EP 33. Fanning the Flames of Romance from The Lover's Dozen PT 15

Foreign.

To the Married and Love it podcast, we are Greg and Linda Smith, your host from Raleigh, North Carolina.

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Hey, thanks for joining us today for your weekly do of Married and Love it.

Today, episode 33 is Romance Fan the Flame, which is part of the Lovers Dozen series.

This series is 13 principles that we applied that helped us bring restoration and healing to our marriage when we just about separated back in 1986, but now we've been married 47 plus years and we're still applying these principles.

And you know what?

They work.

But we have had to be intentional and apply them on purpose.

This is so true every day.

It's an act.

It's a decision to apply the principles that we've been teaching in this Lovers Dozen series because, you know, we operate in the flesh and we're human beings.

But, but walking in love is a decision and.

But I'll tell you what, it's worth it.

It is worth it.

It's definitely worth it.

So today, you know what, what, what?

As we're teaching, we're learning and refreshing ourselves.

That's right.

Yeah.

Every time we teach because we, we study, we're like, oh, we go through this.

I forgot that.

Or I get reminded about something.

Or, you know, so it's just, I mean, it's a, it's something we're having to learn and apply all over again.

Yeah.

You talk about accountability because when we're sitting here.

Yeah.

Talking into these microphones, a lot of times we're, we're looking down, but, but we look over each other.

So, you know, if you're teaching something, you got somebody right across the table, about two or three people that know what goes on in your life.

So, yes, it's a, it's a learning experience, but we have to be diligent to be on purpose and Intentional because you can be married and love it and you want to be able to say to each other that you're still the one, but you also want to be be the one.

So we're going to get on today.

It's going to be an awesome, awesome talk at Romance Fan the Flame.

And this Lovers Dozens series that we're doing started with episode 19.

So if you've missed any of these course, you can always go back to episode one and listen to all of our podcast episodes.

But the Lovers Dozen started with episode 19.

So go back and listen to those if you haven't.

But I just wanted to do a quick review right now of the topics we have covered during this series.

And there's so far, this is going to be number 11 of the 13.

But one of the topics was we learned how to understand each other and ourselves and that including our temperaments, personalities, our love languages, the male female differences, our baggage that we bring into a marriage, and also our family upbringing.

Then we talked about developing a passion to meet each other's needs.

Then we realized the next one was we realized that demands in life may hinder our spouse's ability to meet our needs.

And that's really important one.

All of them are important.

And then we talked about being a team.

You and your spouse are a team and what that means.

We learned how to communicate properly.

We, we chill out and enjoy each other.

We put on love.

That's a decision every day.

We develop, talked about developing common interest.

We talked about doing boredom busters.

And of course, one of the key topics was we go by the good book, the Bible, bring it into God factor.

So we're going to continue on.

This is part 11 of the lovers does her Lovers Dozen series.

That one gets my tongue sometimes.

So we're going to start on Romance Fan the Flame.

You know, romance is like a fire.

You know, just picture fire.

It's roaring real good.

And you got a fan.

That fire, when it starts going out a little bit, you got to sit there and fan it and then maybe even add some more wood or kindling to it to keep it going.

Well, that's the same thing that happens in our marriage.

That flame, that romance, those warm fuzzies, the.

The excitement and stuff can begin to wear off.

And if we don't fan that flame of romance, we don't add to it.

We don't do the daily work like being intentional on purpose like Linda talked about earlier, then that fire can die out.

And I want to read a story.

It's a true story, but it's out of a book I got.

I guess the book was written back in 1986.

It's called holding on to Romance by Norman Wright and I just want to read this one little excerpt from it.

It's about a young wife that he was counseling with and to see if maybe this might relate to your situation.

Here goes.

It says the slightly overweight middle aged brunette set across from me in my office, nervously twisting her wedding ring as she related to all too familiar story of faded dreams and dying romance.

Once high school sweethearts who couldn't bear to be apart from one another for more than a few hours at a time, Frank and Jan seldom spent any time together anymore except to sit he and his favorite recliner she on the couch watching mindless TV runs all evening until one of them flicked off the set and headed for the bedroom.

