EP 39. Strengthen Your Marriage-13 Point Checklist from The Lover's Dozen Series

Welcome to the Merit in Love it podcast.

We are Greg and Linda Smith, your hosts from Raleigh, North Carolina.

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Jo.

Hey, thanks for joining us today.

You're here for your weekly dose of Married and love it.

Good job that you joined us.

I'm glad that you did.

Today's episode, strengthen your marriage.

It's the Lover's Dozen checklist.

Now for you first time listeners, the Lovers Dozen series consists of 13 principles that Greg and I applied and they helped us.

Well, actually it's what helped us all the way to bring healing to our marriage back in 86.

Wow.

And you know what, we're approaching 48 years of marriage and we're still applying these principles, but they work.

But you know, we have had to be intentional and apply them on purpose.

Now for those who want to start at the beginning of the Lovers Dozen series, it starts on episode 19.

However, today's episode we are going to be concluding that's the goal.

The Lovers Dozen series.

Okay, so we've covered the first 12 principles and the 13th principle is going to be on the checklist today.

And that is going to be being a family of destiny.

Now, we covered this, we did a deep dive, episode 1314 that was called Plans, Dreams, goals and Purpose.

So if you go back to find it, that's what the title will be for you to look for.

So once again today we're doing an overview for this whole series.

Yep.

And before we get into that, we got a couple announcements for you and we want to encourage you to sign up for our newsletter so you can get your weekly dose right into your computer to help keep your focus on on your marriage throughout the week.

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Get more teaching and more growth going on for your marriage.

All right, so let's get started on the checklist.

Number one is of the 13 steps or 13 things me and Linda did is understanding ourselves and each other.

This is very important.

This is something that really had a major impact on me and Linda's marriage.

However, it may not be a big one in yours, but this one was for us because we didn't understand each other, so we began to mistreat each other.

So as we're looking through this particular one, there's five areas we're going to look at.

Again, we're just going to do them quickly because this is an overview of what's going on, and you want to look at episodes or listen to, I should say episodes 20 and 21, because they do a deep dive into all of this.

So we're just giving you nuggets.

So what we're talking about is understanding the personalities, the five love languages, family upbringing, male, female differences, excess baggage.

So we're going to talk about those gifts.

Give a few highlights in today's topic.

Okay.

Yeah, like just for an example, Greg, he put me in a box with duct tape.

And it wasn't pink.

It had to be a big box because she was full of energy.

Oh, well.

And so we.

We talk a little bit about that.

Well, mostly, though, I didn't even like myself.

I didn't understand myself.

So I had to find out what was I all about and then come to find out.

Everybody in our family, even right down to our dogs, they had different personality styles.

So that made it kind of fun.

Yeah.

Now I just want.

I just want to add on.

When I put you in a box, I was real quiet, and she was outgoing type, and we were also involved in the ministry.

So her personality, that was a conflict because we didn't.

But what happened is because I had problems with people pleasing and what people thought not that caused me to put her in a box as I thought the way she was was part of the problem.

So we get into that in the other one.

But I just want to show you there's a lot of different variables into understanding your spouse.

Yeah.

And for the sake of your marriage, you know, learn about these different things and ask yourself, do you really know your spouse and their strengths and weaknesses, their lights, their dislikes?

Well, do you really know their background?

Do you?

And what influences their past life experiences?

And I'm not talking like.

Like they used to be a cow.

That's not what I'm talking about at all.

Do you know yourself now?

When we misunderstand, like Greg says, it opens the door to then mistreating each other.

We don't want to do that in our marriage.

Do we know?

So how do we get understanding?

Well, you ask.

You can ask your spouse what are they thinking, why they act the way they do, what do they like, what dislike.

And so you just ask things you don't know about.

Sometimes that's just part of getting to know each other.

Say, hey, tell me more about your background.

Or tell me, why do you think you're like this?

Or how come you don't really get excited at different times.

Be curious.

Listen, really listen.

Observe.

You're going to learn a lot by watching your spouse when they're with other people.

Even learn through books, seminars, podcasts, maybe.

