EP 12. THE KISS - THE POWER OF KISSING ON PURPOSE AND HOW IT IMPACTS YOUR MARRIAGE

Welcome to the Married and Love it podcast.

We are Greg and Linda Smith, your host from Raleigh, North Carolina.

It is great that you are taking time to invest into your marriage by listening to our weekly podcast.

The goal of our podcast is to provide you with a weekly dose of marriage teaching to help you keep focused on your marriage.

See it as a freshening up of your marriage, preventive maintenance, a marriage tune up, or fanning the flames of romance, love and passion.

You could each call it continuing education.

We will be covering everything that has to do with your marriage, including hot topics like sex, communication, love, and much, much more.

Our teachings are based on Christian principles plus over 47 years of marriage to each other and ministry experience.

We want to help you make your marriage great by teaching you how to be married and loving.

It is an honor and privilege to to have you join us.

Some reasons that kissing is important to your marriage.

The kiss.

The kiss.

Oh, this is gonna be a good one.

It's gonna be fun and it's gonna be serious.

Because kissing plays a bigger role in our marriages than what we probably think about it.

And so today we're gonna get into that.

But first, I want to start off of a situation that happened at church this past week or two.

And Lynn and I were in the foyer and one of our friends walked up and we started talking.

And then all of a sudden, here she comes, my sweetie.

He may have said queen too, but it was definitely sweetie.

And his face got bright and he kind of like motioned for her to come on into our conversation.

And as she came up, he put his arm around her and pulled him, pulled her close and he planted a nice little peck on her forehead or face somewhere.

It wasn't a regular kiss, but and just said, my sweetie's here.

And he was grinning.

And it was just a very warm, affectionate encounter that we had with them.

There was some passion in there.

There was excitement coming in.

Do you remember that, Linda?

I do.

It was just real sweet.

And.

Yeah.

And that's what we want to get into on this kiss.

Because you know what?

Our relationships need to be playful.

We need to have connections going on.

There needs to be a freshness and a passion.

We need to be spontaneous.

I mean, they were.

That was a spontaneous encounter when she walked up.

And just recently they had put on their Facebook thing a little video of them in the kitchen cooking, I guess.

And then they had some music come on.

And she was kind of dancing around, and I'm thinking, is that them?

And it was really.

She was not aware that he was doing that, I found out later, and he might have been in the doghouse.

But it was really neat.

It was passionate, it was sweet, it was.

It was spontaneous, it was flirtatious.

And that's what God wants in our marriages.

And you know, where a lot of that starts, there's a lot of things that contribute to that.

But it comes even down to our kissing, which we're going to go into detail today.

Now I'm going to add another little bit to this story.

The couple I'm talking about have been married 50 years.

That's right, 50 years.

He's still passionate.

He's still the one.

She's still the one.

Still the one.

They're passionate.

You can see the love.

And their track record.

Is there.

Where are you at in your marriage today?

Is there passion?

Are we.

Are me and Linda spontaneous?

Are we doing the things we need to do?

And that's why we're going to take a little bit of time to talk about the kiss, because the kiss is more powerful than what you think it is.

I mean, I learned a lot when we were doing this study and everything.

That's very interesting.

Kiss all the time.

Well, I mean, it affects areas of our.

Our relationships.

And it's even put more of a challenge to me to be thinking about the kiss.

And it's not just to get hot and horny, to hop in bed.

There's a lot more to it than that.

But before we do that, I just want to encourage you to, whether it's the first time you've listened to this podcast or maybe you've listened to a few episodes, for you to see our podcast as a preventive maintenance process, it's continuing in education because we know not everybody has bad marriages or poor marriages.

You can have a good marriage or one that's just kind of getting there.

It's kind of mediocre.

But see this as continuing education.

All you got to do is once a week, put us on subscribe for our podcast and listen for 30 minutes a week while you're driving, washing clothes, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, laying out by the pool, depending on when you listen to this so you can get some continuing education to get you see what happens.

You may not even be thinking about your marriage, but all of a sudden you hear us talking and it goes, oh, I need to do that, or that remind, or what we're saying reminds you of something else to work on on your marriage.

And then number two, as I encourage you to say, hey, hey, honey, or hey, dear, Whatever you call your spouse, say, why don't you try listening to this podcast?

If you'll listen to it, maybe we can sit down and have a discussion.

Or even listen to it together.

Listen to it together.

Is your.

If you're driving somewhere that length of time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So do that.

So anyway, continuing education and invite your spouse to get involved with what you're listening to so you both can be the best you can be.

Well, let's go down memory lane.

