EP 10. MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE GREAT: PART 3 Continued- Steps 5&6- Pleasing Your Spouse and Taking Daily Action

Welcome to the Married and Lovett Podcast.

We are Greg and Linda Smith, your hosts from Raleigh, North Carolina.

It is great that you are taking time to invest into your marriage by listening to our weekly podcast.

The goal of our podcast is to provide you with a weekly dose of marriage teaching to help you keep focused on your marriage.

See it as a freshening up of your marriage, preventive maintenance, a marriage tune up, or fanning the flames of romance, love and passion.

You could even call it continuing education.

We will be covering everything that has to do with your marriage, including hot topics like sex, communication, love and much, much more.

Our teachings are based on Christian principles plus over 47 years of marriage to each other and ministry experience.

We want to help you make your marriage great by teaching you how to be married and love it.

It is an honor and privilege to have you join us.

During today's episode.

We will continue the Making Marriage Great Series Part 3, which is God's plan for your marriage, which has six action steps.

And our base scripture is Ecclesiastes 9:9 and it says relish and enjoy life with the spouse that you love each day of your life.

And we've been going through the six action steps and today we're going to get into the the last two and we'll talk about that in a minute.

But you know, this scripture just really speaks of what God wants for us.

He wants us to be enjoying our life.

And it made me think when I was thinking about the scripture, about how people before they get married, they've got that fairy tale wedding they want to have and they're going to have this fairy tale love life with their spouse and it's going to be all rosy and just great.

And that's a lot of times people say that's a fairy tale.

But you know what?

I believe God says you can have that.

He wants your marriage to be a fairy tale, but not in that mystical sense, but in the fact that when he says right here, relish and enjoy life, he's talking about having a fairy tale.

No, that doesn't mean you're never going to have bumps in the road.

You're never going to have an argument, you're never going to have a spat.

You're not going to have trials and tribulations because that's why you take your vows.

So when those things happen, you say, you know what?

I'm committed.

I'm committed to our dream and our fairy tale.

We're going to get through this.

So that's what God's word is telling us about that.

But too many people, they get married a week later, a month later, 18 months later, Prince Charming falls off his stallion and the clock strikes midnight.

And we know what that means.

That's what we have to be prepared for.

That's why we have the six action steps that we're going to talk about, which we have been talking about.

How that following those action steps can help you have that fairy tale, that love life that other people can say, how in the world did y'all make it to 10 years?

The 15 are like, Lynn and I, we just had 47 years a couple of weeks ago.

And that's what we're going to talk about.

And close up on the last two steps today on this six action steps.

A recent example of this fairy tale marriage.

I have a story about.

About two weeks ago, our good friend of ours and fellow minister Tom Wood, and his wife's name is sue, passed away at 95 years old.

They had been married for 71 years.

Yeah, say it.

71 years.

Yep, 71 years.

We have known them during that time, and I believe their marriage was awesome.

They had a fairy tale, but you know what?

They were serving God.

They were ministering together.

They were doing everything.

I saw them go through financial times when they're being tested.

Because when you're on the mission field and giving your life, it can be tough sometimes.

You can have the glory days and the tough days.

They're humans.

They went through the normal marriage stuff, but they stuck together through everything they faced.

And they're like the ever ready Bunny.

You know that little commercial where the Bunny just keeps running around beating his drum.

Every time through the years, you would hear Tom and Sue's name.

They just keep going.

You're going like, how did they do it?

Especially when they were getting older.

And then recently, I believe Tom's health was going down somewhat and he was still hanging in there and going good.

But sue would be right there supporting him, even battling things she might be going through.

And 71 years, you know how they did it.

They put their confidence, confidence in God.

They trusted God.

They believed in each other, they loved each other.

And they were probably in different ways doing the six action steps.

So you know what?

You can have that marriage.

You're believing God for and what the word says you can have, quote, a fairy tale marriage.

We've already talked about four action steps, so let me just kind of touch on those a little bit.

If you missed them, I recommend you go back to the episodes there on episodes 6, 7, 8 and 9.

And it'll catch you up on these action steps in more detail about them.

But the first one that we talked about was to decide to enjoy your married life.

We can enjoy it.

You can.

That's what we should be doing.

That in Action step number two is to say goodbye to crazy busy.

We talked about tips to balance your marriage during these crazy busy times.