The other would soon follow, but seldom with romance in mind.

If there was any sexual activity between them, it was perfunctory at best.

Most of the time, however, there was nothing more than a good night peck on the cheek before turning their backs to one another and in minutes Frank would be asleep, snoring softly while Jan stared silently into the darkness.

It hasn't always been like this, she said as if trying to convince me, even as she reminded herself.

I mean in the beginning it was wonderful.

Most of the time anyway.

And then the kids came and we were so busy working and taking care of them and.

Well, I didn't really notice anything was wrong until recently.

But now that the kids are getting older and will soon be leaving home, I wonder what I'll have left when they're gone.

She sighed and dropped her eyes.

I don't mean to sound so ungrateful, she said.

I know I have so much to be thankful for.

A nice home, great kids, and a hard working husband.

Her voice trailed off and she looked back up, back up as tears filled her eyes.

But sometimes, sometimes it's just not enough.

Sometimes I wish.

I wish things were like they used to be when we were young.

We used to have so much fun together.

We'd laugh and talk for hours.

We went everywhere together.

But now the tears spilled over onto her cheeks as she shook her head dejectedly.

Now it seems we have nothing in common but the kids and bills.

I never thought it would be this way.

I expect it so much more.

She shrugged her shoulders.

I don't know.

Maybe this is normal.

Maybe it happens to everybody and I should accept it.

But deep down I just can't believe that I just can't believe that God puts two people together in a lifelong relationship only to have the love and romance die out in the first few years.

Leaning forward in her chair, she fixed her eyes on me pleadingly.

Am I wrong to expect more?

She asked.

Will it always be this way?

Or shall I hang on and hope for something better?

And that story, I'm sure, can be repeated over and over again.

Probably a lot of us have experienced that maybe at some point, because all, all marriages go up and down and have seasons, but you have a foundation to build on, a strong foundation.

And that just shows the importance of be intentional in this.

But you know what?

I'll say she has hope because God wants you to have a marriage affair with your spouse.

Marriage in his eyes and his plan.

And some people say, well, this is a fairy tale.

But you know what?

You can have a fairy tale, but you got to put the work and effort into it.

It's.

It just not Twinkle dust somebody.

When Linda and I got married almost 48 years ago, didn't the pastor that married us didn't come up and sprinkle some twinkle dust on us?

No, we have to sprinkle our own twinkle dust with our words, our deeds, our actions and our efforts and our prayers.

But marriage should be a love affair, should be, wow, sizzling, thrilling.

And that's even when the marriage busters come in and try to steal your marriage.

And you know what?

Romance plays a vital role in keeping your marriage affair alive, which we're going to be talking about that as we discuss marriage.

More details here.

The goal.

It should be a lifestyle.

And it can be planned.

You can plan things, but sometimes it's just spontaneous.

And that's the fun part when you get into the spontaneous stuff, yeah, it.

Should be demonstrated in big ways, but in little ways.

Sometimes a little ways maybe mean even more.

And, you know, expressions that show love, that you show that you care.

You know, using creativity and thoughtfulness is something that you would anticipate and have passion towards some.

So, you know, it shows that we've got to, like we said earlier, be on purpose and intentional, that we would be developing these daily habits that lead us to.

To a lifestyle.

And, you know, that anticipation, I think, is a good word because I think that's what.

Especially when you're dating and engaged, you're anticipating.

Oh, yeah.

Each other, but no one anticipating every.

Single time that y' all come on a date or whatever when you're dating.

Right.

But once you get married, you lose that anticipation.

But, you know, it's like the hunt's over.

So if, if you're spontaneous and stuff, your, your spouse can be going, oh, I wonder what they're going to do this week.

Or, oh, that something good is going to happen today.

Oh, yes.

We got our, our weekly or bi weekly date and it's a real date.

You don't sit down and talk about the budget and the kids.

Right.

But anticipation, it's an acquired skill.

Yes, an acquired skill.

Now there's some people that are just natural with it.

