EP 16. Valentine's Day is Not a One Night Stand. PT 2 Keys To Making It a Lifestyle of Romance, Passion, and Love

Welcome to the Married in Lovett podcast.

We are Greg and Linda Smith, your.

Hosts from Raleigh, North Carolina.

It is great that you are taking time to invest into your marriage by listening to our weekly podcast.

The goal of our podcast is to provide you with a weekly dose of.

Marriage teaching to help you keep focused on your marriage.

See it as a freshening up of.

Your marriage, preventive maintenance, a marriage tune up or fanning the flames of Roman love and passion.

You could even call it continuing education.

We will be covering everything that has.

To do with your marriage including hot.

Topics like sex, communication, love and much, much more.

Our teachings are based on Christian principles plus over 47 years of marriage to each other and ministry experience.

We want to help you make your marriage great by teaching you how to be married and loving.

It is an honor and privilege to have you join us.

Thank you.

As for joining us today, we're going to continue talking about making Valentine's Day a year round event.

In episode 15 we talked about it not being a one night stand but making it a lifestyle of romance, passion and love.

Well, also we're going to tell you the rest of Greg's pool story at the end of this episode.

Stay tuned.

Oh, you're going to like it.

It's really good.

I can't wait to tell you how it ended out.

And we're glad you're here today because this episodes that we're doing 15, 16 and it looks like maybe a 17 are really, really important and vibrant for your life about making Valentine's Day a year around event.

A lifestyle of romance, passion and love.

Because God wants you excelling in your marriage even greater than what you can imagine.

So if you're out there doing really good, you can do even more.

Yes, it can get better.

If you're out there saying I wish my prince Charming would get back on the white horse.

Well he can.

We believe he can.

We can believe Cinderella can look like Cinderella and have those special slippers and y'all can dance tonight or way and whatever that means to you.

So from the last episode 15 and if you did not hear that one, I strongly encourage you to listen to that one because all three of these episodes are going to tie in together for you to get the whole picture and we're digging deep.

We could have just be giving you five steps to Valentine's Day happiness year round.

But we're going deeper than that because we want this to sink into your to your marriage and be a lifestyle.

And there's two important takeaways that we had from last week, and number one is to excel still more.

And when you use the scripture in First Thessalonians, chapter 4, 9, 10, where Paul was talking to the church there and, and he told them, you know how to love your brothers and your sisters there in, in your church, and you're doing it good.

But he says, I have this word for you, and that is excel still more.

So if you're listening to this and say, oh, we had a good Valentine's Day.

I mean, it was really good.

And we, we do stuff during the year, God is speaking to you, ma'am and sir, Mr.

Prince Charming and Ms.

Cinderella.

Excel still more.

Take your game up to the next level and sell Excel still more.

And then another key word that came out was be spontaneous.

In other words, everything doesn't haven't have to be planned in your marriage.

Take action in the moment.

If you're walking down the hallway and you happen to pass some one each other and you'd kind of look at each other and you get a kiss and all of a sudden the hormones start kicking in and there's no kids around, take advantage of it.

Be spontaneous.

But you're walking down the hallway and, and you think, oh, I need to go put a note on my husband's briefcase before he goes to work.

And you go, oh, I don't have time.

You know what?

Take the time.

Be spontaneous.

How many moments of pleasure, excitement, romance, fulfillment for yourself or the person who's going to receive what you do are robbed because we're too busy and we don't allow ourselves to be spontaneous and have fun?

Now that's why we're talking about the eight keys that we're going to get started on today.

And that's the eight keys to create a Valentine's Day lifestyle.

Those eight keys, when we go over them, can be a great checklist for you to look at and say, hey, here's some different areas that I can work on.

And you know, you know what, you've probably gonna, you've probably heard most of you, everything we're talking about, you've probably heard it before.

But a lot of people, when we do our teachings and say, you know, we already knew to do a lot of the things you're talking about, but we just forgot about them.

So let this be a reminder to stir you up on how to love your wife, your husband all year round with that Valentine's type of love in romance and passion.