That was in episode seven.

That one's really applicable for even right now with holidays.

But that's for year round.

Yeah, really, it truly is.

With everything that goes on.

Action step number three is being all in.

Being committed in your marriage and being in it to win it.

And then action step number four is dress up your marriage.

In other words, what to wear and what not to wear in your married life.

And that's talking about not the external but the internal dressing up of your marriage.

So let's go on down now to pleasing your spouse, which would be action step number five.

Yeah, that's what we're going to talk about.

Because it says in the, in the scripture we look at, it says, relish and enjoy life with the spouse.

And way we're going to enjoy life with our spouse is be pleasing them.

Our goal in making our marriage joyful is to be a pleasing person, to be around and to do things to please our spouse.

First Corinthians 7:33 through 34 talks about the husband and wife being concerned about how to please their wife or husband.

So God's kind of put it in our lap to please our spouse, whether you like it or not.

Because when we do, he would want to.

You want to, but you should want to.

But he says they're concerned about it.

So what that means is God's expecting us to have a focus on our spouse.

It's just not.

We just don't get married and say, it's all about me, me, me.

No, it's about pleasing your spouse, making their life better.

And it's better because you're in their life, because you're there to take care of them and serve them and to please them.

Let me just give you an example.

Recently, one of our friends, you know, it's Christmas season and people are putting up Christmas light and decorating and their house on the inside and outside.

And a friend of ours, he's not really into it, but, but he'll decorate, help his wife decorate outside or inside.

And she went out of town and he decided, you know what, I'm going to surprise her.

And he went and started decorating the inside the house and outside inside and outside of the house.

And when she was going to be coming home the next day or two, it would be a surprise to her.

What did he do?

He said, I really don't get into this, but I'm going to do it and surprise my wife.

That's an example, one of many examples that can be used of pleasing your spouse.

Now, let me ask you this.

How do you know how to please your spouse?

You do that be by gaining understanding of what makes them tick.

You know, husbands, 1st Peter 3.

7 says, it says, you husbands, like wives, likewise live with your wife in an understanding way.

So if we're going to be pleasing to our spouse, as it says in First Corinthians chapter 7, then we need to understand our wives.

And we're going to take just a moment to go into that, not teach everything on it, but just give a few little pointers here.

Okay.

Yeah.

Some ways that you can get to know your spouse and also then understand them.

And it also says in that chapter, Greg, that first Peter 3.

7, it says, so your prayers may not be hindered.

Yeah, I think that's important.

Yeah.

Because just knowing that little bit that, that God is asking the husbands to get an understanding about their spouse and vice versa, that your prayers may not be hindered.

I mean, that's pretty big deal to me because I.

When I pray something, I don't want it to be hindered.

Right.

You know, so how do we get to understand?

How do we get to know?

You know, that just shows how important God's daughters are to him.

Yes, I like that.

You know, that he.

He's saying, men, if you're not protecting your spouse, loving her and understanding her as a way.

It says in Ephesians about all the different things, loving and cherishing and dying for your spouse.

He's saying, you know, Mr.

Husband, if you're not taking care of your wife and taking the time and energy and effort to please her and the minister to her, your prayers are going to be hindered.

So that's a pretty powerful instruction.

You notice it doesn't ever tell the wives to understand their men.

Kind of speaks who's a little more complicated, doesn't it?

Well, it does.

We.

I mean, we need to be understood.

We need to understand you guys.

Yeah, that's.

Y'all.

Y'all are not complicated.

That's pretty easy.

Yeah.

Food, sex and a paycheck.

And sex, food and the paycheck.

And then food, sex, and a paycheck.

Okay, so how are we going to get to understand Our spouse.

Well, first of all.

And we do an in more in depth teaching on the five love languages.

And these would be words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts.

And there, you know, I love that teaching.

That's by Gary Chapman.

And it just explains so much.

When we, when we operate in the five love languages, not what we would need, but we find out and get the understanding of what the love languages are for our spouse.

Right.

I think that's real important because I.

Know when we got married, I tried to love you your way by what my love language was.

Right.

Which didn't work.

No, not at all.

That just did not work at all.

So I had to learn to understand what yours was.

Right.

And be aware of it and be on purpose with it.

Right.

And so then, not only do we want to talk about their love, you know, figure out what our spouse's love language is, but also then figure out their personality style.

