EP 26. The Power of Teamwork in Your Marriage Continued. PT 8 of The Lover's Dozen Series
In this engaging installment of the Married and Love It podcast, hosts Greg and Linda Smith continue their insightful discourse on the 'Lover's Dozen,' a series of thirteen foundational principles aimed at enhancing marital harmony and intimacy. Drawing upon their rich experiences from over four decades of marriage, the couple shares profound insights into the dynamics of teamwork within relationships. They emphasize the critical importance of approaching marriage with a collaborative spirit, wherein both partners actively contribute to nurturing a loving and supportive environment. The episode serves as a platform for discussing the significance of intentionality in maintaining the health of a marital bond, with particular emphasis on the necessity of effective communication, shared responsibilities, and spiritual unity through prayer.
As the discussion unfolds, Greg and Linda recount personal anecdotes that illustrate the evolution of their partnership, particularly during the challenging early years of their marriage. They candidly reflect on the moments that tested their commitment and the strategies they employed to emerge stronger as a couple. The narrative is interwoven with practical advice on how to cultivate a thriving partnership, highlighting the value of shared tasks and the enhancement of emotional intimacy through collaborative efforts. The couple’s emphasis on teamwork resonates strongly, as they articulate the notion that marriage should not be viewed as a competition but rather as a shared journey toward common goals and dreams.
Moreover, the episode underscores the transformative role of prayer in strengthening marital bonds. Greg and Linda advocate for regular prayer as a means of fostering spiritual intimacy and unity, emphasizing that couples who pray together often experience decreased rates of divorce and enhanced relational satisfaction. The Smiths encourage listeners to explore their own marital practices and consider how they can cultivate a deeper connection through shared spiritual activities. By the conclusion of the episode, couples are left with a powerful reminder: that through dedication to teamwork and mutual support, they can create a resilient and flourishing marriage that stands the test of time.
Takeaways:
- Investing time in marriage through resources like podcasts is essential for relationship growth.
- Teamwork in marriage necessitates intentional efforts to understand and assist each other.
- Praying together as a couple significantly strengthens the bond and unity in a marriage.
- Engaging in household tasks together fosters a sense of accomplishment and deepens connection.
- Effective communication is vital for preventing resentment and ensuring a supportive partnership.
- Over 47 years of combined experience illustrates the value of practical teamwork in sustaining a marriage.
Links referenced in this episode:
- marriedandloveit.com
- marriedandloveit1977@gmail.com
Welcome to the Married and Love it podcast.
Speaker AWe are Greg and Linda Smith, your hosts from Raleigh, North Carolina.
Speaker AIt is great that you are taking time to invest into your marriage by listening to our weekly podcast.
Speaker AThe goal of our podcast is to provide you with a weekly dose of marriage teaching to help you keep focused on your marriage.
Speaker ASee it as a freshening up of your marriage, preventive maintenance, a marriage tune up, or fanning the flames of romance, love and passion.
Speaker AYou could even call it continuing education.
Speaker AWe will be covering everything that has to do with your marriage, including hot topics like sex, communication, love and much, much more.
Speaker AOur teachings are based on Christian principles plus over 47 years of marriage to each other and ministry experience.
Speaker AWe want to help you make your marriage great by teaching you how to be married and love it.
Speaker AIt is an honor and privilege to have you join us.
Speaker BHey, thanks for tuning in with us to get your dose of a marriage boost for Married and Love it today.
Speaker BAnd on today's episode, we're going to be continuing with the lover's dozen.
Speaker BAnd that's 13 principles that Greg and I have applied since our marriage was restored after a near separation back in 1986.
Speaker AThat's a long time ago.
Speaker BThat is.
Speaker BThat is.
Speaker BYes.
Speaker BAnd we're still applying them, aren't we, dear?
Speaker AYes.
Speaker BYes.
Speaker BIt's been 47 plus years of being married and love it.
Speaker BBut I'm telling you, it took being on purpose.
Speaker BWe're still taking it to keep on it's intentional.
Speaker AYes.
Speaker BWell, the series began on episode 19, so let me encourage you to go back and listen to them if you haven't already heard them.
Speaker AAnd before we get into the day's new stuff, I need to make a confession.
Speaker AI had a senior moment on the last episode I had mentioned about we were talking about Linda going back to work and I told her if she went back to work then I was going to help take care of all the stuff in the house and things that need to be done.
Speaker AAnd I mentioned it was like she only had that one job.
Speaker AAnd I later that evening or the next day I go, wait a minute.
Speaker AWhen we got married, Linda worked a couple of jobs in the first three year time period.
Speaker ASo she did.