Let me ask you a question.

Is your marriage boring or dull?

Is the excitement level on the lower side of the scale.

Do you have times where you're feeling like a roommate?

And that's one of the biggest things we hear.

Is it just kind of bland?

Is it just plain lacking romance?

Then maybe it's time you need to spice it up so you can kind of look at the eight keys.

We're going to be giving you a spice to your marriage.

And I want to tie that into food.

You know, I'm not a cook.

I get in the kitchen, I cook eggs, turkey burger patties.

Used to be hamburger patties and grilled chicken.

I don't hardly put anything on them.

Linda gets in the kitchen, she shakes this stuff on there.

She'll stake.

Shake this stuff on it and some stuff.

And I go to eat it, and it burns my mouth.

But it's called spices and seasonings, and it's just.

Just like eating that food.

Maybe some of us need to add some spices to our marriage, because when you start, you can eat food.

Like you go to a fine restaurant, you go in there and eat, and it's like, you take a bite, everything's tender, the food flavors, you just like.

If you ever listen to Restaurant Impossible before, I've heard Chef.

What is his name?

I can't think of his name now.

Robert.

Chef Robert.

He'll go in there and he'll have him cook a.

A meal, and he'll put a dash of this and a pinch of that and this and that.

And then they bite into it and they go, oh, oh, that flavor comes out here.

And then as soon as, about three seconds later, this flavor comes out.

Oh, and this one right here just brings it all together.

Well, that's what God wants to have in our, our marriages.

He wants us to spice it up.

He wants us to.

To add some spices to it.

And you may be going, I don't know about doing that.

Well, we're not talking about wild stuff.

It could be, but you need to, as we talk about these eight steps, begin to add some spice to your relationship.

You know, a lot of times Linda will make a taco salad or we go to the Mexican restaurant.

Just the other day, she made a taco salad, and she had mild salsa and medium salsa.

I'm not a hot.

I'm not a hot type person for food.

I just don't want, like, hot, spicy food.

Jason, our son, comes over and he'll get Texas Pete, and he puts that stuff on everything.

That's not for me.

But the other day we had the taco salad, and I said, you know what?

I'll put some of this mild on it.

That's my comfort zone of spicy.

And you know what?

I said, you know what?

I'm going to try a little bit of the.

The medium.

This is a big step for me.

I'm going to mix it together.

So what I did is I went got the spoon and put a couple of spoonfuls of that sauce in my taco salad.

And you know what?

It wasn't bad.

I felt a little bit of the spice.

But I said, you know what?

I think I could handle that.

Maybe not the whole thing yet, but I, I stepped out of that comfort zone with it.

And that's what I want to challenge you to do is we talk about these different things in the eight.

Eight keys.

Almost going to call them eight spices of romance in.

In Valentine's Day, that when we share some of these things and I got a scripture I'm going to show in a minute.

You may think, no way.

I am not putting spicy or my.

Or medium salsa on my salad.

I that's out of my league.

I wasn't raised that way.

That's not nice.

People don't do those things.

Whatever your hang up might be in those areas or hindrances.

But sometimes you got to experiment with spices.

You know, sometimes a good cook, a good.

They'll have a somebody in there, especially on these shows, and they'll go, here, let me put this on here, taste it.

And they'll go, no, no, add a little bit more.

No, start over.

And that's what we got to do in our marriages with this.

They'll say, oh, wow, I really like that.

Yeah, I've never tried that before.

Never tried it.

I never thought about that recipe.

Yeah.

And to cook it like that.

And that's where we are in our marriages as especially when if you go from first newlyweds through the years, you want to be where you're experimenting with things, you're trying new things, you're coming out of your comfort zone, you're coming out of your routines, you're coming out of your ruts like you've all.

If you've always made love on the bed, same side, same position, that can get a little bland after a while.

Maybe you need to take the covers off, turn the lights on.

Turn the lights off.

Change position, Change to the other side.

The bed.

Get off the bed, get on the floor, get on the couch.

Go to a different room.

Go to a different room.

