EP 36. Sex Tips for a Healthy Sex Life Within Your Marriage; Communication; From the Lovers Dozen Series PT 18

Hey, we're Greg and Linda Smith from Raleigh, North Carolina.

We are excited to have you join us for the Married and Love it podcast.

We believe every couple should be able to say we are married and love it.

Greg and I have been married for over 46 years and we've had a lot of life experiences to overcome, including relationship issues, near separation, health and financial challenges.

And through it all, we can still say we're married and love it.

In addition to this, we have over 47 years of ministry and business experience.

Making marriage great is our goal.

We will accomplish this by teaching you how to be married and love it regardless of your present marriage situation.

We're going to be covering everything that has to do with marriage, including the hot topics of love, sex, communication, and much more.

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And we look forward to helping you make your marriage great.

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Thanks for joining us today.

This is your weekly dose of Married and Love it today, episode 36, sex in marriage.

Tips for a healthy and satisfying sex life within your marriage.

We're going to be continuing on that.

And that is part of the Lovers dozen series, part 14, actually.

So it's gonna be hot in here today.

Yes, this is gonna be good.

Little discl about this episode and the information we're getting ready to share.

It may not be suitable for young years.

Might have a little R rating in it, maybe some X.

Depends on how Dr. Love, Mr. Greg, decides that he wants to get into certain things.

We're not going to talk about anything that would not be talked about in your bedroom.

And that's right.

And what God's plan.

You don't have your little ears in the bedroom, hopefully.

Yes, Right, right, right.

So it may curl your toes.

So get read.

Now, like we talked about, the Lovers Dozen series, It consists of 13 principles that Greg and I applied that helped us bring restoration and healing to our marriage.

And that was back in 1986.

And here we are approaching 48 years of marriage, almost there, and we're still applying these principles and they work, but we have had to be intentional and apply them on purpose.

So the Lovers Dozen series began back with episode 19.

Let me encourage you to go back and listen to them.

You know, catch up on what you may have not already heard.

And if you've already heard them, then refresh yourself and start from the beginning, work your way through it.

And this episode, episode 36, is actually the third one on the topic of sex, which we're actually going to be talking about a few different sex tips in.

We thought it might just be one, but now we're one episode.

Now we're up to three.

Could be it's going to be four, I'm sure.

But just to let you know, and we say this probably every time, but going Back to episode 19 is the foreplay to the foreplay in your sex life.

Because all of what we talk about in the Lovers Dozen is critical for you to have the sex life that God has for you.

That's right.

Because if all you do is hop in the sack, you're ready to make love, but you're arguing, you got unresolved conflicts, you're not putting each other first, or you're acting like roommates, or you're bringing all your work and your concerns about kids and your life into the bedroom.

Chances are you're not going to have the type of experience that you want and there for one of you will probably turn into a lower, low desire spouse because you're not getting out of it what you want.

Sex should be a rewarding time.

Time.

It should be a refreshing time.

Even if you're tired or worn out because you come in and you know from, especially for the, from episode 33 or 34, that the power of the orgasm.

See, God has given you a gift.

We got to unwrap that gift and enjoy it.

So, and, and sometimes when you're tired and worn out and you, somebody brings you a little gift, what happens?

Oh, I got a little gift.

It's in the little bag.

Or oh, you got a surprise.

Well, you know what?

A lot of times you, you grab each other.

You, you do the 10 second kiss and all of a sudden a little alarm goes off.

Oh, that kiss felt good.

And, and you go, oh, the kids are outside.

Or oh yeah, honey, we don't have kids anymore.

They're gone.

And you get this urge.

That's a gift.

Yeah, hop on it.

Yes, take advantage of that because God's given you a gift.

And maybe everything around you is crazy, but all of a sudden you have this one window where you guys have connected from a kiss or a hug and it's that time.

Well, take advantage of that.

That's a gift from God.

And it can be slow, it could be fast, it could be quickie, or it could be an hour long.

But see, if you said no, it may, it won't happen.

You won't have that memory.

