EP 25. The Power of Teamwork in Your Marriage. Pt. 7 of The Lover's Dozen Series

Welcome to the Married in Lovett podcast.

We are Greg and Linda Smith, your hosts from Raleigh, North Carolina.

It is great that you are taking time to invest into your marriage by listening to our weekly podcast.

The goal of our podcast is to provide you with a weekly dose of marriage teaching to help you keep focused on your marriage.

See it as a freshening up of your marriage, preventive maintenance, a marriage tune up, or fanning the flames of romance, love and pass.

You could even call it continuing education.

We will be covering everything that has to do with your marriage, including hot topics like sex, communication, love, and much, much more.

Our teachings are based on Christian principles plus over 47 years of marriage to each other and ministry experience.

We want to help you make your marriage great by teaching you how to be married and love it.

It is an honor and privilege to have you join us.

Hey, glad you tuned in with us today to weekly dose of Married and love it, your marriage booster shot.

And on today's episode, we're continuing with the Lover's Dozen.

What that is is 13 principles that Greg and I have applied since our marriage was restored after a near separation in 1986.

And we're still applying those principles.

And now we're hitting 47 plus years of being married.

And love it.

And it takes being on purpose, intentional.

This series begin back on episode 19.

So let me encourage you to go back and listen to them if you haven't already heard them.

Yeah, that'd be a great idea because each one's gonna build on the previous one and it's gonna be good.

All right, so today we're gonna be starting episode 25, and we're gonna be discussing tip number five.

And this one is a really important one.

It's called teamwork.

In your marriage and, and in your marriage relationship, you got to be on the same page and you got to be working with one another.

You've got goals for your marriage, you got plans, and you, you know how you want that marriage to look, and hopefully you've communicated those things.

And so once you've got that vision in front of you and you know what you both want, then you got to come together as a team.

And I think one thing that's really helped me and Linda through the years, especially after we got things settled back in 86, but even before that, we still were working as a team.

So Linda and I through the years as a team, we share together things that are going on, what our ideas are.

We plan, we plan our future, we plan our week, we plan our day.

We dream together and in for weekly dreams or what's going to happen in a few years from now.

And then we work together, together.

You know, Linda and I have worked together ever since we've been married.

There's only been one time where she worked away from where I was at.

We've worked together in the ministry, we've had our own business, we work together in another person's ministry.

And then we, after we do all the work, we play together, we have fun together.

That's, that's one of our goals.

So that's part of teamwork is playing, you know, all work and no play, they say, is not a good thing.

Then another part we do is we pray together.

So you could say we're together a lot of times.

And I know some couples go, I could not stand to work with my spouse.

Well, maybe you can't and that, that happens with people.

But God put us together and he's equipped us to be able to work together.

Now we've had to learn and grow through the years how to work as a team because sometimes our personalities get in the way because we can both be leaders and have our own ideas and we have to have discussions about what's going to work.

But you know, when it's when you're on the same team, even when you get the rough spots or you have some disagreements, you work it out because you know why you want to win.

And we've wanted to win in our marriage and that's what we hope you want to do.

And you know something?

Some of the award rewards of being on a winning team, where you're flowing together and you're, you're just on the same page and you're having fun together and you, you come together in the tough times as a team and you overcome, you know, that even rolls over in the, the physical intimacy side because a lot of people go, oh man, we're just so tired all the time.

Or the wife is saying, I got to do all the work around here.

My husband doesn't do anything or he just does this.

But I'm going, You know, they say a wife has two jobs and we may have talked about this on the last episode, right, Linda, if a wife is a homemaker, she's got two full time jobs.

Yep.

There's no doubt about that.

Yes.

And, and so when you work together on a team, everything flows and you're, you're more unified.

So when that time comes and you, you've made time and you're able to, to make love or be intimate and you're together, you know what?

That's a culmination of your goals, your dreams, your planning, your plane and, and praying together.

And when you make love, it's not just some physical release.