Yes, you really spice it up.

If you got a private backyard, go in the backyard, see there's different levels of spices and not everybody's, not every like me.

I would not go from mild salsa to Texas Pete, no way.

But maybe after another 20 years, I might be willing to slowly get that way.

So when we're talking about seasonings, you try a little, take it off.

But the whole, the whole goal is not to stay in the same place you're at now.

Making Valentine's Day, year round event, getting into a lifestyle of romance, passion and love, when we're just not talking about sex, we're talking about the other ways of communicating your love, which we're going to get into.

It might be a sticky note.

Maybe you've never written a sticky note, or maybe you've written a sticky note and it's always just say, I love you.

Have a good day.

That's good.

Maybe you could write a sticky note that says, you looked really good today when you were in there shaving.

You had your shirt off and you're shaving.

I can't wait for you to get home.

The kids are going to be at practice tonight.

We don't have to be there.

Hurry home.

See, that's part of adding some spice.

Maybe you've never done that.

You go, I don't know if I could do.

Yes, you could do it because you're going to have fun.

So that's part of, step out there spicing even.

Today Linda was cooked something and sometimes you'll put a little too much of the special pepper in there.

And I, we ate it and she said, I got everything a little bit in there.

And then, and then I started eating.

I said, I think you got a little more of that pepper in there today.

And I could taste it.

And she goes, well, maybe some of it spilt over the side of the spoon a little bit, something like that.

And I go, yeah, I think it did.

But you know what I noticed the longer I ate it and I actually put a little cheese in this meal, it blended in and I really didn't notice it anymore.

So when you step out of your comfort zone, things can change it.

I liked it.

Yeah.

Not much more than what was that accidentally spilt out, Right?

I think she just snuck it in there maybe.

But you, you, you've got to try little things because it's so easy after being married, you got your kids, you just get in the ruts.

You cook the same thing every day, especially if you're on a diet or I'm like that.

I, I get used to the same thing.

But you got it not me, I got variety.

I'm going to read this scripture to you.

That's a good way of spicing things up.

It's actually out of Proverbs.

It's Proverbs, what was it again?

7, 715 through 18.

And it's actually written telling a young man not to go to this prostitute prostitutes house.

But I've read stuff and research and stuff where there's some of these professional madams as they have, say we could teach wives how to treat their husband and to love their husbands and make it more fun and exciting.

And they'll say if they would just do these simple things, their husbands would never go off doing anything and their lives would be more exciting.

But so I'm just using this example.

But we're not, we're not going to look at it as a.

That type of prostitute thing.

We're going to look at it just as a way to add a little spice.

And it says right here, the lady is saying therefore to the, to the guy, this could be somebody to their husband or to their wife says, therefore I have come out to meet you, to seek your present presence earnestly and I have found you.

You're coming home from work and your husband or wife is standing at the door and they go, I have come out to meet you and I'm seeking you earnestly and I have found you.

Would that shock you?

Would you be surprised if they came out now?

They don't, they shouldn't be coming out.

The wife has the honeydew list there.

Or the wife comes home and the husband got home early that day and he's going, where have you been?

Did you have to work late?

Dinner's not cooked and the house is a mess.

No, it's.

Maybe he's.

The wife's coming home and he's sitting there and he's got a different uniform on.

Or he's got his.

Her favorite clothes that she likes for him to wear around the house and says, come on in, I've been waiting for you.

I've been anticipating you coming home.

And I've actually got dinner cooked for you.

How would that be for a homecoming?

And then it says, I have spread my couch with coverings with colored limp linens of Egypt.

Now today we may not be saying that I have sprinkled my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.

Come, let us drink our fill of love until morning.

Let us delight ourselves with caresses.

See, that's adding some spice.

It was pre planned.

The room was decorated.

When was the last Time you ever decorated your bedroom.

Or does it look like a laundry?

Or does it look like a laundry?

Have you ever turned off the lights and just had candles, light flickering in the.

In the light.

Also red light bulbs.

They do wonders, women, the hide the celloite.

Yeah, yeah.