So where were we at?

Oh, okay.

I got a few announcements.

Yeah.

All right.

Newsletter.

We're getting our newsletter going and if you're interested in getting on our newsletter and I, I hope you are because it's going to be a weekly dose.

A weekly dose is something that you can get.

Maybe you're busy all week long and all of a sudden our email pops up and it says Mary and love it.

You go okay, let's go on there and we got a short little couple of paragraphs for you to read about some type of marriage topic.

You know what that does?

Maybe, maybe you don't need to hear that particular one, but it helps getting you think for a few moments about your marriage.

What can you do to be a blessing to your spouse and enjoy?

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Okay.

But that would really help us out.

Yeah.

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Well, after you don't like it could.

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So as we get in today, we are going to be talking about communication.

You know, communication is a big issue in marriage.

It's one of the most requested topics people ask to talk about, learn about because it affects every area of our marriage.

And so if in our overall marriage we're having problems communicating our thoughts, our feelings about our schedules, what went on in the day, what's going on with our kids, whatever Then how much more of a problem can it be in our sex life?

Because people just don't talk a whole lot about most stuff and they definitely not talking about their sex life.

So we're going to talk about the importance of communication today.

And in quick review, the last episode was Sex and Marriage Tips for a healthy Sex Life.

We talked about committing your life to God.

Your, your marriage to God.

Number one.

Yes, you can talk to God about your sex life.

He's the manufacturer.

Yeah, he's the one that created it.

He created it.

And next part was deciding to have a healthy sex life.

It's a decision.

I'm not going to reteach it.

Just go back and listen to that.

If you haven't.

And then doing a self evaluation.

What do you want in your sex life?

And we're talking, we also looked at, in that, that self evaluation if you're a low desire spouse.

And there's a lot to that.

Okay.

Just because you think you're low desire doesn't mean you really are low desire.

But you can.

We, we got an evaluation you can do there to see why you may be low desire.

And if you're a high desire, which that means you're pretty well ready to go and maybe frustrated because you got a low desire.

And that's most marriages, there's an evaluation to look at.

Well, maybe you're part of the problem.

So check out that in the episode before that, episodes 34 just talked about sex.

Fizzle or sizzle, the benefits of good sex.

God made it a gift, the power of an orgasm and just how sex can be a blessing to your marriage.

So now let's look at our foundation scripture.

Then we'll get right on into communication.

Go ahead.

Proverbs 5:18 through 19.

Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth as a loving hind and a graceful doe.

Let her breath satisfy you at all times.

Be exhilarated always with her love.

Now I'm going to change it a little bit.

Here's the married and love it version of that scripture.

Okay.

It says, rejoice and delight in the spouse of your youth.

Let your body always satisfy you.

Be exhilarated, happy and delighted in it.

Be captivate, captivated by their love and passion.

So did you have anything to add to the married and love it version?

Alrighty.

But we see gifted.

The sex is a gift God created.

For that's what he says in his word.

Both husband and wife say that with me.

Both husband and wife.

It's not just for the man.

And a lot of times there's a lot of teachings that lean, oh, you got to take care of your husband.

You got to take care of your husband, even if he's treating you bad or not doing things right.

Got to give in to your husband.

Now what?

Wives, you should be enjoying your sex life just as much as your husband because number one, he's giving you ability to have multiple orgasms.

Why would he do that?

He knows you put up with a lot of stuff, right.

So he wants you to get doubly blessed for your trouble.

There you go, right there.

But God wouldn't have done that if, if he didn't want you to enjoy it.

So let's, let's get things on the even playing field where both husband and wife are having a blast.

And now that doesn't mean every time it's a earth shattering toe curling event.

But you're, overall, you've got a pattern of enjoying sex.

You're very satisfied.

And that's what our goal is for you.

Right.

Well, before we actually get into the communication, let me just touch on about seven keys to communication.

Right before you do that, she goes over these keys.

They're very vital.

We just put these in there at the last minute because communication has got to be deeper.

You got to get into your heart and your soul on this and, and such.

