EP 34. Sex in Marriage: Sizzle or Fizzle; From the Lovers Dozen Series PT 15.

Foreign.

Welcome to the Married and Love it podcast.

We are Greg and Linda Smith, your host from Raleigh, North Carolina.

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So Today on episode 34, we're going to be talking about sex, Sizzle or fizzle, which is part of the Lovers Dozen series that we have been talking about.

And this is part 12 of all that Now.

Disclaimer.

The information we're sharing may not be appropriate for younger years.

So, mom, dad, you determine whether you want to play this at a different time if you're around the youngins.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, this series consists of 13 principles that we, Greg and I have applied that have helped us bring restoration and healing to our marriage when we almost separated back in 1986.

And as we're approaching 48 years of marriage, we are still applying these principles.

We have had to be intentional and apply them on purpose.

Right there.

That's right.

At least I have.

Oh, me too.

Yes, yes, yes.

Well, the Lovers Dozen series began back in episode 19.

And let me encourage you, if you haven't heard them already, go back and listen to them and they'll know.

We'll kind of get you all updated for what we're going to be going into.

Yeah, you know, Linda talked about we're still applying these principles and we do like, like we've said before when we're going over these, whatever the topic is, it's a checkpoint for us and accountability for us.

Yeah.

So we, we need our daily dose, too, because I listen to other things that build me up and teach me and just hold accountability.

So that's what we're doing today, even with us.

And I just want to let you know that when we get on These podcast our and episodes.

Our goal is to give you the best that we've got and be praying for us.

For us.

Yes, A lot.

When we come up in your mind or you listen to and pray for us because, because we have different challenges to hit us.

Usually the challenges will try to hit right before we record.

Always it seems the devil shows up.

And, and there's lots of times we've talked about Linda's health where she's, she's giving out and she can be in pain and, and things are going on.

But we care for your marriage.

Yes.

We know God's got a future and a hope for you, your spouse or future spouse and for your marriage.

And we want to get God's word and what his plans and purposes for your life and your marriage are.

So we do.

Thank you for joining us today.

Yes, it's a privilege to have you.

Have you here with us in our little recording studio.

We can't see you, but we see you just out there somewhere.

So we're excited to be here because this, this topic, Sex and marriage, scissor or fit.

Let me say that again.

See, I'm getting all worked up talking about sex, sex and marriage, sizzle or fizzle.

It's powerful because so many couples are having struggles in this area.

It's probably one of the most talked about topics.

So today we're just going to touch the tip of the iceberg and I don't know what direction we may go.

That's why Linda gave you that disclaimer.

So if you have little kids listening, you may want to wait to another time or give them something else to do or put your headphones in.

But before we get into the topic, couple of quick announcements.

We want you to have the opportunity to sign up for our newsletter.

That's a weekly newsletter that we're getting cranking and you just at the end of this podcast or go down in the show notes and you'll see a little thing that says newsletter sign up.

And you can just hit that link and it's going to take you right to a page where you can sign up for the newsletter and then also go on our, our website and go to the storefront.

It says store on there that you can look at.

But probably the one of the things we like the most is the coffee mugs.

Yeah.

And they got married and love it.

Logo on both sides.

We've got one that's 10 ounces and we're getting one, I believe 15 ounces.

It's getting ready to come out but look on there, there's some other items on there and get some stuff.

That way you can use them as gifts.

Also, if you look up and you see your coffee cup or one of the other items that has our name on there, it'll remind you to pray for us and to listen to the podcast.

And also it might kind of turn the light bulb on.

If you have been listening to the podcast, there might be something like, oh, I remember they said that last week, or yeah, you know, so it might just click something for you and your day as you're getting started.

Yep.

So that's, that's the end of the announcements.

Now let's get into the topic.

So today we're going to be talking about God's desire for your sex life.

Now, we're not going to talk about today about sex mechanics, the how to's, how to deal with certain situations that are going on in, in your sexual life.

So we're not.

That's going to be other topics.

We will get into those.

We're going to talk about a lot of stuff down the road.

But today we just want to build your vision, help you see what God's plan for your sex life is.

Because sex is a major and vital part of your marriage.

And I'm sure you can relate to this.

It can be exciting and the next time it can be frustrating.

And you have those times when it may be boring or it could be all of them at once, but we want you to have it all the time.

And because that's what God's plan is for you.

Yeah, you may be satisfied or maybe not.