Speaker AAnd when we first did get married, she was actually working at Disney World and we kind of grew up around that area, but she had a real good, nice job there as a waitress in one of the top restaurants there.
Speaker AAnd so she did that for a while and then she got a job as a secretary administrator for five different youth pastors people involved in the youth ministry at this church.
Speaker ACalvary Assembly.
Speaker BYes.
Speaker AIn Orlando, Winter park area.
Speaker AAnd then during that time, this is now, this is all in the first little less than three years that we had been married.
Speaker AAnd then during that time frame, Linda had a grease fire in our apartment building kitchen.
Speaker AAnd she burnt her right forearm area, both hands, and her face got kind of singed.
Speaker AAnd all her face hair and her eyebrows all got singed through this fire.
Speaker BNothing on my face, but nothing on.
Speaker AHer face got hurt.
Speaker BThat's another story.
Speaker AYes, another story.
Speaker ABut during that time, she had stubble all over her arm.
Speaker AShe had skin grafting done.
Speaker AShe was in the hospital.
Speaker AAnd then some skin grafting and such.
Speaker ASo what happened with me, for quite a while, I began to be her caretaker.
Speaker AAnd when I say caretaker, for the first two or three months, when she had both hands wrapped up, I did everything from the bed to the toilet with her.
Speaker AI was.
Speaker AI was caretaker.
Speaker BTmi, dear, was tmi.
Speaker BTmi.
Speaker ABut it's true.
Speaker BBut you know what you did, you did learn to enjoy broccoli.
Speaker AThat's true.
Speaker AThe highlight of it is I hated broccoli.
Speaker AAnd I would go across Silver Lining to that story from the cafeteria that was across the street from right around the corner and Winter Park.
Speaker AI would go over and get her broccoli with cheese sauce on it.
Speaker AAnd one night I stuck my fork over there, and she says, what are you doing?
Speaker AI said, I want to try that cheese on your broccoli.
Speaker AAnd I did it, and I fell in love with it.
Speaker ASo I've been eating it for a long time now, so that was a blessing.
Speaker ABut other than that, I took over the roles of everything in the house at that time.
Speaker AI was like 21 years old.
Speaker A20.
Speaker AAnd stepped up to the plate and took care of her.
Speaker AAnd then she went.
Speaker AThen.
Speaker AThen eventually, I think maybe she went back to work there.
Speaker AAnd then after that, she had a miscarriage.
Speaker AWe lost our first child.
Speaker ANow, for me, I was numb.
Speaker AI didn't grow up with any kids, brothers or sisters.
Speaker AI was an only child.
Speaker AI really didn't.
Speaker AWas never around any young babies, getting, you know, friends or neighbors or even other family members.
Speaker ASo I didn't.
Speaker AI didn't really have any feelings.
Speaker AThat was one thing.
Speaker AWhen I was growing up, I was kind of numb to everything going on and even through the first years of our marriage.
Speaker AAnd I had a lot of feelings for Linda, but not in these type of areas.
Speaker ASo I failed to probably realize how that impacted Linda as losing a baby as it is for a mom and a mother.
Speaker AAnd so I don't feel like I, probably because I can't remember back then, really feel like I even support her as a team member, as her husband and the father of the baby.
Speaker AAnd so that point, I dropped the ball as a team.
Speaker ATeam member.
Speaker AAnd then she got pregnant again.
Speaker AFaith plus works.
Speaker AShe got pregnant.
Speaker AAnd at the same time, we decided to move to Charleston, South Carolina, to work with the junior high ministry there.
Speaker ASo we uplifted and made a move.
Speaker ANow on that we were on the same page.
Speaker AAnd that's.
Speaker AI think we may have talked about that and got your God's plans and purposes for you, but we made a move together, sir.
Speaker AWe were team members.
Speaker ASo during this first three years, we are developing as a team.
Speaker AI dropped the ball as a husband in the area of that miscarriage, but we made it through.
Speaker ANow, the point I want to bring out is, is that started almost day one, that we were a team because we were also working in ministry stuff.
Speaker ABut here's a point I want to make is.
Speaker AAnd as you get go longer in your marriage, we were working in a team in some areas.
Speaker ABut down the road, if you don't have all your ducks in order, just because you've got three or four areas going good in your marriage, if you're not working on the other areas of your marriage, which we've been talking about, you're going to have a bad foundation.
Speaker ABecause at that point, I was.
Speaker AWe hadn't.
Speaker AWe hadn't had that near separation.
Speaker AWe were still six years or so from that, but because I was not understanding Linda and treating her properly in certain areas and how I would be start putting her in a box.
