EP. 37. Sex Tips for a Healthy Sex Life Within Your Marriage; Be an Expert Lover; From The Lover's Dozen PT 19

Foreign.

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Hey, thanks for jo us today for your weekly dose of Married and love it now today, episode 37 is talking about tips for a healthy sex life within your marriage.

This episode is going to be focusing on becoming an expert lover, which.

Who doesn't want to be that, right?

I do.

Okay, I like that that you want.

I think you're doing pretty good which.

This is a continuation of the Lovers dozen series, part 15.

Now, first time listeners, this series consists of 13 principles that Greg and I applied that helped us bring restoration and healing to our marriage back in 1986.

And we're approaching 48 years of marriage and we're still applying these principles and you know what, they work.

But we have had to be intentional and apply them on purpose.

Now the Lovers Dozen began back in on episode 19.

Yeah.

So go back and listen to them if you, if you haven't heard them already.

And those that have heard them, go back and listen to them for just a little refresher.

Now disclaimer.

This episode and the information in it that we share.

It may not be appropriate for younger ears.

So some of this information might curl your toes, but we don't want younger ears involved in it.

Just to be aware.

Yes, we might be getting into a little bit more details today on being an expert lover.

So that would be more for your ears only, right?

All right, well, a couple announcements before we get into the hot topic today.

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And also we encourage you to listen all the way to the end of our podcast because if you haven't done that for whatever reasons, we do have a place where we give some homework or honeydews.

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So we do want to make that available to others.

So.

So now tips for healthy sex life within your marriage.

Now this is just a little short review.

We've already covered four different areas and I'm going to just list them off for you.

Commit your sex life to God.

Amen.

Number two, decide.

Decide to have a healthy sex life.

It just doesn't happen.

It doesn't.

You have to make that decision.

Number three, do a self evaluation.

Okay.

And for communication.

So bringing you up to today would be become an expert lover.

Yes.

All these different titles that Linda just went through, all are building up to this.

And then this will build up into other ones that we're going to be talking about.

But our goal is for all of us to become expert lovers.

Because an expert, that means they're, they're, they're above average, they know more, they're specialized.

So we're talking about how to be, about how to be a specialized lover.

How you can bring what God wants to your spouse on a continual basis.

And I just want to read our, our foundational scripture that we use.

It's Proverbs 5, 18, 19.

It says, Let your fountain or sexual union be blessed and rejoice in the wife.

And we put in their spouse of your youth as a loving hind and a graceful doe.

Let her breasts satisfy you at all times.

Be exhilarated always with her love.

Now I'm going to give you the married and love it version of that because we, we, we're we're tying it into the husband and wife.

We're both wife and husband should be getting the equal amount of pleasure from your marriage.

The exhilaration, it's not a one sided event.

We have it where it says rejoice and delight in the spouse of your youth.

Let their body always satisfy you.

Be exhilarated, happy and delighted in it.

Be captivated by their love and passion.

That's God's plan.

It doesn't talk about being boring.

It doesn't talk about being painful or one sided.

That does not sound like somebody's doing duty sex or obligation sex.

That's God saying, rejoice and be happy and delight and see, as an expert, you want to enjoy what your spouse is bringing to you and you want to be able to bring pleasure to them.

So you have to learn, we have to learn how to enjoy and how to give pleasure.

So that's what we're going to be talking about in episode 34 is where we started on this.

So listen to 34, 35 and 36, which Linda reviewed because it's going to help give preparation for this.

Now as you listen to this episode today, listen to learn.

Don't sit there and going, oh, I know all this stuff.

I'm a man.

I know how the pleasure of my wife.

I might beg the difference on that a lot on a lot of men or wives or you don't even know what you want to ask for.

Think that.

But after this episode and you get a chance to talk with each other about certain things, maybe you'll find differently.

So listen to learn.

Not listen to judge your spouse, but listen for you to learn because we're talking about you being expert lover.

All right, forget the past, decide to excel still more.

Just decide I'm going to be the best lover and become an expert.

Yeah.

So some of the vital actions to becoming an expert lover are number one to please.

Now, First Corinthians 7, 33 through 34, it talks about being concerned about pleasing your husband or your wife.

So that, that is something you can check out for yourself and read about it in the different translation.

But pleasing your wife or husband, that should bring pleasure to you because you enjoy pleasing them?