CDs like our podcast.

Yes.

Yeah, especially ours.

There's a lot of good teaching there.

But put yourself in a position to learn now.

Here's some results of understanding your spouse and yourself.

You can understand the root cause of each other's behaviors, positive or negative.

That helps and goes along.

It does help major.

You have more patience with each other when you know why somebody's doing what they're doing, right or wrong.

It gives you patience.

And then you know how to deal with that, to complement it or to help it.

You become compassionate.

You extend grace towards them.

Sounds like walking in love to me.

You have more appreciation for each other when you realize their gifts.

You're able to forgive more because you know why they're acting like a jerk.

Maybe.

Okay.

It brings unity and peace into the home.

You're able to meet their needs because you know what their needs are and you know how to respond properly.

And that's just a little bit of the overall part of understanding your spouse.

Well, just to touch on the personality styles we're.

We worked with.

There's a lot of them out there, but we worked with Florence Lydia, her Personality plus books.

And also we each, like Greg said, we have our own personality types, which comes with strengths and weaknesses.

And to understand that is very, very helpful in a marriage.

And I'm not going to go into all of them, but there is an assessment tape.

So episode 20 goes into a deep dive, and it talks about how you can get that assessment tape.

Actually, that's episode 20 and 21, I believe.

Okay, good.

Okay.

So.

Okay, so the next area.

Dear, did you want to talk a little?

Just a tidbit on the five love languages.

Yes.

All right.

There's five lug languages really helped us because I was.

I was loving Linda the way I wanted to be loved.

Like, I was real into a quality time and romance and such like that.

And she liked acts of service and physical touch.

So I wasn't doing a lot of acts of service the way she would like to have them done.

And I wasn't into back rubs and a lot of touch.

So we had some problems going on.

And once we realized that, we got on the same page.

So think about it.

What are your five luggage?

I know you've learned these probably, but go back over and review them, and they can change over the period of time.

So learn the love languages.

We.

That's by Gary Chapman.

And that played a big role in our marriage.

Oh, oh, the next one.

Most people know about this male, female differences.

Now, I can look at Linda and tell, she's different from me.

But there's also difference in how we operate.

And that can be very frustrating because women can be complicated.

Men, they're really pretty simple.

Ladies, I'm sure you've heard this.

Their minds and emotions work like spaghetti.

They got all these different emotions going on.

They're thinking all the time, and it gets in their brain and their emotions, and it gets all tangled up like spaghetti.

And it's like trying to figure that out.

It's.

It's hard.

You got to have the gift of discernment.

Operate.

Operate in your life.

And.

And they can be doing one thing, and they'll talk, start talking to their husbands.

And their husbands don't know what's going on because men are like waffles.

All of their thoughts and stuff are in little boxes, if you can.

Individual boxes.

And most of the time, the man is in one box and that's empty.

Yeah, it's an Empty box.

And that's true.

There is an empty box.

You can ask a man, what are you thinking?

He's looking out the window and he goes, nothing.

And she's like, no.

Really?

No.

Yeah, nothing.

He really is not really anything.

He's not.

But the problem is if you come over to him with your spaghetti and he's in a nothing box, oh, it takes for him a minute to get into the box that he needs to have.

And then once he gets into spaghetti number one box, you change it to.

The other spaghetti, spaghetti piece.

And it takes five or ten minutes to find the right box.

So also, family upbringing.

Now, Greg was an only child and me from a family of six.

And so think about how were you raised?

How, how did your parents bring you up?

What kind of family differences did you have there?

You know?

And episode 20, once again, Deep dive.

In general, there's some differences in family upbringings.

Just, just food for thought.

You know, some families, they talk loud or quiet.

There's the holiday traditions.

You got church backgrounds.

You got single parenting or a divorce family.

You got some people that want to spend money or save it.

You got different thought processes on family roles.

Who does what.

Yeah, family celebrations.

What type of birthday parties.

Did you even have a birthday party when you were growing up?

Did you want a birthday party or.

Did you want one?

Some people didn't celebrate birthdays at all and some did way over and above.