Speaker AAnd that hadn't really kicked in all the way yet, but that was a weakness in our foundation that came back and bit us six or seven years later.
Speaker ASo just because you're doing good in two or three areas of the teamwork or areas of your marriage, pat yourself on the back, say, good job.
Speaker ABut you gotta watch out, because the marriage busters will try to come in and still kill and destroy your marriage.
Speaker AAnd a lot of times they'll start on day one, day one, and they're going to come in, but you got to watch it.
Speaker ASo put your antennas up and be thinking, how can I be the best husband, the best spouse, starting now, so that you can be a team player with your spouse and ministering to their needs and y' all can accomplish your goals and dreams together because you got to have that foundation Going now before we go on, I want to go into a little information here.
Speaker AWe're starting a newsletter coming up here shortly in the next month.
Speaker AAnd if you're interested in getting on our newsletter, which is going to be giving you updates on what we're doing, our podcast information, and then also have some teaching and articles in that, go over to our website at www.marriedandlovet.com, which is it in our show notes.
Speaker AYou'll see it at the bottom and you can just go on there and they'll say mailing list, email information.
Speaker AAnd you can fill that in.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BAnd remember to tell your, your married children about the podcast and some of them may have, you may have grandchildren that are married as well.
Speaker BSo remember to tell them and also follow subscribe to our podcast.
Speaker BAnd then what about leaving a review?
Speaker BWhere is that?
Speaker AYes, you can leave a review.
Speaker AIf Apple and Spotify both have places on our podcast page like where it shows all the episodes, you go down to the bottom of that and on Apple they have a place, leave a review and you can go right on there and give us a five star review.
Speaker AAnd if you want to put some comments and just tell them how awesome we are, go right ahead and do that.
Speaker AAnd Spotify has something like that also.
Speaker ABut put a review on there that that does not help with algorithms.
Speaker AAnd let's just lets people know, hey, you enjoyed what you're hearing.
Speaker AOkay, so let's do that.
Speaker AAnd then as we get started into the next topic, in the last episode we talked about the first two parts of being of teamwork in your marriage.
Speaker AAnd the first, number one was develop a team mindset to win.
Speaker AThat's your mindset to be a winner and how you can accomplish that.
Speaker AAnd then number two is working on household chores and responsibility.
Speaker ASo we did a pretty good dive into that.
Speaker ASo that was last week.
Speaker AListen to those.
Speaker AAnd then now we're going to get into number three.
Speaker BNumber three.
Speaker BYes.
Speaker BPray together and let me read this scripture.
Speaker BIt's Matthew 18:19 Again, I say to you that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by my Father who is in heaven.
Speaker BAnd, and that's like part A of that scripture.
Speaker BAnd so the thing about it is the power of prayer.
Speaker BPray together to be a team member.
Speaker BIt's great to pray together now.
Speaker BAnd when we lived in Fort Worth, Texas, we had purchased that, we bought this house and the carpet was horrendous.
Speaker BThe people that lived there before two.
Speaker ATone lime green from the 60s and 70s.
Speaker BI think they dyed the carpet.
Speaker ABut no, no, we did.
Speaker BWe did afterwards.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BOh.
Speaker BBut it was still really bad.
Speaker BSo I had told Greg, I said, carpet, let's get some new car.
Speaker BWell, the people that lived there before us had brought their motorcycle into the master bedroom.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BAnd had worked on their motorcycle.
Speaker BHad oil.
Speaker BOh, it was.
Speaker BIt was horrible.
Speaker AIt was.
Speaker BIt was bad.
Speaker BSo I was like, greg, can we just get some new carpet?
Speaker BAnd he's like, at this time in life, no, no.
Speaker AWe don't have two or three thousand dollars at that point to sell out for new carpet.
Speaker AAnd.
Speaker BRight.
Speaker AI was negative, Norman.
Speaker ALet's put it like that.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BAnd I said, okay, well, appease me then.
Speaker BI'm just going to believe God that somehow, some way, he is going to provide this carpet.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BAnd Greg's like, oh, my gosh.
Speaker BOkay.
Speaker BThe man of faith.
Speaker AI was.
Speaker AI will agree with you.
Speaker AYes.
Speaker BWell, two hours, literally.
Speaker BBecause I wrote it in my journal.
Speaker BTwo hours.
Speaker BSomeone came knocking at our door, and they said, we have this carpet.
Speaker BWe're pulling up.
Speaker BIt's like, brand new.
Speaker AYes.
Speaker BWould you like to have this carpet?
Speaker BWould it fit in your house?
Speaker BAnd we'll bring it right on over to you.