Linda get into that.

But there's a talker and a listener.

So in your sexual relationship, you got it, you've got to be talking about it.

And that involves everything.

But if your spouse is talking.

Hello, Are you listening?

Can you hear me now?

You have to be a listener.

Yeah.

And that means you're listening to understand and not to shoot back and condemn or shame, but you're listening to understand on how you can better meet their needs.

Because I guarantee you, you're going to want them to listen when you're sharing your needs.

So we did kind of COVID that in episode four and five.

Yeah.

A little more in depth and what you're saying.

We talked.

You talking about this?

Yeah, we did.

Well, yeah.

The steps that Linda's getting ready to go, we do an in depth teaching on, on these, but we wanted to put them in here.

Right.

To reiterate, just to reiterate.

Like.

Okay, so like Greg said, be open and be teachable.

Be honest with each other and don't condemn each other.

Honest, that run right there is powerful.

You've got, yeah, you got honestly going on.

Okay.

Yeah.

Don't fake it.

Don't, don't use that term, fake it till you make it.

No.

Okay.

So you got to be forgiving.

And here of all things vulnerable, right, dear?

Yes.

In.

In our sex life, we've got to be.

You're going to be vulnerable with each other, right?

Yes.

And let go of the past.

Yes.

You got to be sure that that is taken care of.

That's the past that you two have together as a couple.

So forget it.

From previous marriages or what things may have happened before you got married, or even abuses and such.

That's right, yes.

Okay, let's get on with it.

So if you want more information on those, go back to episodes.

I think it was four and five.

Yeah.

And such.

So anyway, I want to say this communication is lubrication.

Natural.

In.

In.

In.

Additional lubrications will make your sexual union a lot more enjoyable.

You know, with lubrication, if you've used it, which most people have, but you know, there's some people that resist using it.

And we'll address that in a minute.

But with.

With sex, with lubrication involved, just feels better.

It helps eliminate pain.

Some of you wives or even men or who have in pain, it could be because you just need to put a little lube in there.

I mean, if you don't reasons that you can always do that.

Just get some good coconut oil.

You have to go out and buy a bunch of stuff.

But that's going to be another episode.

It takes away the dryness, it makes things smooth, and it makes the experience more pleasurable.

And it's vital right now.

Here's a little bonus point, Linda.

Well, ladies, I just want to say for us as women, there's a.

There's a lot of different reasons that this could be happening in our bodies.

And don't feel like you're inadequate if you're not able to produce enough natural lubrication.

There.

There's a lot of reasonings for that.

Okay.

And like Greg said, men, they're going to reject it.

And why is that?

Well, a lot of times men will reject wanting to use lubrication.

It's kind of probably a lot of times because of their ego, because they feel like they should be able to make you wet enough to have sex.

So if they're not able to make you wet enough, then they feel like they're not doing their job.

So a lot of times the ego can get in there.

And when they're trying to prove it, it's causing a lot of pain for the spouse, for the wife.

So men, you be the first one to Bring out the lubrication, it doesn't matter.

And not Vaseline.

No, no, not Vaseline.

Oh, there's the right thing to use.

So.

But we'll, we'll probably do a podcast sometime on lubrication.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

So verbal communication in your sexual union acts as a lubrication because as you're communicating your likes, dislikes and all that, it increases your sexual experience.

And in sex, in life and in sex, when you misunderstand something or someone, that means you can mishandle that situation or mistreat a person.

Right.

Or what's going on.

So that applies definitely in the sexual union.

So both of you, husband and wife, I'm speaking to you, remember this.

Express your desires.

What do you like, what do you enjoy?

How you feel about sex, how what's happening, what you like, what are your dislikes?

I don't like, like it when you touch that or you do this or you do it too soon.

Discuss and talk about your pleasures along with concerns and frustrations.

Okay, and we're going to talk about the timing on that.

Just a minute.

So discuss that with your spouse so that your spouse can understand you better and be able to pleasure you better.

A lot of times people are having sex and they're not enjoying it, but you know what?

