EP 27. The Power of Teamwork in Your Marriage Cont. Plan, Organize, Dream Together; Mutual Support; Be Healthy; Include Your Kids; Communicate; From The Lover's Dozen PT 9

Welcome to the Married and Love it podcast.

We are Greg and Linda Smith, your host from Raleigh, North Carolina.

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Hey, thanks for tuning in with to get your weekly dose, your marriage booster shot.

And it's for a good reason and it's only kind of shot that you ought to want to get.

That's right.

Yes.

So on today's episode we're continuing with the Lover's dozen, which is 13 principles that Greg and I have applied since our marriage was restored after a near separation back in 1986.

And we're still applying them.

And now we are 47 plus years of being married and love it.

But you know what it takes that being on purpose, it has to be intentional.

Yes.

So these are some of the things that we're going to be talking about now.

This series began with episode 19.

Let me encourage you to go back and listen to from episode 19 up to Wow.

27.

27.

Wow.

Listen to them if you haven't already heard them.

Yeah.

These are 13 strategies as Linda said, that we applied and have paid a great dividend since we got back together.

And some of them we were actually applying before we got when we got married and before we almost separated.

But we weren't.

You see, you got to have them all running at the same time.

If you got a car that's got eight cylinders and you're only running on six, that car is not going to run good.

And in your marriage you may have some stuff that is running good, but if you got two or three areas that are weak or not being used properly or they're not functioning, then you're not going to be running a smooth as God wants you to run and not you're not going to be getting maximum performance out of your marriage.

And we want you to be married and love it and as Linda said, it's on purpose.

So as we get into this, I just want to give a quick review of the titles of the strategies that we've always already covered.

The first strategy is we learn to understand each other, which we covered in episodes 20 and 21.

And that is a vital one.

The second strategy is we have a passion to meet each other's needs and their desires.

This is critical to they're all going to be vital.

That was episode 22.

Then number three is we developed common interest.

That's episode 23, and that's just not.

We have a common interest to get the kitchen clean.

It's common interest in all areas of our marriage.

And then number four strategy is we understand that the demands of life on our spouse may hinder them from meeting our needs.

And that was episode 24.

And I would encourage you to listen to that one if you haven't, because it goes deeper than what just the title says.

There's a lot to that, and it can definitely have a be a big player in your marriage.

And then episode Sorry, Strategy number five is we discovered the power of teamwork in our marriage.

And that's episode 25, 26, and it's going to be in today.

And it's got a lot of extra tips.

It's really going longer than we thought it would.

But these are all important things about what teamwork incorporates.

And before we get into that, I just want to share a couple things, is take a little commercial break right here.

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Okay.

If you can do that, that would be great.

So let's move on.

Yeah.

So let's go on to strategy number five.

Plan together, organize your calendar.

Now, this could be working on your budget as you're planning together all your schedules, like doctor's appointments or maybe planning trips and vacations.

It could even be planning to redecorate a room or maybe renovating.

Maybe you're going to renovate your bathroom.

Talk about it.

Some things, projects that you'd like to do together, make it a team meeting.

Include your kids on it if you have them, where they could be participating and given ideas.

Like I said, coordinate your calendars.

Now that's a big one right there.

Like this coordinate.

Earlier we came back and there were some schedule changes we needed to make on our calendar.

So we were there together.

We went over, got our little phones out and we made changes in some doctors appointments.

But we're thinking ahead a week or two weeks or a month out.

I tell you what, when you get disorganized, that allows the enemy to come in to cause more disorganization.

It can cause confusing confusion, strife, and that's what, yes, strive.

So take a few moments and just plan things.

You don't.

May not plan your whole life in one time, but set aside time.

Little team meetings.

Go ahead, Linda.

Yeah, that's fine.

Create a chore list of who's got what chores to do maybe.

And it can change from day to day, different chores that needs to be done, who's going to do what, you know, so plan together, organize your calendar.

You know, when you do that, a lot of times it's fun.