It's not that I have to, but the fact that I get to.

So do you think in life there's times when people are having sex because they just got to do it?

They feel like, yeah, I would say so.

Duty sex.

So, so here, you know, you never want your spouse to ever feel like they're having to do it as a duty.

Right.

Because you want to please them and please each other.

Attitude, boy, that's everything.

And you know what?

People can pick up on an attitude.

And that doesn't have to be word spoken, right?

No, it just can be in body language.

And it's to be to properly and effectively please, you need to know how to do that.

So that's going to lead us up to the next step.

Right.

All right.

So the next step would be to understand, to properly please your spouse, you need to understand them and understand what makes them tick and how they respond.

So in episode 20 and 21, we talk a little bit about that.

Right.

Understanding your spouse so want to please and then we got to understand so we know how to please them.

Because if you're not doing the right thing, you could be very aggravating to your spouse.

It's like the whole situation could just be a frustrating time and not a pleasure time.

Yes.

Like when a new couple gets married and they don't, they may be wanting to please because they're brand new married, but if they don't understand what's going on and what they're getting ready to do and understand their spouse's needs, then they may be something that is totally off the wall, doing it totally wrong.

And therefore, like Linda just said, it's not going to be good.

So one thing that can interfere with the sex life, your marriage sex life, can be past experiences.

Right.

So part of your understanding your, your spouse is, is finding out what's gone on in their past.

Is there anything that they've experienced that, that maybe it was sexual abuse, maybe they've had pain, Maybe they were married previously and there were some, some things there they learned.

Maybe it's some type of teaching.

Maybe they grew up in the purity culture, which that's got a lot of damage on people nowadays.

So you want to understand past experiences.

No, you don't need to know how many people maybe they've been with before.

That's not what we're talking about.

We're talking about things that could be interfering with their sex life.

And also becoming an expert lover is not just knowing the mechanics.

Although we're going to talk about that in a few minutes.

It's not just knowing the mechanics, but it's also going back and understanding them as a man or as a woman and what their needs are in that area.

Because as we've talked about in the previous episodes, we're talking about really spirit, soul and body, mentally, physically and emotionally knowing how to please your Spouse.

Because if you're coming into this and you're, you're rude, you're, you're being unkind, you're selfish, then you can know all the mechanics.

You can know what button to push and how to stroke it, do whatever.

But you know what?

It's not going to work.

Work.

It's not going to work.

So understand, please, and understand now.

First, Peter 3:7 is specifically even more to the men about this issue.

It says, you husbands live with your wife in an understanding way.

And I kind of looked like this in a practical situation.

Men are pretty easy, all right?

Emotionally, men do have emotions, they do feel.

We do have situations where we need to talk or in all that.

But men basically are not emotional creatures the way a women.

Women are.

Our wives are.

And then also sexually, they're different and they're, they're not complicated.

We're going to talk about body parts here in a few minutes.

But a man's pretty simple in his body parts and the way they work any way he thinks.

Men, when men, men think about sex, they just need to think about it or see something and they're turned on instantly.

Very rarely does a woman get turned on instantly.

That doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

But all of a sudden he's.

And you can tell he's thinking about sex.

It's pretty obvious.

It can be pretty obviously sometimes, right?

But they're easy.

But women, and this is why I think God says you got to learn to understand a woman, because a woman is.

If you've talked about understanding a woman, when we've talked about previous things, they're like spaghetti, all right?

They got all these thoughts.

Their emotions and everything are going on and they bring that into the bedroom with them.

Yeah, women are way more complicated.

You know, their emotions, like Greg said, mental capacities are way more involved.

That spaghetti thing going on.

But men, they're in their sex box.

Sex box.

Yep, that's it.

And then, and then they're the women's anatomy, which, like I said, we're going to talk about in a minute.

But their anatomy is a lot more complicated than a man's.

So you've got to understand.

I'm talking to the guys, man.

You've got to understand what makes your woman tick, what, how her body works, how her response cycles are, what brings her to an orgasm, what can turn that off.

Because you can be sitting there rubbing and doing what needs to be done, and all of a sudden you say something, you lost it.

Go back to go.

Do not collect your $200 start over, man, the bomb could go off and it wouldn't phase you, it wouldn't phase them.

Right.

You know, so what?

Go ahead.

Well, men desire to have sex in order to connect, right.