Hey, do you remember, dear?

Our first kiss?

The first kiss.

Now, you say it one way and I remember it a different way, but I'm going to let you.

I think I like my way.

Well, I like my way, too.

Okay.

Okay.

But, you know, the first kiss.

You know, think about your first kiss as we're talking about this.

But I remember Linda and I had been meeting at the Rated G discotheque.

It's for people under 21.

And we met there.

And that's another story.

But we would after.

In between dances or after we dance for a while.

While I would just kind of shake and she would dance.

But we'd go outside walking.

And this is in Orlando.

We'd go across the street where there was a restaurant called Ronnie's, and we'd go walking back and forth, and we would hold hands and different things.

And then at the three or four times of us doing that, maybe I even went out and picked her up one time and Winter Garden brought her back.

But we went out to my car in the parking lot and we sat in because she wanted to see my car was a orange Pontiac Le Mans.

And she called it the Pumpkin Wasn't.

Real macho sound.

Yeah.

Because I thought of you as my Prince Charming.

That's true.

And I was Cinderella.

That's right.

But I didn't.

At midnight, I didn't, you know.

No, she didn't turn into a.

No, I didn't turn into a pumpkin.

No, no, no.

Yeah.

But yes.

So that was the car, and we started to kiss.

And at the same time we had that kiss, I had the radio on and the song Stairway to Heaven came on.

Now, that's a long song.

It's about six or seven minutes long.

We actually kissed the whole time of that song.

But what really got me is that was a sign that Linda was from God for me, because the song said Stairway to He.

So what more could a guy ask for?

Is she the one?

So that was our first kiss.

So that was our first kiss.

That's it.

So now.

So let y'all think about when do you remember when your first kiss was?

Think about that.

Yeah, that's something.

Sometimes I hear people get asked and they can't remember that first kiss.

They're like, but hopefully it is.

So my question is today, do you have kisses that you think about 30 minutes later, an hour later, all day long?

Maybe you had a kiss in the morning, maybe it's from the night before, you saw each other for lunch and you just go, that is just that special kiss and it just, it just lingers in you all and it makes you want another kiss.

Well, you see what happens are kissing can have ripple effects.

I talked about this on episode six, about the ten second kiss.

If you walk out the door in the morning to go to work, maybe you're both going to work or one of you, whatever, and you, you're upset, you're busy or just busy in a hurry and you rush out the door, say, hey babe, see you later, what's for dinner?

Pick up the kids, whatever you do.

And you go to work, you're rushed, maybe you were mad or upset.

What type of attitude do you carry into the office?

Because you're going to carry it with you.

You mean if you have had that special kiss?

If you haven't.

Oh, if you haven't.

Okay, gotcha.

If you haven't had that kiss.

But what if you take that time to do the ten second kiss?

Gotcha.

Instead of arguing or hurrying, you'd make a priority and you get a good kiss and then you walk out with a little skip in your walk, so to speak.

You got a smile on your face.

Yeah.

And it's.

And then you get to the office.

It sets the environment for your whole day.

The environment.

It can set the environment.

And then when it's a lifestyle, it becomes a habit and it impacts you even more.

Now what we want to look at is next is we're going to look at a little bit, go back in history a little bit during your dating days.

There's three things that we did when we were dating to, to develop our relationship.

Do you remember when you first started dating?

Before the first kiss, what did the guy or somebody do?

They reach over and held your hand.

And there was a fear of rejection that could even come up on that.

And it could be either way, that sometimes the girl might slip her hand over toward him.

But mostly the guy reaches over, she's anticipating the fact that he might grab her hand and hold it and he's.

Trying to get bold enough.

Then the next thing is the old, put the Arm around the shoulders.

If you're sitting on the couch or at the movie theater, you kind of yawn.

Oh.

And you reach around and you pull them in and at that point that the other person could resist or they just cuddle up a little closer or they grab your hand.

And that shows those two actions right there show that I like you.

It shows attraction.

I care.

You're mine.

I've got you.

But then as that relationship develops, what happens?

You see it in a Hallmark movie.

There's the kiss.

The kiss happens.

The kiss implies that you're giving more of yourself.

It shows a deeper commitment is forming.

Maybe it's not I love you yet, but I'm really liking you.

There's a seriousness coming because you made that.

There's something about giving yourself with your mouth and kissing and, and, and such that just signifies a stronger connecting it.

And eventually it's going to come out and say, I love you now.

Then in the natural course, once you get married, all that leads up to making love.

So it's like all of those other things become a form of foreplay to even help prepare you.