There's this couple that we knew back in Texas.

Oh my word.

And both of them were just like natural FL of romance.

I mean, the husband, he would drip romance all over the place.

I mean, they would go dancing.

They, we, he, he and his wife had this big dinner at their house and they invited like about, I guess about six or seven couples and they set the place up and they portrayed what a romantic dinner was.

I've never seen anything like it.

It was amazing.

So, you know, realize that that is going to be some people, but for the most part not.

Yeah, he, he, he just had a way to treat the ladies.

The way he, his mannerisms, the words he would speak, the way he looked.

And he was like maybe some of these movie stars in movies where they just come off like charming man.

He was, he was.

And, and he was charming with his wife in amazing ways.

And you can tell that they had a romantic marriage.

It was amazing.

But yeah, but that, that's not normal.

It.

I mean, for the most part, you know, people, we got to work at it.

We have to acquire this and some.

People are going to have be more prone to be more romantic than others.

But yeah, we do have to work at it and be intentional with it.

So we're going to talk about what romance is and then we're going to talk about what does a man want in romance and what a woman wants in romance.

It doesn't take long to cover what a man wants.

Not too much, but we'll come to that.

Yes, we will.

But before we get into to talking about those items, we would just want to give you a couple announcements that we hear.

First of all, we are getting our newsletter up and going.

And if you're interested in getting our weekly newsletter which is going to have short little teaching in it or information about being marriage nuggets a little bit what's going on in the podcast or things that married and love, it is going to be getting involved in and doing maybe where we're speaking, just different things like that question and Answer spot.

Just if you're not on it already at.

When you get done with the podcast, just scroll on down to the show notes and somewhere in there there's gonna be a little thing, it says a link.

Yeah.

Sign up here for the.

To the.

For the newsletter.

And you just do that and it'll take you to a, a page and you just put some information in there and you'll be good to go.

And also in the show notes, we're going to have a link that's going to take you to our website, which I'm excited to, to say that we have a storefront now of some married and love it stuff like coffee mugs and has our emblem on both sides of the mug.

You ought to get one for yourself for your spouse or for gifts for other people or you know, if you don't want to use it for coffee or tea, then, then use it to do pencils or pens.

That works too.

And, and then, you know, there's, we're going to be having the.

Some T shirts eventually and just.

So just check it out.

Check out the storefront.

Check it out.

So now let's get back into romance.

Fan the flames.

Now, you know, romance plays again, a major part in keeping your marriage fresh and exciting.

So, you know, if your marriage isn't feeling real fresh or exciting, it's kind of boredom.

You're maybe facing roommate syndrome, or you're just going through the motions and you don't have any of that spark and all that.

Well, romance, we got to get that going again for you.

And remember, romance takes effort and creativity through thrive.

And I know you're going to say you're busy, crazy busy.

We got some episodes about being busy.

But you know what if you're, if you're, somebody goes to the hospital and they're having some heart problems and they do some tests on them and all of a sudden the doctor says you're not going back home, you're going to the emergency room in the er.

We got to do surgery on you because if not, you're going to die or have a good points.

Other words, they're crazy busy.

But that comes to a halt.

That comes crazy busy does, right?

And see, we can push marriage problems under the rug only so long.

And we can only keep saying we're crazy busy so much to where something's going to come up and you're going to have to say something's got to change.

Stop.

We need to eliminate something.

We need to adjust something.

Yeah, we prioritize to make sure.

That your marriage is healthy for you and your spouse and for your kids.

Even if your kids are grown, they need you as a mom and dad.

Need to be the fixtures that are there for them through the years.

Yeah, that's important because people go, well.

My parents got divorced and that just messes with them, especially the young kids.

And God can heal that and you can get through it.

We're not saying it's the end of the world, but put effort into your marriage.

You know, romance comes natural to most women, but men, they tend to have to work at it.

You know, men can be really romantic before marriage.

Now sometimes they're not and sometimes there's red flags there.

And that's another topic because a lot of women will or men will bypass the red flags and that's not good.

