EP 18. Valentines Day is Not a One Night Stand. PT 4. Keys To Making It a Lifestyle of Romance, Passion, and Love., and

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We are Greg and Linda Smith, your hosts from Raleigh, North Carolina.

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We're going Continuing to talk about Valentine's Day is not a one night stand.

And before we continue on, I want to encourage you to ask your spouse to be listening to these episodes.

They can do it on their own or you all can sit down together with a cup of coffee or while you're driving in the car and listen to them together.

Then take time to talk about the things that you're learning.

It would be a great thing to be talking about.

And remember this.

That'd be a good thing to do on a date night.

That's true.

It would be.

It would.

Remember this communication is lubrication for your marriage.

Well, originally this topic was going to be just one or two episodes at the most, but here we are, it's part four.

Well, these episodes that we're doing are all about developing a lifestyle of romance, passion and love all year round.

They're not just about the Valentine's Day itself.

Even though Valentine's Day is a great day to celebrate love and it even helps us to refocus our love many times it doesn't continue through the rest of the year or it ends up being just a one night stand.

You don't want that.

No.

To us being married and loving it is all about having a lifestyle of romance and love and passion.

It's creating a love habit, honeydews that will help fan the flames of love in your marriage.

These are the fun honeydews.

And our foundation scripture for this series has been Ecclesiastes 9 and 10 which says to enjoy life with your spouse whom you love all the days of your life.

And verse 10 says whatever you put your hand to, do it says, do it with all your might.

So what we're getting from these scriptures is we should be enjoying our marriage, enjoying our life, and that our marriage should be spontaneous, refreshing, exhilarating.

You know, it doesn't say anything in that scripture about being boring or enduring or just being like roommates.

In other words, what we gather from the scripture is enjoying loving your spouse daily on purpose.

That's right.

It's intentional.

Has to be intentional, right?

A habit.

In the previous episodes, we shared a lot of good tips and thought processes to help us create a married and love it lifestyle.

So in episode 17, we started on some eight keys.

Number one key was to continue to capture your spouse's heart.

Number two was to create a lifestyle with your words and your body language.

And we'll get to number three here shortly.

But before we do that, I want to talk about something we know.

Some of you may be saying that my spouse isn't really into Valentine's Day.

They aren't into romance.

Matter of fact, our relationship is like a roommate.

There is no romance.

Or you may be even thinking, my spouse is not Valentine's Day material.

In other words, your relationship with them is.

I don't want them as my Valentine.

Whatever you're dealing with, you can be hurting.

You've gotten a hard heart.

But I'll let you know, God wants to work in your marriage and heal your heart and help you be able to love and to be loved the way you want to be.

So we're going to see through the rest of the steps and in especially number eight, how God can help with this and how you can help get your marriage where you want it to be to where you're able to enjoy Valentine's Day year round.

Yeah.

Let me encourage that.

If you haven't listened to the previous episodes, we highly recommend that you go back and listen to them.

So, Greg, let's get into the rest of the keys.

Okay.

Number three is with gifts, Linda.

Yep.

With gifts that think of something that's meaningful to your spouse by be listening, you know, stay.

It's intentional.

See, on purpose, you're listening.

They might say how much they love this particular what, a fishing gear or fishing hook or maybe a certain duct tape that they love, or maybe with the women, a certain candle or maybe a certain food that she just loves.

And you come home and just have that little surprise for her.

Something that might relate to their hobby or a special interest that they have, you know, with gifts or a piece of jewelry that they love, you know, and have maybe mentioned Some earrings or a bracelet or something of that sort.

It doesn't have to be expensive though.

It even can be home crafted.

It could be anything like that.

I mean, it's the thought that counts, right?

We all hear about that.

But it truly is.

It's the thought more than the gift.

And just the fact that you're thinking about them and you want to let them know in a little way that you had been thinking about them and that you took the time and you took the effort to make that note, make that little, you know, card they put the sticky note.

Just that you took the time.

Yeah.

Because they people you interrupted your day to think about them and express that to them.

Like if you're out shopping, you can just pick something up.

You heard like Linda said, you heard them mention at one point and you go out of your way even to find it in the store.

Maybe it's a little pack of certain type of donuts they like or a little.

The white powdered donut.

Yes, Linda likes white powdered donuts.

Or maybe it's a certain.

Have a candle.

You go out of your way.

I remember before I would be shopping and I'd be on one side of the store and I say, oh, Linda likes this one type of candle that's going to be over there.

And I go, all right, I'm going to go get it.

And I'd bring it home and she would just be ecstatic because I took that time.

All right, let's move on to the next area is surprises.

Who doesn't like surprises?

Just about everybody does surprise me.

Be it's a nice dinner out, nice restaurant that you don't usually go to.

Or if you're used to just going to IHOP and you take her to a fancy breakfast place or him.