It's like you to celebrating your love.

You're celebrating your, your championship.

You're, you're, you're celebrating getting through life.

And it just adds a whole new dimension to your marriage because a lot of times wives get frustrated and I'm sure Linda would agree from what she's heard and different things that when they're not getting help around the house or they're just tired and worn out, then sex can be a duty.

It can be frustrating.

And you know, when, when there's a team going, when there's not a team, it brings in resentment and unforgiveness.

So as you work together as a team, you, or continue to, depending on where you're at, it is going to bring in so much more peace in your family.

It's going to get rid of that resentment and it's going to bring a camaraderie that's going to allow the blessings of God to flow into your marriage.

What we're going to head into now is the 10 team strategies for your marriage.

And, and in this episode, you will learn how to run your home, operate your home, whatever way, word you want to use so that it's better organized, that's good, more efficient and most important, a happier place to live and to be married and love it.

But before we get into that, I wanted to share a little information for you that we are starting a newsletter here shortly and hopefully in the next, within the next three or four weeks.

And if you would like to get on our newsletter list, you're going to have some nuggets, marriage nuggets from us, maybe a little article, some updates.

What's going on, A little bit of information about our podcast, lots of different things.

Go to our website, www.marriedandlovet.com and there's a place where you can sign up for our mailing list.

So we look forward to you being part of that because it's going to be really great now.

Oh, also remember to tell your married kids and your grandchildren that might be married about the Married and love it podcast.

And then they, then you can follow subscribe to our podcast as well.

Yeah, and that's really good.

And I know a lot of times the longer we've been married, we may say, you know what, we're doing okay.

We don't really Need.

Listen.

You can actually be getting learned by listening to our podcast.

You are giving preventive maintenance and continuing education to your marriage, even if you've been married 50 years.

That's true.

Because when Lynn and I are studying this, you talking about looking in the mirror.

We're getting teaching, getting a lot of.

A lot of teaching.

Oh, wow.

But, but you can still learn.

But yeah, remember, you know, give out, be a mentor to another young couple.

That's it.

Be it your family member, somebody at church, tell them about the podcast, share from your life.

Because people are watching.

And we need people in the world today who are lights with a good marriage to show people how it's done.

Because there's too many people out there.

To be an example into the world today.

Yes, because there's a lot of people good role model.

They don't.

Even if their parents didn't get divorced, they don't have good role models.

So we'll talk about that later.

But what we're going to talk about now, I just want to talk about if you're, you're on a team, and most teams want to win, they want to be a championship team.

So that's what we're going to talk about for a minute.

I'm going to go back to our base scripture that I love to use.

It's in, in Ecclesiastes 9, 9 through 10.

And if you've been listening, you've probably heard us share this.

But it says, enjoy life.

Are you enjoying your life continually with your, your marriage and everything?

But it says enjoy life with a spouse.

It says wife in the Bible, but I put in their spouse.

So enjoy life with the spouse whom you love all the days of your life.

That means daily loving your spouse.

And it.

Then that sounds good, but he's got a nugget in verse 10, God does.

It says, and whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.

So in other words, to enjoy life with your spouse all the days of your life, if you're not doing the work and making the investment into your marriage, you're probably not going to enjoy it.

So it's kind of up to you to be putting your hand to that.

And because you know what?

The marriage busters of life don't want you to win the marriage championship.

They want to come in and steal, kill and destroy your marriage.

Cause it to be miserable, to cause you to be shipwrecked or roommates, to be blah, or maybe to just end it.

But that's what life wants to do.

But you know what?

God wants you to prosper in your marriage.

He wants you to be on a winning team, and you can do it.

And I was just thinking about a basketball team.

And when a coach, especially in the high school or college realm, you know, they go out or pros, they go out and draft the partner or new players, and they look for the best person that will fit their team that they can find.

And that's kind of like when you're dating, looking for a partner, you're doing a draft.

Is person A, B, C, or D over the years gonna do I want to bring into my life to be a partner?