So that can be come cause conflict and cultural backgrounds, you know.

So think about all these different things.

And the best thing to do is these things.

If you're thinking, if you're listening, just thinking about getting married, you need to talk about these things.

Yeah.

Because you're not going to change people.

And then you can.

These things can be blended, but it can, it can be tough at times.

So you've got to look at your upbringing, talk about it, see what the roots are.

Okay, next one, excess baggage.

And that excess baggage is a little suitcase.

And when you're on your honeymoon and you've got to the hotel or resort or the cruise boat and you, you go, what's that bag over there?

I didn't, we didn't bring all those bags.

Oh, no, that's my, that's my past.

Oh, we didn't pay to have that brought, did we?

Well, you're going to pay sooner or later.

It comes from life experiences with your parents, your overall family life, role models, abusive situations.

Could be physical, emotional or sexual abuse could be there.

There's premarital sex.

That could affect things.

Your past dating life and even previous marriages, everything that you've experienced that could have set patterns, habits, caused harm, wounds.

That's what your excess baggage is.

And they can be carried into the marriage experience and relationship, and it can have major impacts on that, and you got to learn to deal with them.

So the next principle that we applied is we have a passion, and we still do.

We have a passion to meet each other's needs and desires.

Deep Dive Episode 22 so we want to have this attitude, though.

We.

We want to have the attitude.

It's not a chore, but I get to.

It's not.

I have to, but it would be my pleasure.

I think about Chick Fil A.

What do we hear all the time with Chick Fil A?

Their customer service is out of this world.

Well, we should be doing that.

My pleasure.

It's my pleasure.

You know, I see a need, I have the privilege and the pleasure to meet it.

That can be right down to refilling your spouse's cup of tea or coffee.

Or, you know, maybe it's extended to a certain amount of health care that needs to be given.

Yes.

Linda's having health challenges, and I've been taking care of her for a long time in different areas.

I have a passion to do that.

So what I'm getting to.

Is it always fun doing all that type of stuff?

No, but you have a passion.

So when we say passion to make that decision, you make a decision.

But deep down inside, it's.

It is a joy because you know what, you know, you're ministering to.

You're serving your spouse and helping them.

But it's not always the fun, warm, fuzzy stuff.

Now here's some action steps to meeting your spouse's needs.

Listen for what they say, their needs may.

What their needs are.

Sometimes they're point blank, hey, this is what I need.

Sometimes it comes out in just conversation and you got to be able to pick it up, be aware, pay attention.

What are they doing?

What are they up to?

Where are they going?

And you'd be thinking, is there any way they need my help at this time?

And listen and.

And be watching.

Ask Linda, what do you need today?

This is simple as that.

And number three or four here, take action.

And men, especially for the men.

A lot of your wives like for you to be thinking ahead and taking action, for you to see the problem and take care of their need before it happens.

So those are the actions and you.

Know what needs and desires, they can change over time.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what that's, you know, but, you know, you said that sometimes it's a decision.

It's not all warm fuzzy.

However, you know, it can turn to be fun and exciting, you know, and sometimes it's just like you said, just it's there to help meet a need.

So let's look at number three.

Yep.

We develop common interest.

This is very important because a lot of people talk about being roommates and different things, but it's important to find out what your spouse is interested in and let them know what you're interested in.

And it's.

It's fine to have different interests, but you need to have some common ones.

I remember when we first got married, Linda and I really didn't do this.

Now, she had a big desire for fitness stuff and exercise and eating right through those first 10 or 15 years of marriage.

And I went the other direction.

I didn't want to do that.

I didn't want.

It wasn't not an interest for me.

So eventually I came around and that led.

That led to us almost separating.

That was part of it.

But then I took interest in it and I said, hey, let me go check out how you work out.

Let me start eating differently.

And you know what happened?

We started doing it together.

We would go to the gym together.

We started taking walks together.

So develop con interests.

And it could be hobbies, cooking, all sorts of things.

So check that one out more.

Episode 23 Deep Dive all right, so now number four, we.

Let me see.