It could be planning a trip together.

It could be a surprise trip where you say pack your bags, we're leaving in two weeks or whatever it is.

And you take care of all the details, all the arrangements.

Yeah, and.

But I want to come back because we kind of started off with that one.

But you don't.

If you can't afford those things, don't worry about it.

Those.

That time will come.

So everything doesn't have to be expensive.

That's right.

Fixing up your bedroom or one of the bedrooms in your house.

I remember in our house we were in, in Fort Worth, Texas, we had a big fold out bed.

That's a couch with a fold out bed.

And one time, I think it was Valentine's Day or maybe it was Just because I folded that out, made the bed on it.

We had a nice fire going.

I hung out some lights all around the.

The room, put some other romantic food in there.

The kids were gone for the night and we had a nice romantic evening in our living room, actually in the bed.

Watch the show.

And we won't go any further with that.

But you just.

Sometimes it's fun to set an atmosphere.

Yeah.

Prepare a bubble bath for your spouse.

Sexy lingerie or sexy something that you know your spouse likes to see you in.

T shirt.

T shirt or something.

Either way.

Cooking a favorite dinner, favorite meal for your spouse.

Play love songs when you're driving in the car or you're.

Or you're making love or out together.

Maybe find some songs from when you guys were dating.

Linda and I listened to a lot of 70s songs because that's when we were dating.

An unexpected date night that you, you plan for your spouse and you take care of the reservations or you pick out the movie, you pick out where you're going to eat or whatever it is, or what mall you're going to go walk around.

It's a surprise.

So anyway, the list can go on and on.

Things that are out of the ordinary, that don't happen all the time.

I mean, the first time you give your spouse a sticky note or you buy them a card just because to say I love you, they may fall over.

But once you begin a lifestyle.

Okay, what do you want?

You gotta pick up your game a little bit more, right?

Okay, Linda, go ahead.

Spending time together, that would be number five.

Could be like taking a walk or just sitting down and spending time together.

You know, sitting and getting your feet rubbed.

Or, you know, maybe just watching a show together or going out shopping together.

Anything that you can just do together that you all like, just the two of you talking and sharing and just enjoying all of that.

And it could be a common interest that you both have.

Maybe you guys like to, you know, I know a lot of couples, they like to go shooting together, you know, and they make that a date is to go shooting together.

And some of them like to do archery.

Go do the archery together.

We'll do something like that.

That maybe that's not something you do on a regular basis.

Or maybe it's a book or a devotional that you want to read together or do a Bible study that you would enjoy.

A couple's Bible study that you do together and do it in the morning.

Or if you don't have time in the morning because everybody's going about their day, maybe right before you go to bed at night.

So another thing would be like serving one another.

It could be breakfast in bed.

Or, you know, Greg fixed me breaks.

He just about every morning will fix me breakfast.

He knows what I like and.

Or he'll ask me what would I like for that day.

And if he's not having to hurry off, he'll fix me breakfast and that's special.

Or he'll make me a cup of coffee.

If I'm having my prime time or my prayer time, he'll fix me a cup of coffee and bring it to me in the morning.

Or, you know, maybe the laundry needs to be done and it's not normally your responsibility to do the laundry, but you realize, up, I heard the dryer go off, I'm going to pull out the clothes that need to be hung up so they don't get all wrinkled.

And you work on getting those clothes and pull out the other clothes, make sure they're dry, and bring the clean laundry back to where they can all be put away.

Things like that.

You know, I remember, like, here's a little like a honeydew project, maybe been on the list for a bit.

That would be a neat thing to do and surprise them and get that done.

There was this couple we knew, she had to go off for Christmas holidays and she loves, loves Christmas decorating, but she wasn't going to be able to do it at the house.

And he normally didn't get too involved.

Well, he had the thought, while she's gone, I'm gonna pull out the Christmas decorations and I'm gonna do the decorating inside the house and a little bit outside, too.

And he surprised her when she got home.

I thought that was the coolest thing that he would do that.

Just looking for ways that you can make your spouse's life easier.

What can you do?

Like, Greg will normally pack a snack bag in the mornings when he gets ready to head out.

And so I'll just try to get in there and fix up what he normally likes in his snack bag, stuff like that.

Also, if you get home before your spouse and you know the dinner is needing to be prepared, well, don't wait around.

If you're okay in the kitchen and your spouse is okay with that, go ahead and get started with dinner.

Act them random acts of kindness.

Really?

Yeah.

That's what it's all about.

Comes back to keeping your eyes and ears open to see how you can serve your spouse.

Little.

Like Linda just said, acts of kindness.

You may have to go out of your way.

Maybe a spontaneous act of kindness.

Putting gas in your spouse's car.

Lots of different things.

Oh, yeah, that's a biggie.