And your mate may be satisfied or maybe not.

And you may want more or less or you could actually care less.

We don't want you there.

No.

You may be bored or you may be Mr. And Mrs. Kinky.

Who knows, you may be on fire while the other one is a cold fist.

But regardless, God wants you to excel still more, not to settle for and to remember that good is the enemy of best.

So if you're rating your sex life as just good, you're really cheating your own self out.

That's right.

You know, because you can have best.

So stay tuned.

We're going to give you a few pointers on just some different ideas about all this.

That's right.

So our challenge on this episode, and really anytime we're teaching, especially on, on this one here, since that's what we're doing today, the challenge for you is to be open, be willing to learn, and allow God to expand your Sexual horizons, because we know there's some of y' all out there that are listening.

You guys could have the hottest sizzling sex life on the planet, but the couple in your neighborhood down the road that may be listening may not be having sex but once or twice a year.

And it's boring, it's painful, and then there's people in between.

So we want you to.

To.

To learn, open up your ideas, and then you and your spouse.

I know you and your spouse probably agree on everything, have the same desire, and it's all the time not.

No, no, no.

We're stretching.

Stretching it right there.

Yeah.

So.

But to be open.

But remember sex.

Remember what sex offers you, and we're going to talk about in this podcast.

But remember, also, what does sex offer your spouse?

Right.

What does sex mean to your marriage?

Yes.

So you just can't focus on whether you're in the mood or not or how you're doing.

But you got to think about what about your spouse.

What do they need me.

Be it male or female, a lot of people just talk about the male all the time.

You know what?

Really?

It's both ways.

Both ways.

Yeah.

And it can be just as strong, and it should be just as strong, and we're going to talk about that.

And what does your marriage need?

Your marriage needs you to have a strong, vibrant, fulfilling, and rewarding sex life.

Well, in your sexual relationship, also, we want you to allow God to bring healing to your heart and your soul.

Yes.

If needed.

Yes.

You know, so that is how.

That was our prayer before we started this podcast.

And.

Okay, like I said before, episode 34, today, sex in your marriage, sizzle or fizzle.

That's number 12 of the lovers dozen, which there's the 13 points there now, parts of the lover's dozen, 1 through 11.

They are like the foreplay that is needed for a sizzling sex life.

So, like sex, it is a vital part of a thriving, rewarding, and fun relationship.

It can be like the icing on the cake and, you know, or the whipped cream on a dessert or milkshake and the cherry on top of the cake.

Regardless, it's something deep and powerful that happens.

Like when you look into your spouse's eyes at the height of your lovemaking, that orgasmic moment.

It is powerful, and it.

Maybe it's just good old passion, you know, what else could it be, dear?

It can be a culmination of all the challenges that you have conquered and the victories that you've enjoyed together and experience together.

It's a Culmination.

When you're making love and you come together and you've had a rough week and you say, oh, we made it.

And then you.

You have a time where you make love, and then you're.

You're in each other's arms, and it just helps bring that bonding in there.

It can be a celebration.

It's got so much to it.

Which we're gonna get into in just a couple more minutes here.

Yeah.

It's a relationship.

It's not just an event.

I know.

And also, I want to just put in here.

It can be a time of healing.

If someone lost a child or someone lost a parent or something, they went to their spouse and they enjoyed a sexual relationship.

It was a point of healing that took place.

Yeah, I know.

There's been times we've talked about it before.

It's probably even happened in our life.

Somebody.

A husband can have a bad day at work.

Right.

He gets fired, or there's a bad situation with finances, and one of you all are.

Are down or something's going on.

A lot of times, not every time, but a lot of times just by having sex or making love at that point can.

Can bring healing.

Yes.

It can bring back energy.

It has such a power to it.

It's not just.

It's very.

Yeah.

Get hopping in the bed.

Hopefully you both have an orgasm, and you just get up and go on with your day.

God provided and created it for powerful purposes.

But you know what?

If you never do it, you never realize it, so therefore, you flow farther from it and sex is part of your relationship.

It's just not an event.

And.

And even when we Talked about episodes one through 11, and we saved this episode for almost last.

It's because foreplay started in the very.

First at the beginning, number whatever it.

Was 19, whatever it was.

Yeah.

All of that leads up to sex.

Because if we did sex uno.

Just to get more people to listen, it wouldn't work.

No.

Because there's no foundation.

Well, here is a good example.

It's like a recipe.