We understand that the demands of life on our spouse may hinder them from meeting our needs.

This is a biggie.

Yeah, we don't.

We sometimes we have to have an understanding that sometimes because of life, you know, because of maybe health challenges or whatever, that our spouse is not able to meet our needs.

And we, you know, a lot of times that can cause guilt in the spouse and it can cause resentment or even a pity party for the other person.

Basically, it's going to lead up to frustration.

We don't want to see that happen.

Right?

Yeah.

And see, it's.

It's a lot of times with Linda, a lot of the challenges she's had, she hasn't been able to meet a lot of needs I have or for the things we need together as a couple.

And because of that, So I have to have patience in that and I have to understand that and help her through that.

Or if you've got a wife who's working 30, 40, 50 hours a week and taking care of kids, she's not always going to be Ready to meet all the needs the husband have.

So you got to work that out.

But you got to understand sometimes, sometimes the people.

Your spouse isn't just being lazy, they're just not being self centered.

It's because they've got things they can't control.

So if you can help them control it, all the more power to both of you guys.

And that deep dive is on episode 24.

Okay.

You're going to see me, hear me throughout this episode telling you where to go for more in depth teaching on all of that.

Yes.

All right, so now there's other situations I think you already talked about.

Seasons change, you know, like we said, and health challenges, elderly, elderly, parents, grandkids, grandkids.

All of a sudden, job changes, all of that.

So just be aware that that can affect your marriage.

Now, number five.

Number five is teamwork in your marriage.

So we decided to be a team in our marriage.

Right?

That's right.

Episode 25 through 27 talks a lot about that.

Yeah, that's three episodes.

Yeah.

So that just shows the importance of this one and different ways you could be a team and how you become.

You begin to work together.

You got to work together and you got to do that to be successful.

You know, we, we share together, we plan and dream together, then we work and play together.

And number one big item for me was we prayed together.

You know, that always helps everything work out.

We had to develop that mindset of being a team.

Yes.

All right, so.

And one big area was doing the household chores and responsibilities.

That's a big one for families right there.

That is a biggie.

Household chores and that responsibility, share them.

You know, that might go against some of your upbringing.

Yeah.

Right.

So a lot of these are kind of, you know, they fall together, they blend together.

Okay.

But in our, in our deep dive on this, we go into a lot more areas of how to build a team and how it works together and flows together and how you ultimately become one and you begin to think alike and you're flowing like a team.

And we use the example of a basketball team that flows together on that one.

So check that one out.

We have like about 10 keys.

Yes.

That cover all of that in there.

Okay.

All right, the next one, number six, we go by the Bible.

Yes.

We call it the God factor.

God is our foundation for everything.

We send our relationship on God.

For us, God was a major factor before we got.

Before we had our problems.

But when we kind of drifted away and didn't stay on his word the way we should have and then, then.

But we.

He helped us heal.

Yes.

That's a big one.

He can't make you do anything, but he brings healing into your life.

And it allowed Linda to forgive me, and me to forgive her and us to.

To make changes.

So bring God into your marriage.

And a scripture is Matthew 7, 24, 27.

I'm not going to read it right now, but it basically talks about building your house on the foundation of the word of God.

But it says you have to do it.

So when the storms of life come, the marriage busters come.

Your house, your marriage will not fall.

That's good.

That's good.

Get God involved in your marriage.

It's not a guarantee.

You can.

You don't have to be a Christian.

If you're.

You're listening this and you're not a Christian, we encourage you to be.

But it.

It helps and goes a lot better for you when you do well.

You have somebody lean on.

You got the three.

Three chords.

Me, you, and God.

Yeah, the God factor.

That's the God factor, Right.

All right, so number seven, we put on love.

Yes.

Now you got to put on.

You gotta make it.

That's a decision.

You gotta put on love before you can make love.

There you go.

And that's episode 28, deep dive.

Yes.

Okay.

And.

And so what's your scripture on that?

Dear Colossians?

Right?

Well, yeah, Go back up here.

Yeah.

Now, did you tell me something one time?

Yeah.

Well, when we were getting back together, I told you I don't love you.