They don't ever speak up.

You've got to speak up.

Okay.

Which can take when you communicate, it's taking away friction and creates a smooth love making time.

And you know what, when it comes to expressing your, your feelings about sex, what you like, what you dislike, don't wait for your spouse to share first.

You start the conversation and if they don't speak up, ask them, say, dear, what do you really like?

Does this feel good?

What are frustrations you have about our sex life?

Ask if they're not, if they haven't asked you, but you be the first one to start the conversation.

Because honestly, starting sex, a sex conversation is hard for a lot of people.

I know Linda and I teach about this stuff all, all the time.

And when we've dealt with issues or I think of something or something, I sometimes say I want to talk about this.

If I go, oh, what is she going to say?

It can hit well.

And that goes right into the fact that your communication time, that should be a no shame.

Z.

That's right.

And they and our spouses will for each other.

We should feel free to share our feelings and concerns, our likes and dislikes.

And without feeling like we're going to be rejected or condemned.

Yeah.

And that kind of goes in that.

Right.

Well, I just said about Linda, I'm just a human being and a man, but when, if I feel like, oh, I want to ask her about this and.

Or that or bring something up even, because we've had some different struggles going on since she's gone through all this chronic pain and stuff, so things aren't working the way they should be.

So sometimes I might want to say something.

My natural in reaction inside of me is, oh, don't ask about that.

Don't do that.

You may make her feel that way.

Now, Linda has never put shame on me because honestly, before we had problems hitting our sex life has been very good.

Okay.

So.

But still, it just.

It's a natural tendency the shy way.

And it can be a natural tendency.

And don't get defensive.

Right.

So, yeah, don't shame your spouse.

No shame.

I can't believe you want to do that.

Or that you would eat.

You know what?

There's a lot of embarrassment.

Yeah.

That goes on too.

Yeah.

People won't talk about it because they feel embarrassed for whatever reason.

And there are certain reasons that cause that.

But, you know, to just the.

No shame, no shame.

Don't condemn and don't get defensive.

Oh, yeah.

So if your spouse says something, don't be defensive.

Right.

You know, don't shut them down.

When we're defensive, it shuts our spouse down.

It does.

If we ridicule them, saying that's dumb.

Just like we talk about when you're sharing your feelings in your marriage, normal marriage relationship, you go, well, that's stupid for you to feel that way.

There's no reason for you feel that way.

Well, if somebody's got a concern or something regarding the sex life, evidently there's something there causing them to think.

So it's not stupid.

But when you guys talk about it and you say, well, here's why I want to try this, or here's what happens.

Here's how I feel when you do this.

Oh, it feels good.

Will you do it more?

Well, I don't like to do that.

Well, how come you don't like to do that?

Then you, you, you talk about it and then you can work it out and such.

Right.

So honest communication, that's what we're talking about.

Yes, it is vital.

And also, I'm going to say this.

Be naked before you get.

Yes.

So that, that's meaning be naked.

Like what the seven things are the few things that I gave about to be teachable, to be vulnerable, you know, to be open with each Other.

That's what I'm.

That's what that is referring to.

So be an open book, right?

That's right.

And again, episodes four and five, we talk more about it being open and honest with your spouse.

I'm just, just thinking some women don't want their wives to be.

See, they don't want.

Some women don't want their husbands to see them naked.

So they hide in the closet and make them turn the lights out or they get underneath the sheets.

Well, why are they feeling that way?

And that's something you guys talk about.

Well, honey, how come you don't want me to see you?

Well, I feel this way.

When you see me, you're going to be looking at that and then you can have a discussion about it.

Then you go, oh, I understand.

Well, I'm going to work on.

I'll let you put the lights on low, dim.

Maybe now with the red light bulb.

Red.

Hey, red light bulbs.

We did teach that in a lot of our classes.

So by getting naked before you get naked, it opens up a whole bunch more freedom.

It sure does.

Yep.

Okay, so again, episode, episodes four and five talks about this.

And then also episode 30 talks about good communication in just a general sense.