You know, I like to get a to do list going and it's fun to me to mark stuff off.

And I notice when I have that to do list going, I'm more focused, I'm on purpose, and I really get more done.

Yeah.

So it's using husband and wife, even if you don't have kids, home, kind of mark out who's doing water, what maybe you got a weekend of chores and projects.

Well, plan.

Make a little list and say, hey, if we get all this stuff done, we're going to go get our yogurt or we're going to go out to eat or we're going to cook on the grill and celebrate.

You know what?

When you're doing chores together throughout the day, you can flirt.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Is that true?

If you flirt too much, you might get distracted.

That makes it fun.

So let's move on to number six.

Oh, yeah.

This one's dream together.

Now you're gonna.

You're gonna be organizing and planning, so we're going to take that a step further to dreaming.

What are some dreams that you as a husband and wife have together?

And maybe what some individual dreams because you don't always have.

You can have individual dreams and goals like Linda's always wanted to.

To play the piano.

Well, that's a goal and dream.

So I encourage her in that.

But let's talk about planning vacations.

Where would you like to go?

What have you been wanting to accomplish together?

Maybe it's something at the church.

A church you want to get involved in together.

Separate it.

What's your bucket list for?

Your marriage.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What would you do if money's not.

An object and time's not an object?

Right.

Where would you like to.

In your bucket list?

Would you like to go up and down the coast in a convertible, no kids around, and just have a nice trip?

Hey, how about a boat?

A boat?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or maybe you want to go to Europe.

I know a lot of people are going to Italy or Greece right now.

That I see.

Or you want to go on a cruise.

Or maybe you just want to go to the beach for a weekend or the mountains, but get a bucket.

Just dream together.

Dream.

If you were making another thousand dollars a month together.

Or maybe one of you.

The one of y' all wants to come home and.

And change your routines up.

But dream you have goals together.

Now, I know you're going to dive into this a little bit deeper after.

Yes.

In the Lovers, another part of the lovers doesn't.

So we are going to do that.

Yes.

But I want to just say this.

Don't be a negative Norman or negative Nancy.

Yeah.

If you're.

If your spouse is saying, hey, I would love to have this house, and, oh, well, we'll never be able to afford that.

Right.

We won't be able for it to get the lawn mowed if we move in that house.

Don't be a negative.

Clean this house.

Or a negative Nancy.

And like Linda was saying, we're going to talk about your vision for your family and another one of the strategies.

So we're not going to spend a lot of time on that.

The next one.

Number seven, support one another.

Boy, this is a good one.

Ecclesiastes 9, chapter 4, verse 9 through 12.

Basically says two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor, because if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.

You see, you should be each other's number one teammate.

You should be encouraging one another.

If they fall, you're there to help them up.

If they're having a rough day, you're there to soften that day up.

You know, a lot of times a spouse can have a bad day.

They wake up on the wrong side of the bed, they've got bad news.

Well, you should that one spouse, they need their other spouse to come in and encourage them, say, hey man, everything's going to be okay.

What can I do to help you get through this day?

Do you need to lay down and take a rest for a little bit?

Take a nap?

What can I do to help and be there to encourage them because tomorrow it may be reversed.

And that's what God's talking about here.

Two are better than one because they're there to lift each other up.

A tag team.

You ever watch wrestling or some of those sports kind of like that, where the guy, they got a team wrestling, one guy's in there wrestling and he starts getting tired or getting beat up by the other guy.

They kind of get where they can reach and tag hands and that guy who's getting beat up gets out and the other guy gets in and he's fresh and he's able to get in there and take on the other opponent.

Well, that can happen in your marriage.

There's stuff going on in your family.

You got some stress issues going on and, and projects or whatever's going on.

And one, one of you is getting tired, you just kind of reach out your hand and say, here, tag, I need some help.

Take over.

And you come and maybe it's taking the care of the kids when they're sick, or you've got a mother in law, father in law that's sick or something like that.

You, you help them.

But maybe that's their responsibility, but they go, help, I need help.