Did you want to talk about Jason?

That is a really good example.

Before we get into the personal love.

Languages, what was your love language or what is it?

Well, acts of service.

Well, you know, eventually they start to all become one.

Yeah, kind of.

It just kind of depends on your season of light that you're in.

But for me, the biggest thing is acts of service, like, please run the vacuum or sweep the floor without being told to do so.

And that you're doing it with a really good attitude.

That would be mine.

That's one of mine.

And physical touch.

And if you know your spouse's act, acts of service, then you.

You have your radar on to pick that up.

And then.

Yeah, then what's cool is you get it taken care of.

If they have a, quote, need without them having to ask again and again and again.

All right, so let's move on.

Right.

Acts of service.

And then for me, physical touch was the other one like a back rub or from my feet or.

That was not mine, but we were.

We worked through that.

Yeah, we did.

Yeah.

I just hired him a suit.

No, that's it.

Hey, that works.

It's okay.

Now, a good example of learning a language or a love language is I'm going to tie it into my son Jason.

You know, I was not.

Acts of service was not mine, but I had to learn to do acts of service for Linda.

And Jason's got a good example of this.

He was going to be doing something with his business.

He had.

He needed to learn Spanish, I think it was to work in his insurance business.

And he said, you know, What?

I'm going to go somewhere where I can get immersed in Spanish.

And he went down to Costa Rica somewhere and went to a school and learned how to speak Spanish and he came back and he was speaking Spanish.

I didn't know what he was saying, but he was speaking Spanish.

But every time we would go off to a restaurant or be out, out and about and we came across a Spanish speaking person, he spoke to them in Spanish.

And at first it was kind of jibber jabber and and such, but he continued to do that.

And the main reason why he was doing that is because he had to practice it and practice.

And every time he would go back down to Costa Rica or go other places, he began to perfect that skill and now he's gotten pretty affluent in it and he can, he works with missionaries at his church.

If he goes down on a missions trip now or goes to one of these places to do business or recreations, he can fit right in.

And that's the same way it should be in our lives that are perfect in that skill.

I perfect serving Linda because of acts of service and I become to make it a habit.

And then what happened is he's taken that gift.

And now when he goes down to these different countries like Costa Rica and he wants to do business or buy a property or minister there, he's getting rewards because he took the time and energy and effort to learn that language well.

And now he maybe could have a property there or open a business or he can go down and help other missionaries with his other skills because he speaks the language and he's more effective.

Same thing in our marriage.

As I learn acts of service skill, it becomes natural to me and I get the benefits.

And Linda gets the benefits of me learning how to do that because I'm meeting her needs without her even having to ask now.

Or if she asks, we're on the same page.

So there's rewards in your marriage because it helps bring unity, pleasure and needs being met because you've learned a new language and you're applying it.

So it has rewards.

Yes.

Yeah, that's good.

And so then we would also to help learning to understand our spouses to figure out what their personality type is.

And we study with Florence Littier and she talks about the four personality styles.

There's several out there but us.

This is probably the, the simplest to work around in, wouldn't you say?

Yeah, yeah.

Cleric is one of them.

Sanguine, phlegmatic and melancholy.

And then you begin to learn what your personality, your spouse's personality is.

And that helps to bring understanding on why they act the way they do.

And then it also helps you to understand why you act the way you do.

Responding positively or responding negatively.

It's all.

There's more in depth teaching on one of the.

I think that's, I'm not sure which.

See, Linda, we got married to cheerleader, sanguine, personal outgoing type.

I'm the type that just sit.

Was the type to sit on the couch and watch everybody watch all the sanguines walk around and do what they do.

But party.

When you bring those together, after a while, if you don't learn and adapt those personalities, you can have some major issues come up.

So the best way to please your spouse is to understand what makes them tick.

And then each personality has its own set of weaknesses.

Strengths and weaknesses.

Right.

Then in order to please Linda, I want to work on the weaknesses of my personality traits so I can be a better person and I would want.

To work on the weaknesses of mine and be more level minded and, you know, more tempered in my personality.

And that Linda mentioned.

We're going to be talking about these more in future podcasts, but those are very, those are things that impacted our marriage.

They did.

It made a difference.

Yes, yes.

So the other things in pleasing our spouse and also getting to know them is to start to recognize their likes and their dislikes.