So that might be something to go back into.

So, but don't assume that you know what your spouse wants or what they're thinking.

Ask them.

They cannot read your mind.

Women, you cannot expect your husband to read your mind.

Honestly, they are not going to get it.

Yes, that's right.

They aren't.

So in response to that, don't assume your spouse knows what you're thinking.

If, if your spouse does share something, give a honest response.

We already talked about being modest.

But be honest with your response.

Otherwise you're cheating them and your relationship.

Well, okay, so let's talk about when to communicate.

That's very important.

Yeah.

Okay.

So before you have any intimate relationships, the best time to talk about your sex life in general is before you're actually having it.

Right.

You don't always want, you do not want to get into it in the middle of the mood.

Right.

So if you're wanting to talk about any concerns or maybe there's frustrations, things you like, don't like, etc.

You can do it on a cup of.

A cup.

Cup of coffee.

Maybe you head out somewhere and talk.

Yeah.

When the kids, if you have kids.

From the bedroom scene.

Away from the bedroom scene.

Right?

That's right.

Yes.

Talk about the fizzlers.

Talk about the sex fizzlers.

How can you overcome Them, you know, these are things that we're just kind of throwing some stuff out there that maybe you hadn't even thought you should, you know, communicate with each other on.

All right, and you know what?

If you're in the mood, this will be for both men and women.

If you're in the mood, tell your spouse that you're in the mood.

Don't let them just think that you are.

Yeah.

Or you may be getting some signals.

I hear stories of a husband or wife giving little signals and the other spouse doesn't pick up on it at all.

Right.

They're not like sometimes they're not going to read your mind.

Hey, are you in the mood?

Right.

You want to get it on?

You want to have intimacy.

Boring.

But come up with your own signals.

I think we've talked about that some before, but communicate.

And also, even the opposite is true.

If you're not in the mood, well, let your spouse know that too.

Kind of pre call it for them, because they might be coming home all hot and heavy and thinking you're ready and raring to go with him.

And like us, like, you know, maybe not so.

Because you've had a long day.

Or the wife.

Let's switch around.

The wife could be home.

She got home first from work.

Or maybe she has been home with the kids.

She gave the kids, got the kids out to a babysitter.

Right.

Either way, maybe, maybe it worked.

The wife was at work and so all of a sudden she started thinking about how sexy her husband looked out mowing the lawn.

Ye.

Yeah.

And.

And such.

Or doing he did some honeydews.

Or he was just nice to her.

He called her on the phone and said.

So she got home and she's saying, man, I am, you know, and maybe he comes home and he got bad day at work and he's just not there.

And so what would happen, you know.

Okay, like we said, whether you're in the mood or whether you're not in the mood, then express that.

Yes.

And.

But you know what?

Be nice.

If you're not in the mood, be nice.

Yeah.

Once you're turned down, you big thug.

What are you doing?

All you want is sex.

All you want is sex.

Yada, yada.

Don't reject your spouse.

Offer a solution like, oh, that's good, you know, how about tomorrow night?

Or how about after I get a shower?

Yeah.

Get rest.

I've got the, you know, things the kids taken care of and put to bed.

How about, you know, kind of wet his whistle or vice versa.

You Know, and men get out there and help your woman get them children in bed.

Offer an alternative to.

Now let me say something right there.

Okay, go ahead.

You know, a lot of times we talk about, well, men, you need to help with the dishes and do all those things.

You.

The motivation is not if I do this, I get this right?

That's a transaction.

That's.

We are not talking about trans transitional.

We're saying, hey, your wife is behind, she needs help and something.

Or maybe the husband's getting some stuff done and he needs her help.

It's not a transition.

It's not earning brownie points.

You're a team, right.

So you work together.

Yeah.

And so the wife gets done with the hurts chores sooner you helped her out, then that gives more time, and then, then maybe they are more appreciated.

So it opens the door, vice versa.

So it's not a transaction.

It's just being a loving husband and wife that's on the same team.

It's not.

That's your job.

This is my job.