But men can be romantic before marriage, but after they say I do, it disappears.

They become brain dead.

And before marriage they can even seem like experts about romance.

But after marriage they need to go back to school.

For most ladies, romance is a relationship.

It's an atmosphere.

It's the little things in life that make it special for men.

A lot of men, romance is getting his wife ready for sex.

Yeah, that's pretty simple.

Yeah, basically there's more to it than.

That, but that's where it can be to it, Right.

Oh, I need to do romance so we can be romantic in the evening.

Yeah, he's got a, he's got some motives involved in it and then.

Which is okay.

But you know what?

Okay, so here's the big question.

What is romance?

Well, romance, that's kind of hard to define and yeah, but well, here's a few, follow, here's a few definitions.

Try to capture the meaning here.

For you, for you.

Well, it can be a mood or a setting.

It can be an action or an event, a relationship or a period of time.

Romance is like a love story, a love affair.

It's a prince charming winning the heart of the princess and then keeping it.

There's the tough part.

That's the tough part.

I was going to say that that right there is what married and love it is all about.

Yes, keeping it.

Keeping it.

Romance breaks up the monotony that many relationship find themselves in.

And you know, if it's a boring or they're the roommate syndrome, will.

Romance will come and break that up.

It, it adds a zest.

It's anticipation like Greg talked about, you.

Know, on that part right there.

I just thinking, you know, if you're in the house and you guys are Having a Saturday clean day or you're doing chores or, you know, add some spice to it.

And we were walking down the hallway, grab each other and give each other a kiss.

Yeah, there you go.

And say, boy, guess what we're gonna.

Do into that room or we get done tonight.

Let's.

Let's celebrate.

You.

You look for ways to make it fun.

Yeah, yeah.

And that creates exciting memories, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

So here's another kind of a definition is it's companionship, intimacy that's non sexual.

You know, rub somebody's neck or their back or their arms.

Now, I like this one.

It's a sense of belonging, you know?

Yeah, I think that's pretty cool.

It's like a safety place.

It's like a safe, secure place, right?

Yep.

It's the desire to be the object of another person's desire and love.

Wow.

That makes a person feel very special.

I would think it's being best friends.

Romance is a life demonstrated daily in big and little ways by expressions that show love, care, and compassion.

We said a little bit about this earlier on, but those are some ideas that might kind of, you know, set off a light bulb in your brain when you think about it.

Like, oh, that was romantic.

What.

What my husband did there.

And the things we're sharing right now are, what does a woman want?

What does a man want?

And like Greg said in general, and some women, like Greg said, they're different than others.

And some men are going to be different as well.

So keep that in mind as we're going through all of this.

We know a couple, they've been married quite a few years, and you would think the woman in the house is probably the one that likes the romance movies or Hallmark movies.

I know some women don't even like, care for Hallmark movies, but in general, that's a example because it's got love and romance.

But you know what?

In that house, he likes the Hallmark.

Movies, she likes horror.

She likes horror movies.

Figure that one out.

And she don't want to watch those.

Watch the romantic ones.

Yeah.

Now, our house, I like Roman.

Well, I do marriage teaching, but before then, I've always liked the romantic movies.

And my styles change.

Flicks or chickfilics, you know, but you can.

Anyway, that's another whole topic.

But we're just talking in general terms here.

Now you brought up earlier, it says it.

It's the desire to be the object of another's desire and love.

And yeah, I think that's what all of us want.

I think so we Want to be desired.

Yes, we do.

So I think it's each other's responsibility to express that desire within our marriage.

So, so, so if we're.

If, you know, our spouses don't know what that we're desiring them.

If we're not showing actions of our desire.

So you need to say how much they mean to you.

But what we're talking about is putting actions behind the words that show that you love them.

Because if we withhold because we're just.

Well, I.

I don't believe in this romance stuff or I'm not touchy feely or whatever it is, then what we're doing is you're robbing from your spouse.

Yeah, that's true.

Because look, what was.

Some of the things that a women want is softness, tenderness and openness.

Yeah, yeah.

And that covered what you just said.