Because when you make love, that's the total commitment of your life and being to that person that you love and such.

Now, what happens in a lot of marriages is we get busy, other marital issues come in.

Maybe there's resentment, anger, frustrations, the garbage did getting take out, the clothes are still on the floor, the kids are upset, and what begins to slip.

Think about this in your relationship, in the holding, in the holding of the hands or putting your arms around each other and getting a kiss, what begins to happen, that begins to go on the back burner.

And then what happens?

All of a sudden somebody's wanting to make love and none of that other stuff has been happening on a regular basis.

There's not connections physically going on by holding hands or putting your arm around another or cuddling.

But yet if you're not kissing on a regular basis, that deeper emotional commitment, that giving of yourself that way has not been going on.

And so when you get hop in bed or wherever to make love, a lot of times it can be impacted for what because of not what you're not doing.

And it can become duty sex or vanilla sex or unpassionate sex.

So God's got a whole game plan.

But our topic tonight is not sex.

It's about the kiss.

And what we need to do a lot of times in our marriages is we need to go back to the basics.

We need to do what we began to do.

When we fell in love continue.

What we did in the first time we fell in love is we need to continue to do that.

So if you were holding hands, you were kissing, you were making out, you were cuddling up, we need to go back to that.

So that's our challenge with this.

Part of the challenge is to get us focused on our physical relationship, but with that kiss.

Kissing is probably the most important thing that you can do because of what it offers in your marriage relationship.

That kiss can take two seconds or it can take 10 minutes.

But so much happens when you kiss.

So that's what we're going to talk about for the rest of this podcast.

I think it's going to open your eyes.

Linda Spend gone through a lot of physical things lately.

So a lot of times we sit down in evenings and we.

We're going to watch TV or do something and we used to sit next to each other.

Well, actually, long before all of her surgeries, we could just sit each other, cuddle on the couch and do all that.

But over the last 13 years, she's had to sit.

We sit in two separate recliners.

Or now, because of her back or other situation, she would sit on the couch stretched out, and I would be in another chair and we weren't sitting next to each other.

And one day it dawned on me, I'm not even able to reach you over there.

And it's like, what are we doing?

And I actually got up and we had a new couch we got a couple years ago.

We figured out, oh, I know I can come over there and sit and do this.

And you know what?

What a world of difference.

Yeah, that was pretty nice.

I know.

And it's like.

And my love language or my.

Yeah.

Is physical touch.

So I was missing all that.

That all that whole time.

Me too.

I developed physical touch.

But my point being is all of a sudden the light bulb went off.

I said, why aren't you over there?

Improvise it the other way.

You've got this, you got room over there, Move over there.

And it allowed us to touch, hold hands.

It was easier for me to roll over, just not and just give her a kiss.

But a lot of times in our life we get so busy or we get caught in a routine and it's like that frog in the boiling water.

He doesn't know he's boiling until he's dead.

And we get busy and things to zap us and we go, wait a minute.

And then the marriage relationship suffers.

The marriage relation.

And all it takes is Little bit.

Little bit of adjustments.

Yeah.

So think about, are you doing the things that you need to do to express.

Express your love and commitment to each other and just bring yourself back to reality and do a honest heart check.

You know what?

I could kiss a little bit more.

Maybe I could hug a little bit more.

Maybe I can show more affection.

Maybe I can be more spontaneous.

And we're gonna slow down and not hurry out the door.

Yeah.

So now just to have a little fun, too, as we move on to the importance of kissing.

You know, kissing plays a major role in our lives, but it also, it plays a major role in events.

Let me ask you, we just had New Year's Eve, and what is the first thing people want to do on New Year's Eve?

When the stroke of midnight, what do.

They want to do?

Now some of y'all are already in bed and you don't know what happened.

But what happens?

The New Year's Eve kiss.

Now, I know some people just grab the first thing that comes across their lips, but we're talking about a husband and wife, right?

A New Year's Eve kiss can be romantic.

It's refreshing.

You know what?

It's.

It's a celebration time, and that's when we kiss a lot.

Well, you know what?

As married couples, we ought to have lots of many celebrations throughout the week that we can kiss about victories that you've had as a husband and wife or with your family, at your work, at home.

But then also it's the end of an old year and the beginning of a new year.

So as a couple, you're celebrating the old year and the new year.

But now, every day when you kiss, you can say, hey, the day's a new day.

Let's celebrate our love today, our new day.

And let's seal it with a kiss every day.

Do that.

It's a expressing of togetherness.

And even when you're kissing in the morning, starting your day, it's a flirtatious time.

And we'll may talk about that more.