Say you go to make a cake, right?

Yes.

The recipe.

Why did you have to use cake?

Because you love it.

So the.

The recipe has several different ingredients, and if you mix all of the ingredients in their proper amount together, well, you get an explosion of flavor, right?

Yes.

But if you leave one ingredient out of the recipe, then it changes everything.

Yes.

Doesn't it?

Yeah.

So it's this same thing when, like, the sexual re.

The sexual union of a husband and wife, it's a vital element that exists in our relationship, in our marriage relationship with each other.

And everything about your relationship, like Greg says, is part of the ingredients that's gonna.

That will impact.

It's going to impact your sexual life, but it's going to enhance your marriage relationship.

Yeah.

And that.

That just reminds me, I want to talk about the ingredients and such before, because I. I got this picture.

I don't know if you've ever watched Restaurant Impossible before, but chef.

What's his first name?

Robert.

Robert.

He'll come in and teach the.

The new restaurant owner or the restaurant owners how to make a dish.

And I've never been in the food preparation.

Linda's a lot more into it than me and realizing how flavors come in.

And.

And he'll put all these flavors on a simple.

All these ingredients on one simple sandwich or something.

Different layers of sauces, certain cheeses and such.

You know, maybe he's putting on a.

And you gotta layer it.

Just layers it.

Right.

You know, if you pull one of those odd items off, like maybe the cheese, you could eat the cheese and say, oh, that cheese is good, but.

By itself is kind of just.

Well, no, the cheese by itself can be okay.

It's okay.

It's not just like when you do.

Sex by itself and there's nothing with it.

It's okay.

Or boring or chore.

But then he'll come in and.

And put it all together, put all the layers of the different flavors on there.

And he says, here, take a bite.

And they start talking about, oh, I can.

I've never felt.

Tasted it like this before.

I can.

The.

The flavor of the onions is coming out.

That sauce is just coming in at the right moment.

And this over here.

And all those different flavors and ingredients to that sandwich just explode in their mouths.

And he goes, oh, that's so sexy.

Well, that's what happens when you do all of the 13 parts of the Lover's Dozen.

You're putting together this.

This sandwich of love, and so taste and see that your spouse is good.

That's what the word says.

But the ingredients could taste okay on their own, but you're not getting the whole benefit of it.

So that's what we're talking about.

Sex is everything that you're doing and who you are to make one awesome dish for you to enjoy.

Well, we talked about romance in episode 33, right?

Yeah.

And so in there, we talked about having a lifestyle of love or lifestyle.

Lifestyle.

And by putting on love along with the romantic actions, and when that occurs, it creates a passionate relationship which Is loving, rewarding, and leading to a very, what, fulfilling sex life.

It overflows until.

Right, right.

So let's go back to that scripture that we use for foundation when we teach on Ecclesiastes 9.

9.

Yeah.

What does it say there?

It says, it.

Go ahead.

Joy life with your spouse or your wife whom you love all the days of your life.

And that's been a foundation for a lot of the different episodes we've had.

Yes.

So in other words, to enjoy your marriage, God created sex to be part of that.

Yeah.

So realize enjoying your marriage.

There's a lot of people that don't have sex and that they.

They say they got a good marriage, but you know what?

They're not getting the full benefit.

All here's a marriage tip right here.

Golden nugget.

A little bonus point.

A bonus point.

If you're not enjoying your marriage, then make a decision to find out why and then find out how you can fix it.

Same thing here.

If you're not enjoying your sex life, then make a decision to find out why.

And let's fix it.

Enjoying your marriage all the way around helps keep sex from becoming a chore and a bore.

Yes.

Yep.

All right.

This is.

I love the scripture coming up.

Anyway, sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed.

It should be.

It should be bringing pleasure to both of you.

Both of us don't go into it.

It's just your pleasure.

Right.

Your pleasure.

You should be more concerned about your spouse's pleasure than your own.

Yes.

Like when me and Linda together, I'm more concerned about her pleasure because if she's enjoying it, then that's going to put pleasure back on me.

And that's the way this works.

And so you've got this gift.

First of all, some of y' all may need to unwrap the gift that God's given you.

You could have been married for six months, maybe for 30 years, and you never fully unwrapped that gift to totally enjoy it.

And we're going to talk about why that might not be in a little bit.

But if you open that gift and you go, I don't know about this gift.

It's not working.

Don't put it back in the box.