I remember one time we.

We spoke at a conference and we talked about having red light bulbs in your lamps because it's just a good light.

It hides things, but you can still see.

And it's just romantic.

And we happen to go into later that night or the next day a place where we go and we were talking to the guy, we were actually maybe looking for a red light bulb.

And he goes, you know what?

We had a bunch of people coming in here last night looking for red light bulbs.

But spruce things up.

Yeah, that might get you out of your comfort zone.

You got to get creative in that.

We'll talk about that again in another one of the spices.

But I'm just using this right here to get you stirred up.

I've come out to earnestly meet you.

And there was a look and sound of anticipation.

Then it was saying, what are you going to do when you write a little sticky note, you can say what you're going to do or what you want them to do.

What's your evening going to be planned like or where you're going to go for a date or whatever.

And again, dressed in a certain way.

There's old joke, years ago, when we first got going and we first got married back in the 70s, the big thing was the woman coming the door wrapped in Saran Wrap.

Right.

Could you imagine doing that?

But that was one of the things.

But have the type of outfit.

Sometimes men of the.

The men, the wives want us wear boxers or a certain type of shirt or shorts or something.

Or the ladies dressed a certain way or maybe the men's shirt on or just maybe.

Well, you can take.

Use your imagination.

But get creative.

Get creative.

But you got to get creative.

Other words, spice it up.

If you're not ready for something like that, you start lower.

And again, it's not just in the sexual realm.

It's all these other areas we're going to talk about.

So here's some questions for you real quick.

Are you seeking your spouse earnestly?

Are you in hot pursuit?

And that's not just trying, not just for him or her to help you to take care of things, but for adventure, for fun, for companionship or love.

Are you seeking them earnestly where you're going to leave little signs that you're seeking them, that you want to spend time with them, that you enjoy being with them.

Not just doing chores or doing housework, everybody going off to work, but in your other times.

Now here's a question get you thinking.

Do you even want to do that?

Ask yourself, do you really want to do this?

And ask yourself, why not?

And begin to seek about how you can change.

Are you lovable?

In other words?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you lovable?

Are you desirable?

Are you something for them to come home to?

Think about that.

Why not?

Are you rejecting your spouse's advances?

If your spouse did something like this, would you reject them?

Or if they started doing more creative spicy things like love notes or setting up date nights or whatever it is, would you reject them because you're scared?

Maybe you've got past wounds or something?

Why would you do that?

Why would you reject them?

Reaching out to you.

And the last one.

Are you willing to be spontaneous in response?

Are you willing to be spontaneous when they do reach out to you?

If you came home and your spouse said, I'm glad you're home.

I've been waiting to see you.

Come on in.

I've got this plan.

We're going to do this.

Would you go, no, I don't want to do that.

Oh, I don't have time.

I got to watch a TV show a little bit later.

Or we got to get up early in the morning.

Would you be a fuddy duddy?

Would you be that bland meal?

So think about it.

How can you be spicy?

How can you spice things up?

So find your level of spicy spiciness like I talked about.

Are you mild?

Are you medium?

Medium?

Are you hot?

Are you Texas Pete?

So find your level.

Come out of your comfort zone.

Start small.

Start with a plain sticky note.

If you've never done a sticky note before and be flirtatious, you become flirtatious in these areas.

Now we're gonna stop here and save the eight keys to next time we meet.

That's your honey do list.

It's what Greg just spoke of.

Those different things on asking yourself that.

So do a self evaluation until we get together again for episode 17.

And but at the same time, remember the other episodes that we closed with your honeydew was the ten second kiss.

So explain again, dear, what the ten second kiss is.

The ten second kiss is where your in the morning, or maybe when you're coming home or both is the ideal thing.

Find your spouse, grab them, bring them up to you and say, hey, Siri.

Or whatever time you have set it for 10 seconds and just give them a good old wet kiss and enjoy and remember this.

First of all, thanks again for joining us today and but remember, you can be married and Love it on purpose.

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And remember with God that you have a future and a hope and you can be married and Lovett on purpose.