But you know that kiss, the type of kiss you give, I mean, you can give a humdum kiss.

You can give a nice, warm, welcoming, wet kiss.

Or sometime that kiss can be very seductive.

Flirt a little bit.

Start your day off lots of different ways.

Now I'm getting ahead of myself.

Yep, you are.

Let's go back even a little bit further.

We.

We just got done celebrating Christmas.

Yes.

So what is the tradition of a kiss during the Christmas season?

Yeah, get under the mistletoe.

Right.

Kissing under the mistletoe.

Now, Greg set up a big, huge Christmas display, and part of that display was a kissing booth, so to speak.

Yeah.

Tell me about that kissing booth.

What.

What did all that.

Well, you know, that kiss under the mistletoe is also a time of celebration just to add on to what we're talking about together.

And it's still a time for.

At the holidays for a couple, they take that moment under the mistletoe to express love and commitment.

Yeah.

It's to bring joy and warmth into the season.

But you know what?

We don't have to wait till New Year's and mistletoe time to do that.

That's right.

But, yes, we have this little booth, our mailbox gazebo for our townhouse area.

And I got place people can take a picture of Mickey Mouse.

The little kids do that, and big kids.

But I have mistletoe hanging up there.

And couples will come in and get a mistletoe.

Yeah, I mean, get a kiss under the advertise.

Yeah.

Steal a kiss with your spouse.

And a lot of times I'm taking family pictures, and I say, now there is mistletoe up there.

And they go.

They'll look up kind of sheepishly and.

And they'll grab a kiss, and maybe they're holding their baby, but they'll still get a kiss.

But I remember this one time there was a young couple, and I said, y'all, there's mistletoe up there.

You want to get a picture?

And the husband goes, just a young couple.

The husband goes, nah, nah, I don't want to do that.

And the wife looked at me, and she was very disappointed.

So they walked on our sidewalk and went around the curve to the other units where my displays at.

And about four or five minutes they came later.

And the husband goes, we'll get that kiss under the mistletoe.

Now, I don't know what happened, but I think he had to come to Jesus moment with his spouse and got the.

The Bill of Rights because they got the kiss.

But sometimes people don't want to get a kiss or they're shy or whatever.

That's part of being spontaneous, you know?

But don't worry about what people think if they see you kissing.

Yeah.

You know, it should be natural.

And, you know, we don't have to wait to be under the mistletoe to steal a kiss.

Like, just living our life as a.

As a couple.

We should look for ways when we're at home or maybe when we're out and about, maybe we're grocery shopping.

In an empty aisle and picking out groceries, we'll stop and steal a kiss.

You know, like, here's an example of something Greg and I have always done.

Well, when we're walking down the hallway, if I'm headed to the bedroom and he's headed to the front of the house and we kind of get stuck in the hallway, I'm like, I.

I'll say to him, wait, wait, wait.

It's going to cost you a kiss to get through.

Instead of 25 cents, you got to pay a kiss.

Oh, so a lot.

We've always done that.

I'll give her a tip.

I'll give her two kisses.

For him to get through the hallway and get to where he wants to go, he's got to stop and give me a kiss.

Yeah.

So these are just fun examples to keep the spark going in your life.

Yeah.

And you know, even what was fun doing that mistletoe booth is sometimes I would get a picture or see couples doing their kiss.

And actually like in the movie sometimes where the girls will lift up their.

Kick up their leg, up their back.

Winter their legs and heels, and there would actually be people that would do that.

I mean, it's.

It really.

That is funny.

But you know, I.

I'd even say on Christmas, next Christmas, go on a missile.

I mean, actual mistlet, mistletoe hunt with your spouse.

Scavenger hunt for a missile.

When you go, if you're out shopping, you're at people's houses or church somewhere, look for the mistletoe and get you a kiss.

See how many, you know what, Bring a mistletoe.

There you go.

Take the mistletoe with you.

Look for ways limitize.

Sometimes we'll go shopping and we used to call it going Kroger.

And we'd get hugs.

But grab a kiss.

Be spontaneous.

There's something about it.

Now I think we're to the point.

Oh, we got one more part of this.

Yep.

Before we get into the significance of.

The kiss, but when you got married, what was the first thing they said?

What the.

After they said, Mr.

And Mrs.

Smith, you're.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may.

What?

Yes, your bride.

You may now kiss the bride.

And that showed a commitment.

Love and commitment.

And it symbolizes that that should go on through the rest of our life.

So every time we're kissing, we're replaying that kiss after we said I do.

Because what you say to your spouse when you take time to give them a kiss, you're saying, I love you.