No, don't put it back.

Right.

And then I would ask you if you're frustrated with your gift and you want to take it back, say, return to sender.

I don't want to do this no more.

Or this is just not worth the time and effort.

I'm not getting the pleasure.

My Spouse is not doing this.

My question is, like a lot of people, did you read the instruction manual before you started applying it?

Oh, all right.

Yeah.

So let's move on.

I'll quit meddling.

All right.

Proverbs 5, 18 through 19.

I love this verse.

It says, let your fountain or sexual union be blessed, be blessed.

Ask for God's blessing.

Yeah.

Come upon your.

Your.

Your marriage and your sexual union and rejoice in the wife of your youth.

And I like to put that in the spouse of your youth as a loving hind and graceful doll.

Though let her breast always satisfy you.

Be exhilarated always with her love.

This could be always be exhilarated with your husband's love.

So we're not just going to focus on men here.

Another translation, the Hebrew translation version.

I'm sorry.

Says you will always wander up and down her body.

That's wander.

Yes.

A, N, D, E, R. Yeah.

Now may.

She may wonder what you're doing.

She may wonder, but wonder.

See God.

Yeah.

He's saying here, you should be exhilarated when you're making love.

You know, and this means the wife's enjoying it because.

Because if you're laying.

If you're making love and your spouse is just laying there like a limp rag, right?

Not responding, not saying anything, not moving around.

That's.

Nobody likes that.

But it says, exhilarate it with her love.

So that means if you're getting exhilarated with her love, that means your spouse is responding back because you're seeing their actions.

You're seeing their response.

They're saying, this feels good.

Or they're showing they're receiving pleasure and they're, they're, they're not frowning because they got to bring pleasure to you.

So that seeing their response exhilarates you.

So let's look at what some of these words here in here mean.

From different translations.

Rejoice means to feel or show great delight.

So it says, rejoice in the wife or your spouse.

That means show great delight in them.

Captivated.

Another word says be cap you captivated with your spouse's love.

That means to attract and hold interest.

That means when you see your spouse laying there when you're making love, when you're having romantic times, maybe just laying in each other's arms means you're captivated.

They're.

You're attracted, they're attracted.

Song of Solomon.

Here's a good little example.

The.

The groom is talking to his.

His bride.

He says in song of Solomon, 4, 9, it says, you have made my heart Beat faster, my sister, my bride, you have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes and the strands of your necklace.

He's looking into her eyes.

Or she's looking.

She's in the bed looking at him.

She's captivated him.

He's captivated her by looking into the eyes.

She's not frowning.

He's not frowning.

And go.

You want to do what?

Right.

They're captivated.

So.

Well, the word rejoice and delighting applies to both the husband and wife in the sexual union.

Yes.

Okay, so that's what you were just talking about.

And.

Right.

That's exact.

That's right.

And to be.

Be exhilarated always with their love, that would mean very happy, animated and elated.

And intoxicated means being under the influence.

So actually they're going to be under each other's influence of love.

They're.

They're just going to be totally intoxicated, totally taken, you know?

Totally taken.

Does this mean every time the sheets are flying around the ceiling fan?

But that means this is a lifestyle.

Lifestyle.

Sometimes you have a quickie, sometimes maybe it was good.

Sometimes it's awesome.

Sometimes it's like you went to heaven.

And sometimes.

But it's.

It's a pattern.

It's a lifestyle.

And.

Well, actually.

So, okay, what you just talked about, dear, back in the other points 1 through 11.

Yeah.

It tells about all that.

Yeah.

You know, so I'm just going to tell y', all, just go back and listen to those episodes because it's going to give reasonings to where you can still be making it a lifestyle.

Yes.

And intoxicated with each other.

Right.

Yep.

Alrighty.

So.

And enjoying each other's bodies.

Admiring.

Like, I'm just going to give you the references and y' all go look them up.

And it's Song of Solomon's, chapter 5, verses 10 through 16.

And we'll have these also in our show notes, and that's admiring the husband's body and things about his body and then admiring the wife's body.

It's Song of Solomon's chapter seven, verses one through nine.

Okay, so Song of Solomon, it does say this, chapter one, verse two.

May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better than wine.

Wow.

Okay.

Well, the Hebrew word for love right there, it's pronounced DOD and it's referring to lovemaking in the physical sense.

What the bride is saying is that his caresses and oral kisses are way more delightful than any wine.

And this could be referring to more Than just her lips.