Yes.

Learn them, you know, find out what do they like, what is it they don't like and then, you know, recognize that.

And then also remember that you're coming from a whole different.

Each of you are bringing into your marriage relationship a whole different upbringing and a lot of differences.

Like for Greg and I, it's like we, you know, he's an only child and I come from.

And I'm not spoiled.

No, you're not.

No, really, you are not.

Except for the big, big tub of cookies and gallon.

That's for another podcast.

I had to fight to get a cookie.

But yeah, we realized that you're coming into your marriage and bringing differences of upbringing.

I mean, mine from a family of six.

Yeah.

And it was chaotic, crazy and wild and Greg's was not that at all.

It was totally off peace and quiet.

Okay, so boring.

Well, misunderstanding your spouse can really lead to mistreating your spouse.

Right.

That's the bottom line.

If you don't understand your spouse, you're not going to be able to please your spouse.

You know, having a lot of people just, oh, just sprinkle fairy dust on your marriage and all, everything's going to be rosy.

No, it takes work.

That's the fairy dust.

It does.

You got the obedience to do what the principles that God gives you.

And then you can, we can have his blessings.

Now we're going to look at some new areas along with this, this part about pleasing your spouse.

You know, we all have a spirit and we have a soul and we have a body.

So there's three areas that we need to work with our spouse to help them to be satisfied and us to be satisfied so we can have the life God wants us.

The first area is that spirit, the spiritual side of our life.

Not, we understand, not everybody here may be on the same page spiritually.

So that's not the main issue.

Now Lynn and I have said we put our base, our marriage on God's word.

So for us, that's our page to be on.

So wherever you're at, tap into your spouse's spiritual needs.

Whatever, wherever they're at, in their spiritual walk with God or whatever, tap into it and do your part to encourage them in that, to, to strengthen them that to be a part of what they've got going on.

If it's in something that you're able to agree with.

But, but tap into it, don't neglect it.

You know, pray together.

I, we just, we talk about this in the past.

If you're a husband and wife and you're Christian, pray together once a day, just a couple of minutes, men grab your wife's hand and say, hey, babe, let's go pray.

You know, we say work it into the 10 second kiss.

But, but pray together.

Talk about the word.

Go to church together.

But tap into it.

Don't neglect your spiritual part, because if you tap into that, it's going to help you have the life that God wants you to have in your marriage.

Well, we actually know about couples that they go to different churches.

Yeah, you know, I know there's one in particular.

Yeah, I know this one couple that we know of, they go to different churches and you know, but I had encouraged the wife to at times go to church with your husband.

Yeah, they went to two different churches.

Yeah, they went to two different churches.

And she, you know, kind of caused a little tension in their home.

And I said, you know what, just go with him.

And the churches were, they're both Christians.

But one was a little more charismatic.

Charismatic, yeah, quite a bit more charismatic.

Right?

Yeah.

And it wasn't something that the husband was really particularly interested in going.

So she did and visited his church and it was amazing when she came back to me and said the difference it made in their marriage, the fact that she would just take time and spiritually support her husband in the church that he intended.

Yeah, it's.

It.

It spoke to him.

Hey, my wife interested in what I'm doing and.

Yes.

And just like, if she said, I'll go fishing with you sometime or do this, it was like he.

She took part in his life, and.

That'S a way it meant a lot to him.

So work on the spiritual aspect.

When we talked about that, really, in the first two or three episodes of our Married and Love it podcast.

In other areas, your soul.

Rim.

Give your spouse the emotional mental support that they need.

Emotionally.

Emotionally.

Yes.

They need that.

Find out what their needs are.

So see what their dreams and visions are.

Yeah.

See what those are.

Take interest in them.

Proverbs 17:22 says this.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.

First of all, see to it as one of being a spouse is that you've got joy in your heart.

Because if you have a joyful heart and you can get around your spouse, you can help them get through the dry times, emotional times when maybe they're depressed or they're dealing with issues.

You're a strength because a joyful heart is a good medicine.

But a broken spirit dries up the bones.

You can help bring healing to their broken spirit.

Yeah.

Remember one of the podcasts, if you listen, you could be a negative Norman or negative Nancy.

Be the spouse that's positive.

Yeah.

Encourage them.

Be a good medicine.

