says, in other words, say Linda's having a problem and I, maybe she's having a medicine withdrawal type thing and she needs her pain medicine now.

She needs her ice pack right now.

And the dog's wanting to go out and the water are boiling on, the things starting to boil over.

I can go, holy Spirit, help me.

I need self control.

It's in you.

It's in you.

We just have to want it and activate it and we have to learn.

And you know what, if your spouse is trying and they blow it, well, then it says part of the fruit of the Spirit is forgiveness.

You don't hold it against them.

You don't come out there.

Well, you dingbat, you're.

You think you're spiritual.

You're not.

You can't even.

You can't even tone your voice down or whatever it is.

Forgiveness.

See, when we apply these things, we can become the communicator that God wants us to be.

So we're gonna.

It's like the tube of toothpaste, you know, when you squeeze that tube of toothpaste, what comes out?

Does it come out all ugly, rude, being rude, or do the fruits of the spirit come out?

Patience, love, kindness?

We didn't get into some of the mechanical stuff we were going to get into.

We'll get that.

But I just felt like all week long, I said, no, I'm not going to get into some of this.

But the spirit of God, I feel like, was saying, we need to get to the heart of the problem.

We need to work on.

On the heart.

So you can.

We can be a clean communicator, not a toxic one or not that.

You know, a lot of times the toxics in the earth are just lying underneath waiting to get stirred up or something happens.

It gets into the.

Eventually gets in the water.

Well, we don't need these poisons in there.

That's right.

We need to be the best husband, the best wife, the best mom and dad, the best employees that we can be by learning how to communicate.

Skillful, learning that skill.

It's a learned skill.

So let's start learning that says we need to tame the tongue in James, which it's.

It says it's almost impossible to tame it.

But you know what?

It starts with what's in our heart, what our desires are, by putting on love.

Let me close with this scripture right here, which ties right into the fruit of the spirit.

And then we'll close up.

Lip.

Linda has any other comments?

She can throw something in.

Colossians 3, 12, 14 says we.

We use this one a lot.

Put on.

You have to put on.

When I come out, and I know Linda's maybe tired and hurting.

I mean, there's other areas in our life we have to deal with.

But I'm just using that as an example.

I have to put on that.

That heart of compassion had to put on kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, bearing with one another.

Whoa, that's a bit bearing.

That means if your spouse has been ding dong because they came home, maybe they got stuck in all the traffic, the boss chewed them out.

They come in and their attitude's not doing Real good.

They didn't put on love.

You have to put on love.

You don't allow.

You don't sit there and go, well, you don't know what my day was like.

I got, I didn't get home late.

I got home late either too.

And the kids, man, they are just being all over the place.

No, you say, hey, what can I do to help you?

Yeah, bring the temperature down, be a healer, bring the temperature down.

And that's what happens.

One of us can be have a bad day and the other one is able to come to their senses and say, hey, let's get a grip on this.

See, that's what communication is.

Yes, it's planning your calendar, but it's learning how to bring the temperature down in your home.

So bearing with one another, forgiving each other and whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord forgave you also, you should.

All that is a lot.

But I love the scripture says and beyond all these things, put on love.

We can always do more.

And when you put on love, it brings peace and unity.

So right.

There's an example of good communication because that's our goal, is peace and unity.

Yeah.

You're probably going to hear this scripture throughout our continuing communication podcast.

But look it up and check out the different translations and what, what speaks to you, you know, so how about, let's make that part of our honeydew is to look up that scripture, Colossians 3:12 through 14.

We'll put that in our show notes.

Yeah.

And check out the different translations and, and then ask God, ask the Holy Spirit here.

Holy Spirit, the God factor.

Ask God, what are these areas am I lacking in?

What are these areas I need to improve on?

You know, and you know, I'll say, what are these areas for me in the situation, my current situation.

And the Holy Spirit will say, go take your pain medicine.

And Greg will say, yes, amen.

So that would be one of the honeydews for us to do.

And what's the, what's our honeydew signature that we do all the time?

The ten second kiss.

You know how you can actually get through an argument sometime?

You might try this is you start that argument's coming up and say timeout, time for a 10 second kiss.

That can diffuse, diffuse a lot.

And but the 10 second kiss, if you're not familiar with this, if you're new to the show, that's when you grab your spouse maybe on the way out, you're out the way to go to work.

It could be really any time of day.

But this great way to do a start your morning with a good kiss and you say, dear, come on over, pull them over to you.

Maybe grab their little cheek there and just cheeks.

Oh, the face cheeks.

Okay, you want to grab the other.

Cheeks, that's fine too.

But do the 10 second kiss first.

It might get further, but just say, siri, hey Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds or whatever way you use and just plant a good kiss on them.

Hey.

We'd like to hear your comments and if you have any questions or topics that you would like us to cover in our podcast or you know what, send your prayer request into us.

We want to hear from you because we're praying every day for our audience.

We're praying for you and your marriage and so lead them on our Married and Love it phone line.

And the phone number is down in.

We'll put that in our show notes.

Okay.

And then also email us.

Either way is fine.

It's gonna, it's, you know, private confidential and we'll have all that in the show notes as well.

So with that in mind, you know what?

Share this with somebody.

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Literally, can save a marriage.

Pass the word along to them.

We hope you've gotten inspired by today's message and we're going to see you next week.

And until then, remember this, you can.

Be married and love it on purpose.

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