But women, they need to connect in order to want sex.

Right.

And that.

Interesting.

Totally opposite.

In other words, besides just having the mechanics down to making love, the man's gonna need to know how to deal with his wife's emotions and her mental capacity.

I mean, like Greg said, women, we're dealing with the spaghetti all kind of stuff intertwined there and not just the box.

Right?

Yeah.

I'm just thinking there's a saying, you need to be able to read the room.

Like if you go in a room and you're going to meet people or talk to people, what's the atmosphere in the room?

Well, we need the to as men need to be able to read the room where our wife is.

We walk in, how does she seem?

How's her emotions right now?

Yeah.

What is she thinking?

Can you tell?

Something's not quite right.

And those are things that we need to know when we start thinking about what we're going to make love.

Whether it's a pre planned time or spontaneous time time.

Or sometimes you can read the room and say, ain't no way am I going to do anything, you know, or you might know.

Okay, right now I could probably pat her on the.

The bottom and, and she'd probably turn around, give me a kiss.

But if I pat her on the bottom right now, I'm probably going to get a frying pan in my head.

You just got to be able to read the room.

And so that's part of understanding our spouses.

Men again, we're pretty easy, you know, doesn't matter what's going on in the room for the man.

You got any other thoughts on that, dear?

No.

So let's talk about the different parts of our bodies.

Oh, yeah.

How they operate, male and female, and make that point of discussion, you know, make that a point of discussion, y', all, with your spouse at times.

But we'll, we'll talk a little more about that.

So the female parts.

All right, you want me to bring those?

All right, well, the female parts, the ones that are most, the most sexual part are you've got the breast, the vagina, you got the labia and the vulva, the clitoris and the G spot.

Those are all parts, the main parts of the sexual thing.

Each one of those.

Does all those have different things.

Some of them are more sensitive than the others.

You've got the clitoris that you got to know where it's at.

And I'm saying that seriously, because it can even enlarge, go smaller.

Then you got to know how to treat that because different times it needs to be stroked or things done differently to it.

And that's an art to begin to learn how to do that, the G spot, you need to know where that's at inside the vagina and so forth.

We'll have another time on all this, but I'm just saying we need to learn the different body parts and learn and understand how they work and how to.

To bring that all to pleasure.

But the number one sex organ for both people, but really probably more towards the women, is the brain.

Is that right, Linda?

Oh, yeah, I would say absolutely.

Because of the brain.

She's got the spaghetti going on.

So that's why we want to make sure we're doing things that's going to bring peace and calmness to that brain.

And that's another topic.

And then the male parts, there's basically three.

You've got the penis, the testicles and the prostate.

Easy to use, not much to them to.

Whereas the female, you've got almost.

You almost with the.

The.

With the females, you basically have an orchestra there.

You got different instruments and different things, and you try to work those and bring them into union so that she's going to be able to experience that orgasm, come to a climax, and then realize she can have more than one.

But if you're not playing the organ, the orchestra properly, you're going to be out of tune and it's not going to work too good.

And what would you call the male part?

I don't know.

People call it different things.

Oh, yeah.

It's solo.

There's not much to it.

That's right.

Now, all of these parts, they can all be kissed and stroked and done all sorts of things with.

But we just need to learn these parts.

Yes.

So to be what you're telling us, the female body is way more complicated than the male body.

And, you know, that needs to be realized.

Yes.

In a marriage union.

And like an expert lover, he's an expert in the bed and out of the bed.

Now I'm gonna say this.

We're kind of jumping around a little bit.

We need to know what our spouse's parts.

But each spouse is responsible to know how their body parts are and where they're at and how they respond.

We should get to know our own bodies.

Right, Right.

So it's not just, it's not just the spouse, your spouse knowing what to do, but you need to know what your.

How your body.

And that's going to bring us to the next point about.

To have knowledge.

To have knowledge.

Yes.

Right.

So to have knowledge.

Hosea 4, 6 says, My people are destroyed by a lack of knowledge and that includes our marriage and our sex life.

So we.

Sexual ignorance that.

That can be greatly hindered by the ability to enjoy sex the way that God created.

I mean he's the one that created all things.

Right.

So God wants to have a part in all of that.

And you know, we shouldn't shy away from that like it's anything taboo or whatnot.

Right.

God created it.