I'll see you in the bed a little bit later.

No, you make it happen together.

Okay.

All right.

Well, you know, flirt.

Oh, what about alternatives?

Oh, well, yeah, we can do some alternatives.

Oh, yeah.

I call it lazy lovemaking.

So what?

Define that.

An alternative is.

You can say, maybe Linda's just said this.

You can offer a solution.

Say, hey, maybe tomorrow night, like, yeah, we did say that.

Or maybe a couple hours later.

Or if that's not going to happen, offer some other solutions.

If you do have time or something, you can say, hey, let's do some lazy love making.

I heard this phrase the other day.

But you know what?

You could give your spouse or husband a hand job manually bring them to climax if they want to have that.

You don't have to get all worked up, but you can just.

And have intercourse.

But you just manually stimulate your spouse and they can have an orgasm or a climax.

You can perform oral sex on them.

Or if they just need a connection, you can actually let them lay in your arms and you hold them.

And then they can just manually stimulate themselves while you guys are holding each other's arms if the other person's just not dead to do anything.

So therefore somebody's getting the pleasure they desire and the other person is able to meet that name.

But it's, it's not putting a full demand on full blown lovemaking.

So you look for ways to do it and you mix it up.

And then if you do the lazy job, you can say, hey, you owe me one yeah, there you go.

All right.

Flirt.

Flirt with some strong sexual overtones before the lovemaking time occurs.

You know, like, I can't wait.

You know, relieve little notes around.

Or, you know, we got this little pillow that says on one side, not tonight, dear, and the other one says, tonight's the night.

You know, do little things like that.

They're fun.

Or you can say, hey, you look good.

You look good up by the pool today in your bathing suit.

Or, I like, you out mowing the lawn.

Or, you look good doing this.

Or, I just had these thoughts today.

I haven't had them in a few days.

Oh, man, I can't wait till I see just little things.

Act like you're in the dating days again.

Not that you're having sex when you're dating, but you couldn't wait when you first got married.

You act like.

Let's just put it like this.

Act like lovers and not roommates.

Right.

You're even.

You got, you know, you got this ring on your finger.

You got the band that says, I can.

So you can flirt.

You can do what you want because God put you two together.

It's a gift.

Have fun being married and lovers.

Yep.

That's what it's all about.

So.

Well, here is an example in the Bible.

It talks a little bit about it.

Now, this one is it.

I'm looking at it as a husband or wife kind of example, but it's.

It is regarding.

About a harlot, but.

Okay.

Proverbs 7:15.

Yeah.

Take these.

What Linda's gonna read.

Take it.

This.

It's.

It's actually out of Proverbs.

It's talking about a young man being enticed by a harlot.

But you know what?

That's what we ought to be doing as wives, what we should be doing.

But it's just a good example of flirting and enticing your spouse.

Okay?

So don't get all spiritual on me and say, well, that's talking about a prostitute.

I've heard lots of stories when I've read and done research where a lot of times prostitutes will say, if wives would just not.

We're not talking about those guys on the street corners.

Probably more the professionals.

But they say if.

If the wives would just treat their husbands the way we treat them for an hour.

Yeah.

They would never come.

That's not in the Christian world.

Of course we know that.

Right, right.

It's not Christian, but I'm just saying there's principles that.

Whether you're born again Christian or whatever, there's principles that apply to all of us in our emotions and our desires.

So go ahead, dear.

So it says, therefore I have come out to meet you, to seek your presence earnestly and I have found you.

I have spread my couch with coverings with colored linens of Egypt.

I have sprinkled my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.

Come, let us drink of our fill of love until morning.

Let us delight ourselves with caresses.

With her many persuasions.

This is verse 21, I believe.

Yes.

With her many persuasions she entices him.

With her flattering lips she seduces him.

Women, as wives, that's what we want to do with our husbands, you know.

But you can also put this backwards with the men saying this because I remember one time in our living room that we had in Fort Worth, Texas when we lived there, the kids were gone, we had a fold out couch.

I folded it out, it was wintertime.