You tag, say tat, come on out, I'm going to fill in.

Or maybe you've been on a diet.

This is a good one.

Linda and I have been on a Diet before.

And you got both of us going, and one of us ago has a weak moment, goes, oh, Oreo.

Oreo cookies or Blue Bell ice cream.

Or we've been out at the store going, there's one restaurant that used to have volcanic chocolate volcano cake, something like that.

It was triple layers, simple.

And I'd be thinking of it.

I go, oh, man, that would really be good.

And Linda go, no, no, we got to stay the plan.

But the problem is.

And she encourages me not to want to get it or vice versa, but there's been times when I go, man, I've been thinking about getting one of those volcano cakes.

And she goes, yeah, you know what?

I have been too.

Well, you know what happens?

We support one another.

Support one another and get the volcano cake.

Yep.

And we share it, though.

We share it.

We split it, and then that helps.

Then it.

The other part of that verse says, a cord of three strands is not easily broken.

You see, that third strand can be God in your.

In your marriage.

Yes.

And we've talked about that in episodes one and two, I think three, about the God factor.

So maybe you've got the two of you, but why not bring the God factor in the tag team and help you with everything?

All right.

Oh, and a good part of this is, do not criticize if your spouse has done something.

These are different attitudes that we need to have.

We don't want to be criticizing.

If someone has a dream, we don't want to criticize it.

If they have a bucket list, we don't want to criticize it.

Don't ridicule.

Ridicule limb.

Or make fun of what they've done.

Also, that goes all the way back into number five.

Even as you're planning together, having team meetings, coordinating, if they have an idea, if they do something to help out on the chores, don't criticize what they've done.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe they didn't do it just exactly like you do.

And so you're criticizing and having an attitude about it.

But you know what?

If you are criticizing, that actually is a need to be in control.

So let go of that control.

Yeah.

Now here's three team attitudes to have.

Be committed to doing whatever is necessary to make your spouse's life easier.

And I think we pretty much touched on that.

Appreciate what your spouse does and don't take them for granted.

You know, that comes back to don't be criticizing.

Don't, you know, appreciate what they do and then constantly verbalize your appreciation and tell your spouse what a great job they're doing.

See, it all comes back to don't be criticizing.

And that's all ties into two or better than one because they're your teammates and you're there supporting them.

So Greg talked a little bit.

We're moving on to number eight, work to be healthy.

So you see a powerful right here.

This is very powerful.

It doesn't help happen if you're out there buying funnel cakes, because whatever that.

Volcano cakes.

Yes.

Because the better you feel then the better the teammate you will be.

Because your health affects everything.

Health does affect everything.

Now, we are a triune being, spirit, soul and body.

So we should be spiritually mature in the way that we do that we become more healthy.

Spiritually would be through Bible reading, through prayer, and just taking time with God, attending church.

That's building your spirit man up.

And when you do, that even ties into building your house on a spiritual foundation.

That's true.

So your home life can even be stronger.

That's exactly right.

So soul, your soul is your mind, your will and your emotions.

Think about that.

We should be feeding our soul correctly, not a bunch of yucky stuff like horror movies or killing all the time, those kind of TV shows.

That's not building up your soul properly.

Pma.

Get you some positive mental attitude.

Pma, PMA books.

Maybe you have some tapes, podcasts like Married and Love it.

That's going to build your marriage up.

That's helping you.

That's your booster shot for your marriage.

Do you want to be stable and not moody all the time?

You know, see, what happens is when the struggles of life come in, having a rough day at work, you and your spouse, you have an argument.

You got influences coming in.

The kids aren't doing.

You got something coming in.

If you're not spiritually mature to stand to get through that.

If you're.

If you get depressed easily, you're moody.

You can't.

You can't function to your fullest potential.

Just like a sports player.

Those basketball players we've talked about, if they're hurt, it's hard for them to play injured.

They can push through, but they're not going to be as effective.

And when you're not spiritually ready or your mind's not there, you don't have a good positive mental attitude.