Speaker BYou can pull up the carpet that you've got on your floors now and put it in, and away you go.
Speaker BAnd I'm like, by all means, yes.
Speaker AOh, yeah.
Speaker BSo that.
Speaker AThat is true.
Speaker AIt was within two hours.
Speaker AIt was some friends of ours from the church we went to.
Speaker BRight.
Speaker AThey were doing handyman work, and it had pulled out from somebody else, Right?
Speaker AYes.
Speaker BI mean, it was incredible.
Speaker BAnd I'm like, okay, that just told me about the power of prayer.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BI mean, how it works.
Speaker BIt works.
Speaker ASee, if we hadn't prayed, who knows?
Speaker AIt probably wouldn't have happened.
Speaker ABut that's the way God put it together.
Speaker AAnd they pulled the carpet out, piled it up in the garage.
Speaker AOh, that was, wow, horrendous.
Speaker AAll that carpet in one spot.
Speaker BThat was a miracle.
Speaker ABrought the carpet in, did almost the whole house, that we need it done.
Speaker AAnd that was God blessing us.
Speaker ABut we prayed.
Speaker AYou don't know how quick God will come in.
Speaker AAnd when a husband and wife pray, there is power.
Speaker AThere's power there.
Speaker AAnd.
Speaker AAnd there's studies that show a statistic that shows couples who pray regularly.
Speaker AThe key word there is regularly together.
Speaker ANot just quick, bless me, meal at dinner or lay me down to sleep at night, but say some type of prayer and such.
Speaker AThey have a 1% divorce rate that's amazing.
Speaker ABecause that is amazing.
Speaker AThere's been several studies that have brought that out.
Speaker AYes.
Speaker BYeah, that's amazing.
Speaker BAnd pray for everything.
Speaker BI mean, it doesn't.
Speaker BGod wants to be involved in everything in our lives.
Speaker BPray for everything.
Speaker BAnd you know, they're also.
Speaker BWe've heard so often and still do families that pray together stay together.
Speaker BThey stay together.
Speaker BIsn't that right?
Speaker AYes.
Speaker AAnd we're going to.
Speaker AWe talked about prayer and all that in episodes one and two, maybe three.
Speaker AAnd we're going to talk about that a little bit more in the Lovers.
Speaker ALovers Dozen here in another few points that we have, but not tonight.
Speaker ABut this is just part of the actual team work right here.
Speaker ASo it's, it's.
Speaker AAnd it's.
Speaker AIt's a must.
Speaker ANow, if you don't believe in prayer, don't pray.
Speaker ABut if you do pray and if you don't believe in player.
Speaker ATry it.
Speaker AYou might like it.
Speaker BAll right.
Speaker AAll right, so the next one, this is a good one here.
Speaker AThis is one I had to learn.
Speaker AIt says, allow your spouse to be on your team.
Speaker AAnd you may be thinking, well, we're on the same team.
Speaker AWe come home and we maybe do this or do that and we do things.
Speaker ABut this is going to go a little bit deeper in what that means, because there are times when you may have something to do around the house.
Speaker AMaybe if your man or lady.
Speaker AAnd it could be chores, it could be a honeydew project.
Speaker AAnd you, they say, can we help?
Speaker AAnd you go, no, no, I got it.
Speaker AI can take care of this.
Speaker AAnd you're thinking, I can do this better than them, or they're not strong enough to do this.
Speaker AAnd so here's an example.
Speaker AWe had moved in this one house in.
Speaker AIn Fort Worth.
Speaker AThis is before the house with all the weird carpet, and we wanted to paint the kids bedrooms.
Speaker ASo we came home from church that day and Linda said, you want me to help?
Speaker AAnd I go, no, no, I got this.
Speaker ABecause I'm thinking I'm gonna have to show her how to put the tape up, how the paint.
Speaker AShe's not going to be able to know how to paint.
Speaker AAnd it's just going to be a me, a mess.
Speaker AI'll just do it myself.
Speaker AI didn't tell her that, but I just told her, no, you don't.
Speaker AYou don't need to help.
Speaker AAnd she said, again, I don't mind helping.
Speaker AAnd so I guess I had a hunk an auction.
Speaker AI said, all right, come on in, I'll put you to work.
Speaker ABest decision I ever made, besides marrying her and a few others.
Speaker ABut I brought her in and showed her what to do, and she did a good job, and she's got an eye for detail, probably too much sometime, but.
Speaker AAnd we got in there and we had fun.
Speaker AWe were doing things together.
Speaker AAnd then after that, for.
Speaker AFor any house projects, we started doing them together.
Speaker AYou know, there's something about doing things together.