I got a fireplace long going.

I, I had some lights, I had, I hung them up around there.

And when Linda came home, I basically said, I have come out to meet you.

Yes.

And I surprised her and she looked around and said yes and.

But I basically was saying, come, let us have a fill of love until the morning because the kids are gone, they're spending the night with their friends.

And it says with many persuasions she entices him.

And with her flattering lips she seduces.

Well, that can be the man enticing.

Throughout the day you're enticing one another.

Okay, that's right.

And you know, love making time right before it say some sexy compliments like Greg said a little bit earlier to each other.

Yeah.

Okay, well, let's look at during sex while you're making love, first of all, there's verbal and non verbal signals.

That means you're talking about it or you might be moving your spouse's hand or kind of letting them know with your hands or your body.

Here, let's go over here and work on this area.

Let's do this or don't do that.

So compliment while you're making love.

Talk about what feels good.

Give a do this instructions here, do this over here, move your hand over here and do this.

There's nothing wrong with that.

And you know what if somebody says, hey, God, especially the guys can be worse about this because there's more parts to a woman's body than there is to a man's body.

But the wife may say, can you please let's move over here for a little bit because sometimes guys can Rub in one spot too long and aggravates.

So don't get defensive.

If your spouse says, hey, can you try doing this for a few minutes?

And just move right over here.

Just, just do it because you want to please your spouse.

Don't get defensive on it.

Say slow, go faster, slower, you know, over here, over there.

Slow down, speed up.

Those are some things you can do.

And, and Argo, let's get on.

Let's go over here.

Let's whatever this.

Talk.

Move your spouse's hand to where you want it to be.

Give directions.

Give directions.

Yeah.

And if you want to come up with some pet names for your body parts so you'll have something fun to do when you're talking, say, hey, go over here and do this.

You don't have to use clinical terms all the time.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

So the biggest thing, and like I said, it's verbal and communication and do it with love and expressions.

Okay.

But also say, man, that feels so good.

Please keep doing that.

Oh, I love it when you do that because that's going to give your sick.

Your spouse signals for this lovemaking time and maybe for the next time.

So they.

They begin to learn.

You begin to know each other's bodies even more.

But you know, what happens down the road, don't get too confident, because with a female, what works three times in a row may not work the fourth time.

And when you get older, changing, ever changing.

And also what we brought about earlier to say, hey, can you hold on a minute?

It's getting a little dry.

Can we add some lubrication to this and say, oh, yeah, I'll do that.

Let me rub it on.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

And it.

And you should both agree on whatever's going on.

Right.

You know, and, and then the attitude, the tone and the intent, that.

That's going to be important because depending on what personality style you are, then I'm it.

The way that communication comes off.

Yes.

And we go into that a little bit more in the past episodes.

So after, after, after lovemaking, how about some of them little sweet nothings, you know, for each other, Positive compliments like, wow, or that was awesome, or I don't know if I can keep up with that again, you know, just the, maybe the most favorite part of that lovemaking session.

Yeah.

Express that to your spouse, you know, and that is definitely not the time to say what you wish would have happened or any kind of negative comments.

That is not the time.

Yeah.

Save that for later.

And, you know, it's Nice.

If you have time because you're not running late for work or the kids aren't standing at the door knocking, saying, what's going on?

But if you have that time, just lay there and hold each other.

Yeah.

For a few minutes.

Yeah.

It's an after glow.

And if you have to get up and go to the bathroom, maybe do a little cleanup, then just hop back in bed and snuggle for just a little bit or however how long you want, want, and just enjoy each other's presence.

And you know what?

Sometimes you're not working that day or the kids are gone or whatever it is, and you get back and you just cuddle.

You never know what can happen.

You might have around two.

Yeah, that afterglow is important.

Yeah.

Because you're important to the women.

Even if you're our age, up in your 60s, you're still young lovers at heart.

And, you know, I've heard so many stories about, you know, the men, they just wham, bam, thank you, man.

What's over and said and done.

What, they roll over and they start snoring.

Yeah.