Yeah.

I remember that day.

Oh, my goodness.

And I had to make the decision that I was going to put on love for the sake of our marriage.

Yes.

You know, because I really didn't care.

My heart had gotten hard and it was like, I really don't matter to me.

But now, today, because of that decision that I made and the things that we're talking about to y' all today, we're experiencing a love affair with each other.

A marriage love affair with each other.

And that brings us to Colossians 3, 12, 14.

I'm not going to read it, but it says a bun.

You can do everything.

Be kind, be nice, do all these things.

But it says above all this, put on love is a decision.

It's like putting on a winter coat or your sport coat or your raincoat.

When you feel like you can't love, put on love.

You get an argument.

You want to have that one liner put on love.

So you don't do that.

And love focuses on the one love with the thought of self secondary.

So you're putting your spouse first.

That's the short version of that whole episode.

There's four ways to show love real quick.

With our words, verbal or written.

You can speak words of love and write your words of love with your actions.

And what's the old saying?

Probably everybody can say it.

Love.

They speak louder than words.

Yeah.

Speak louder than words.

They speak love.

That's true.

They speak louder than words with our attitude.

That's body language.

Our tone of words and our eyes and our actions.

And then number four is listen.

Yeah.

Listen to what your spouse is saying with your undivided attention.

That translate.

Put down your phone and your iPad and your remote control.

Oh, boy.

And listen to what?

Look them in the eyes.

Deep dive, episode 28.

Yes.

Okay.

Number eight, communication.

Wow.

Communication is the lifeline, I have to say.

Oh, yes, right.

The quality of communication that can determine the success or the feet, the defeat of community of your marriage.

Some definitions of communication is sharing information with each other.

Feelings, ideas, calendar.

Share your calendar with each other.

Whoo.

That's an idea.

About that novel ideal, right?

Dreams, events, hurts, frustrations, conflict, all of that.

These are just food for thought for you.

And once again, deep dive into it.

Episode 29, I believe, is what it is.

Basically, everything that's going on, your life, you should be talking about.

You should, as a husband and wife, not to.

Not to mom, not to your sister, not to, you know, a co worker, because that's when problems start happening, but to each other as a spouse.

And I'll throw this one in there.

Talk about your sex life.

Yep.

Talk about health, everything.

Well, what is communication, dear?

Communication is lubrication.

Since you're talking about the sex life.

Yes.

There you go.

We talk about using lubrication when you're making love because why?

It makes things easier, smoother, and it just makes everything more enjoyable.

When you're not communicating in your marriage about a lot of the topics, we just hit on that, then it causes your relationship the grind.

There's friction, there's lack of understanding.

And so therefore, it's not a pleasurable marriage.

Your life's not pleasurable.

Your day in and day out is not pleasurable because you're not communicating.

So when you're communicating, it's a form of lubrication in your relationship.

So make sure you're communicating and lubricate.

Make time for that communication.

You got to reconnect.

Yeah.

You got to make time.

Yeah, you got to make time.

I think it's not just going to happen.

So find time, and we'll talk about that.

We recommend about 15 to 20 minutes to reconnect with each other on a daily basis.

Do more.

If you can start with five minutes, that's all you can steal.

Yes.

We know everybody had a lot of people have kids, and we deal with that in the deep dive on this.

Okay.

And do the right timing.

Don't try to communicate hard problems when you're tired and hungry.

Yeah, that's not a good thing to do.

All right.

Moving right along.

Number nine.

We chill out together and enjoy each other.

All right.

Yay.

All work and no play.

That's right.

Right.

That's right.

Episode deep dive, episode seven and eight.

And also episode 31.

Episode 31 is the one for the.

The biggie biggie to chill out.

But episode episode seven and eight, talk about planning your time and crazy busy and stuff like that.

Yeah, that's very good, because a lot of y' all go, I'm busy.

I'm too busy.

I'm too busy.

But that.

That needs to stop.

The world is screaming at you, but you need to push back on the world and say, world, stop.

All right.

Okay.

You gotta have time together.

Yep.