I am Committed to you.

I'm giving myself to you.

It was sealing the vows with a kiss.

It's like some.

In a business relationship, you seal the with a handshake in the covenant that you're giving.

That's right.

So it's kind of confirming the covenant and sealing it with the kiss.

So you could actually kind of say when you kiss during the day, at any time when you're kissing, especially that first time you're doing a daily vow renewal, that I'm committed to you.

That's good.

I'm here for you.

I'm going to back you up like that, serve you.

I'm going to be here, come blank or how high water.

High water.

Whatever you want to call it, I'm here for you when I kiss you.

That's what I'm saying.

So every morning, spoken vow.

Yep, that's right.

So every morning when you get up and every night when you go to bed, kiss me.

And we got a little sign in our bedroom.

It says, kiss, always kiss me good night.

All right.

So that's what we do.

And that's on both sides of the bed?

Yep.

It's on Greg's side and on my side we have identical little bedroom signs.

And it says, kiss, always kiss me good night.

Well, like Greg said in the morning, that's great.

To welcome the day with your spouse that you're going to be together, enjoy the good day together, expresses the love and the affection.

It has an impact on your emotional, physical and physical wellbeing.

Wouldn't you say so, dear?

Yeah.

That works to make.

Bring that environment of excitement and joy already.

It makes you feel good about yourself and your day.

Yes.

And your marriage relationship.

It's going to strengthen your marriage relationship.

But some of the things I mentioned, there's a physical benefit of kissing.

Oh, this is really good right here.

But the physical benefit of kissing that we discovered and they.

This has been medically proven.

Well, excuse me.

The.

The lips have more nerve endings than any other part of our body.

And when we press them against another set of lips, well, then that just ignites those nerve endings.

It makes.

It creates a feel good feeling.

It's a feel good feeling.

That's right.

It feels good when you kiss.

And years ago, I had some permanent makeup done and I had my lips lined with the permanent makeup.

And I had spoke to the.

My artist, my permanent makeup artist, and she had asked me, what do you think of your face?

What do you think would be the most painful part on your face to get permanent makeup?

And I Gave a different examples.

And she said, no, your lips, your lips are the most sensitive.

And she even brought out and confirmed that our lips.

And I'm telling you what.

Yeah, it was a little bit painful.

It.

Well, so I experienced it.

Yeah, right there.

Yeah.

You know, on that point of, of the nerves, you know, the female lips are both male and female lips are very high with the nerves that bring pleasure.

But also in our.

If we get into our sex life with the erroneous zone, especially with the female and her areas of pleasure, which we'll get into that another time.

But that area has over 8,000 nerve endings in it for pleasure.

Wow.

God has designed us as human beings to have pleasure and it doesn't cost us anything.

He's given it to us and he's just saying kiss, just kiss, make love.

It feels good and get the benefits.

Because some of the benefits of kissing can tie in even to when we have sex and make love.

So it's really exciting.

So what happens when we get so busy and distracted, let anger, bitterness, busyness come in.

We are stealing from ourselves of what God wants us to enjoy.

Also, part of the physical benefits of kissing is it stimulates the production of hormones.

Yes.

So are you wanting to get into that right now?

Okay, so what about the love hormone oxytocin?

So when you're kissing, oxytocin, the love hormone, gets released, which releases the feelings of love and strengthens the bond with the partner, with your spouse.

So as you're kissing, you're getting drugged on them.

Yeah, that's right.

You're drugging each other in the love.

So that's why God wants us kissing, because that produces that.

It's not just that first year.

Yeah, you get it when you first get married.

But even when you've been married 50 years, like this couple we were talking about earlier, you still get that feeling.

And another one is happy hormone.

That's it.

That's endorphins.

And that is responsible for the feelings of happiness.

So if you're down and out, well, you know what, find your spouse and give them kiss.

Get them to kiss you.

Yes.

On the lips.

It brings about that feeling of well being and it, and it also operates as a painkiller for the body.

Naturally, those endorphins.

Now I know a lot of people, if you're athletic, you've learned about that.

And when you exercise, how the endorphins are released.

But that's true too, with the kissing, it's responsible for creating feelings of happiness.

Yeah, yeah.

And the Next one is dopamine, which we could call a brain hormone.

And that stimulates the pleasure center of the brain.

It's released when you do something that feels good like kissing and spending time with your spouse.

Then we also have, which this is awesome for women that have trouble sleeping.

You take Sarah, you need serotonin in your bodies, but so do men.

And that's considered the calming hormone.

And it doesn't have to just be when you're sleeping, but it can be throughout the whole day.