Speaker AI mean, there's been times when we've been painting where we've lived, and it's time to stop.
Speaker AWe order a pizza, or Linda would make a pizza, and you just take that break, and you're there with your spouse and you're having a good time and talk about all the stuff you've done, and then you rest afterwards.
Speaker AAnd who knows, you may have a special team meeting when you get done at the end of the night, but allow your spouse to come in.
Speaker AAnd.
Speaker AAnd I was just thinking about that.
Speaker AOkay, let me just get to this statement.
Speaker ADoing things together will help bring unity, a closeness, a bonding, and a sense of accomplishment.
Speaker AAnd.
Speaker AAnd.
Speaker AAnd it allows.
Speaker AIt could be fun.
Speaker AYeah, you.
Speaker AYou may get aggravated here or them, but it just.
Speaker ASomething about that.
Speaker AAnd Linda, we talked about this, doing chores like housework, I mean, and gardening and stuff.
Speaker ABut this is a major project now.
Speaker AI'm gonna.
Speaker AThis.
Speaker AIt can be the closest thing to a Hallmark moment.
Speaker AThink about when you watch a Hallmark movie for y' all that do or have.
Speaker AThink about when they're in the kitchen.
Speaker AMaybe you can have your Hallmark kitchen moment, and your.
Speaker AYour wife lets you come in and cook, and you start cooking, and maybe you're doing a good job, and all of a sudden one of y' all throws flour at one another or you get something off your face.
Speaker AWhat happens?
Speaker AIt shows them having fun.
Speaker AYou can make cooking together fun, or they're painting a room, and one of them gets a little cocky there and they slap some paint on there.
Speaker AAnd I don't recommend doing that, but they allow things that make it fun and get cheerful, a little flirty and romantic in it.
Speaker AAnd so there's things that you can do to make it fun where it's not Montana monotonous.
Speaker AIs that how you say it?
Speaker BI think.
Speaker AYeah, but.
Speaker AAnd, you know, I probably lost some of y' all because I said Hallmark movie.
Speaker AI happen to like them because I look for things and meanings in them.
Speaker AYes, they are hokey a lot of times, but there's still some good points.
Speaker AA lot of guys could probably learn some things, and some of the girls Too, especially on communication, but that's another story.
Speaker ANow, here's an example of my mom and dad.
Speaker AMy mom would not ever allow my dad.
Speaker AI mean, really allow my dad to do cooking, wash clothes, do anything around the house.
Speaker AHe owned his own business.
Speaker AHe kept.
Speaker AHe took care of the outside until I learned how to do it.
Speaker AThen he had me take care of the outside.
Speaker ABut he was a hard worker, provided everything we needed, but she just protected him from doing anything.
Speaker BWell, that protected herself.
Speaker BYeah, but he never had a role model at all.
Speaker AYeah, actually, he never did have a role model because he was.
Speaker AHis parents were drunks and he lived out on the streets a lot of his life, but she just protected her world.
Speaker AAnd maybe she didn't think it was a man's job, or maybe she tried to let him do it and he screwed it up, which, if he didn't get training, that could happen.
Speaker ABut the.
Speaker AThe sad thing is she got dementia, and down the road, she ended up passing away.
Speaker AMy dad was clueless, right?
Speaker AWhen he.
Speaker AHe got his own place, he had to call us up.
Speaker AHow do you fry an egg?
Speaker AHow do you boil eggs?
Speaker AHow would you do oatmeal?
Speaker AHow do you do this?
Speaker AHow do you.
Speaker AHow do you wash clothes?
Speaker AI mean, we literally had to walk him through so.
Speaker ASo many things, but my.
Speaker AMy mom just never took the time.
Speaker AFor whatever reason, she had to teach them that.
Speaker AAllow your spouse to come into your world, and maybe they'll come in and they may say, you know what?
Speaker AI don't ever want to see another paintbrush again.
Speaker AWell, that's fine.
Speaker ABut you allowed them come in, so take that step of faith, if that's what it is.
Speaker ANow, you got some stuff on this, right?
Speaker BBut let me get back to with your mom and dad.
Speaker BThat rolled over into you when you moved out before we had gotten married, you had to call your aunt because you didn't know how to cook.
Speaker AYeah, my mom never taught me how to cook a hamburger.
Speaker AMaybe, but.
Speaker AYeah, but you're right.
Speaker BYou didn't know how to wash your clothes.
Speaker AYeah, I remember.
Speaker AI had to go.
Speaker AI moved out, got my own place, and it was time to wash clothes.
Speaker BAnd how do I do this?
Speaker AI didn't know how to do this.
Speaker AI couldn't get a hold of my parents right then, so I had to call my aunt.