And the women's like, what happened there?

And there's a thing that men, Men, they go to sleep afterwards.

Well, yeah, they do have a natural thing.

Five seconds.

Yeah, it's a time frame.

Two seconds to a couple of minutes.

So that, that excuse only lasts for two minutes.

Okay, now guys, because the.

The ladies don't.

I'm not a lady.

But.

But usually it's the guys that do this.

Guys, as soon as you get done making love, go, how was that?

Did you have an orgasm?

Don't let your ego start going.

Save that for later.

Save your post game commentations as far as how did you do until later?

Yes.

Your goal is pleasure, bonding and connection.

Now if you two as a couple, on any of the things like we're talking about here, you guys get your own rhythm.

So after you make love and you lay there for a few minutes and you guys just like to talk about what went on, go for it.

Yeah.

But don't come off right away.

How did I do?

How did I do?

Because do I know what happens?

You get that performance going and it's not about performance.

If you're doing your job and you're doing it in love, your spouse will know it and maybe things didn't come out the way you want it.

That means next time you can improve on it.

You work on it, but don't get performance driven because that can hinder what's going on.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, in closing, there's a scripture in Genesis that's 11, 6 through 7.

You want to read that for me?

Yeah.

I just call this the power of communication.

We use it a lot of times when we're talking on communication, but I believe it's powerful here for, for sex.

It's in Genesis 11, 6, 7, like Linda said.

And in, in this story, you know it.

They're built.

The.

The people are building the Tower of Babel and they're trying to build it up to heaven.

And God looks down there and says, man, those people are all speaking the same language, and nothing will be impossible for them.

We must mix up their language.

So what we're saying here is commit to communicate with your spouse.

Be speaking the same languages in your sex life.

Let it be an overflow from your normal life, but bring it into your sex life.

Speak the same language, be communicating.

And as you do that, nothing is going to be impossible to you in this six sex life as you're communicating and working on your sexual union together.

That's right.

So.

Well, honeydews, are you ready for that?

Okay.

Well, first of all, one of them would be think about some things that you would like to communicate with your spouse, because maybe you've been holding back and wishing that you had some communication with each other about your sex life.

The positives of it, the negatives of it, what you want, what you may not want, you know, that sort of thing.

So that would be a number one honey do.

Then a second one would be, out of those things that you are thinking about, pick one positive and one negative.

Just one of each.

Now, if you have a whole list, well, you know, save it for later.

You know, just do one.

One positive, one negative.

Then set up a time to talk with your spouse about it.

Ask them the same questions if you're, if you're able to do that, if you're able to communicate with your spouse like that.

But we want to encourage that because that's what we're talking about today.

The whole episode is to talk about it.

Talk, talk, talk about it.

Take baby steps.

So maybe, right, maybe you.

You're wanting to talk to your spouse.

Don't, don't.

Don't come out with a laundry list of everything that you've got.

Just pick out one little thing, like Linda said.

You know, I really enjoyed it when you did this the last time we made love.

Yes.

You think maybe we could try doing it like this again?

Yep.

Just take baby steps.

Then if you're not, if you don't listen to these episodes together.

We'll ask your spouse to listen to this one particular episode.

You know, a lot can be said from Greg and I to get across to your spouse that maybe you wouldn't be talking to them about.

You know, we can say a lot in one of our episodes, right, dear?

Yeah.

And unfortunately, it seems like a lot of times it's the ladies that are listening to these and not the men.

Yeah.

Yep.

So, and what's the last number four?

The ten second kiss.

See that as part of your floor foreplay.

Whenever you do the 10 second kiss and just grab your honey, say, hey, Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds and lay a good kiss on them.

And let that just be something that may set the fires going for the rest of the day.

You know what if it doesn't?

You still took time.

You had a kiss and you connected.

That's right.

With a good feel.

Okay.

There you get a good feel.

Mm.

Yeah.

Well, you can get a good feel.

Yeah.

Alrighty.

Well, thanks for joining us and we look forward to you being here next week.

All right, over and out.

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