So it's up to us to like Greg said, get educated about your spouse's body, but get educated, learn and continue to learn about your own body.

Because you know, like, especially women, our bodies are going to change over time.

Yeah.

And we need to know what's going on and what's happening with our bodies.

That's continuing education.

Constantly be learning.

That's it.

You know, we're not born natural lovers.

It's a skill that has to be learned.

Skill that has to be learned.

Some people may get lucky, but we were when we, we naturally know how to reproduce, basically like an animal.

But making love and being in union with your spouse does take work.

You know, again, we're not naturally born lovers.

And that's why they say before you get married, it's good to get a book or some pre marriage counseling.

Now a lot of people have sex before they get married and they develop experiences that way.

And that's why a lot of times those experiences aren't realistic for what's going to happen when you get married.

And you may not be learning things properly.

And then some people are brought up in the strict purity culture where sex before marriage is evil and you should not do it.

And they just get so much value on just being pure that once they get married and they're in the marriage bed, they're going, what do we do now?

This is, this is evil.

Because their mind has been trained that.

Way in a mindset.

Well that then auto.

All of a sudden it's like immediate reversal.

How do you do that?

And you think, hey, you're naked in bed with your honey.

What's that gonna.

Why would I stop?

Because the, the things that happen in our life put such an impression on our brains and our emotions.

It interferes with it.

There's lots of stories.

Yeah.

Where people, when they first get married.

They may have even been having sex before they got married.

But something happens when you say I do and you get in that bed, things happen and don't happen.

So.

Right.

So.

Okay, well, let me ask you this, dear.

So if you've been married 10, 20, maybe 30 years, does that make you.

Does that qualify you as an expert lover?

Yeah, you're an expert.

You may be an expert jerk.

Well, if you've always never learned properly and you've gone all that time and you've just continued to do things your way and your spouse has done things their way and y' all not ever gotten on a.

On the right page.

Yeah.

You may be not too good a shape because you hear stories of people not having orgasms and they've been married for 20 or 30 years because there's menopause going on, there's sicknesses or diseases that come in, and you have to try, fail and adjust, so to speak.

So you're always learning.

Right.

Husband, wife, We.

We need to grow in knowledge on how to properly make love and bring that ultimate enjoyment to each other, regardless of what season you're in, regardless of how old you are.

Right?

Yeah.

And sometimes we gotta unlearn and then relearn.

Now that's.

That's a major point.

Clear things out.

Unlearn and you know, and relearn things from the past.

Experiences or teachings that we've heard in the past, even in the church.

Yeah, the church has not properly taught the Christian body of Christ the way God would see it to be.

You know?

You know, and when we say unlearn and then maybe relearn, if somebody was brought up on the purity side and everything is evil or you can't do this, and they've got a.

They got to loosen up some.

If somebody had a bad experience, maybe they were married before and they did things certain way and that just wasn't working.

Didn't.

They got to unlearn that.

And then there's teeth.

Like Linda said, there's teachings in the church.

I would say the.

The church a lot of times now is.

Doesn't say anything.

Yeah, they shy away from it.

Or depending on which speaker comes through, that sets the tone.

Because there's some areas in the body of Christ, in the area of sex, most of it is.

Is positive.

But there could be one preacher that comes in, says, no, you don't ever do that.

And then you get another preacher says, yeah, that's fine to do.

Then people get in conflict and that way, confusion.

They just Got to decide what to do.

I remember this is about 20 years ago or so, and Lynn and I were teaching in a church, a marriage seminar.

It was for a weekend, a Friday night, and all day Saturday.

And we had.

I don't even know if we were really going to talk about sex that much.

But the.

The pastor got up right in the middle of the conference and started talking about oral sex.

And he said it was of the devil.

And he just got up and preached for 15 or 20 minutes about oral sex being of the devil.

Now, maybe you agree with them.

I don't think that's correct at all.

There's nothing in the Bible saying that's bad.

And actually Song of Solomon can show some demonstrations of that.

But, so, but there's people that hear stuff like that and that.

They just say their husband comes over, the wife just talks about doing that, and they just put up the sign of cross or to time out and said, no, you ain't doing that.

Shut that door.

You know, that's just an example.

So there's things that we need to unlearn.

That's why there's a lot of opinions, opinions that are given right in church teachings, you know, and we want.

Our goal here today is to keep it scriptural.