That's it.

All right.

And on a consistent basis.

Yeah.

Right.

So just say no.

All right, What's.

You're not married to your kids.

Nope.

Your house, your job, your ministry, your chores, your tv?

To sports, church, friends, or relatives, but to each other.

That's right.

So what's number 10, dear?

Number 10, after your joy one another is do boredom busters.

Yeah.

Do you ever think this?

That your marriage is boring and mundane?

Do you feel like it could use some life?

Something out of the ordinary?

Is it like living like roommates?

Is it the same routine day in and day on, day out, Day in and day out?

There's no excitement.

Boring.

Nothing's ever spontaneous.

Everything is planned minute by minute.

It's vanilla.

Everything's vanilla.

No sense of adventure.

Do the boredom.

But you gotta get rid of these boredoms.

Yeah.

The boredom busters.

Episode deep dive, episode 30.

Time for fun.

Time for enjoyment.

It got to be a priority in your life.

You've got to have some time and be spontaneous.

You know, a lot of times you got to plan all this stuff, But a lot of people get robbed because they're not spontaneous.

If you get an idea to do something, whether it's grabbing your spouse, walking down the hallway, and you say, I want to hop on them and get a good kiss, but, oh, no, the laundry just went off.

Be Spontaneous.

Get the kiss, then go do the laundry, drop what you're doing and go out to eat sometimes.

Whatever.

Get spontaneous.

That's a great boredom buster.

Actually.

Being spontaneous, that's a learned skill.

Yes.

It has to be practiced.

Yes.

You know, and the variety, what do we hear all the time?

The variety.

Wait.

Variety is the spice of life, right?

Right.

So there we are.

Spontaneous.

So Greg said be creative.

Get creative, sit.

Little bit.

That bust out of them boredom busters.

Right.

Whether you got kids or don't have kids, break out the border.

Break out of it.

All right, number 11 of the lovers dozen.

13 steps that we're covering.

Yes.

We keep the romance alive.

Oh yeah, you gotta have romance.

There's this and that's deep dive episode 33.

What we're gonna say.

Yes.

Marriage should be a love affair.

Your marriage should be a love affair.

It should be, wow, sizzling, thrilling.

And that's happening because you're doing all of these different 13 steps.

And that's even when the marriage busters come in and try to steal it.

You see, romance plays a vital role in keeping the marriage love affair alive.

Romance is like a fire.

You've got a fan it and you've got to add to it to keep it going, else it's going to die out.

And our goal is for your romance to be a lifestyle.

It's just not a once a year events on Valentine's Day.

It's 365 days a year.

Yes.

And it can be planned or spontaneous, but it's part of your lifestyle, just being romantic.

It should be demonstrated in the big ways, like big flowers, big trips out of town.

But it could be just bringing home your wife special little candle.

Or if the guys in the fishing that ladies go and buy them a little fishing worm and bring it home, say hey, dear, I was thinking about you.

Yep, that's right.

Be care, creativity being thoughtful, anticipation and passion.

Because when you do this and you're on purpose and intentional, it leads to a lifestyle and it becomes a skill.

And therefore you're a romantic lover.

That's right.

So romance plays a major role.

So keep it fresh and exciting.

You know, it comes natural for most women and they like it.

But men, they may be like that before they get married, but afterward it's.

Like Prince Charming fell off his.

Fell off his horse.

What happened?

And it just disappears.

That's right.

Okay, number 12, we kept our sexual relationship a priority.

Oh yeah.

I'm telling you what these episodes they.

That we did a lot of teaching.

Episode 34 through 38.

Yeah.

And we didn't cover everything in that.

No, we sure didn't.

You just kind of.

But we did teach on sex, fizzle or sizzle.

So tune into those episodes, people.

That's going to be something.

You know, there's some benefits of orgasm there.

There's a fizzlers.

Oh, you go through about 20 things at least about the benefits of an orgasm besides just feeling good.

Yeah.

Medically speaking.

Yeah.

So we.

We cover all that and then the fizzlers.

Right?

Fizzlers.

Come on.

Come in.