Be a joyful heart.

A joyful heart can be you having a good attitude.

Bringing good medicine to your soul.

Yeah.

It's like a healing balm.

So it's to you, but also helps.

It brings healing to their soul.

Well, let's talk about the body part.

Oh, the body.

Yeah.

Be committed to good physical health.

And I'm all about that.

Yeah.

I mean, I think that's important.

It's hard to have a satisfying marriage if you are having health challenges.

Now, there's two different kinds of health challenges.

There's health issues that a person might suffer, like maybe a surgery or sickness, or there's other ways that a person's just neglecting their health.

They're eating the wrong foods, they're not doing the proper.

They're not doing any exercise, if at all.

And so we have to look at those different things.

And if you have habits for yourself, as well as supporting your spouse and their endeavor to be healthy, that's important because a Lot of times we sabotage either ourselves or we might sabotage our spouse that is wanting to have those healthy habits.

But somebody keeps bringing in bluebell ice cream to the house or Oreo cookies, chocolate cake and shoe fits.

Weird.

I know.

And.

But not regardless.

That really does affect our marriage all the way around.

So we just want to be aware of that.

And it can affect the areas of your life, like how you're.

Even your interactions with your family.

It's going to cause more medical expenses if it creates health challenges like that.

If you're dealing with that, you maybe your record recreational activities and really your overall stamina, then the way that you perform your daily duties and activities, you know, that can affect your marriage and your marriage relationship.

Yeah.

When we're not feeling good, it can impact everything in our lives.

Your quality of life, it affects everything about your life.

And I had an example year a few years ago.

I went with a group of people, young and old.

Most of it was younger people.

That's probably one older ones there.

We actually gone to a baseball game down in Atlanta, to the Braves stadium at the Chick Fil a stadium there.

And I remember we had to park way out away from the.

The ballpark, and we had to walk and walk and walk.

We had to go up hills, downhills.

Then we got into the stadium, we had to go upstairs and more stairs.

And I was in good health.

I just lost 60 pounds.

And I was just chugging along, man, I was doing good.

And I wasn't breathing heavy.

And I turned around.

Everybody behind me is going, oh.

Oh, these hills.

Oh.

They were young guys, young guys, and they were older guys, and they were just.

They were out of shape.

There's no other way to put it.

And that can be an example.

When we're out of shape, our bodies aren't functioning all eight cylinders because we're eating crappy food.

We're not exercising, we're not getting rest.

We're neglecting our physical temple.

We can't function in our marriages the way God wants us to function.

And who wants to get old?

And you can't fall because you're afraid you're going to break a bone.

Or you get to the point where you go to the undis is going to be blunt.

You go to the bathroom and you got to have somebody help you get up and you got to have somebody help you do everything else while you're on the potty.

You don't want.

That's crappy.

That's crappy.

Yes.

I just want you to think for a Minute about your health.

Because if you don't work on it now, it can work on you in the wrong way later in life.

Yeah.

If you feel like crap, then you're going to be crappy to all the people around you.

And who.

What kind of quality of life is that?

What kind of marriage does that set for you?

What kind of, you know, what are you portraying in your marriage?

Relationship.

Right, right.

Well, if a spouse, too.

Here's something else to think about.

That they have health challenges that's beyond their control.

And, you know, then you need help from your.

The.

Like the vows.

We talked about the vows in the past, and we need to be prepared to walk through those health challenges with our spouse and to help them recover and adapt their lifestyle changes that may be needed.

Like, for example, me, I had back surgeries and before then I had to be in a wheelchair.

Well, our house was not handicapped friendly and we had to work around getting me around in a wheelchair and all of that.

Thank the Lord I have come through several years and a lot of healing and I have come from a wheelchair to, you know, from a walker and, you know, walking with a cane.

And now I'm not having to do that at all.

Thank the Lord for that.

But what I'm saying is Greg was right there for me to help me through all those challenges and to be there to support me in it.

He had to adapt his lifestyle to be able to care, take and be there to support me.

And that's a big emotional healing.

And took on more responsibilities that you couldn't do.

The act of service came into play.

Yeah.

You know, and it was not by choice so much, but, you know, so everything, spirit, soul and body, he helped me through all of that in our marriage.

Let's see, that comes in what you mentioned a moment ago about the vows.

Right.