Speaker AShe had to tell me what to do and how to wash clothes.
Speaker AYeah, you know, and not.
Speaker AYes, you can say, well, your only child, you're spoiled.
Speaker ANo, I had to do plenty of chores, believe me.
Speaker AI, my mom just never let go of that stuff.
Speaker AAnd it was a consequence.
Speaker BWell, there's, there's some reasons why some wives won't ask for help.
Speaker BAnd here we are back to the communication thing.
Speaker BBut they won't, they won't ask their husband for help because they feel guilty or they're, they feel like they're not doing their job if they do ask for help.
Speaker BAnd they also think that helps housework is their job, that that's their role.
Speaker BAnd some husbands get, may get angry if they are asked because the husband thinks, well, I've been out working 10, 15, well, however long hours, and I come home, you've been home all day, what's the deal?
Speaker BWell, maybe she hadn't been home all day.
Speaker ANowadays, most of the times the wives have been working just as much as.
Speaker BThe men, both are.
Speaker BBut she doesn't want to ask for help because she doesn't want him to get angry.
Speaker BSo what happens then?
Speaker AWell, we had that happen just recently.
Speaker ASomebody told us about where the husband, the wife was asking husband help around then he goes, well, you're home today.
Speaker AEven though she worked part time.
Speaker AAnd she, he would just get mad for, for being insulted.
Speaker AHe was insulted, you know, so that can happen.
Speaker BIt does happen.
Speaker AYou still need to ask.
Speaker BAsk regardless.
Speaker BAnd then when the wife doesn't ask for help, she starts to feel resentful and angry.
Speaker BShe's exhausted and literally sexually unresponsive and she might even begin feeling like a martyr.
Speaker AAnd that's because she didn't ask.
Speaker BThat's just because she has not asked.
Speaker ASo now she's putting resentment out.
Speaker AAnd the husband may or may not have been.
Speaker BHe probably would have been okay.
Speaker AMay have been okay.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AWe're not coming across like all men are lazy oafs.
Speaker ANo, most men want to love and serve their wives.
Speaker AThey just don't know how.
Speaker BThey don't know how or what or when.
Speaker BSo realize this, women asking for help is in everybody's best interest.
Speaker BDo it for your marriage because it can really make a difference in your marriage if you will ask for help, communicate with your spouse.
Speaker BIf you've got frustrations about lack of support around the house now, it might even bring it to.
Speaker BWouldn't it be wonderful if you can manage getting someone to clean your house for you, a house cleaning company, or you know, get someone to help with the yard?
Speaker BIt goes both ways really.
Speaker BNow I'm like this, I like to help, like mowing the yard.
Speaker BI loved to mow the yard.
Speaker BI think it's Great.
Speaker BAnd I would ask Greg, can I help mow the yard?
Speaker BAnd he's like, what?
Speaker BNo, that's man's work.
Speaker BYeah, that was his idea.
Speaker BHe probably didn't know what I would do.
Speaker BBut there was a time that we.
Speaker BHe needed help because at one time he owned a mowing company, and so we did that together.
Speaker BRemember that?
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BWe helped spread pine straw out together and went around mowing together.
Speaker BI had a blast.
Speaker BThat was so much fun.
Speaker BBut I find I found out that I was allergic to pine needles or pine whatever.
Speaker BOh, my gosh.
Speaker BI broke out from head to toe.
Speaker BThat was horrible.
Speaker BAnyways, but just working together like that.
Speaker BNow communicate about your frustrations.
Speaker BIf you need support around the house that you.
Speaker BYou just ask.
Speaker BJust ask.
Speaker BIf she doesn't communicate, we don't want to see that rebate resentment get built up.
Speaker BAnd literally, she's going to be more tired and less interested in any intimacy at all.
Speaker BSo that kind of shuts the door there, right?
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker ASo men like, you need to have your antennas up, man.
Speaker AIf your wife is not communicating that maybe you're both working and you both get home at the same time or one before the other, whatever it is, but have your antennas up.
Speaker AIf she's walking around, you can see she's tired or going, oh, man, I had a terrible day and all that.
Speaker AJust say, how can I help, dear?
Speaker AWhat can I do to help you tonight?
Speaker BRight?
Speaker AYou want me to cook dinner?
Speaker AYou want me to order some dinner?
Speaker AYou want me to do the kids?
Speaker AOr do I need to run back out to the grocery store because you don't have what we need to cook the meal tonight?
Speaker AOr do I need to do the laundry?
Speaker AWhat can I do so we can sit down?
Speaker ALet.
Speaker AWhat can I.