That they desire intimacy and a close personal relationship.

It's all relational for women.

Right.

They desire things that stroke the emotional strings.

Find out what your woman.

Men find out what strokes their emotional strings.

They want to feel vital and important.

Just like Greg was saying, we all want to feel that someone else desires us and loves us.

And they enjoy feeling being cared for, protected and nurtured.

And you know, just on the sentimental gifts, that would be kind of a.

Something that is.

Would be symbolic to them.

Something that's sentimental to them and that.

Not to be expensive.

No, it really doesn't.

You know, they enjoy being noticed.

They enjoy and noticing the details of a special setting.

Like if.

If their husband took the time to set up a romantic dinner.

You know, they like the girly stuff.

The lady stuff.

I remember, I remember that same couple, we lived in Fort Worth and we.

They took us over to Dallas to this tea room and you talking about girly stuff.

Oh, my word.

Tablecloths, all the tea cups, all the little.

I mean, that was girly things.

A little.

Yeah.

I mean, it was girly to.

Yeah, yeah.

That was amazing.

Yeah.

And.

And then we also joined them one time in Dallas and.

And went dancing, you know, and you know, last episode, I failed to say about boredom busters.

That ended to do go dancing.

Hey, that's how we met, remember?

Well, you danced night is.

That's right.

You just did the grinding thing.

You just kind of stood there and just kind of.

Oh, I don't even know what you did.

I got you, didn't I?

Yeah, you did.

That's right.

All right, well, okay, let's move on.

They.

Women love being courted even after marriage.

They love being quartered courted, pursued.

They enjoy talking.

They want to be surprised most often.

Some people don't, Some women don't like surprises.

Well, actually, I guess it depends on what the surprise is.

Yeah, yeah.

If it comes in a small box.

At any point, has diamonds.

Yeah.

In it, then that's by all means, go ahead, surprise me.

I love that they, they love being complimente.

Minute even.

I heard one minister teaching, he was doing a little teaching on marriage and this week and he said, compliment your wife.

He said, I compliment my wife and five minutes later I compliment her again.

And then five minutes later the same thing, I compliment her again.

And he, he, he said, you got to do that men, you got to do that for your spouse, for your wives.

And women, part of romance is having non sexual touch.

Okay.

So non sexual touch.

Now a lot of this also these things that were listed now they would fall into the different personality style.

Yeah.

Some of that would come in personalities.

Yeah.

And their love languages.

Yeah, yeah.

So they crave affection, they love to date, they love getting, having getaways.

You know, romance is all the things to do that are put into a relationship.

It's not just an event, it's a relationship for a woman.

So keep that in mind.

Men, they enjoy the sensual side of romance but they usually see it as the climax of a romance filled life, you know, so, you know, keep that in mind, men, that you're planting some really good stuff seed.

If you are being romantic through the day for your woman.

What is it that when.

What do the men want?

Dear, I already said pretty long one word and it's three letters.

Three letters.

So we can stop.

Okay.

Now there's more that they want.

There is more than what they want.

Yeah.

So wives, discover what romance is to your man.

Yeah.

Come on.

Women, it really is more than just trying to get you ready for sex.

And some men are different, but they can all learn.

Learn.

Yes, sex is probably number one.

But there are other things, like I just said, stroke his emotional strings also.

And we're going to go over some ways you can do that, you know, for both husband and wife.

If you don't know, ask your spouse.

That's good.

What's romantic to you?

You know, that's good because you don't want like the love languages.

You don't want to be doing the wrong thing.

And they're, you're, it doesn't even matter to them.

You're batting zero.

You want to go for the home runs.

You know, men enjoy being with someone whom they can share their Innermost feelings, yet still feel respected.

I know some men don't like to open up and they.

Men, we need to work on that with our wives.

They want us to open up.

Yeah, we do.

We, we do.

But women, we need to realize that don't push them if they open up and they don't normally do that.

Remember, don't push them, but welcome them being open and then keep that to yourself between you and your spouse.

Yes, that's.

That's a good point.

Don't.

Don't push them.