So they're doing scouting, and so they look for red flags.

The scouts do.

And so I just want to encourage you, if you're not married right now and you're looking for somebody, look for the red flags, because you don't want to bring the wrong people.

Wrong person, I should say, onto your team.

So watch out for red flags.

And if you need to listen to what other people tell you, they may say, you know what?

You need to stay away from that guy or girl or this is what we sense.

Because a lot of times they see things you don't see.

Doesn't mean they're going to be perfect, but just watch out for the red flags.

But what happens is a coach brings in two or three new players, and they've all got egos.

They may not know how to play as a team real well, and they can get out on the court, and all they want to do is show off their stuff.

Now, again, I'm not a basketball coach.

I'm not that much into sports, but this is what I've observed.

But that coach has to get all these individual attitudes, egos, and skills and begin to form a unified, cohesive group of players.

So he has to remold them, change their mindsets, and begins to get them to know how to flow together as a team.

And he.

He says, okay, this player is going to do this.

This player is good at this.

This player is going to be in charge of this.

And he gets those five players of its basketball on the court, where they become one.

So at the beginning of the season, they may be not real good.

They're still dealing with attitudes.

They're still learning the game.

And then the coach gives them a game plan.

They've got to learn the game plan and how they fit.

And that's what happens in marriage.

You two come together.

You and your hu.

You and your wife or husband, you come together.

You still kind of got your own ways of doing things and how you were, how your previous team at home trained you up.

So now you've got to unlearn some of the things you've learned in the past.

You've got to relearn them and improve and hone on your skills.

And what happens as a, as a basketball team does that they begin to think is one, they quit being selfish.

The goal is, how do I win, how do we win the game and what do we need to do?

So by the end of the season, if you watched any basketball teams, these guys are dribbling down the court, running down the court.

They know know what plays being run.

The guys pass the ball and the guy they're throwing it to knows right where to go.

And it's like they have this sixth sense on what's going on, where their teammates are going to be if they get in trouble, who's going to come bail them out.

And the ones that capture that the best and do shoot real good are going to be the champions.

And that's what God wants to do for you and your spouse.

He wants you to come in and get you guys blended over a period of time.

You know, this doesn't happen.

Lynn and I have been married 47 years, so now we think alike.

She knows what I'm going to do, I know what she's going to do.

We know what we're going to think.

We just flow together.

But you know what?

That didn't happen that first year or maybe five years, 10 years, 15 years.

It's a process.

So give your marriage time.

But the more energy and effort that you put into it, right, Linda?

Yes.

The more, the sooner that's going to happen.

You know, I worked at Chick Fil a a while back.

I mentioned this on one of the other episodes.

And they get really busy, but when they at lunchtime, if you're in there working and you're behind the counter, you've got five, six, seven, eight people maybe taking orders.

You got people making milkshakes, you got people bringing the food out.

You got people in the drive through and you got people waiting in line, especially if the high school kids come in.

And it is pure chaos behind the counter.

It looks like it could be, but every person knows what they're doing.

And you could have three people trying to make milkshakes at one time.

One person's running over to the drink machine, another one's getting this, another one's pulling this order out.

And it looks like it's mass confusion, but you know what?

Everyone knows what they're doing.

People don't spill drinks, they don't knock people over, they get the food out.

And when it's all said and done, everybody's good at the end of it.

That's because everybody knows their job.

They work together, they're coordinated, and they get the job done.

And.

And that can happen in a family.

Everything is going crazy.

Get up in the morning, everybody may be running late for work, and everybody's running around.

Some families, they get it done, everybody gets out.

They got the right lunchbox, they got their briefcase, they didn't spill their coffee.

But other families, it can be pure chaos and accidents and people run out the door mad at each other.

We want peace in your homes.

We want productivity.

We want you winning the game of marriage and being champions.

You know, I had a situation.

I'm gonna let Linda talk here in a few minutes, but I.

I'm on a roll here.