You know women, guys, she, she may be wanting his mouth all over her body.

Well, that's between each married couple.

They have to make the decision on all of that.

Right?

Okay.

Right.

So it's pretty evident, right?

It's evident that she's enjoying the sexual activity.

Right.

They're both participating.

Can't be intoxicated or exhilarated with your wife love if she's not responding and acting intoxicated to herself.

If she's just not into it.

How fun is that?

And, and if you're a man and, and you're just getting in there and pleasing yourself and not worried about your wife having an orgasm or what her pleasures are, you're wrong.

Okay, well, you need to man up and be a man and learn how to please your wife because it's a two way street.

It is.

What does Song of Solomon's in chapter four say?

Verse 10 through 11, it says, have you got that there?

Yes.

Okay, you want to read that?

It says, how beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride.

How much better is your love than wine.

This is talking about them enjoying their reunion, their union.

How much better is your love than wine and the fragrance of your oils, than all kinds of spices.

Your lips, my bride, drip honey.

Honey and milk are under your tongue.

So that's a pretty passionate kiss.

But listen, saying it's a two way street.

So listen to how the wife responds.

Over.

Okay, 5, 16.

She says, oh, just hit my microphone.

His mouth is full of sweetness and he is holy, desirable.

So that right there, it shows how it is that they're both enjoying the sexual relationship.

Right.

Have you ever told your spouse they're holy and desirable that you're desiring them?

Have you sent them a note during the day?

Say, I'm thinking about you right now.

This male or female I'm talking to.

Husband or wife.

Have you to say, I desire you.

How about I'm hot after your.

I'm hot after you.

I'm intoxicated thinking about you.

And, and I know tonight's the night and I don't.

Yes, tonight's the night.

But have you ever communicated that in all the years you've been married or if you used to do it, when's the last time you've done that?

You don't just have to think about it.

Give little signals at night.

You start building up in the day or in the morning and then that's called being spontaneous.

Like we talked a little bit about last week in romance stuff.

True.

It's an all day event.

It's an all day.

But both people are totally getting into this.

That's right.

What's the definition of an orgasm?

Tell me.

It is a powerful, intense feeling of pleasure.

It feels really good.

An orgasm is.

Is the cherry on top of the love making time.

Yes, that's a cherry on the cake.

So.

And.

Well, I'm going to get to this.

Go ahead.

Let's go ahead.

The next part.

Well, the.

We do have some benefits of having an orgasm on a regular basis.

And these have all been medically proven.

I don't have the exact medical books and all that, but let me just.

Let's just go into it, dear.

You want to start out with about what some of those benefits are?

All right, start right there and just get right into the.

The benefits.

Don't mention anything.

You don't have the books or anything.

Okay, so start over.

Just saying.

Let's talk about the benefits.

Well, let's talk about the benefits of having an orgasm on a regular basis.

So there's benefits?

There are.

Other than curling your toes.

Yep, that's it.

All right.

Number one is it's mood boosting.

Yeah.

It produces happy feel good hormones, oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins.

It promotes greater happiness and connection.

It strengthens relationships and connections with your partner.

Hey, ladies.

It improves our sleep.

And guys do.

It calms the nervous system, resulting in less anxiety.

We could all use a little bit of that, right?

Yes.

It builds body confidence.

It reduces stress and like I said, promotes relaxation.

Hey guys, this will save us money.

It improves your complexion.

Skin looks younger and deals with blemishes.

We may not have to invest in.

So much for the women.

Makeup.

You guys are wearing makeup?

Well, you know, it's true.

Men's have.

Men have to do that too.

That's what I'm talking about.

For women, it strengthens the pelvic floor muscles.

Ladies.

That's a good thing.

That really is.

And it reduces pain in your body because it decreases inflammation.

I'm amen to that one.

It in brain.

It improves brain function because it increases the blood flow to our brains.

Sometimes if you think your spouse is kind of running a little slow, especially if it's a man, you see how to fix it.

Well, okay, there we go.

It improves heart health because of the increased blood flow to the heart fertility.

It increases the ability, the ability to conceive.

It strengthens the immune system.

So instead of taking a vitamin C tablet.

There you go.

Have a little love.

There you go.

It slows down aging.

Woohoo.

Wow, that's a great one.

It's an anti aging element.

It increases muscle strength, bone density, it decreases ladies body fat and it tones our muscles.