If you're anxious and on edge, well, grab your spouse and give them the kiss it creates.

It lowers the, the chemical lowers.

This feel good chemical lowers the cortisol levels that you have in your body.

In women, we know what that means.

Cortisol causes you to gain weight or to keep the weight from coming off.

If you're working on that, it doesn't let you relax.

So kiss and then it's gonna, you're gonna find in your body that's releasing that common hormone.

Also there's.

Linda's gonna get into some more benefits.

But I want to say this before I don't remember it, but just, just a little bit of that we shared right here.

Do you need the brain hormone?

Yes.

But.

But look at how God created us a simple thing as a kiss.

How neat is that?

And all it takes, we'll talk about is the ten second kiss.

But just taking times throughout your day.

And it's not just selfish motives because you may enjoy this, but look at when you go to kiss your spouse.

You go out of your comfort zone.

Maybe in a.

Maybe you're at the store or they're.

You're rushing off to work.

Don't be selfish because when we get the selfish with our affection and kisses, we're robbing them of these blessings.

And now this is really interesting.

I never heard this before.

What Linda's getting ready to share, right?

It's okay.

Smooching.

Oh.

If you're consistent with your smooching, especially if it's romantic type smooching and kissing, besides the happy hormones and bonding, it improves your self esteem.

That's, that's, you know, there's a lot of women that there have low self esteem and men too.

So it improves your self esteem.

It helps you to handle stress and anxiety.

We talked a little about that.

But get this.

It also helps your blood pressure and women, it helps to relieve cramps and headaches.

So how.

So many times when you go to make love and kissing is a part of it and you're like Oh, I have a headache.

Well, start kissing and that headache should go away.

But menstrual cramps, if you're having to work with having to deal with that, grab your spouse and tell them I want to kiss.

And just.

It's like taking a pain pill.

And then it also helps to strengthen your immune system.

I'm all about health and how we can strengthen our body naturally.

It helps you to deal with allergies.

I had never known that until we did this study.

I thought this was pretty cool.

I knew orgasms and stuff can do things, but I never just knew even the part of kissing, actual just that kiss.

It helps you to control your cholesterol levels.

Now this threw me off.

This was amazing.

It helps with whether you have cavities in your teeth or not or develop cavities in your teeth.

Now can you believe that?

That is.

That was incredible.

That ties into this extra saliva.

We don't have time to explain how this happens.

And it increases your libido.

Yes.

Did I say that right?

Kiss me.

It also women were always not wanting to get wrinkles or our face to start sagging or all that.

It actually helps with your muscle tone in your face face and it helps when you work out.

That is amazing.

Yes, that's pretty cool.

So women, you know before you send your spouse off or you go about or you're headed both to a workout session before that get that kiss.

So there's, there's.

Those are some of the other benefits that are helpful and there's some more.

But we'll just wait that so for another day teaching on that can if.

You list look at what we're talking about here with the benefits of kissing, especially how it affects you physically.

And then if you actually go into all the benefits that come from making love and what happens with an orgasm and other things.

This is the fountain of youth.

Oh yeah, it sure is.

There's so many pills they say is out there that is like the fountain of youth.

And here we are right there.

God has designed us in our marriage unions to do the self medicate, so to speak.

And we're with our spouse and, and doing these different things.

And then you're working on your emotional intimacy and your, your mental and all your capacities.

Then you get on board in the spiritual side of things.

God has designed it where we can even be more healthy in all these areas by walking in love and putting on love and kissing and holding each other and fondling one another.

God's got an awesome plan.

We just got to slow down and say, what's God's plan for this?

And be intentional and on purpose and disguise the limit on what we can experience in our marriages.

Maybe that's what this couple at church was talk involved in maybe just maybe.

50 years looking forward to their Sunday afternoon.

Yes.

Right.

Yes.

All right.

Well, I'm a productive person.

Yeah.

So when I get educated and I see the productivity of a kiss homework.

Yeah.

But just besides the pleasure that it's going to create, then it makes me want to be even more double.

Double productive.

Yeah.

Definitely.

The kiss.

Well, let's look at a couple examples of kisses in the Bible.

We went over this in episode six, a little bit more on the ten second kiss.

But I just want to share part of that.

Here's some attitudes of the husband and wife.

The bride, it says in song of Solomon 1, 2 verses 1, chapter 1, verse 2 says, she says, may he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better than wine.

And then also from song of Solomon 5, verse 16, it says, his mouth is full of sweetness and he is wholly desirable.

This is my beloved and this is my friend.

Look at that attitude she has about kissing.