You kind of refer to that is that's what our vows are bringing us.

It's one thing if you get sick because of neglect.

Yes.

You still want to take care of your spouse and get through that.

So that's still there.

But sometimes life just hits and you get these curveballs and you've got to be there.

You're not expecting that.

Right.

So that's part of pleasing your spouse, is helping them and caring for them.

And God gives you that grace and gifting to do it.

And sad to say, we have dealt with a lot of couples and when some kind of challenge like this has hit their marriage relationship, they end up in a divorce.

Yeah.

And it should not be that way at all you know, so yes.

And, and then it also affects your sex life.

Affect your sex, you know, if you're.

Not physically fit, you don't have the stamina sometimes for the how you're doing on your sex.

If somebody's overweight, that can affect your sex life because of the position.

Certain positions are not going to be healthy because of the weight, can be painful and it just affects things and your body won't function right.

It can cause other problems in the female section or the male section.

So look at that.

You can't be what you're called, can't be pleasing if you're not healthy.

And then also recognize in that area, probably in your marriage, somebody's got the lower sex drive and the higher sex drive.

And you got to realize that it's not personal.

And that's something we'll be talking about in the future.

But that's where you have to understand that because if you understand that and you communicate and work on those things, you can get it worked out.

But if you don't understand, then you can have problems there.

So.

And then the last but not least in this area I believe is on the body is grooming.

That's important.

Have good grooming habits.

Wear clean clothes, be clean shaven, brush your teeth at different times.

But be pleasing to your spouse.

I know, yes, you can have the days you got your gym clothes on or your pajamas and all that.

That, that's a grant.

All of us do that.

But overall, try to look good for your spouse on how you take care of your body and your grooming and such.

Next up is everybody's favorite topic, selfishness.

You can't be pleasing if you're selfish.

The definition, definition.

The definition of selfish is being devoted to or caring for oneself, being concerned primarily for one's own interest, benefits, welfare, regardless of other.

So not thinking about anybody else but yourself.

Me, me, me.

Right.

You're being pleased.

You're.

If you're being selfish, you're not going to be pleasing your wife.

And you're not going to have quote that fairy tale marriage or the enjoying life.

Being pleasing to your spouse is putting their needs before yours.

That's being pleasing.

Not it's being like the selfless spouse that you put your spouse's needs before your own.

Right.

Pleasing your spouse is self giving, sacrificial.

It's not what I can get, but what I can give.

And we'll move on after this scripture.

Philippians 2, verses 3.

4 says, do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit.

What does nothing mean?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

But with humility of mind.

Now, here's the words.

Let each of you, that's me, and you, regard one another as more important than himself.

Remember, we're talking about having that marriage that God wants us to have.

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests.

Now, you could be taking care of yourself and working on yourself, but it says, don't merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

And that's what God is saying.

We should have our radar on.

How can I bless my wife or husband and make their life better to where they feel like Prince Charming and they feel like Cinderella before the clock strikes?

Right.

Yep.

Amen.

Let's get in some daily habits real quick.

Daily habits.

All right.

Proverbs 31:12 says this is action step number six.

Excuse me.

Oh, that's good.

Thanks.

Proverbs 31:12.

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

This can be applied to either husband or wife.

We know that.

But actually it's an attitude.

But it's talking here about the woman.

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

So when we create married and love it habit, which would be creating a lifestyle.

Yeah.

You know, by applying the six action steps that we've talked about here over the last few episodes.

And we want.

So I'm just going to touch base on what those were, just as a reminder to enjoy.

Decide to enjoy each day.

You know, we get up in the morning, we make that decision.

Are we going to enjoy today and make it pleasant for everybody around us or what are we going to do?

That's a decision that we make.

Also number two is to avoid that marriage drift by controlling the crazy busy days.

Control the crazy busy that wants to occur in your marriage.

Number three was to dress properly for your marriage by putting on love.

That was a area that.

So that's a decision.

That's a decision.

All of it.

Really, it is.

All of it is.

Number four, be committed to your marriage.

Be in it to win it.

Number five, be pleasing to your spouse that we just talked about.

And then number six, easy enough.

Do all these things daily and then repeat it.

Put it on repeat.

Right.

You're developing daily habits.

And that's what happened.

When I lost my weight a few years ago, I developed habits in my eating, which I'm not going to go into all that.