It lowers a person's mortality rate.

It brings on a longer life.

That's good.

Yes, it increases your sexual desire.

So if you've been kind of lacking in that area, just start out, do it in faith maybe and it's going to increase your sexual desire.

And that is a true point because studies have shown if you begin to have sex on a regular basis, sex leads to more sex.

Just like if you go a while without having sex now it's easier not to have sex.

So the more you did or get in a consistent pattern, the more you're going to have.

Prevents muscle soreness because it flushes out lactic acid and waste from your muscles, keeping them healthy and free from cramping.

Like if people get cramps in their legs or feet or whatever, go have sex with your spouse.

Yeah.

And it releases sexual tension.

So trusting God and letting go to his idea of sex will allow you to experience all that God has created sex to be.

You know, sizzle sounds really awesome.

However, fizzle might be the reality a good portion of the time.

Well, after hearing all this, why would somebody not want to experience making love and have an orgasm with their spouse on a regular basis?

Why?

Why would they not want to experience that?

So what happens?

Just like the marriage busters, the sizzle busters come in and they show up and that opens the door for the fizzlers.

So fizzlers are things that affect your sex life and rob it.

That can be work, children, pressures, stress, fatigue, illness, unfulfilled expectations, having a lack of knowledge about sex or what's going on in your body or your spouse's body, selfishness, abuse, bad experiences, having guilt, wrong viewpoints, a prudish type attitude about sexual, a fear of getting pregnant, the feeling of having duty, sex, bad influences coming in, parental upbringing or opinions, and then boredom.

Well also there's hormone imbalances that play into those fizzler things, those sizzling busters, illnesses.

It could be short term or maybe even long term.

Certain medications like Greg said, stress, depression, a person's age, being pregnant, being pregnant, yes.

Carrying a baby, just having a child, childbirth, unresolved conflict, unresolved emotional issues.

Like a guy, he can get in a fuss with his wife and in the next 10 minutes or five minutes even, he's ready to go for it, you know, and she's like, you gotta be kidding me.

No, we're gonna have to get this taken care of before I can get involved in my brain for anything.

Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation under unsatisfying sex.

I think that goes into unfulfilled expectation.

Right?

Yeah.

Relationship struggles, pain.

And now I'm having a hard time how to pronounce this word.

It's called vagin.

Vaginimus, something like that.

Vaginimus.

Pain in the vagina.

It's pain in the vagina.

So a lot of these are the fizzlers.

Plus our past can affect our sex life.

If you had premarital sex and PR in your previous marriages, that sex life, those things that you learned or did or experienced in those times, can affect, impact your current marriage situation.

Plus sexual abuse, bad sexual experiences.

Well, even marriages, if they've been married for a long, long time, you know they can have physical sex.

Yes, that's right.

Right.

Yeah.

Because maybe they haven't conquered the fizzlers in their marriage.

And there's actually a lot of reports of women, they've gone years and maybe even never experiencing a climax or an orgasm.

So due to the sizzle busters attacking sex, sex can be a chore, boring, non existent, rushed, or anything except a consistent sizzler.

You know, statistics shows up to 48% of women do not experience an orgasm on a regular basis, while 90% of the men do.

And there's also been research that has indicated that a woman, the first time she has sex and intercourse and does not have an orgasm, then it creates a negative or it can create a negative experience in her that can hinder her for a long time on not being able to orgasm easily.

Right.

So in the future episodes, we're going to be talking about how to handle the fizzlers.

We're going to go into more detail and, and then we're going to give some points about how to just have a great sex life.

But that's going to take a lot more episodes.

I want to encourage, especially the women out there, if you've had painful sex or have experienced any kind of sexual abuse or physical trauma, seek help.

I want to encourage you to seek help if you haven't already done so.

And in closing on this episode, we've talked about God's plan for your marriage regarding your sex life.

But here's a couple important points here to bring out.

Number one, to have a good, strong sexual life, we have got to be intentional and on purpose to experience what God has for us in this area.

It's not gonna just happen.

You know?

Right.

There's a book written by Gary Thomas called Married Sex.

And he says in there, the best sex lives are not ones that we stumble upon, but ones that we create.

Right.

So it's up to us.

God says, I given you this gift, like I said in the box.

He's given it to us.

We need to open it up, look at the instruction manual.

And we're going to have a lot in future episodes.

And actually next week we're going to cover this again.

Lots of instructions, and we can experience God's best for our sex life.