We want it to be God's stamp of approval on whatever it is that you hear today.

Right?

So.

And there can be a lot of non Christian teaching because sex in itself is the same whether you're a Christian or not.

That's true in that sense.

It's just that the secular world would say add more to it or more people to it, let's put it like that.

And we know that's not so.

We know that's not God.

So we're talking about godly principles that are in the Bible.

And we.

We just sometimes have to relearn those things.

And, and I.

You may not always agree with something we say, but you know what?

We just encourage you as a husband and wife to do your research.

And we're going to talk about that here in the next part.

And you two get together and pray and say what's right for us.

Because one of y', all, one of you may want to do something and the other one doesn't want to do something, you know, so then you all have to talk about that and work that out.

Because you know what?

All that really matters is what you can determine from what God's word says and what feels good to you with each other.

Here's some important ways that we can learn Like Greg said, is resources.

What kind of resources?

Books.

And there's audios out.

There's a lot of videos that talk about sex in your marriage.

And we're gonna list some of the books that we would recommend in our show notes.

So look for that.

Yeah, podcasts like.

Like this that we have.

There's a lot of really good podcasts out there.

And, you know, maybe through counseling or anything that teaches on this subject.

Yeah, audio books, even.

Yeah, yeah, audiobooks.

That's a good way to learn.

I want to ask you just real quick, before we move on from that, how many times if you or your spouse picked up and actually read a book on marriage or maybe a sex book on Chris by Christians on marriage?

Have you really ever done that?

That's a good question.

Ask.

So let's move on.

Right.

So remember communication?

Oh, yes.

That's the biggie.

Communication is lubrication.

That's it.

Yes.

Episode 36 talks a little lessons, more in detail.

So ask your spouse.

That's another way to learn.

Ask them, what do they like and what do they not like?

You know, ask them, how often would they want to have sex?

You know, people have an idea that you're normal.

You're only normal if you have sex so many times a week.

Well, that's not true.

You know, that's not true at all.

So it's just what you and your husband or your wife, what you determine is right for you in your marriage.

Okay, then share what you like and dislike with your spouse.

Now, this is something we brought up last week, but it's important if you ask your spouse what they like or don't like, listen to what they're saying.

Don't judge them for what they like or don't like.

True.

Listen and learn from it.

Be honest.

Well, you know, some spouses don't even know themselves what they like.

Right.

You know, so here's a really good starting point to find out.

Right, Right.

So that's good.

Now, like Greg said, there's a lot of things in the past that may need to be talked about.

Some people might even need to go to counseling.

And if you do, that's okay.

Do go and get some counseling on.

It may, like Greg said, poor sexual experiences or absolutely no sexual education at all.

Yes.

Do y' all remember the talk?

Maybe we're going to talk about that when you were first getting married or when you.

The birds and the bees.

Anyways.

Well, recognize whatever these problems are and deal with it, because a lot of frustrations can occur in the middle of all that.

And, and sometimes you're frustrated.

You don't even know why you're frustrated.

Right.

So if you talk about it, then you can reveal what that might be.

And like Greg said, don't be defense about it.

Don't be defensive about what it is.

So, so as Linda was saying, communication, you've got to talk and communicate.

Otherwise, if you're not communicating, you're setting yourself up for failure.

And it's got to be honest communication.

Now, if your spouse asks you, well, why do you like your.

What you.

What do you not like?

You need to know.

And if it.

Sometimes a lot of people don't know and maybe they're trying to learn, but because they don't know, they're not able to communicate with their spouse and things just aren't going the way it needs to be.

So, so point three here would be get to know your own body.

Yes.

Read the books and, and learn from those items.

But this one right here is very important, is explore your own body.

Now this one right here may rouse some feathers, but explore your own body, male or female.

You know, men can look straight down or in a mirror easily and they know what their body parts look like, but a lot of women, they don't even know what their body parts look like.

And this can be uncomfortable for some, but you're going to need to learn what your body parts look like and how they operate.

So you need to know what brings you pleasure and then how do to share that with your spouse.

Say, hey, this is what I like to have, have done.

See, this is part of being naked and unashamed.

You know, it's part of being comfortable in your own skin.

Yeah.

You know, we hear a lot of that with a lot of weight loss programs and stuff to be comfortable in your own skin.

But here we are.

I mean, seriously, in your marriage, you got to be comfortable in your own skin.