You're negative, Norman.

Never negative, Nancy.

That can affect how you perform in your marriage depending on what's going on.

So isn't it true when a team is playing and the opposite team, they're getting ready to say, make a goalie you know, they made touchdown.

What happens?

The opposite team starts yelling at them and all try to get them.

Their attention off of their goal, try to get their focus off of their goal.

Distract them, you know, and keep them from.

So that all those outside voices are coming in on them.

Right.

So what do they have to do?

They have to shut those voices out of their head, don't they?

Yes.

And they have to just hone in totally on whatever it is they're focused on doing.

Right, Right.

Okay.

So we need to be doing that in our homes.

Cut out those outside voices that constantly want to come at us.

Yeah.

So hormones.

That is something to think about.

And I think we're going to be doing a teaching on.

There is a lot that goes on in a marriage that hormones affect, male and female hormones.

So, like, if you're having.

You're trying to say, you're trying to work on your mood, your.

Your attitudes, being moody or depressed, and you're trying your hardest to get breakthrough.

You're praying, you're doing all this type of stuff.

It's very possible.

Like Linda said, you have hormone situations going on, and that's when it's a good time to go get that checked.

Right?

Yeah.

No, there's nothing wrong with getting all that checked.

And that, seriously, is something that should be considered.

God's got you wanting to enjoy your.

It says the scripture enjoyed life.

Well, it's.

It's hard when.

When you're not feeling good, you know, and.

And you just can't perform and you.

Can'T do the things you want to.

Do and desire to do.

That's right.

Yeah.

So we want to stay fit.

We want to stay fit, we want to stay healthy, and we want to stay physically healthy.

So taking time to walk or work out or whatever it is, because that creates endorphins in your body and that creates all the way around you a more happy, healthy atmosphere.

So spirit, soul and body and.

And my example is back in around 2013, right when Linda was having her first back surgery, I had been trying to lose weight for ages.

And I would do every try, just everything, or I'd gain, lose and gain.

And I felt so bad.

I remember sitting on the couch, I couldn't even hardly breathe.

Stairs would wipe me out.

I just felt crappy.

About the time she went and she sat her first back surgery, I'd already started losing weight, and within about seven or eight months, I lost over 60 pounds.

I felt so good.

But you know what the real reward to that was is at that point because of what Linda was going to be requiring coming out of that back surgery.

And for the next few years, I felt good and was strong.

And see, that's where your health comes in.

It's not just about you want to look good in a bathing suit or this or that.

You.

You got to be ready to do what you need to do.

And if you can't even go up a set of stairs or walk very far without getting tired, something's wrong.

Matter of fact, it could kill you.

I remember I went to a baseball game, Atlanta Braves baseball team game.

And it was with a bunch of people, it was a bunch of younger guys.

And we.

We got down there, went to the stadium.

We had to park way far away from the stadium.

And walking there was up and down all these hills.

And I remember I was the.

I was the oldest guy, probably one of the older guys there.

It's about maybe eight years, six or seven years ago.

And all the younger guys were huffing and a puffin because they were getting tired.

Then we got into stadium and there were stairs and walkways all over the place.

And I was just trucking along, man, because I've been working out, I've been eating right, and I just.

I mean, I was getting.

My chest was kind of popping out in pride because I was the old fogey there, and these guys were out of breath.

When you're not in shape, there's gonna be times and you're gonna wish you were again, not to look good so you can perform whether it's in the bedroom, whether it's in the kitchen, whether it's loading groceries up because you feel good.

Now, here's a couple of scriptures right here.

John three, John two says, beloved, I pray that in all respects that you may prosper and be in good health.

Good health physically, just as your soul prospers, is what Linda brought up.

So as you're taking care of your soul, as you're.

You're prospering in your spirit and growing and getting strong in those areas, it's saying you're even going to have good health.

They all work together.

And see, you want to be the best you can be in those areas for your spouse.

That way if they fall, you can hold them up.