I'm enjoying it.

But I remember this, this is on topic, but not exactly with this several years ago.

I mean, this is back when we were Texas, back in the 90s.

We both worked at this, the KCM ministry.

And I I left there to come home and work on some of our married and love it stuff.

And it was during the summer, so I was staying home to take care of the kids and work on our ministry.

And Linda was still at work.

Well, there was one day I got up and I didn't make the bed that day.

And I said, linda has been wanting me to fix this sink.

And which we had one of those sinks in the kitchen.

It had two knobs, hot and cold, and it was almost impossible to get them blending properly.

So I said, I'm gonna get a new spigot for that.

So I came home, didn't clean up the kitchen that morning.

Got the parts, got it out, had pipe grease all over the floor, tools all over the place.

Morning and lunch meal stuff was still out.

The bed wasn't made.

The kids are running in and out of the house because they were old enough to kind of be on their own most of the time, but they still had their moments.

And it gets to be about 3 o' clock.

I was not quite done with the sink.

And Linda calls me.

She goes, greg, the air conditioner broke.

Something like that.

They're.

They're sending everybody home early.

And we lived about 15 minutes from the headquarters.

And my heart sank.

I felt like a mom or a wife being at home.

I go, what is Linda gonna think when she gets home?

She's gonna think, I have not done anything all day long.

I didn't make the bed, the kitchen's a mess.

Oh, man.

And I felt what I feel like a wife, homemaker, whoever feels when somebody walks in and they're going to get judged because I did not have things in order.

So I have a great.

You're able to relate, really.

I can relate to how.

Stay at home mom.

A stay at home mom is feeling when things don't get done.

And, you know, the kids were good, but they're kids, they run in and out, they have arguments, they have their friends in, they leave their stuff out, or you got to get on them or you got to help them get over to this place or that place.

And I was never so glad in my life for school to start back.

I just wanted peace, and soon I had it, but I just wanted to throw that in there.

I can relate to what the moms and wives feel in those situations.

And yes, I did get the sink fixed, and we survived.

And Linda didn't shoot me for not doing anything all day.

I think we had Hamburger Helper for dinner.

Probably something like that, if y' all.

Know what that is anymore.

Yeah.

So what we want to do is get into the 10 team strategies on how to win a winning team in your marriage.

And number one is to develop a team mindset to win.

Do not settle for second best.

If your marriage is good, that's good.

But don't settle for good if there's things that you're not wanting to stay the same.

You say, I wish we had more romance.

I wish we had more time together.

I wish we had more time to spend with the kids.

I wish we had more money.

I wish we'd go on trips, whatever.

Develop a mindset to win it.

This.

It just doesn't happen.

You've got to learn and grow.

You need to invest into your marriage and you're going, we don't have time to best into our marriage.

Well, you have to start setting priorities to do that.

Number one, you can listen to a podcast while you're driving to work in the morning or while you're cleaning the dishes, but invest in your marriage into yourself, into each other.

How do you do that?

Do preventive maintenance.

As Linda said in our opening, you're getting your weekly dose of marriage teaching.

When you listen to the podcast, you're getting a dose, a little injection that week, your vitamin shot, your vitamin pill on.

On keeping your eyes focused on your marriage.

It can be reading a book together or separately.

Talking about that book, listening to a podcast.

As I said, going to a seminar sometime, your church or somebody has a getaway.

Anything that will help you learn about your marriage, do it, talk about it, and implement it.

And we take continuing education classes for insurance doctors, all sorts of professional fields.

We'll see invested in your marriage as a continuing education that you need to do to keep you strong for what you need to have for your marriage and then do it for your marriage.

A lot of times when we're.

We're married, we maybe your spouse says, man, I'd like to go for a walk tonight.

You up for a walk?

And they go, you think I am tired?

And they go, well, we haven't walked in a while.

I'd really like to talk.

I don't know if I really want to do that.

Well, you know what?

You don't do it or not do it because you're tired.