Yeah.

So be comfortable.

But you know what?

God created your body and it's wonderfully made, both male and female, and he's got it where it works great.

But we need to understand it.

So I just encourage men, men and women, to learn your body if you have not taken that time to do it.

And there, like I said, the guys are pretty easy.

Point blank.

It's the ladies that are more complicated.

And I've, I've read lots of Christian books that will come out and they recommend ladies, get a mirror, have some private time, and, and, and look in the mirror and look at what your parts are.

I mean, there's diagrams in a lot of the Christian books.

Diagrams, I said, and look and see how.

What it looks like.

And yes, touch yourself and say, oh, this feels good, or this doesn't feel good.

And learn how.

What brings you pleasure.

Because you cannot tell your husband or the husband can't tell the wife particularly either what works or what doesn't work a lot of times, because they don't even know.

So I know right now, some of y' all are kind of cringing or whatever.

But you know what?

There's nothing wrong with that.

God wants you to experience everything, so it's okay to touch yourself, give yourself permission.

You're not going to go get in trouble with God because he created it.

He wants you to know how.

Now when you do that, learn from that.

And then you've done that, and then what?

Do a show and tell.

All right, now you can do that with your spouse.

Some.

Some people want to do it by themselves.

But if you're not familiar with this, I encourage you to do that and then a show and tell.

When you know what pleases you, you and the husband, both of y' all can get together and say, here, here's what I like.

Here's what I don't like.

Here's how to do this.

And here's not.

Definitely don't do that.

Okay.

But take the time.

Have fun.

You know what?

Sex homework is fun.

It is.

It is.

You know, it is fun.

God's.

God's made sex.

You're not gonna be graded on it.

You're not going to be graded on it.

Not that.

Well, that brings us right to the next point about exploring each other's bodies.

Now, hey, what about if you put on your calendar, explore our bodies.

That's how you titled your calendar and made a date.

What do you think that.

That your spouse is going to be thinking about all day long?

In.

In.

In school, when you have a lab, they call it a lab date thing where you got to go in and learning lab.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

So total body awareness.

Awareness.

Now, the genital are.

They're not the only pleasure areas of our bodies.

Let me just tell you.

There are several erroneous zones.

Like, I'm just gonna name a couple of them or a few of them.

Like behind the knees, around the neck.

Yeah.

The ears, the lips, the inner thigh, the belly button.

Now, this is both men and women, both hand and wrist.

The elbows, your cheeks, your calves, your feet, your toes.

Hey, get educated.

Look it up.

Say, what are the erroneous Zones the butt and.

That's right, Your little tushy.

Tushy.

You know, so.

And see.

Explore all those areas.

You know, surprise your spouse and kiss their hand.

In the palm of the hand.

Yeah.

And on the wrist.

You would be as surprised at how that will turn somebody on.

And now just to say this, just because you like to have your belly button kissed and licked, your spouse may not like that.

That's right.

So y' all kind of have to learn.

So that's what the conversation.

That's what your communication is all about.

That we're encouraged.

You know what you can do?

I just thought of this.

I know there's a game out there.

Somebody's probably made this up, but get all the different body parts that you can think of.

Put them on a piece of paper, put them in a bowl, and then y' all take turns pulling them out.

And then you pull it out and whatever body part that is, y' all can make up the rules.

Say rub it, kiss it, lick it, or whatever.

That is a great idea.

And then you put it back in.

We need to make a game.

Like we need to.

Yeah.

A board game or whatever.

I think that is a great idea.

A fun way to learn.

That is a fun way.

You can put the.

The main home run body parts in there too.

But, you know, and just have fun with it.

Yeah, I think that's a great idea.

That, that, you know, take a shower together.

Yeah.

You know, make that one of the little notes that you do or you know, will have no expectations at all.

You don't want to have expectations.

This is a non sexual.

Which it's probably going to end up sexual.

Yeah.

Exploration.

That's extra credit.

Yeah, that is.

Well, you know, talking about others, you're.

You were thinking, oh, you guys are really off the wall or you're carnal.

But no, we're not.

We read Song of Solomon.

Song of Solomon.

The reference of this is going to be in our show notes.

Song of Solomon, chapter 5, verse 10 through 16, and Song of Solomon, chapter 71 through 9.

It talks about the bride and groom actually exploring each other's body.

Yeah.