But getting your car, Getting the car washed.

Yeah, for me, you do that.

You're great about doing that and I appreciate it.

So let's move on to key seven.

Yeah.

All right.

Physical touch.

When we kind of talked about that a little bit in the body language, but this is non sexual physical touch.

As.

As well as making love, but just sitting on the couch together, you know, and close to each other.

Not one person on one side of the couch and one way on the other side of the couch, but sitting together, eating a bowl of popcorn, whatever it might be.

You always have to sit next together.

But if you normally.

I know people have their spot.

The men have their chair, the ladies may have their favorite spot.

But every so often be on purpose and sit together.

Yeah, yeah.

Then it's almost like, oh, I'm getting a little close here.

Yes.

Yeah.

And also making time for love.

Put it on your calendar.

I know that sounds dorky.

Put making love on your calendar.

Yeah.

But you know what?

Life just gets away with us and we don't make time for that.

So that comes back kind of to making your marriage your number one priority.

Yes.

Yeah.

And.

And putting it on your calendar.

Yeah.

Making it important as we talk.

Making love has lots of good benefits to it.

Yes, it does.

If there happens to be any underlying issues with your lovemaking, well, take the time to talk about it with each other and work on those underlying issues.

That's important.

Yeah.

Any of these issues or any of these topics we're talking about today.

Share what your desires and dislikes are.

And like Linda said, and especially in your intimacy, your physical intimacy, making love, you need to talk about those.

Yeah.

That is key to having a lifestyle of love and romance and passion.

Yes.

So.

And you know what?

Talk with your eyes.

And we did talk a little bit about this in the body language.

Just looking up and talking to each other with your eyes.

A glance that's saying I love you or interested in spending some time with you.

Be flirtatious.

I'm about ready to turn off these microphones because Linda's looking at me while.

Saying that the horny comments that are hitting comment.

No comment.

A soft, flirtatious smile.

Yeah.

You know, that can be read.

Don't do that while we're recording.

Okay.

So what else, dear?

What is key 8?

This is probably the most important one that ties all these together.

Yes.

It's put on love.

The number one key to being a Prince Charming or a Cinderella is to put on love.

You know, there's a song that we all are familiar with, it's an older song, it says, you're still the one.

But you know what?

In this part of life, in our marriages, it's not.

They're still the one, which we want that for commitment, that we love them.

But the key is for you or me to be the one.

In other words, we need to love, but we need to make sure we're being lovable.

You see, if we're not a lovable person and acting nice and being kind, it's hard for people to put a sticky note out to want to make love, to want to, to, to communicate and do all these things.

And if they love you, they're going to push through.

But wouldn't you rather have people loving on you with love and romance and all those things because they want to and because they're not doing it, because they have to, forcing themselves because they know they need to do this?

Yeah, there's going to be times we all do it because we're tired or whatever, but the bottom line is to be lovable.

Colossians 3:12, 15 says this put on.

Think of that, what that means.

Put on.

That means it's a decision.

When it's cold outside, like this morning, it was 19 degrees here in Raleigh.

You know what I did?

I put on a coat, a heavy coat.

Why?

Because it was cold.

I made a decision.

So you need to put on love.

Put on a heart of compassion, of kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Oh boy.

Patience.

Bearing with one another and forgiving each other.

There's another key to romance and love and passion.

And whoever has a complaint against anyone that just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

Don't hold on to grudges and unforgiveness.

Linda and I have found that it's a lot more fun to kiss, hug and touch and make up than to hold a grudge.

But then it says, after all these things and beyond these things, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.

So be lovable.

Be the one that your spouse is excited to have romance with, to love with, to have passion with, to raise your kids with, to go on a journey into a little bit of an adventure and to make Valentine's Day a year long event in your life.

So I love to do the, I call it the love confession that I wrote up for myself.

You can apply this anyway.

You can add Other people's names in there.

But I'm just going to read it to you the way that I do because I need to confess over myself that I am right here.

Yeah, I'm going to read it to you.

It's First Corinthians 13, verses 4 through 8.

God is love, and the love of God is in me.

Therefore I endure long.

And I am patient and kind.

I am never envious or jealous.

I am not boastful or proud.

I am never haughty, selfish or rude.

I am never irritable or touchy.

I am never resentful.

I don't hold grudges.

And I hardly even notice when others announce to save.

My spouse may do wrong.

I expect and believe the best of every person.

And I would put in there my spouse and I will defend them no matter what anyone else may say.

The love of God in me never fails.

Therefore I never fail.

Love is my greatest aim.

That's awesome.

That is super good confession.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

And one last scripture here, Philippians 2, 2, 4, says, do nothing from selfishness.

Selfishness.

We don't want to be selfish or empty conceit.

But with humility of mind, let each of you regard one another as more important than himself.