But what happened, even five, 10 years later, I still have those habits ingrained in me that help me lose weight and keep it off.

However, if I lose focus, then it's easy for those habits to drift.

The problem is you can not do your habits for a day or two.

But if you don't regroup and come back to it, you develop new habits and then you're going to get out of focus.

You're not going to be doing what you need to bless your wife.

Yeah.

Every day we ought to be setting a goal.

We should be setting a goal to do something every day.

It doesn't always have to be the exact same thing, but just do something.

That's all that you need to do.

Create a healthy, create that daily, healthy marriage routine.

Right.

Like every morning you get up and it's a routine and a habit that you've had to brush your teeth.

Right.

Every morning or before you go to bed.

That's right.

You know, so do the same thing with your marriage.

Do those daily acts of kindness.

Do it intentionally.

Do it on purpose.

Focus on that.

You know, like maybe fix the coffee for your spouse or you know, write a little note and put it in their snack bag or their lunch they're taking to work.

Maybe take the laundry out and fold it.

Yes.

Yeah.

And then a regular date night during the week.

That is a good habit to begin to develop.

You know, this one thing that's just stuck me there, I want to hit back on it and it just sums it all up.

Basically, do daily acts of kindness.

That's good.

If we could just remember what can I do as a daily.

I know because I, throughout the day I get nudged like, be nice, Linda, be nice.

When in the back of my head I'm like, oh, I could have just said something that was not very nice right then.

But it's like I'm reminded, be kind.

Well, be nice.

Well, when it says do daily acts of kindness, your, your spirit or your holy God or your spirit, somebody, I'll just tell you.

Why don't you go.

Nudges you.

There's the word, go.

Do this.

And you go, well, I'll do it later.

Right?

And what happens?

Or you go, I'm too tired.

A lot of times those acts of kindness require immediate action or to do it later.

But you, you plan for it, right?

Okay, so just do something nice for your spouse.

Send a nice little text.

Or you know, also we've talked about in the past a 10 second kiss.

That should be a daily habit for every marriage.

Take the time to do that 10 second kiss.

Now, you may have said this, but set your timer on your watch.

Or your phone to remind you to do something nice.

Yeah, that's really good.

You could be at work or may wife's at home or maybe it's a Saturday.

Oh, at 2:00 let's send them a text to say I love you, I'm thinking about you.

And some of y'all could say, well that's hokey.

Or that's not sincere.

Yes.

Because it's just a reminder to do it especially that's how you create so quick you can have to do list put on there.

Oh, I want to call so and so my wife at 2:00 on my break.

So take advantage of electronics.

Yeah.

To do that, make them work for you instead of them controlling.

Linda said it a good way to start with the 10 second kiss every day.

All right, well I think that's the.

Main Ecclesiastes, that scripture.

Yeah, Just want to review that also.

Song of Solomon's.

I wanted to read that one.

Well, I'm going to read Ecclesiastes.

You go ahead.

Closing up this six action steps, here's what we want to say.

Enjoy life with a woman or man whom you love all the days of your life.

In other words, your spouse.

And whatever your hand finds to do it verily do with all your might.

In other words, you joined hands, be intentional and enjoy your life with your spouse.

Well, listen to what Song of Solomon is all in verse or chapter seven, verses 10 through 12.

And it says, I am my beloved and his desires for me.

Come, my beloved, and let us go out into the country.

Let us spend the night in the villages.

Let us rise up early and go to the vineyards.

Let us see whether the vine has budded and its blossoms have opened and whether the pomegrats have bloomed there.

I will give you my love.

I think that's pretty good.

Where are we going tonight?

Yeah, well, we do have some honey, do homework.

As we're closing off this podcast today, ask yourself, number one, what daily habits can you create for your marriage?

Even if you just pick one, what is one that you can create for your marriage?

And then start your day or somewhere along the way do that 10 second kiss.

Oh yes.

Maybe a greeting when they come home, when your spouse comes home.

And then pray together.

It doesn't have to be long drawn out, just a quick little.

Oh, thank you Lord for watching over my family today.

You know, together as everybody's going their different ways.

Reverend.

Alright, well, thanks for joining us and we look forward to next week's podcast with you.

And we are going to say we are married and love it on purpose.

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And remember with God that you have a future and a hope and you can be married and love it on purpose.