Speaker AWhat can we do so we can sit down maybe a little later and talk together?
Speaker ARead or watch a show together and have some quiet time together?
Speaker AI'm willing to help share.
Speaker ALet me know what to do.
Speaker BPass the ball.
Speaker APass the ball.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ABack and forth to each other.
Speaker ABut be willing.
Speaker AAnd.
Speaker AAnd if your wife says no, no, I got it, I got it.
Speaker ACome back and say, dear, you should really.
Speaker AAre you sure?
Speaker ABecause I really would like us to sit down because that might be.
Speaker AYour wife may be denying that help to you because she feels like she isn't doing your job, doing her job.
Speaker AAnd then that's when you come back and say, dear, I know you usually do this and you do an awesome job at it, but I'm more willing to help you.
Speaker AAnd if I don't know how to do it right.
Speaker AShow me how to do this real quick so I can be a helper.
Speaker AAnd so this way, in the future, if I see you're having a problem, I know what to do, and I can handle it.
Speaker ASo be a team.
Speaker ACommunicate.
Speaker AYou know, in a basketball team, they say, pass the ball.
Speaker APass the ball when they're going down court.
Speaker AWell, why do they pass it?
Speaker AWell, a lot of times the person they're going to pass it to has got a better shot of getting it.
Speaker AGetting the ball in the hoop.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AAnd so a lot of times you may be tired, and you go, you know what?
Speaker AI got this.
Speaker AI can win the game.
Speaker AI got this.
Speaker ABut you see another person over here that's open, and they go ahead.
Speaker AThey.
Speaker AThey become a team player and pass it over, because that other person might be able to make the shot.
Speaker AOr.
Speaker AOr maybe it's just in the playbook.
Speaker AYou need to pass it so somebody else can take over automatically and move in.
Speaker AOr if you're the person that doesn't have the ball, a lot of times they're running around trying to get open, but they see that the player that's got the ball is having a hard time.
Speaker AWhat do they do?
Speaker AThey say, I got to get.
Speaker AI got to help that guy.
Speaker AThey're going to get the ball from him.
Speaker ASo they'll run around closer and get open and say, here, wave the arms.
Speaker AYou know, you see it on tv.
Speaker AThey're sitting there waving the arm.
Speaker AYou say, throw the ball to that guy over there.
Speaker AAnd they don't see him, but they'll see him, and they'll throw that.
Speaker AWhy?
Speaker ABecause the other guy got away from the guy who was protecting him.
Speaker AHe saw their teammate needed help, and that's where teamwork comes in.
Speaker AYou got to be watching around just like, if I am.
Speaker AI don't mow a yard anymore because we don't have a yard.
Speaker ABut if Linda sees me struggling with something I'm doing around the house, that's normally what I kind of do.
Speaker AShe'll say, hey, can I come in and do this?
Speaker AYou want me to wash your clothes today or cook you breakfast?
Speaker AOr she'll help me empty the dishwasher because I do a lot of the kitchen chores because of my caretaking.
Speaker ABut you.
Speaker AYou.
Speaker AYou keep that antenna on.
Speaker AWhat does my teammate need?
Speaker AIt's not, what about me?
Speaker AI'm tired.
Speaker AI'm tired.
Speaker AI.
Speaker AI worked 10 hours today.
Speaker AOr I had this big program to do.
Speaker AWell, you know what your spouse probably worked 10 hours today, too, and maybe more.
Speaker ABut team.
Speaker ATeam members come together.
Speaker ATeamwork makes the dream work.
Speaker AAnd that's what God has called us to do.
Speaker AYou know, when.
Speaker AWhen was it Moses or Aaron?
Speaker BOh, when they got.
Speaker BWhen he needed his hands lifted.
Speaker AHands lifted up.
Speaker BYeah, right.
Speaker AThey.
Speaker AThey lifted his hands up and he was winning the battle.
Speaker BBut if his hands came down, he was losing.
Speaker AAnd that's what we're called, alongside losing.
Speaker AAnd you know what?
Speaker AIf you're holding somebody's arms up, you can be tired, too.
Speaker ASo be tired together.
Speaker AThat way, when you get done, you can put the arms down, sit down, and relax for a little bit together.
Speaker BWhat is that saying?
Speaker BThe many hands may, like, make for light work.
Speaker AYes.
Speaker AMany hands make.
Speaker BI think there's a scripture on that.
Speaker AWell, probably.
Speaker ABut this.
Speaker AThat was just the same.
Speaker BMany hands make for life.
Speaker AYes.
Speaker BWork.
Speaker ASo as your teammates, as we close up here on this episode, allow your teammate to be on your team.