Do not merely look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interest of others, your spouse.

So look out for the interest of your spouse.

It's a decision.

Yeah.

You put on love.

Do these eight keys because your marriage and your spouse need them.

Now the rest of the story on the pool story had a pool set up in our bedroom.

Nice romantic time.

You have to listen to episode 15 to find out all that.

But bottom line is Linda and I are in this hot tub I made in our bedroom.

Sitting in there watching a show.

It was pouring down, raining.

The kids were in the other end of the house doing things, and the door knocked.

My son was scared.

He ended up coming in.

I'm not going to tell you more on that.

You have to listen to the thing.

Bottom line is, he ended up in the tub.

I was in the bed.

He slept in our room.

So things went different.

And then the next day, I put the pool out back so it was in the backyard and the kids played in it.

That night I took the kids off to somewhere else, I believe.

I can't remember all the details, but I left with the kids, came back home, got in the garage, shut the door, and on the the door there was a big old note.

And Linda put a note on there.

It said, meet me in the backyard.

Believe me, it did not take long for me to get to the backyard.

We have a nice private backyard.

And anyway, that's the rest of the story.

So use your imagination.

Use your imagination.

Maybe don't use your imagination, but whatever.

But at the.

Listen to the whole story.

But that's the rest of the story there.

Yes.

Well, in closing, commit to each other and yourself to bring the romance and freshness of love back into your marriage.

And commit to it being all year round, not just a one day event, not just a one night event.

Also, don't wait for the other person to do it.

You take the initiative because you know what?

It might never happen.

Be realistic.

Yes, we know that there's children.

Yes, we know that there's other responsibilities.

And every day is not always going to be a firework, but it's a good goal to have, you know, be thinking about it.

Stop that treadmill of life and do something together.

Nix the boring and do something special.

Get the spice back in your life.

Commit to making your spouse feel and know that you see them as being valuable.

Let your words and actions show that they're number one after God.

All year long, on a daily basis, let's have a little romantic public reading of the scripture out of Song of Solomon.

Greg's going to be speaking for the husband, and I'm going to be speaking for the wife.

This is going to be fun.

All right, here's what it says.

Yes.

You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride.

You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes.

With a single strand of your necklace.

How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride.

How much better is your love than wine and the fragrance of your oils, than all kinds of spices.

Your lips, my bride, drip honey.

Honey and milk are under your tongue.

That's pretty nice.

Yeah.

Makes me want to go out and get some necklaces.

And so he didn't focus long on the necklace.

His mouth is full of sweetness.

She's speaking about her husband.

He is totally desirable.

This is my beloved.

This is my friend.

And how beautiful and how delightful you are, my love, with all your charms.

I am my beloved, and his desire is for me.

Come, my beloved, let us go out into the country.

Let us spend the night in the villages.

Let us ris early and go to the vineyards.

There I will give you my love.

Now, again, these words are from the Bible, the Song of Solomon.

And they're not a Hallmark card, but it's a.

It's a way we can pick up an attitude of speaking to our spouse and just that connection that comes and, and expressing how we love them and what we think about them and their body and that adds, that adds that little bit of spice in there.

And so just read over these and let them sink in.

Well, we're going to close out this series as we do.

We want to leave you with the challenge.

In episode 15, the message that was being sent that is all throughout Valentine's Day is, you are my sweetheart.

You're my object of love.

You are the love of my life.

You're the most important person to me.

You matter more to me than my family or relatives.

You are the number one priority in my life and you're still the one.

Oh, thank you, dear.

You're welcome.

This challenge is the message of Valentine's Day and it should be a daily message that your spouse is receiving from you through your words and your actions.

A few honeydews.

Remember, what can you do?

Think about, ask yourself, what can I do to create a lifestyle of romance and love in my marriage?

And then discuss it with your spouse and see what ideas they might have that they would enjoy.

And then look at the keys that we mentioned and set up a game plan for the next 30 days of what you can do to develop this lifestyle.

And then also refer to key number one.

Look in the transcription, you'll see all that.

Also in the transcript transcription, you can find that love confession.

Oh, that's true.

We were going to put that in there.

So now repeat 1 and 2 every 30 days for.

Huh.

Can you do it a whole year?

That would be a big challenge.

Be a lot of fun.

Yeah.

And then make by then for sure.

It's going to be a lifestyle, I would think, wouldn't you, dear?

Yes.

And now what would you say would be a final honeydew?

The ten second kiss, of course.

Prime the pump for the other 10 second kisses you're gonna do.

Find your honey, grab them, pull them up close to you, say hey Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds and plan a big one on them.

Yep.

And you can even go longer.

Yes.

So thanks again for joining us today and until next time, remember you can be married and love it on purpose.

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And remember with God that you have a future and a hope and you can be married in Lovett on purpose.