So it's very scriptural to do that.

Yeah.

So check it out.

Just remember, all of this is between you and your spouse.

Exactly.

If y' all are doing any of this from exploring each other's bodies or maybe exploring your own or reading.

Just remember, Linda and I aren't in your bedroom checking you.

Your pastor doesn't care what you're doing.

It's up your.

Your.

Whoever it's between you, yourself, God and your husband.

The marriage bed is undefiled.

All right, what's next?

Oh, here makes perfect.

Practice makes perfect.

Now once you like that one.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

And maybe, maybe you got, you're listening to this and you and your husband or wife are doing good.

You know, we're not sitting here saying everybody is in this case where they don't know what they're doing.

But we can always learn and tweak.

Remember earlier we said always be improving excel still more.

And maybe we brought it up because we go through life, things change.

All right?

Matter of fact guys, you could be doing something perfect on your spouse and your, her, her sexual bliss is out of that.

Her toes are curling.

Everything's curling.

And you did it three times in a row and the fourth time you go to do it and say, man, I am the man.

And you get in there and do.

And she about slaps your hand.

It can change.

It does.

Change changes.

So practice makes perfect.

Learn from your own love making time together as you're going through, especially if you're younger couples listening or you, your sex life hasn't been where you need it to be or want it to be.

Watch what's and observe what's working, what doesn't work, what feels good, what doesn't feel good for your spouse and for yourself.

And, and yes, those are the things you can highlight.

But always be aware, things can change or improve.

Learn your spouse's response signals what ladies, if you're pleasuring your man different ways, watch their facial expressions.

Does their body tense up?

Does it get limp all of a sudden?

Does.

Is there they make, are they making noises or not?

You know, watch their facial expressions.

Especially with the women.

Watch their expressions and such.

So learn, learn to, to learn, I guess in the silent mode where somebody.

Oh, that's another point.

If something's feeling good, tell your spouse, I like that.

That feels really good.

And that way they know it.

But eventually maybe they'll be able to know without you even telling them and such.

All right.

Learn what's pleasing to your spouse.

Know what they like and don't like.

Learn what's good for you and just get that incorporated in them.

Develop a love making rhythm as you continue to explore your bodies and you're working together and you're getting a unison.

You're going to beat boredom and you're going to get rid of the routine because you're always going to be exploring and learning and growing.

Yes.

And it'll be exciting.

So yes, and it might be easy for us to say to you, just do it.

But that's not what we're talking about.

You, you need to know what to do and you need to know how to do it.

Then just do it.

Then just do it.

There you go.

That's where the perfect practice makes perfect comes in there.

So, and men understand this, you may have had your orgasm and your wife hadn't had hers yet.

Or maybe she has.

And then you're laying there snuggling and cuddling.

She can have another one.

So you need to understand, that's another way understanding.

So you cuddle a little bit afterwards, she can still have some more because it may take a while before you're ready to go.

But those are things to learn and to communicate about.

That's good.

So a couple honeydews.

Well, we covered most of it like become.

In order to become an expert lover, ask yourself what you need to do to begin to get more educated and not to just settle for right.

And number two, what is something you can learn about yourself that can help your sex life?

You know, maybe you had never even thought about it.

We'll give it a little bit of thought.

Okay, number three, what can you learn about your spouse that'll help you become a better lover?

And that's where the communication comes in.

And what's number four, dear?

You guess it.

It's this ten second kiss.

So in the mornings before you head out to work or start your day, or when you come home or all throughout the day, just grab your honey and say, come here.

Set your timer for that 10 seconds and give them a good old kiss.

Hey, you never know what may happen after that.

Pat them on the butt afterwards.

Yeah, slap them on the tush.

So get that.

Read the room.

Read the room.

Thank you all for joining us today.

I hope that you've gotten sexually, I don't want to say aroused, but sexually.

I hope that you've gotten sexually inspired today.

And when you sit down and do the honeydews together, or if you have any kind of discussion together, grab a cup of coffee or cup of tea and you can have guess what, Check out our merchandise store.

It's on our website and it will be in the link below.

But we're now selling the married and love it coffee mugs.

So purchase one or get them for a friend or get them for each other.

Greg got one for his birthday.

Yes, he loves it.

And so we look forward to you joining us next week.

We'll see you next week.

And remember now you can be married and love it on purpose.

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