Speaker AYou allow that by.
Speaker AIf they ask, say, yeah, come in and let me show you how to do this.
Speaker AOr if you're needing help, don't have pride and say, I can do this on my own.
Speaker AThis is my job.
Speaker AWhatever.
Speaker ASay, no, you know what?
Speaker AI need some help tonight.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker AAnd I just believe, God, that you picked out somebody as your spouse that loves you so much that they want to help you.
Speaker BYes.
Speaker AAnd if they're not there yet, just walk in love with them, ask them nicely, and they'd be praying for them.
Speaker AAnd.
Speaker ABut you know what you do?
Speaker AYou continue to reach out and ask, but also you offer to serve them and begin to plant some seeds.
Speaker AAnd we're going to talk about this a little bit later, I think.
Speaker ABut you know what?
Speaker AIf your spouse helps you do something, thank them for it and build them up.
Speaker AAnd with that, we're going to close.
Speaker ADid.
Speaker AIs there anything else you wanted to bring up?
Speaker BNo.
Speaker BI think.
Speaker BWell, there is in Genesis.
Speaker BI'm not sure about this scripture.
Speaker BIf you want to, I'll go ahead.
Speaker AAnd read this one.
Speaker AWe're going to save it for the other one for next time.
Speaker BOkay.
Speaker ABut we'll read this one tonight in closing.
Speaker AThis is Genesis 11:6.
Speaker AAnd the Lord said, behold, they are one people and unified.
Speaker AAnd they have the same language.
Speaker AAnd this is what they began to do.
Speaker AThis is when they were.
Speaker AThe people were building the tower of Babel.
Speaker AAnd it said, and now nothing which they purpose to do will be impossible for them.
Speaker AThey.
Speaker AThey spoke the same language.
Speaker AGod wants you and your spouse to be on the same page, saying the same things, working together as a couple, it takes practice.
Speaker AI mean, Linda and I had that first three years and we had some things we did good in, some things we weren't doing good.
Speaker AAnd through the years, it.
Speaker AYou just grow.
Speaker ALike I said in one of the, the earlier episode, the longer you play together, the longer you run your game plan, the longer you're together and you begin to learn how each one acts and thinks.
Speaker AYou become like this one unit that you just.
Speaker AYou're one.
Speaker AI believe that's one thing that God means by me and one.
Speaker AIt's not just being one physically, but you've gotten to be one spiritually, mentally, and emotionally and physically.
Speaker ASo you begin to know what they're thinking, you know when they need help doing this.
Speaker AYou know when you can back off and you know what you're thinking and you know what you need to get done.
Speaker AAnd your family becomes a champion team, a marriage champion team.
Speaker BSo some honeydews go through the couple of items that we talked about, you know, the strategies and.
Speaker BAnd sit down and maybe discuss it with what are some.
Speaker BAre.
Speaker BAre you weak in these areas?
Speaker BDo you have a problem communicating?
Speaker BDo you have a problem asking for help?
Speaker BDo you see where maybe you haven't.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BWhere you haven't asked for help in the past?
Speaker BSo talk about that and see how you can change that.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BAnd what.
Speaker BAnd what's.
Speaker BSo that would be a little bit.
Speaker BSo what's a second number two.
Speaker AI bet y' all can guess.
Speaker AI bet you guess the 10 second guess.
Speaker BThat's it.
Speaker ANow this take too.
Speaker ASo grab your.
Speaker AGrab your teammate.
Speaker AMaybe you've just done a chore together and say, we need our 10 second guest.
Speaker BYep.
Speaker AYou know, and have yourself a Hallmark movie.
Speaker BMovie moment.
Speaker AHave yourself a Hallmark moment.
Speaker BOh, yeah.
Speaker APull them up to you.
Speaker ASay, hey, Siri, set my timer 10 for 10 seconds.
Speaker AAnd give them a good old kiss and a hug, too.
Speaker BThat's right.
Speaker BWell, thanks for joining us today and we hope that you learned something through this podcast and we're going to be picking up on it again next week.
Speaker BWe look forward to you joining us then.
Speaker BAnd remember, you can be married and love it on purpose.
Speaker AThank you for investing into your marriage by listening to the Married and Love it podcast.
Speaker ABe sure to be a part of the ripple effect of making marriage great by sharing this podcast with other couples to equip them to be married and love it.
Speaker AAlso, subscribe to and follow us on your favorite platform and be sure to check out our website at www.marriedandlovet.com, where you can learn more about Married and love it and contact us with any questions or comments that you may have.
Speaker AAnd remember with God that you have a future and a hope and you can be married and love it on purpose.