And don't want you to have the benefits.

That's right.

So the more you realize the benefits, the harder you're going to defeat the fizzlers.

Okay.

So then also decide.

You're going to have to make a decision to have a healthy sex life.

And as Greg said before, communication is lubrication, you know?

Yes.

And regardless of your past, decide because God.

Oh, I know what.

Hold on.

Just a minute.

Hold on.

Go ahead and talk about communication.

Well, communication is lubrication.

Yes.

Right.

Yeah.

You know, and you want to understand each other sexually and gain knowledge.

Right.

So I had.

I got to share the scripture because it.

You'll see it.

Proverbs.

Proverbs.

This is what God wants for your marriage.

Here.

Let your fountain.

Or this is Proverbs 5, 18, 19.

Let your fountain or sexual union be blessed.

And it says, rejoice in the wife of your youth.

And we have.

Rejoice in your marriage or your spouse of your youth.

And as a loving hind and graceful doe, let her breast satisfy you at all times.

Be exhilarated always with your spouse's love.

We can see here.

That's what God wants.

Scripture down.

But he wants you to have a sex life that you're rejoicing with.

And it's blessed.

That's why we say, decide to have it.

Don't.

Regardless of what's going on in your life, overcome it because God wants you to enjoy it.

So don't.

Don't let the enemy steal it from you anymore if you've got that problem.

That's right now.

And he does that.

The enemy does it by poor communication.

Right?

He does.

And we already talked about lubrication a little while ago, so we got that one down.

Okay.

Get educated now.

Gain knowledge.

My people perish for lack of knowledge.

That's right.

You know that and perish.

That doesn't mean you just fall over and die.

No.

Parish means a lack of enjoyment.

Yes.

You know, you can't enjoy what Proverbs was just talking About.

And if you, if it's needed, adjust your attitude.

Remember, you get to not.

You have to.

It's not duty sex.

That's not what God wants.

And there's ways to overcome all that.

Okay, so you get to.

You don't have to.

The pleasure is ours, you know, make time for that love making.

Be creative.

Get creative.

Now I gotta throw in something real quick.

It says, become an expert lover.

Oh, that's a great idea.

Yeah, but that comes by what Linda just said.

But you know what?

Being an expert in something comes by reputation.

Reputation.

Right.

Isn't that right?

That's true.

Or you do something.

So if you're making love once a week at best, or twice a month or monthly, your spouse and yourself, you're never going to learn how to be a lover because you're not practicing.

Because more sex leaves the better sex as a rule.

Because you practice.

Perfect.

Right.

So remember, repetition.

So God's got this thing worked out, so follow his plan.

No, I need to put this in here.

We're not saying that that's what you ought to do is have sex two, three times a day.

Two, three times a week.

No, you didn't.

That wouldn't hurt.

No.

Yeah, Repetition.

But we're just saying find out for your marriage, what is it that works for you.

Right.

And then make that a priority.

Right, right, Then.

And then work on it to become that expert lover.

Right.

So episodes 34 through 38 on that one.

And last but not least, number 13 is BE.

We worked on becoming a family of destiny.

Yes.

That.

That.

Those.

That we.

We had a purpose for our marriage, you know, and for us personally, it was being involved in the ministry.

Okay.

And deep dive, episode 13 and 14 goes a little bit into that.

So.

But with that, God has a plan for your marriage.

Yes.

He wants you to be blessed in all that's physically, mentally, financially, emotionally, in your relationship and with your kids.

So he's got a plan for that.

He has a vis.

And he's got steps on how you can accomplish that.

And that's what we cover.

And that's what this one's supposed to be covering, that you're going to get more information in episodes 13 and 14.

But then after that, Liz Linda said, you do have a purpose for your life and your marriage.

And that just brings more completion to that.

So four things here on fulfilling your destiny as a family.

Okay.

You have a future and a hope.

You have a purpose.

Yes.

So regardless of where you're at, you got physical struggles, you got healing, you Got relationship problems, financial.

Whatever it is God says you have.

He you have a future and a hope.

Strengthen your foundation.