And we're not going to go into it, but you can look at how it ties into wine and what things were going on back that day and why they use those words.

But there's an anticipation and that's the way God wants us to be anticipating our spouse.

And it does help when your person is acting in the right manners.

But you know what, if you just lay aside some of that stuff and say, I'm desiring my spouse and you start doing a lot of these things, it's going to change attitudes and actions in all different areas of your life.

And then the husband says in song of Solomon 4:11, it says, your lips, my bride or my wife, drip honey.

Honey and milk are under your tongue.

I don't think that's an example of a quick peck on the cheek.

No.

It's probably a little longer type kiss that they're enjoying together.

So if you're, if you're having this attitude about kissing and you're developing a passionate love lifestyle and serving one another and loving and, and submitting it.

Actually when you come together and start kissing, you're, you're actually submitting your other areas of your commitment.

I believe this verse can explain the attitude you're going to have in your marriage on a regular basis.

Solomon 7, 10 says, I am my beloved and his desire is for me.

Come, my beloved, let us go out into the country.

Let us go to the Hilton.

Let us spend the night in the villages.

Let us rise early and go to the vineyards.

Let us see whether the vine is budded and its blossoms have opened and whether the promigrant has bloomed there.

I will give you my love.

Now these are the same two that talked about kissing a little bit earlier.

Think about that and meditate on that.

Well, we've got some additional reasons why kissing is so important.

And this has been adapted from the.

It's called the Heartstring Journal.

Yeah, a few of these.

And we added some different aspects to this, but it continues on on the importance of kissing.

So number one, it reminds your spouse that he or she is your lover.

Not.

Not just a parent or a child that you have or a parent to your children or a roommate.

Yeah, kissing when you wake up and when you go to sleep makes you both start and end the day.

Right.

What a way to wake up and go to sleep.

Just like we talked about that.

Right.

Kissing communicates to your spouse that still warmth in the marriage.

And when a couple is drifting apart, one of the first things that's going to suffer is kissing.

That's a good red flag to look at is that drifting and are you kissing because kissing brings you back the home plate.

That's gonna get you.

That's true.

The whole base.

If you go around the bases, that's another topic.

Kissing is part of making out.

Yes.

You as a married couple should be making out.

That's not a 10 second kiss.

That may be a 5, 10, 15, 20 make out.

Yeah, you can kiss at the red light, but you got to kind of watch.

That's another good point.

When was the last time you kissed at a red light?

I don't know.

Yeah, think about that.

Right.

Of course now with bucket seats, it's harder to do.

That is.

All right, so.

But yet when you're making out, if that doesn't mean you're gonna make love or anything, you're just having a good old kissing making out session.

So when you greet each other after being apart for a while, whether you're at home or away from the home, kissing is always a great welcome.

Kissing says I love you.

Kissing also promotes emotional intimacy.

Conversations become more heartfelt when a couple embraces kissing and you, you bond together better.

Kissing promotes spiritual intimacy.

When a couple kisses after praying to say amen, they value praying together more.

It's another ceiling.

You're sealing that prayer time together by kissing and saying, we're committed, we're going to see this thing through, this prayer come through.

Kissing releases tension and enables a couple that is needing to have a difficult conversation in a more relaxed atmosphere.

Imagine talking heavy stuff with random kisses here and there.

That's going to lighten that a little bit, don't you think, dear?

Yeah, it's.

It's.

The Bible says you can stop an argument by shutting your mouth.

But you know what?

You start putting a wet one on your spouse when you're arguing, that's going to quit the arguing.

Very good point.

Kissing makes your spouse feel wanted and desired.

And I.

That is definitely true.

I agree with that.

Kissing in heightens sexual intimacy as part of foreplay.

And kissing is an activity you do exclusively that makes you both happy.

It also promotes romance and passion.

It can also be flirtatious and seductive.

So remember this, that kissing is one of the most significant elements of marriage.

And these things we talked about are reminders for us not to ignore kissing because we want to have that happy and healthy relationship.

Yes, that's good.

So in closing, we want to bring out a few more points and then we'll be done.

So you can go do your homework.

Just remember this.

Consistent kissing.

Now I'm saying consistence.

One little package.

It's a habit.

A habit brings passion and longevity and satisfaction in a marriage.

It must be intentional.

That's it.

I was gonna say, and I would.

Say, as we've been talking about this topic for the last two or three weeks, Linda and I talking about this, it's got me more aware of opportunities that take that time to give Linda a kiss.

I mean, we've had a pretty good kissing through the years, but it's, it's, it's making me more aware where I said, you know what?