Yeah.

And they'll open up and then they want to be respected.

Now, men like practical gifts.

Most men aren't going to want a candle.

No.

Duct tape would be the duct tape or screw particular screwdrivers or hammer or.

What if they like to go fishing?

Some fake fishing worms.

You know, think of what your man likes.

You know, think about that.

Now your man like.

May like flowers or he might like candles.

We'll get them that.

Yeah, you may not, you may not.

Like the type of steak he wants or what type of restaurant he wants to get a snack or dinner at or so.

But think like that.

Most men enjoy dating and they like perfume.

They like their lady.

Lady things and they like.

But the, but they have things that they enjoy as men.

Yeah.

Okay, so they may like the lady's stuff, but you know what?

He may like sports, camping, fishing, collecting things, whatever.

Consider what's exciting to them and attempt to be part of their world.

That's important.

So if he likes sports, sometimes sit down and watch a part of a game with them.

You know, take interest.

Maybe, hey, say, can I go out and play golf with you one day?

I'll just ride in the cart and maybe every time you get a birdie, I'll give you a kiss.

If you get a hole in one, well, we'll talk about it when we get home.

All right.

But what would be cons, what would he consider to be exciting if you got involved with him to be part of his world?

Yeah.

To a man, a woman who loves the things he loves is setting the stage for a romantic relationship.

Men enjoy pampering inattention.

Sometimes they don't act like it, but I guarantee you if he's in there watching his favorite TV show and you walk in and say, hey, what would you like for lunch?

You want me to cook you a cheeseburger?

A hamburger?

You know, I can come sit with you and.

Or whatever, but.

But pamper them, attention them.

Now, I know most men, if they're sick, they really.

Oh, they need the attention.

A lot of them want attention.

Oh, yes.

Then they enjoy messages that focus on their ego and that hold them in esteem and respect.

You know what?

Your man takes out the garbage.

Say, man, I love watching you take out the garbage because I can see your arms flex and your muscles bulge through your shirt.

They may not be much muscles there, but you know what?

You're building his ego.

That's important.

Women look for things that you can appreciate what he's doing.

So I respect it when you take care of me.

I respect that check you're bringing.

You know what?

When you do these different things with the kids, I respect what you're doing because I know there's other parents that don't do that.

Yes.

So help him feel respected.

All right.

We know you find your worth a lot of times in being cherished and loved.

He needs to be respected.

Men enjoy seeing their wives dressed up.

There are.

I love seeing Linda, like, the day in church.

She had a nice outfit on.

A lot of times around the house, she'll just kind of dress up more than usual.

I think we talked about this a couple episodes, but she'll dress up.

But men also like seeing their wives naked, too.

All right, but let's move on.

They like the smell of their wife's perfume.

They like being pursued and seduced.

They don't want to have to be the ones that are doing the pursuing and seducing all the time.

That's true.

We can take the initiative.

Yes.

Right.

Yes.

They like indications that tonight's the night.

Oh, yeah.

I've got this little pillow that actually, my mom made it, and on the front of it, it says, tonight's the night.

And.

And if you flip it over, it says, not tonight, dear.

But I try to keep it on the positive side.

Tonight's the night.

Yes.

And I don't put it just on the bed for decoration.

Sometimes I'll bring it and put it in Greg's chair or set it in his bathroom, and that's like, oh, so he has something to anticipate and, you know, look forward to all through the day.

Sometimes she'll put it on the bed and I'll say, oh, tonight's the night.

She is.

Yeah.

Time to take out the trash.

What does it mean?

Tonight's a night for what?

Right.

That's right.

Take the trash out.

Yep.

They like the mystery, though, women.

So that's what we're gonna give them, right?

Yeah, we like mystery, intrigue, sensuality, and passion.

That's it.

So anyways, there Are here.

Okay, here.

I wanted to say there's a couple ways to fan the flames of romance in your marriage.

Number one, have a lifestyle of love.

This is a foundation, always foundation put on love.

This is the foundation to build your romantic lifestyle.

And that would include daily acts of care, concern, and of course, like I said, love.