Get knowledge.

Use the word of God.

Strengthen that foundation to build on.

Let go of the past.

Look to the future in your marriage for what God has for you and your spouse and kids, that they're still there at home.

And then believe you can do it.

Yeah.

Have faith.

And that's where the God factor comes in.

Be a team.

Work together.

No.

Have common goals, common interest.

Be a team.

And then that last but not least, pursue.

Okay, now, the whole goal of the.

The Lovers Dozen is things that me and Linda applied after we got back together.

Yeah, we had to work on these things.

Some of them we weren't doing too bad.

We had to strengthen them.

Some of them we had to put in practice, but we continue to do that.

So I want to close with the scripture.

That's one of our foundations for what we believe.

And that's Ecclesiastes 9.

9.

It says, Relish and enjoy life with the spouse that you love each and every day of your life.

And it says wife in there.

But we got the married and love it version.

So that's what God wants you to do.

Relish and enjoy life every day.

Now, here's our version of that scripture.

And what Lovers doesn't is all about.

And married and love it.

Your marriage should be.

Wow.

Exciting, fresh, sizzling.

A marriage affair, rewarding and strong.

Yeah, it may not be like that every day, but that's the even line that goes through your graph line mind, so to speak.

You are best friends, lovers, and partners in life, all three of those.

You pursue goals and dreams together.

When the storms of life hit, you stay unified as a couple.

You pass through the seasons of marriage in life, and you can still say you're married and love it.

All right, so with that, I'm gonna pray.

Oh, good.

Yes.

We just thank you for the.

The pleasure and the privilege to be able to share Lovers Dozen, the Lovers Dozen Sherry series over the last several months, it seems like since episode 19.

But I just pray for everybody that's listening, maybe to this, just to just this checklist or all of the episodes that your will and purposes will be realized in their life, that their marriage will get strengthened.

They'll be able to avoid a lot of things that Linda and I went through.

And if they do have challenges come, they'll have a foundation that will enable them to stand when the test of trial and trials of life hit.

Because they're a team, they're strong.

And they can get through life's challenges.

And the marriage busters.

That's right.

So I just thank you, Lord God, that they're able to be married and love it, that their love is going to grow, that the enemy's broken off of their lives and that whatever they put their hands to is prosperous and that they're in good health and that their family is blessed and that they can be married and love it.

So we just pray over everybody as they've listened to this and will be listening more, that as they hear these words, their faith will be strengthened.

So they can go through the marriage busters knowing that your plans and purposes for them are good.

Yes.

And they know that all things are possible with you, Daddy.

God, in Jesus name.

Amen.

Amen.

I agree.

So a little bit of honeydews homework, I guess you could call it.

You heard us refer to the Deep Tide episodes throughout this episode.

So listen to those, you know, Picachus if you want to, but just do something.

Yeah, we'll have that in the show notes.

So that would be the thing.

And what else?

That's it.

10 seconds.

How can we forget that?

Oh no.

10 second kiss.

So grab your spouse.

This is like in the morning before you go to work or something.

Grab your spouse, say, hey Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds.

Or your timer and just give him a good old wet one.

Just kiss him and for 10 seconds.

Never know what can happen.

Nothing happens till you take action and then let that set the pace for the rest of your day.

Now you can repeat it when you get home.

Matter of fact, you can repeat repetition.

There you go.

So that's it.

All right, well, thanks again for joining us today.

And I know I've gotten expired.

I've been inspired.

Have you, dear?

Yes, definitely.

All right, so we hope you have too.

And we look forward to you joining us next week for your Married and Love it booster.

So we'll see you then.

But in the meantime, remember, you can be married and Love it on purpose.

Thank you for investing into your marriage by listening to the Married and Love it podcast.

Be sure to be a part of the ripple effect of making marriage great by sharing this podcast with other couples to equip them to be married and love it.

Also, subscribe to and follow us on your favorite platform and be sure to check out our website at www.where you can learn more about Married and Love it.

And contact us with any questions or comments that you may have.

And remember with God that you have a future and a hope and you can be married and love it on purpose.