I just missed an opportunity where I could have given Linda a kiss.

Be spontaneous, be creative.

Let your passion speak and be focusing on your spouse.

And now, here's a couple housekeeping things.

Kissing.

These kissing guidelines apply even if you're not a physical touch person.

I hear a lot of people say, I don't like physical touch.

I'm not into kissing.

Well, that's true.

Some people may not just get off on kissing, but you know what?

Your marriage needs it.

Do it for your marriage relationship.

Do it for your marriage and your spouse.

Because if you don't, your spouse is going to be hurting.

You need to have what kissing bring.

But kissing brings.

Yeah, you don't even realize what you're missing or how it's affecting your marriage relationship.

Yes.

So communicate.

Like if you're not a person that you really like to kiss.

Or, or maybe you don't like how your spouse kisses you.

We'll talk about it.

Communicate.

Not when you're in the middle of trying to kiss with each other or whatever, but we'll sit down sometime.

But you know what?

That's what we just got done talking about is you.

If there's a difficult conversation that needs to take place.

Yeah.

Start it out with a kiss.

Right.

This is.

And if, let's say you're kissing a spouse and they want to slip their tongue in your mouth right away, you say, you know what, dear?

Slow down.

I like prince kissing.

Or I like that.

But don't.

Every time we kiss, you don't have to do that.

Or maybe close your mouth more or brush your teeth.

Well, that's coming up next.

Talk about, and maybe you may have to practice especially the people that have been married shorter periods of time.

Now some of y'all that have been married a long time could have forgotten how to kiss.

So got to work on that too.

Make sure you have good hygiene for this.

That's right.

I mean you're not always going to be perfect.

But don't eat a bunch of fajitas with onions and go try to smooch on your spouse.

Maybe put a breath mint in real quick.

Get a mint.

Yeah.

And then the next thing is prime the pump.

Have you ever, you know the story of the water pump that's out in the farmyard somewhere and you got to pour some water in it and you got to start pumping it to get the pump, the water to come up from the ground.

And then once you get that pump going and the water comes out, it's going to keep going.

But if you stop pumping, the water goes back down and then you got to do all start all over again.

Same way with kissing.

Develop a habit of getting your kissing going more.

Be more consistent, be more consistent with.

It because as soon as you start slowing down, you're going to start going backwards.

Develop new habits because the more you do it, the more it's going to come more natural for you.

There was a study, well, there was a study back in 2013 that shows that couples in a long term relationships who freak who frequently kissed reported increased relationship satisfaction.

Yeah, that steady pace of kissing after, after the initial spark fizzles like say you get married and then you just start ignoring that kissing that you enjoyed early in your marriage.

That ties into where people say after 18 months or so your hormones wear off.

But you can keep those Hormones, you.

Can keep them going.

That's right.

And that's what that stuff study was showing.

That was really good.

Yeah.

And kissing makes you feel good about yourself and it's actually going to strengthen your marriage relationships so much that you're going to want to do it on a regular basis.

So kiss and kiss often.

It's good for you.

Just like the tennis shoe company says, just do it.

And then there's this one attitude where it says, if it feels good, do it.

This is the one that you can do it.

Do it.

Now we've got a couple honeydews.

As we close up, there's also a song.

I love this oh yeah.

Song.

It's by Sixpence and Sixpence.

The title is Kiss Me.

So I'm not gonna sing it for you.

No, but check it out.

See if you can listen to the.

I love it.

It just talks about being silly and.

Kissing different things while you're dancing and stuff.

So, yeah.

So yes, we do have some honeydews.

So I'll work on being aware of opportunities like we talked earlier, to kiss your spouse.

Get creative.

You know, it doesn't have to just be as you're going in and out of the door.

Think about times during your day when you're together, when you can just like if you're cooking together, stop for a minute and just steal a kiss.

Do it.

Just do it because it's fun.

So work at being creative instead.

Seek those opportunities.

Instead of saying, oh, I missed an opportunity.

Seek those opportunities to steal a kiss with your spouse.

I would reach over and kiss you right now, but you're too far across the aisle and our headphones would get tangled.

Our studio table is way far apart from each other, right?

So honey, do number two, which we tell everybody every time, is do your 10 seconds kiss.

If you've heard our program before, you always know we close it out with that 10 second kiss reminder.

Walk up to your spouse and say, hey, Siri, set my timer for 10 seconds and get a 10 second kiss or longer.

And with that, I think I'll go steal me a kiss.

Amen.

So we'll see.

Talk to you next week.

Talk to you next week.

Have a great one.

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