You go, what's best for my marriage?

Right now, my marriage needs me to take a walk with my spouse because we need to have that time together and talk and enjoy the fresh air.

Maybe it's going away for a weekend.

You say, oh, man, I don't want to do that.

I need to stay home and work on my work project or whatever it is.

But you know what?

Your marriage needs you two to get away at the beach or a hotel or go somewhere where you can have that time alone.

So you got to change your mindset.

You may say, I don't need it, but my marriage needs it.

And that's part of developing a team mindset.

It's like a basketball team.

Maybe that player says, well, I don't need to do this practice, or I'm not.

I'm not involved in this.

But you know what?

The team needs them to be involved so they can be unified.

So there's three team attitudes to have in the beginning that go under developing a team mindset.

First, one is be committed to doing whatever is necessary to make your spouse's life easier.

And the other nine steps we're going to talk about will help you do that.

So be committed to doing whatever is necessary to make your spouse's life easier.

Number two, appreciate what your spouse does.

Don't take them for granted.

So if your spouse is helping you with the load around the house, male or female, appreciate it.

Number three here, constantly verbalize your appreciation and tell your spouse what a great job they're doing.

We all like to hear we're doing good.

And if your love lang love language is words of affirmation you definitely want to hear what you're doing.

But if you see your spouse do something, maybe, you know, teams sometimes, team players sometimes have to do different things, you know, but your spouse, maybe your job is doing the dishes, and your spouse hops in and does the dishes that day.

Say, man, I really appreciate it, you coming in, doing the dishes today.

You don't know how much that blessed me.

I appreciate you doing that.

Or maybe that's something.

Oh, dear, I'm so glad you got the gas in my car today, because I was not going to have time to do that.

So that's where we've got to look and verbalize what is going on.

So number two on the team strategies is household chores and responsibilities.

Now, look at housework as something we all know.

It just needs to be done.

Right.

And we should be dividing it up.

Some people may think it needs to be done.

Yeah, well, it depends, I guess, on the person.

Yes.

And if your children are old enough, we'll get them involved.

Also, you know, don't base the chores on gender or your upbringing, because what.

Happens there is somebody gets married and the wife's in the kitchen cleaning up, and the husband, when they first get married, he's in there sitting down, just doing nothing, or playing Xbox or reading, watching tv.

And she goes, how come you're not in here helping me?

He goes, that's wife's job.

She goes, no, it's not.

My family, my house.

Everybody pitched in.

Right.

But the husband's house, the women, that was women's work.

So your upbringing can.

Can impact it, like Linda said.

Or some people say, well, that's men's work and that's ladies work.

And we don't cross the lines.

So what happens is you end up having unrealistic expectations.

Expectations.

Because you haven't communicated about all that.

Right.

So it should be that everybody pitches in.

Everyone is all in.

You know, it's kind of like you got a cross train in your marriage.

Yeah.

Do some cross training.

Like, I know a couple that goes to our church and they do.

They each have their individual household responsibilities and chores, and they pick a day that they want to do it together, and they go about their business and get it all taken care of.

And I thought, oh, that's right.

That's exactly the way it ought to be.

And then here's something else to consider.

If you can manage it, consider hiring a house cleaner or someone to take care of your lawn.

Consider that to pick up some of the house chores.

Yeah.

And, you know, like when we got married, Linda and I were married for a while before she actually needed to go to work.

Because at one point she, we just needed her to go to work to help with the finance and stuff.

But I told her that if she went to work, I was going to help her with all the things that she would need help for and help fulfill her responsibilities that she would usually do as a homemaker.

And that's because we're a team.

I said, if you go to work, I'm going to step up my game and see with all the chores.

Figure out what your household chores are that could be outside the house and inside the house, especially if the husband and wife are both working.

Make a list.

Who's gonna, who's gonna do what?

As a rule, this is the spouse, the wife's responsibility.

This is the man's responsibility.

This batch right in the middle could be both.