But okay, also, we want to.

How about this?

Pray and put your sex life into God's hands.

Yes.

So the couple points to bring out was pray, put your sex life in God's hands, and then realize that you got to be intentional with it to make it an awesome sex life.

So.

Well, regardless of where you're at in your sex life, remember, don't settle for less.

You know, don't settle for just good.

If you're doing good now and you're just somewhat happy, then excel still more.

Decide to be the best lover that you can be.

And it starts with the decision, make a decision.

Today I'm going to excel still more on my lover abilities.

There's a saying that says love will find a way.

So regardless of what area or what situations you're dealing with in your sex life, remember, love will find a way to conquer it.

So you can experience all that God has for you.

So let me give you a couple.

Scriptures I just need to interject here.

Right now, it's just coming to me that somebody out there needs to give themselves permission to enjoy their sex life.

Yes.

That's somewhere along the line you have been told that you have to do it for duty sex or, you know, I don't know, you've been told something that has caused you to hold back and not give yourself permission to enjoy your sex life.

Like maybe somebody told you it's a.

It's dirty.

Yep.

Man.

It's not.

It's not.

It's just something that you do because you're married.

Right.

Don't let that steal from you, because that's exactly what the enemy wants to do, is to steal, kill, and destroy.

But Jesus said, I've come to give you life and life more abundantly.

And that.

That's applied to our marriage and our sex, our sex life with our spouse.

It could be some type of teaching you got that puts great boundaries on your levels of enjoyment.

Yes.

To where it causes you to feel Dirty, like Linda said.

Yeah.

Or that you can't enjoy those things, and that's not God's best for, you.

Know, like, if you enjoy it, then you.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Don't.

Don't listen to that lie.

Right.

So you were going to give a couple scriptures.

Yes, I wanted to close with a couple of scriptures out of Song of Solomon that talk about how God sees our sex lives.

All right, and it says, this is in Song of Solomon.

It's verses this, chapter 7, 10 through 12.

It says, I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me.

Come, my beloved.

And this is the woman talking.

Let's go out into the country.

Or you could say the Hilton Inn.

Let us spend the night in the villages.

Let us rise early and go to the vineyards.

Let us see whether the vine has budded and its blossoms have opened.

You know, in the Song of Solomon, a lot of references to fruit are talking about different aspects of the sex.

Sexual union, which we're not getting into all that right now.

And parts of your body.

Yeah, too.

And she says there, I will give you my love.

Now, if you go over to song of Solomon, 8, 4.

She says to her beloved, hurry, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices.

She's saying, hurry up and get over here.

I want to give you my love.

That's awesome.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

In next week's episode, we are going to be going over nine points that can help you start applying the things that we're talking about today and in the future.

Well, a couple little honeydews.

Review the Fizzlers.

Listen to this podcast again.

Check out the show notes, review what the fizzlers are, and see what you can do to eliminate them in your life.

Number two, in your mind, how would you rate your sex life?

Think about it.

How would you rate your sex life?

Now, what is one thing?

This is a third little item of honeydews.

What is one thing you can do to improve your sex life?

And once you've landed on that one thing, I mean, maybe you have a whole list, but don't just pick one thing out and then do it.

Improve it.

And if you feel comfortable, ask your spouse to listen to this episode.

And maybe y' all can go on a date night and do the little honeydews that I just mentioned.

And then what's number five, dear?

Will they be able to do all of that on a date night?

Or they need to wait.

They can get back to the conversation.

No, you don't want to do do, but you can talk about it, right?

Yes.

Plan ahead.

Be spontaneous.

Right?

Yeah.

Number five, the ten second kiss.

So grab your honey, pull them up to you and give them a good old kiss.

And after this podcast episode, who knows what might happen?

That's right.

Well, thanks again for joining us and I hope that you've gotten inspired today.

I know I have and I'm thankful for it and we look forward to you joining us next week.

So we'll see you then.

And in the meantime, remember, you can.

Be Married and Love it on purpose.

Thank you for investing into your marriage by listening to the Married and Love it podcast.

Be sure to be a part of the ripple effect of making marriage great by sharing this podcast with other couples to equip them to be married and love it.

Also, subscribe to and follow us on your favorite platform and be sure to check out our website at www.where you can learn more about Married and Love it and contact us with any questions or comments that you may have.

And remember with God that you have a future and a hope and you can be married and love it on purpose.