And in Joshua 14, 7:12, not going to read that scripture, but it's been over 45, 40, 45 years later since they could not go into the promised land because of all the negative Normans and negative Nancy's that were negative about taking on the giants.

Joshua came to Caleb hey, it's time to go into your promised land.

Caleb says, you know what?

I'm as strong now at age 85 as I was when I was 40.

Can you say right now you're as strong as you were a few years ago or 20 years, or 30 years?

That's a goal to have.

And he was ready to go in and take his land.

So as you dream, as you're dreaming, are you ready to fulfill those dreams?

Are you ready to raise your kids properly?

And so think about your health in all these areas.

And here's a statement for you, or here's a goal that I have for me as we close out this healthy part.

When we're older, we want to be able to get off the toilet and be able to wipe our own butt.

Yes.

That's gross.

That's kind of tmi.

Think about that when you get older.

It is true.

Do you want somebody doing that for you?

Move on to the next one.

Number nine, train your children.

Remember, you are their role model.

They're watching you.

Yep.

And go ahead.

Get them involved and teach them how to be a team player and how to do things.

So what happened when you were grown up, dear?

At home, my mom washed all my clothes.

She cooked dinner.

She did just about everything.

She tried as hard as she could to get me to clean my room, but basically she didn't teach me anything.

And when I moved out, they moved to Daytona.

I stayed in Winter park, got my own place, and I went to wash my first load of clothes.

And I go, oh, I don't know how to wash clothes.

I had to call my aunt and ask her, how do I wash my clothes?

See, they didn't train.

My mom didn't train me in that area and some other areas like that.

To cook or anything like that.

But you wanna.

Yeah.

You want to train your kids?

Yeah.

We did touch on this a little.

Bit, but training them around the house.

I know some parents, they don't have their kids doing anything.

And sometimes they think their child is not old enough to start.

But I'm telling you, you can start as early as 3 years old with small tasks like they can carry in a small bag of groceries or have them put up their toys and have them hang up their clothes.

I'm telling you, at 3 years old, that can be managed.

Have them take their dishes from the table to the kitchen during the meal times when everybody's done eating.

There's so much little things that you can get them involved in.

And believe it or not, you are teaching and training them to be part of the team.

Yes.

You're teaching them how to be a team player for life.

Yeah.

You know, a lot of these topics we're talking about right now, we're just these, some of these, we've done a little more deep dive, but a lot of them, these are just things to get your practical, you thinking.

And we're going to do more depth, in depth teachings on some of these.

And some of them you may just need to go if, especially if you got young kids, get.

There's good books out there and different things that talk about how to train your kids, get them involved, give them a reward system.

Yes.

That's really good.

Start when they're young because the longer you take, that's one thing my parents did.

I said, my mom didn't teach me certain things, but they taught me how to be a gentleman.

Yes.

They taught me good work ethic and they taught me character.

And those things were powerful.

So as Linda already brought up, you're a role model.

Even when your kids see you kissing, that's a role model.

They need to see you loving on each other.

Even if they have to say, go get a room.

You know, that doesn't hurt.

If they see you arguing, there's nothing wrong with that.

I mean, you don't need to be slapping each other and carrying on and having a knockout.

If you're having a heated discussion, let them know that happens.

But then let them see how you make up, kiss and make up, or how you settle that problem.

That's just as important as seeing you have the problem, but also how you settle the problem.

All right, what's next?

Number 10.

Oh, that's me.

Communicate.

Communicate with each other.

All right, this is.

Hey, this is super important.

I mean, all of them are super important.

Communicate with each other.

Communication is the lifeline of, of your marriage.

All right?

The quality of the communication that you and your spouse have is going to determine that this the success or defeat of your marriage.

Now, a lot of people say, oh, we're having communication problems.

Well, there's a lot of different forms of communication in your marriage.

So this is what we're talking about.

Well, it's so important.

Haven't we heard and taught ourselves that communication is lubrication?

Yes.

Just like in sex, you have lubrication.