And then like Linda said, you're cross trained.

Maybe the husband can't do certain things or the wife can't with the husband or wife comes in and fills in the gap.

Now, if it's something that's maybe mowing the lawn that the wife's not equipped or has the know how to do, you work it out.

You figure out who's here.

Yeah.

Find out what works for your house.

And like Linda said, bring the kids in when they get old enough.

You, there's things that they can do.

We're going to talk about that a little bit later and.

But just get a game plan.

Just don't assume they know what to do.

Wives, tell your husband what you need hope help in.

Yeah.

Say, hey, I could use help with this, this and that.

Or husband say, hey, man, I still need to get this done over here.

Well, figure out a schedule when you're going to do things, when you're going to do the shopping or.

Or when you're going to do the clothes or get a rhythm going for your household.

That's right.

Yeah.

So we can continue with some of these strategies on our next episode.

And so we have a few honeydews that we want to talk about.

First of all, apply the three team strategy attitudes that we just mentioned and that I'm just going to repeat it.

Be committed to whatever, doing whatever is necessary to make your spouse's life easier.

And then secondly, appreciate what your spouse does.

Don't take them for granted, as Greg said.

And thirdly, consistently verbalize your appreciation and tell your spouse what a great job they're doing.

So apply these attitudes.

Okay.

And then like we Just mentioned come up with a plan that everybody has something to do and assign to them what their responsibility is going to be.

And you know, I think it's kind of fun for the week at, when everybody, at the end of the week, everybody's done everything they need to do and then have like little rewards.

You know, we'll go out and get a ice cream cone or something of that sort.

I think that's really good.

So what's a third, Honey?

Before we get to that, I want, I just wanted to say is, you know, when everybody comes together, you know, a lot of times, especially if moms work, although it's tough even if they're stay at home, but they want, they come home, they, they get all the dinner, they get all the kids done and, and they would, they would like to have some sit down and quiet time.

And then they don't because they did most of the work and maybe the, the husband didn't do that much or, or whatever.

And then, then that's going to cut into your, your time together.

So just see this as you coming as a team.

You both win, both husband and wife win because you're going to have more time together.

You're going to be less tired daily or by the end of the week because you've helped each other out.

And that's going to be super awesome for your marriage because you're going to have more time, more energy and more desires to be together.

And it's just be to going, you're going to see lots of rewards.

So if you've been doing this, see if you can tweak it.

If you haven't been doing it, let's get it going and reap the benefits of it.

Because you want to be married and love it.

You want to have fun together.

Yeah.

And such.

So number three, if you've listened to us before, is the ten second kiss.

So what you need to do is one of y' all say, come here, sweetie.

Come here, honey.

Set my, hey Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds and just give your spouse a good old kiss for 10 seconds and just continue to do this on a regular basis during the day or once a weekday.

And you're gonna see some good things begin to come out of that.

And let me just insert here, there's an episode.

It's called the kiss.

Oh yes.

Yeah.

So go back if you hadn't already heard it and listen and it explains a little bit about the kiss and what it does for your marriage.

Oh yeah, it's awesome.

Remember your lovebirds be.

Have fun together.

Hey, listen to a love song together like maybe you used to do when you're dating.

Yeah, take time to reminisce.

We'll pull up the 70s on 70s sometimes.

Yeah, and so do that.

All right, I think that is it.

So next week we're going to finish off the Strategies for Being a Team and so we're going to look forward to you tuning in next week to hear that.

So remember, yeah, you can be Married.

And love it on purpose.

Thank you for investing into your marriage by listening to the Married and Love it podcast.

Be sure to be a part of the ripple effect of making marriage great by sharing this podcast with other couples to equip them to be married and love it.

Also, subscribe to and follow us on your favorite platform and be sure to check out our website at www.marriedandlovet.com where you can learn more about Married and Lovett and contact us with any questions or comments that you may have.

And remember with God that you have a future and a hope and you can be married in Lovett on purpose.