And then we talked about speaking your partner's love language and then listen and give each other your personal attention.

You know, put that device down, put that, that phone down.

You know, get out, get your face out of the video games.

And then preferring one another, put on love.

Right, right.

And the second one is to remember to be intentional and on purpose.

Develop habits to create a lifestyle.

See, fanning the flame, like I said in the very beginning, means we got a fan it.

We may have to put some extra kindling in there, some extra wood.

So develop habits to get yourself in your mind.

Like we.

If you listen to the previous podcast, this isn't your first time, but we talk about doing the 10 second kiss.

That's part of this whole process of developing habits in your marriage to be romantic, to do the things that maybe it's not every day, but as a rule you're developing habits of romance to where they become natural for you.

But it takes time, so you have to be on purpose and intentional.

Now for more stuff on romance.

Episodes 15 through 18, we talk about having a lifestyle of romance, passion and love.

Now in that series we cover some other things that we didn't really cover here, especially the definitions and what all it means.

But the whole point of that one was is Valentine's Day is not a one night stand or a one night event.

It should be year round.

And here shortly in a future episode, we're going to talk about a lot of how to's the B roll romantic.

So we're going to cover that in another episode now and I want to make this one.

Oh yeah.

Yes.

And it's a very key statement by having a lifestyle of love like Linda just talked about.

Yes.

That's putting on love and that's a.

Whole bunch of episodes on its own.

Your romantic actions create a relationship, not just of event.

So if you don't have a good foundation of love in your relationship and you're just trying to do the romantic things is you're going to have an event that when you have some romantic times, maybe it's walking down the street and just talking love.

You're in a restaurant holding hands, you go on a date, on a movie, you go away for a weekend you make some good, passionate, intimate love time.

If all of that's not wrapped, and it probably won't happen if it isn't in love, putting on love, you're going to have an event and it's not going to have the meaning in the power that you need to have.

So be a relationship thing.

Be romantic.

Fan the flame.

Yeah.

So, well, in closing, there's a couple of honeydews that we would like to give you.

Ask your spouse to define what they think romance is.

What would be romantic?

You know, y' all talk about it.

Then number two, think about how they can romance you and tell them yes.

You know, I mean, communicate.

Sometimes it's just like they don't have a clue and they're just kind of guessing around.

Well, don't do that.

They can't read your mind, you know, so tell them what your thoughts are and what your definition of romance would be.

You know, you may have been married 30 or 40 years and may not really know.

Yeah.

What's romantic to your spouse?

That's so true.

Yeah.

You need to find out.

Then number three, ask your spouse to listen to this podcast.

Maybe you're listening to this podcast on your own, but ask them to ask to listen to it with you.

Or if they'll just even listen to it on their own, I think that would be huge.

And then y' all could come together and talk about it like we said, and accomplish 1 and 2 and see what you each want in your marriage.

What do you want in romance and what does it look like in your marriage?

And then plan a romantic evening together or after afternoon.

It doesn't have to be in the evening.

It can be anytime.

Yeah.

You know, breakfast.

A breakfast.

That's right.

You know, so our weekend.

So those are some things to be thinking about.

Yep.

And the last one, number five, would be the ten second kiss, which we.

That's a habit that we have for every podcast to challenge you.

Linda and I, we try to do it, remember it every morning to do a 10 second kiss.

And you can do it more than once a day.

But all you gotta do.

Yeah.

Throughout the day, just say, hey, Siri, or get your timer out and set it for 10 seconds and just grab your honey there and give them a good old kiss on the lips and just have a good time.

Now, sometimes that kiss may be we did it, but sometimes that kiss can be on the opposite end spectrum.

That's true.

So 10 second kiss.

There you go.

Well, thanks for joining us and I hope that you have gotten inspired today.

I know I have.

Have you, dear?

Yes.

I'm inspired.

Yeah.

Well, we look forward to you joining us next week, so we'll see you then.

And remember, you can be married and love it on purpose.

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And remember with God that you have a future and a hope and you can be married in Lovett on purpose.