And marriage communication is your lubrication.

Because if you don't have communication, it's going to be rough and painful.

That's true.

Good point.

But communication is.

Listen to this sharing of information.

Just like Linda brought Up earlier, planning and organizing.

It's the sharing of your feelings, your ideas, calendars, that's communicating your dreams, your goals, your events in your life, and frustrations in conflict.

So that that involves all areas of communication.

You got to learn how to handle conflict.

How do you talk politely, how do you hold back, your temperature, temper, all of those things.

How do you share your information, criticizing and not criticizing.

So all of that is important.

That's all we're going to talk about on communication.

We will cover this, and another part of the Lovers Dozen is going to be one of the strategies, so we'll spend a little more time on it.

But that's one of the keys of teamwork.

Okay, now, anything you want to add there?

Okay, that's good.

Communicate now, or you have to wait till next episode.

So in closing, let me share some scriptures.

Last week we shared Genesis 11:6.

It said, and the Lord said, behold, they are one people or they're unified.

They all have the same language.

That's where we want to be as a husband and wife.

Be on the same page and communicate it.

And this is what they began to do.

And now nothing which they purpose to do will be impossible.

As you get on the same page, you're communicating, you're on the same team.

Nothing will be impossible to you guys.

Now, here's the kicker voice, the verse that kind of adds some icing to the.

To the cake, so to speak.

Psalms 133:1 through 3.

This is this kind of a short version of all that.

Those three scriptures.

It says, behold how good and pleasant it is for spouses.

We kind of changed the word there for spouses to dwell together in unity.

That ties into Genesis 11:6 and all the teamwork parts that we expressed.

It's like the dew of Herman coming down upon the mountains of Zion for their.

Listen to this.

They're in unity.

It's like dew coming down from heaven.

It says, for there the Lord commanded the blessings of life forever.

So God's basically saying, if you're going to be in harmony with your spouse, you're communicating, you're a team, you're unified.

He's going to command the blessings.

I like coming in to your marriage.

I like those.

So in closing, have this attitude as a team.

We are a team.

We're united.

We are here for each other.

Come hell or high water, our team will be here for each other through the tough and good times.

We are a championship team.

Okay, very good.

Well, let's move on and go ahead and close this episode out Honeydews, a little bit of homework.

Some things to think about go through you and your spouse.

You can do it together or individually.

Go through these different strategies that we've shared and pick out one or two of them and see how you can improve on them in your marriage.

See how the other one can improve.

Maybe I want to have a date night and make that a point of discussion during your date night.

So that would be one of the things for a honeydew.

And actually you could maybe both.

You maybe do it separately and then come back together and compare your notes.

Maybe you think strategy number three and seven are the most important that you feel like.

And maybe the other one, the other spouse picks up, picks out two others, but gives you another way of conversing about it.

Whatever works best for you guys.

Just, just go through the strategies and learn from it.

There you go.

And the number two I know you know what's coming is the ten second kiss.

Oh, this is my favorite homework.

And you can get extra credit.

Do it more than once during the day.

But the 10 second kiss, grab your sweetie, say, come on over here.

Say, hey, Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds and just lay a nice big wet one on them.

Give them a good kiss.

You know what, you can even learn a new language.

Speak French.

All right.

Yes, get a little French kiss in there.

We hope you enjoyed this episode and thanks for joining us today and hope that you picked up some good tips for your marriage for this week and for the rest of the week and the week after that.

And we look forward to you joining us again next week.

That's right, episode 28.

Now remember, you can be married and.

Love it on purpose.

Thank you for investing into your marriage by listening to the Married and Love it podcast.

Be sure to be a part of the ripple effect of making marriage great by sharing this podcast with other couples to equip them to be married and love it.

Also, subscribe to and follow us on your favorite platform and be sure to check out our website at www.marriedandlovet.com where you can learn more about Married and Love it and contact us with any questions or comments that you may have.

And remember with God that you have a future and a hope and you can be married in Lovett on purpose.